Ok so today began to play out like an ordinary day. I wasn’t sure how much adventure I would end up experiencing, but little did I know the craziness that would ensue.
Mama and Pop were up to visit today and they offered to take me out for a quick lunch. I couldn’t really go to a new restaurant as it wasn’t in the plans, but I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to try something new. Now, looking back I would’ve done things a bit differently as I was a bit rushed (we walked in right after they opened and there were literally 5 sets of eyes eagerly awaiting our order). We were at a fast food restaurant and I so badly wanted to get what I always got but knew I’d made a commitment to try new things so I did. I ordered a hamburger combo, with iced tea instead of pop. Wow!! Epic, eh?!
Sounds ordinary doesn’t it? Well if you only knew that I NEVER order hamburgers, like ever, you’d know that it was indeed a big deal. The only thing I was disappointed with was that I ordered it how I always had my hamburgers at home (just ketchup). I was immediately mad at myself and my non-living-dangerously (ok I realize that ordering a hamburger with the works isn’t exactly living dangerously but stay with me here). However, I do realize that I did this only because I hadn’t had enough time to think it through. Oh well, as Wally reminded me earlier, there will likely be another chance to try something new and I will definitely do better – but at least I took a baby step.
The consensus? I liked it and it was way cheaper than chicken – I ALWAYS order chicken. In fact I almost cheated and got a different kind of chicken because it would have been new, but I didn’t. And I learned that I like Wendy’s hamburgers. And iced tea is great if you just want something to sip and not feel like a balloon afterwards. I’m can’t wait to see what I’ll try next. Not every experience has to be deep.
Ok so I have another interesting story about Mama and Pop’s visit today. With them they brought some of Wally and mine’s favourite chocolate – a lot actually. I knew they were bringing me something, but I was not aware of the two other items for Wally. EEK!!! What was I going to do with 3 assortments of chocolate on my 40 day fast from the drug? Well, I was saved in a way, because I had a staff meeting right after our visit and I had already decided I would take mine there and so I called Wally up to check with him. I knew he would say to keep two of each kind out for him and take the rest – so I did. I also made a decision that many would say was ‘breaking the rules’ of my 40 day adventure. I took one of each chocolate (3 in total) and saved them for myself for later.
Now I mentioned before that I knew these were coming. I had decided that I couldn’t just give the whole batch away without at least a taste, and this is for reasons that may surprise you. It wasn’t because I couldn’t live without the chocolate, but because I felt guilty giving away a gift meant for me without even enjoying a bit of it. I knew doing that would make me feel guiltier than not having any at all. The cool part was that by doing this I felt free to enjoy an appropriate amount of it AND give the rest away without hesitation of either.
This brings me to something I’ve been thinking about a lot in the past week and I think I need to bring up now. It’s about living by the Spirit versus living by the Law. (I’m sorry for anyone that feels ‘out of the loop’ but I’ll try my best to explain). In Biblical terms, to live by the Law means you basically just follow the rules and that’s it, just keep behind the line. To follow the Spirit of the Law means understanding why the Law is there (for our best, as well as others’) and living it out because you want to honour God, yourself and others in how you live. When you are living the Spirit of the Law there really are no more laws to worry about, in it we are given the freedom to discern what we should do and what we shouldn’t, in whatever situations we face. This often makes things far more difficult because you are then responsible to decide what ‘too far’ is. There are no longer any lines to cross; instead you are left to rely on the Spirit to reveal truth and conviction.
This is not to say that we cannot still use laws or rules to help direct us in the grand scheme but we are now given the opportunity to perhaps experience things that were ‘absolutely nots’ before. For example: I was raised that drinking was wrong – all of it, there was no room at all for any kind of alcohol. So, as I grew up and saw people with a beer or a glass of wine I immediately thought they were drunk people. I am assuming this ‘rule’ came from a verse in the Bible that says ‘do not become drunk on wine but instead be filled with the Spirit’. Unfortunately this verse was taken to the extreme and a rule was created because someone thought that no amount of alcohol would be safe since there were some who abused it. However that was never said at all. We are told not to be DRUNK, that’s all - in other words don’t be a boozer.
If we take this scenario and apply it to living by the Spirit of the Law we are more than welcome to enjoy alcohol (in fact Jesus had his fair share and used His gifts to liven the party at least once), we just need to watch ourselves with how much we consume. However I have to say it is much easier to know you are doing the right thing if you just don’t do anything. Couldn’t you apply this to many things? Dancing, drinking, giving to the poor (heaven forbid if we give MORE than we are asked), swearing (what classifies swearing?), friendships with the opposite sex when you are married (are they allowed?), eating (what’s good and what’s bad?) and the list could go on and on and on.
The reason I bring this up is that for once I have decided that I want to complete this list of 40 things in 40 days not as an obligation, not as a to do list to be done, not just so that I can say I succeeded at what I set out to do. I began this list because I want to teach myself to expand my horizons a little bit. I want to re-learn how to make decisions, even the littlest ones. The ones that seem insignificant, but when you change how you make them you realize you may like something different than you thought. If you always do the same things you’ve always done, but can’t remember why, you’ll never know what you could be missing out on. It would be easy for me to say: ‘No chocolate for 40 days, period’, but that’s not the point. The spirit behind it is for me to have my other senses heightened, not to condemn myself to alienation from what I enjoy or what others are enjoying – that would be contrary to the point of this exercise. I hope you understand that I am still pursuing my #1 but it is with some discretion. I want to go with the flow and really allow the Spirit to convict and draw me closer to where God would have me be (ok I’m laughing a little at myself and how deep I got with the chocolate issue here).
It would be far easier for me, truly, to just go with the rule in this case, but that won’t teach me how to live …. And that’s exactly what I am trying to do here …learn how to live. No wait, I mean …… LIVE!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
A few crumbs about me …
We have 2 cordless phones. After using them I seem to always put them within a foot of where the charger is, never actually back on the charger – apparently this is a bit annoying to some people.
When I am using a knife to spread something on say toast or a bagel, I never clean it off before dipping it into a second ingredient.
Unlike the people that organize the music at my gym, I do not believe that every possible kind of music (country, rock ballads, musicals) should be turned into techno to ‘pump up’ my work out. – It’s just wrong.
Lastnight at work I was told that I was really coming out of my shell, as I was joking very honestly about some stuff going on there. I hate having a shell.
I am an over zealous communicator. If you e-mail me (even when it’s long) I will e-mail you back immediately, if you call me I will return your call right away, it you write me I will write back A.S.A.P. If you are having a conversation with me there is little room for silence. This is something that has scared a few off and I really should work on – we’ll see.
I have a genuine love for Marshmallow that surpasses logic – I’m not sure why sometimes, but he is one person I would do anything for (anything I know that would help him).
I love rolling out of bed and having good hair (who doesn’t?), on these days I give myself a bird bath and call the day perfect.
I predominantly drive in the left lane, that way I don’t have to worry about maneuvering around city buses, cyclists and whoever else is slowing up the traffic.
These are all of the shoes that I own: 2 pairs of runners (indoor/outdoor), one pair of brown leather year-rounders, 2 pairs of brown sandals (nice/everyday), 1 pair of black sandals, 1 pair of black high heels (that I never wear, ever) and 2 identical pairs of small heeled strappy shoes (1 white and 1 black - $10 at Wal-mart woo hoo!), oh and 1 pair of boots (everyday, trudging through snow kind). Wally thinks I’m over-the-top with all of my shoes – I think he’s crazy. (Did you notice my colour choices are: black, brown and white? Perhaps colourful shoes should make my next list).
I'm a sweater - no not the knitted kind, the sweaty kind. It totally grosses me out (and sorry about adding to that list of 'things you didn't need to know') but it's the truth. There are few shirts I can wear without feeling completely self conscious that my sweat is making it's appearance.
I'm always cold (which seems weird considering the previous crumb), I wear sweaters in July. Among my favourite things are hoodies, soft socks, and fleecy blankets - love them. That being said I hate summer because it's too hot. It's my least favourite season - fall is my all time favourite, and except for the driving, I don't really mind winter (I sometimes even like it).
I’m not an easy crier, hugger or laugher. However, if I’m truly doing one of these things you know I mean it.
I force myself to occasionally tell those I love that I love them, even though saying it is one of the most uncomfortable things I ever have to do. It’s not that I don’t mean it – it’s just that I’d rather show it (or write it). I also never force myself to say it out of obligation – so once again, if you hear me say it, it’s because I mean it.
I’m not a normal girl. I honestly don’t get all hot and bothered by a muscle-tanned guy driving by on a bike, I don’t give a rip whether a guy has a few extra pounds around the middle, I don’t find chiseled looks all that attractive. I truly believe a person’s ‘who-they-are’ part makes them beautiful – and really I’m not being nice.
Speaking of being nice … I’m too nice sometimes, I’m trying to work on this in an appropriate manner. Being nice is good when you are actually nice, but when you are not actually nice and you are acting nice, you are just a liar – that’s not nice.
I’m really struggling to decide how honest I want to be on this blog. I mean I want to be totally honest yet I want to make sure I don’t offend any potential readers (or write a story about them and then remember they indeed read this). Hmmmm … sounds like the nice situation I mentioned above – I AM currently ironing this one out.
I love good smells - like I LOVE them. If I notice a nice smelling person walk by, it takes everything I've got not to hunt them down and ask what they wear. funny part is: I don't wear purfume - too smelly.
I truly believe that if I didn't wear a bra no one would ever know I had boobs - it's true I won't lie, it's all about the bra.
And one final crumb …
I believe cookie dough was never meant to be baked, at least not completely.
When I am using a knife to spread something on say toast or a bagel, I never clean it off before dipping it into a second ingredient.
Unlike the people that organize the music at my gym, I do not believe that every possible kind of music (country, rock ballads, musicals) should be turned into techno to ‘pump up’ my work out. – It’s just wrong.
Lastnight at work I was told that I was really coming out of my shell, as I was joking very honestly about some stuff going on there. I hate having a shell.
I am an over zealous communicator. If you e-mail me (even when it’s long) I will e-mail you back immediately, if you call me I will return your call right away, it you write me I will write back A.S.A.P. If you are having a conversation with me there is little room for silence. This is something that has scared a few off and I really should work on – we’ll see.
I have a genuine love for Marshmallow that surpasses logic – I’m not sure why sometimes, but he is one person I would do anything for (anything I know that would help him).
I love rolling out of bed and having good hair (who doesn’t?), on these days I give myself a bird bath and call the day perfect.
I predominantly drive in the left lane, that way I don’t have to worry about maneuvering around city buses, cyclists and whoever else is slowing up the traffic.
These are all of the shoes that I own: 2 pairs of runners (indoor/outdoor), one pair of brown leather year-rounders, 2 pairs of brown sandals (nice/everyday), 1 pair of black sandals, 1 pair of black high heels (that I never wear, ever) and 2 identical pairs of small heeled strappy shoes (1 white and 1 black - $10 at Wal-mart woo hoo!), oh and 1 pair of boots (everyday, trudging through snow kind). Wally thinks I’m over-the-top with all of my shoes – I think he’s crazy. (Did you notice my colour choices are: black, brown and white? Perhaps colourful shoes should make my next list).
I'm a sweater - no not the knitted kind, the sweaty kind. It totally grosses me out (and sorry about adding to that list of 'things you didn't need to know') but it's the truth. There are few shirts I can wear without feeling completely self conscious that my sweat is making it's appearance.
I'm always cold (which seems weird considering the previous crumb), I wear sweaters in July. Among my favourite things are hoodies, soft socks, and fleecy blankets - love them. That being said I hate summer because it's too hot. It's my least favourite season - fall is my all time favourite, and except for the driving, I don't really mind winter (I sometimes even like it).
I’m not an easy crier, hugger or laugher. However, if I’m truly doing one of these things you know I mean it.
I force myself to occasionally tell those I love that I love them, even though saying it is one of the most uncomfortable things I ever have to do. It’s not that I don’t mean it – it’s just that I’d rather show it (or write it). I also never force myself to say it out of obligation – so once again, if you hear me say it, it’s because I mean it.
I’m not a normal girl. I honestly don’t get all hot and bothered by a muscle-tanned guy driving by on a bike, I don’t give a rip whether a guy has a few extra pounds around the middle, I don’t find chiseled looks all that attractive. I truly believe a person’s ‘who-they-are’ part makes them beautiful – and really I’m not being nice.
Speaking of being nice … I’m too nice sometimes, I’m trying to work on this in an appropriate manner. Being nice is good when you are actually nice, but when you are not actually nice and you are acting nice, you are just a liar – that’s not nice.
I’m really struggling to decide how honest I want to be on this blog. I mean I want to be totally honest yet I want to make sure I don’t offend any potential readers (or write a story about them and then remember they indeed read this). Hmmmm … sounds like the nice situation I mentioned above – I AM currently ironing this one out.
I love good smells - like I LOVE them. If I notice a nice smelling person walk by, it takes everything I've got not to hunt them down and ask what they wear. funny part is: I don't wear purfume - too smelly.
I truly believe that if I didn't wear a bra no one would ever know I had boobs - it's true I won't lie, it's all about the bra.
And one final crumb …
I believe cookie dough was never meant to be baked, at least not completely.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Adventure Day 2 - Is this jet lag?
Yes folks, you heard it right, I really think that I am indeed experiencing jet lag. Who knew you could get it from an imaginary journey, or at least a journey of this sort? I have been very exhausted lately and am finding it hard to stay alert all through my day. I don't know, maybe it's my weird schedule of work - whatever it is I hope I can kick it soon!
This morning I woke up bright and early feeling confident that this day would bring another accomplishment for sure! I was in good spirits and the day awaited me. I made a trip to the gym and it went very well. I got to see a few fun (and yes older) ladies I used to work out with when I went to the gym on my own back during school, in the early mornings (lately I've been going more in the late afternoons with a friend - but really I'm a morning person). Yes it was good. I came home and cleaned up ready to tackle #4 on my list - going out for breakfast with Marshmallow (my brother). I had facebooked him immediately after I made my list and we had tentatively planned to go this morning, however we had not completely confirmed things. So I awaited his response, called him on both phones (home and cell) and got no response.
So I waited around until noon, then gave in and e-mailed him hoping to reschedule. I still have not heard back. I have to say I am a bit surprised at his non-responsiveness, just because he is usually very good at getting back to me. Sometimes if he thinks it urgent he will call after seeing a note from me on facebook, rather than waiting for me to e-mail back. I am disappointed that I could not meet with him, for many reasons. I just hope that his is not avoiding me for other reasons (perhaps I'll explain that later). Anyway, I am working later this evening until nearly midnight so I thought I would describe my adventure day 2 before I head out the door.
Though I did not officially complete any items on my list today, I did bury deeper into a couple of them further for next week. I researched the church where I want to attend mass. It's actually a Basilica and a Cathedral - I didn't know the difference before today and it was very interesting (check it out somewhere!). I think that I may actually book a tour of the church for sometime next week - that is if they will do one for only one person. I figured then I could ask a few questions about mass and such for 'outsiders' to the Catholic faith and what I should expect. I don't want to disrespect their practices at all so it may be good to have a heads up first.
I also looked up places I could learn more about the homeless and less fortunate (I'm not sure if I like that term, whatever) in my city. I found one I think that I will also contact to learn more about and hopefully help out with some needs they have. Maybe I will even bring this up at my home church.
I am excited about both of these endeavors and know that if I hadn't challenged myself to do this I would never have explored these places and people on my own - YAY!!! I have also started e-mailing a few people regarding #7, #28, #18, #11. I love e-mail!
I have also been working on reading through the book of John in the Bible. I've read a few chapters now and have to say how interesting I find it that new Christians are pointed towards reading this book first. The first chapter or two are just so full of backwards talk, if I were new I'd be totally confused. Who am I foolin'? I was kinda confused and I knew what it was talking about - at least I think I did. It's not that I don' think it's a good book (as I read further, it does become an easier read), but I always try and see from a newcomer's perspective (at many things regarding the church or otherwise) and to me the very cool 'backward talk' in the beginning of the book could really give someone brain cramps man. I did come across one part last night that struck me - it was talking about how God alone is the one who draws people to Jesus(John 6:43-45)THAT'S cool. God wants me. A lot. How much better does it get than that. 'Nough said.
Well, my fair readers, I bid you good night and hope to ignite within you a desire to LIVE and be challenged in a real way. I have received a few suggestions on some things I can add to my list, please challenge me with more. I will post my final picks next week sometime that will make the cut for my 40 days of fun!
Remember: we are all works in progress ...
This morning I woke up bright and early feeling confident that this day would bring another accomplishment for sure! I was in good spirits and the day awaited me. I made a trip to the gym and it went very well. I got to see a few fun (and yes older) ladies I used to work out with when I went to the gym on my own back during school, in the early mornings (lately I've been going more in the late afternoons with a friend - but really I'm a morning person). Yes it was good. I came home and cleaned up ready to tackle #4 on my list - going out for breakfast with Marshmallow (my brother). I had facebooked him immediately after I made my list and we had tentatively planned to go this morning, however we had not completely confirmed things. So I awaited his response, called him on both phones (home and cell) and got no response.
So I waited around until noon, then gave in and e-mailed him hoping to reschedule. I still have not heard back. I have to say I am a bit surprised at his non-responsiveness, just because he is usually very good at getting back to me. Sometimes if he thinks it urgent he will call after seeing a note from me on facebook, rather than waiting for me to e-mail back. I am disappointed that I could not meet with him, for many reasons. I just hope that his is not avoiding me for other reasons (perhaps I'll explain that later). Anyway, I am working later this evening until nearly midnight so I thought I would describe my adventure day 2 before I head out the door.
Though I did not officially complete any items on my list today, I did bury deeper into a couple of them further for next week. I researched the church where I want to attend mass. It's actually a Basilica and a Cathedral - I didn't know the difference before today and it was very interesting (check it out somewhere!). I think that I may actually book a tour of the church for sometime next week - that is if they will do one for only one person. I figured then I could ask a few questions about mass and such for 'outsiders' to the Catholic faith and what I should expect. I don't want to disrespect their practices at all so it may be good to have a heads up first.
I also looked up places I could learn more about the homeless and less fortunate (I'm not sure if I like that term, whatever) in my city. I found one I think that I will also contact to learn more about and hopefully help out with some needs they have. Maybe I will even bring this up at my home church.
I am excited about both of these endeavors and know that if I hadn't challenged myself to do this I would never have explored these places and people on my own - YAY!!! I have also started e-mailing a few people regarding #7, #28, #18, #11. I love e-mail!
I have also been working on reading through the book of John in the Bible. I've read a few chapters now and have to say how interesting I find it that new Christians are pointed towards reading this book first. The first chapter or two are just so full of backwards talk, if I were new I'd be totally confused. Who am I foolin'? I was kinda confused and I knew what it was talking about - at least I think I did. It's not that I don' think it's a good book (as I read further, it does become an easier read), but I always try and see from a newcomer's perspective (at many things regarding the church or otherwise) and to me the very cool 'backward talk' in the beginning of the book could really give someone brain cramps man. I did come across one part last night that struck me - it was talking about how God alone is the one who draws people to Jesus(John 6:43-45)THAT'S cool. God wants me. A lot. How much better does it get than that. 'Nough said.
Well, my fair readers, I bid you good night and hope to ignite within you a desire to LIVE and be challenged in a real way. I have received a few suggestions on some things I can add to my list, please challenge me with more. I will post my final picks next week sometime that will make the cut for my 40 days of fun!
Remember: we are all works in progress ...
Monday, July 20, 2009
Adventure Day 1 - The excitement begins!
Well, I am a good part of the way through my first day of 40 on my great adventure. Now I have the feat of telling you how it all played out. The drama … the excitement … the big fat fight I witnessed in the laundry room.
I’ll have to get to that later. First I have to say I am a big fat grouch pants today, or at least I have become one. I’ll admit much of it has to do with having a final ice cap and donut which kept me up 3 ½ hours past my bedtime. Oh well, I’m glad I did it. Anyways I woke up at my normal too early time, with only 5 hours of sleep. I say that fully knowing that some people (at least one person) reading this, probably is lucky to get 5 hours sleep in a night. I’m used to 7 or 8 so I’m going to admit that I was tired when I got up, however I got up. And I was excited for my challenges.
I decided that I would try and tackle #10 on my list and work on going to the gym 6 times this week (my gym is only open 6 days in a week). I guess deep down I want to get that one over with, and I’m going to a wedding on Saturday and it wouldn’t hurt the bod. I went and worked out at the gym, posted a few random thoughts here, got clean, then enjoyed a great conversation with my auntie on the phone – man my day started out GREAT! I splurged with a chicken nugget and baked potato lunch, accompanied by far too much honey for dipping and a dollop or two too much sour cream – I’m off of sugary goodness I have to make up for it somewhere.
After lunch I decided to go tackle an ‘experience’ and visit the laundry room. It was time for me to get to know a dryer. So I took my 2 loads of laundry down to the 1st floor and began the process. I decided to be productive and leave it washing while I walked Sweet and Sour, no big deal. I then returned to take the clothes that I would hang up back to the apartment, after I put the others in the dryer. I loaded them in and filled the machine with change – 75 cents … wait it costs 25 cents for 5 minutes and unless these are miracle dryers there was no way my stuff was going to get dry in 15 minutes. I quickly added up how much more change I needed and thought to myself ‘THIS is why I don’t use the dryer when things can dry all on their own.’ I took the rest of the wet laundry upstairs and hung it, then grabbed my change.
I thought I’d quickly check my e-mail before going back. I did, then I grabbed my book and off I went. (Keep in mind I have now used the elevator 4 times in the past 20 minutes because I had also just taken the doggies out – these elevators are slower than molasses in January) and off I went again. As soon as the elevator door closed I realized I forgot to grab a laundry basket – I got my book, but that wouldn’t help me carry up my clothes (and knowing my luck I’d leave a Hansel and Gretel trail of sparkly undies for the creepiest old man to follow back to our apartment). I waited out the very long elevator ride and went back to our dwelling. I decided to go use the washroom quick before I went back. Once I’d done that, off I went again. Got into the elevator, to the laundry room, saw that the laundry needed a few more minutes and then realized I once again forgot the basket – grrrrrrrr!
So back I went, lucky to be on the elevator with the same old lady that several months back, saw me get on the elevator with my backpack and immediately asked if I was sick. I replied no and couldn’t figure out why in the world she asked me that out of no where. Then she went on and on about people travelling all over from Mexico with the swine flu and that she didn’t want to get sick – she was very annoyed. (Uh, hello, like I’d be travelling to Mexico with just my backpack – do I look like someone who would do that?). Anyway this broad held her tongue for both rides and I thanked the Lord above. I FINALLY got my laundry basket and went back down to the laundry room and that’s when I witnessed the laundry room brawl!
I went and checked my stuff, which still had 5 minutes, then went and sat with my book on a nearby bench. As I sat a little old lady, who maybe weighs a hundred pounds soak and wet, remarked to a big burly man about the 5 washing machines he was taking up (there are only maybe nine in total) . The man was a cheery sort … initially. He took it in stride at first, but then she wouldn’t let it go. He said that he had to work so he couldn’t come at all different times and asked what he was supposed to do. She kept challenging him and wouldn’t back off. I sat very quietly pretending to read my very spiritual book (come on, I wasn’t going to miss this – finally someone was calling someone else on breaking the ‘only use 2 washers at a time’ rule, which I had diligently followed – I’ve been waiting for this for months!!!).
After the rather intense confrontation (aka fight) was over I breathed a sigh of relief and went over to get my dry laundry. Only thing was that it hadn’t completely dried, harrumph! After all of the elevatoring I had done and waiting and watching, my towels and socks were still damp! Oh well. I had completed my task, I had used the dryer. Most of the stuff was dry, so I folded it up, went back to our apartment and hung what was still damp. I then decided that for all that hassle (not to mention the 2 bucks in quarters down the tubes), I would continue to hang every article of laundry I had. (Even though I have to admit, it was soooo nice not to have crunchy washcloths, socks and underwear – and yes that’s with fabric softener).
My concluding thoughts on using the dryer for the first time: Though I am too frugal to take advantage of the luxury of a dryer on a regular basis, I am indeed very glad I put this item on my list. Now I know how to use it if I want to (ok so it wasn’t that hard) and if I ever need it again I won’t contemplate for months before giving it a try.
THAT’S what this experience is about, trying new things so that I’ll try more new things … big or small. I wonder what’s on tap for tomorrow … Tequila or a bikini … I’m not sure but I think I’ll need the Tequila in order to get to the bikini.
Cheers!
I’ll have to get to that later. First I have to say I am a big fat grouch pants today, or at least I have become one. I’ll admit much of it has to do with having a final ice cap and donut which kept me up 3 ½ hours past my bedtime. Oh well, I’m glad I did it. Anyways I woke up at my normal too early time, with only 5 hours of sleep. I say that fully knowing that some people (at least one person) reading this, probably is lucky to get 5 hours sleep in a night. I’m used to 7 or 8 so I’m going to admit that I was tired when I got up, however I got up. And I was excited for my challenges.
I decided that I would try and tackle #10 on my list and work on going to the gym 6 times this week (my gym is only open 6 days in a week). I guess deep down I want to get that one over with, and I’m going to a wedding on Saturday and it wouldn’t hurt the bod. I went and worked out at the gym, posted a few random thoughts here, got clean, then enjoyed a great conversation with my auntie on the phone – man my day started out GREAT! I splurged with a chicken nugget and baked potato lunch, accompanied by far too much honey for dipping and a dollop or two too much sour cream – I’m off of sugary goodness I have to make up for it somewhere.
After lunch I decided to go tackle an ‘experience’ and visit the laundry room. It was time for me to get to know a dryer. So I took my 2 loads of laundry down to the 1st floor and began the process. I decided to be productive and leave it washing while I walked Sweet and Sour, no big deal. I then returned to take the clothes that I would hang up back to the apartment, after I put the others in the dryer. I loaded them in and filled the machine with change – 75 cents … wait it costs 25 cents for 5 minutes and unless these are miracle dryers there was no way my stuff was going to get dry in 15 minutes. I quickly added up how much more change I needed and thought to myself ‘THIS is why I don’t use the dryer when things can dry all on their own.’ I took the rest of the wet laundry upstairs and hung it, then grabbed my change.
I thought I’d quickly check my e-mail before going back. I did, then I grabbed my book and off I went. (Keep in mind I have now used the elevator 4 times in the past 20 minutes because I had also just taken the doggies out – these elevators are slower than molasses in January) and off I went again. As soon as the elevator door closed I realized I forgot to grab a laundry basket – I got my book, but that wouldn’t help me carry up my clothes (and knowing my luck I’d leave a Hansel and Gretel trail of sparkly undies for the creepiest old man to follow back to our apartment). I waited out the very long elevator ride and went back to our dwelling. I decided to go use the washroom quick before I went back. Once I’d done that, off I went again. Got into the elevator, to the laundry room, saw that the laundry needed a few more minutes and then realized I once again forgot the basket – grrrrrrrr!
So back I went, lucky to be on the elevator with the same old lady that several months back, saw me get on the elevator with my backpack and immediately asked if I was sick. I replied no and couldn’t figure out why in the world she asked me that out of no where. Then she went on and on about people travelling all over from Mexico with the swine flu and that she didn’t want to get sick – she was very annoyed. (Uh, hello, like I’d be travelling to Mexico with just my backpack – do I look like someone who would do that?). Anyway this broad held her tongue for both rides and I thanked the Lord above. I FINALLY got my laundry basket and went back down to the laundry room and that’s when I witnessed the laundry room brawl!
I went and checked my stuff, which still had 5 minutes, then went and sat with my book on a nearby bench. As I sat a little old lady, who maybe weighs a hundred pounds soak and wet, remarked to a big burly man about the 5 washing machines he was taking up (there are only maybe nine in total) . The man was a cheery sort … initially. He took it in stride at first, but then she wouldn’t let it go. He said that he had to work so he couldn’t come at all different times and asked what he was supposed to do. She kept challenging him and wouldn’t back off. I sat very quietly pretending to read my very spiritual book (come on, I wasn’t going to miss this – finally someone was calling someone else on breaking the ‘only use 2 washers at a time’ rule, which I had diligently followed – I’ve been waiting for this for months!!!).
After the rather intense confrontation (aka fight) was over I breathed a sigh of relief and went over to get my dry laundry. Only thing was that it hadn’t completely dried, harrumph! After all of the elevatoring I had done and waiting and watching, my towels and socks were still damp! Oh well. I had completed my task, I had used the dryer. Most of the stuff was dry, so I folded it up, went back to our apartment and hung what was still damp. I then decided that for all that hassle (not to mention the 2 bucks in quarters down the tubes), I would continue to hang every article of laundry I had. (Even though I have to admit, it was soooo nice not to have crunchy washcloths, socks and underwear – and yes that’s with fabric softener).
My concluding thoughts on using the dryer for the first time: Though I am too frugal to take advantage of the luxury of a dryer on a regular basis, I am indeed very glad I put this item on my list. Now I know how to use it if I want to (ok so it wasn’t that hard) and if I ever need it again I won’t contemplate for months before giving it a try.
THAT’S what this experience is about, trying new things so that I’ll try more new things … big or small. I wonder what’s on tap for tomorrow … Tequila or a bikini … I’m not sure but I think I’ll need the Tequila in order to get to the bikini.
Cheers!
Randomness…
Last night at work:
I apparently was asking Guy a lot of questions (the same guy I’ve mentioned before), such as: Where are you going? What are you doing? Why are you doing that? He responds to me with: ‘Eva, why are you so curious all of the time. You shouldn’t be – wanna know why? Because curiosity killed the cat Eva and you don’t want to die!!!’ Understand he said this with sincere urgency and in great seriousness.
Later Guy asked why I always held my head, looked down and shook it after he said stuff. I had no comment for him.
I was at the gym this morning and one lady said to another ‘It keeps slipping out, I can’t help it’ – in my head I laughed … I sometimes have a dirty mind.
Today on my walk with the poochies I passed by a Hershey’s wrapper that was lying on the ground, in that moment I hated #1 on my list.
Before I went to the gym this morning I had no e-mail, when I came home I had 4, 3 of which were from real people. First of all this is like the highlight of my day (I love real e-mails) and second of all, I learned that between 7-8 in the morning people are checking their e-mail.
Wally is a great writer and public speaker. He does whatever he does well. I have bad punctuation and say um a lot (or just too much of whatever’s roaming through my mind).
My list of 40 things to do in 40 days seems to be growing in my head (of course I’m now starting the next list). I’ve also decided to be a complete and true cheeseball and begin a ‘bucket list’. I love cheese. I really do.
Speaking of cheese – I haven’t tried enough different kinds – its number 1 on my next list – Try 5 new kinds of cheese. I don’t know if I’ll wait the 40 days for that one.
I think that when I type I’m dyslexic.
I met a woman at the gym today, who had great legs, the perfect hair, looked around 30. She has five kids, the oldest of which is 20. She strikes me as a genuinely happy person. She introduced herself to me, and said hello to several ladies by name. All around, she was just too cute for her own good. I liked her a lot and hated her a little.
I just realized the grammar check in MS Word sometimes has worse grammar than me or I, whoever.
I apparently was asking Guy a lot of questions (the same guy I’ve mentioned before), such as: Where are you going? What are you doing? Why are you doing that? He responds to me with: ‘Eva, why are you so curious all of the time. You shouldn’t be – wanna know why? Because curiosity killed the cat Eva and you don’t want to die!!!’ Understand he said this with sincere urgency and in great seriousness.
Later Guy asked why I always held my head, looked down and shook it after he said stuff. I had no comment for him.
I was at the gym this morning and one lady said to another ‘It keeps slipping out, I can’t help it’ – in my head I laughed … I sometimes have a dirty mind.
Today on my walk with the poochies I passed by a Hershey’s wrapper that was lying on the ground, in that moment I hated #1 on my list.
Before I went to the gym this morning I had no e-mail, when I came home I had 4, 3 of which were from real people. First of all this is like the highlight of my day (I love real e-mails) and second of all, I learned that between 7-8 in the morning people are checking their e-mail.
Wally is a great writer and public speaker. He does whatever he does well. I have bad punctuation and say um a lot (or just too much of whatever’s roaming through my mind).
My list of 40 things to do in 40 days seems to be growing in my head (of course I’m now starting the next list). I’ve also decided to be a complete and true cheeseball and begin a ‘bucket list’. I love cheese. I really do.
Speaking of cheese – I haven’t tried enough different kinds – its number 1 on my next list – Try 5 new kinds of cheese. I don’t know if I’ll wait the 40 days for that one.
I think that when I type I’m dyslexic.
I met a woman at the gym today, who had great legs, the perfect hair, looked around 30. She has five kids, the oldest of which is 20. She strikes me as a genuinely happy person. She introduced herself to me, and said hello to several ladies by name. All around, she was just too cute for her own good. I liked her a lot and hated her a little.
I just realized the grammar check in MS Word sometimes has worse grammar than me or I, whoever.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Starting an Adventure!
As I write this it is very late (by my standards at least). My tummy is full of a Brownie Ice Cap Supreme and a sour cream glazed donut from my good friend Tim Horton’s. I felt it necessary as in a couple of hours I am beginning a very exciting journey. A journey I couldn’t truly try until now. I have been practicing quite a bit here and there since we moved into the city, but now that I have had some time to try a few things I am ready to go all the way.
I made a decision this morning that I was going to use this blog to my benefit for this experiment - as a sort of accountability partner and record keeper. A passion has grown within me in the past several years; a passion to live and take control of things (as much as I can), to experience people and places, and all sorts of things that I’ve been raised to fear. I no longer want to let those fears determine what perspective I am allowed to look through. I want to experience lots so that I can understand lots. By guarding my actions and my surroundings I have missed out on people and experiences that could ultimately change my character and my life. I want to begin tomorrow to step out of my egg shell and take on the world.
Ok so I have to admit this sounds waaaaay more dramatic than it really may be. In fact, to most people what I am doing will sound like the kindergarten class of life. But I am deciding not to be ashamed. Instead I’m going to take baby steps and challenge myself in things I have avoided and would continue to avoid in life had it not been for my undying desire to learn, grow and connect with those around me. I figure if I can take on the ‘small stuff’ now and be changed by it, then later on I can tackle the ‘big stuff’ and continue to change and grow.
Here are a few things I have had to use as ‘practicing’ in living life. These things are what I wouldn’t have done had I not chosen to get over my fears.
• Over a year ago I started a gym – would’ve never done it before, I would’ve worried about what people thought about me spending my money on that sort of thing. (I would’ve been self-conscious as well).
• I recently went to a movie all by myself for the first time (in a sketchy theatre I’d never been to no less – I was also the only person in the theatre).
• Last week I drove downtown to the central library (we have several) at night, by myself, on a whim. I had to park underground, had no real idea where I was going or what I was doing. In fact it took me ten minutes to figure out how to actually get into the library (it is inside of a mall and is 2 stories – I couldn’t seem to find any doors yet could see all of the people inside reading their books – torture!!)
• Several months ago I began attending a home church. I didn’t know a soul.
Like I said before, to many people these things are just a part of the lives they live, no big deal. But for me, growing up in a tiny town of 2000, with my rural roots (you seriously have to do a family history on the people you date because you never know if you could in fact be related), all these things were a big deal. I figure a great way for me to expand my horizons is to write down some of my goals, or hopes, of the things in life I want to experience. Some of them are small things and some are much bigger. Some will certainly seem mundane and silly; the point isn’t to worry about how applicable they are to the grand scheme necessarily, but to let the little moments get noticed too. I am so very excited for this adventure. I cannot wait to share what it is and what I am doing. But if you are curious you will have to join me tomorrow to find out what it is that I am up to.
I do hope you will come along for the ride!
I made a decision this morning that I was going to use this blog to my benefit for this experiment - as a sort of accountability partner and record keeper. A passion has grown within me in the past several years; a passion to live and take control of things (as much as I can), to experience people and places, and all sorts of things that I’ve been raised to fear. I no longer want to let those fears determine what perspective I am allowed to look through. I want to experience lots so that I can understand lots. By guarding my actions and my surroundings I have missed out on people and experiences that could ultimately change my character and my life. I want to begin tomorrow to step out of my egg shell and take on the world.
Ok so I have to admit this sounds waaaaay more dramatic than it really may be. In fact, to most people what I am doing will sound like the kindergarten class of life. But I am deciding not to be ashamed. Instead I’m going to take baby steps and challenge myself in things I have avoided and would continue to avoid in life had it not been for my undying desire to learn, grow and connect with those around me. I figure if I can take on the ‘small stuff’ now and be changed by it, then later on I can tackle the ‘big stuff’ and continue to change and grow.
Here are a few things I have had to use as ‘practicing’ in living life. These things are what I wouldn’t have done had I not chosen to get over my fears.
• Over a year ago I started a gym – would’ve never done it before, I would’ve worried about what people thought about me spending my money on that sort of thing. (I would’ve been self-conscious as well).
• I recently went to a movie all by myself for the first time (in a sketchy theatre I’d never been to no less – I was also the only person in the theatre).
• Last week I drove downtown to the central library (we have several) at night, by myself, on a whim. I had to park underground, had no real idea where I was going or what I was doing. In fact it took me ten minutes to figure out how to actually get into the library (it is inside of a mall and is 2 stories – I couldn’t seem to find any doors yet could see all of the people inside reading their books – torture!!)
• Several months ago I began attending a home church. I didn’t know a soul.
Like I said before, to many people these things are just a part of the lives they live, no big deal. But for me, growing up in a tiny town of 2000, with my rural roots (you seriously have to do a family history on the people you date because you never know if you could in fact be related), all these things were a big deal. I figure a great way for me to expand my horizons is to write down some of my goals, or hopes, of the things in life I want to experience. Some of them are small things and some are much bigger. Some will certainly seem mundane and silly; the point isn’t to worry about how applicable they are to the grand scheme necessarily, but to let the little moments get noticed too. I am so very excited for this adventure. I cannot wait to share what it is and what I am doing. But if you are curious you will have to join me tomorrow to find out what it is that I am up to.
I do hope you will come along for the ride!
Going to the chapel and we're gonna .... go into mounts of unnecessary debt ?
Weddings ...
*Sigh*
Part of me cannot wait to get out my feelings on weddings and then there’s another part of me that is fearful of how my thoughts will spill out. Oh well, here she goes…
Weddings. In they’re purest sense are one of the most sacred, beautiful, meaningful celebrations in a person’s life, if they choose to have one. They are coveted by young women and dreamed about by girls even younger.
What first comes to mind when you think of a wedding? To me, a big white gown, multitudes of flowers, extravagant décor and dress, lots of food, laughter and some tears. I think of the ‘the walk’ down the aisle, vows that are recited, promises made, perhaps a father/daughter dance, followed by some once in a life time speeches (good or bad). Oh and don’t forget the cake – a brilliantly decorated cake is essential for a good wedding.
As I mention all of these things I chuckle to myself. Don’t get me wrong, these are all beautiful additions to a nice celebration of love but how vital are they really to a celebration of a sacred covenant that is being made between two people and their God? That is the true essence of a wedding, isn’t it? The coming together of two people into one, who plan (with God’s help) on spending the rest of their earthly lives together. When I put it that way you kind of do wonder what all of the pomp and circumstance is about.
I think back to when Wally and I were preparing for our own wedding. Since my mama didn’t get to plan her wedding (when she was 19) she was quite excited about helping us with ours. And since mama and pop were paying they certainly had the final say. In all honesty I would have loved to run off and get married without the big show especially when mama stormed into my bedroom 2 weeks after we were engaged and demanded we get ‘on this’ and start making some concrete plans. She is an organizer and needed things done yesterday, I just wanted sit and enjoy knowing that soon (within 7 months) I would finally be able to live my life with Wally all the time.
Anyway Wally and I decided that the main thing we cared about was the ceremony – it was the real reason we were going ahead with the ‘big’ wedding. We wanted to set an example of deep respect and commitment for the covenant we were about to take part in. We wanted others to be there to witness our vows to one another and hopefully later keep us accountable for the words we were promising to each other.
We indeed planned the ceremony and mama made sure the décor was beautiful, as well as the reception. I tried to make sure my girls’ dresses were affordable, modest and wearable again. Wally and I pursued premarital counseling and only went a couple of times before our pastor said we were ‘good to go’. I nearly begged him to keep working with us – I had ‘issues’ with Smoky mama and knew that I wanted to work them out before the big day. The pastor however said he thought we were the most grounded couple he’d met with (to marry) and that we had ‘good heads on our shoulders’. I was praying he’d change his mind and help me work through some of my bitterness (it’s another long story). Anyway I was left to my own.
We indeed had a wonderful day and a very meaningful ceremony to both of us, and surprisingly many others. We wrote our own vows and added our own ideas. We refused to have a unity candle on the sole basis that everyone had a unity candle. We chose our Scripture and songs for our musicians to sing and play. Every single person in the ceremony was specifically chosen in regard to our relationship to them. I collected my bouquet as I went down the aisle, from several people that were special to me and whom played important roles in my life at different times. I wrote special notes to each of them, to share with them why I had chosen them and what they meant to me. I loved it and I loved them.
My brother, Marshmallow, lived up to his name that day. He bawled and bawled all day and throughout the ceremony. He hugged me (and I mean HUGGED me) 3 times throughout the day. I had written him an extra long, REAL letter, sharing my unconditional love and care for him as his sister. Apparently when he read it at home (after I’d left) he cried like a baby and just sobbed and sobbed. You see normally he puts on this ‘tough guy’ act and tries not to show emotion, I guess it wasn’t working for him that day – I’m glad.
I’ll never forget walking down the aisle and saying to Pop ‘Wow! There are so many people!’ To which he replied (in a cracked, shaky voice) ‘You’ll be fine, it’s ok, you can do this.’ Um, I think I should have been the one telling him that… his reaction was interesting to me because I’d never seen him crack before or seem nervous - EVER. He is Mr. cool-calm-and collected.
So we lived through our day and all of the pomp and circumstance. I did wear an off white dress that I had made by my closest friend’s mom. I loved that it was made by someone who respected marriage and upheld it’s sacredness. She hand stitched much of the lace because I couldn’t afford to buy the actual amount needed. The dress was beautiful. Not like other bride’s dresses. It didn’t make me look like a princess on her most perfect and only day. Instead it made me feel prepared to take vows that would bind me to another person. It was different, imperfect and special just like me, and just like the life I was walking into.
A couple weeks ago I was talking to a friend of mine about my ‘most beautiful day’ ever. I was referring to a time I was in a friend’s wedding. When I was done talking my friend said ‘You mean except for your own wedding, right?’ I smiled and said ‘No.’ She looked at me awkwardly and waited. I tried to explain that I never felt that ‘fairytale’ way about our wedding day, but that it was intentional. I didn’t ever want to set myself up to feel disappointed or diluted about what my wedding day was supposed to be about. It was really about Wally and I making a covenant, period. Not about feeling like the most beautiful person on the planet. No dress, jewelry or hairdo could make me beautiful on my wedding day, that was an inside job and I had hoped that I’d done my homework and succeeded.
I don’t mean to come off as a ‘know it all’ about weddings or that I ‘have it all together’, or that I am such a godly woman, because I don’t and I’m not. I fail in so many ways: with my attitude (especially with family), I carry around bitterness of hurts from long past, I birth jealousy that clothes me in the ugliest of garments. However over the years Wally and I have been married I have had a front row seat to what marriage can bring with it: the challenges, the hurts, the frustrations. These things only get glossed over during the sermon at a wedding. How often do you here a couple talking about how they are going to deal with the day when the husband loses his job when they are signing up for their bridal registry? Hmmmm … never.
Marriage is a wonderful gift and a beautiful one, if cared for, but during the planning of a wedding the main focus seems to always be the day, to celebration and how everything is going to look in the moment. And that’s the thing, the day lasts but a moment and the marriage lasts … well that depends.
I suppose part of me just wonders, if we could strip away all of the outward stuff and started to work on all of the inward stuff, what would happen to our divorce rates? By no means am I trying to judge people that have decided upon divorce but I'm sure many of them would say themselves that they would do things differently. Perhaps they would still marry the same person but maybe consider possible circumstances they may go through as a couple and how they may react. Now I realize that there really is no possible way for a couple to know what they would really do in this situation or that. The thing is that many of them are so caught up in the fairytale they are planning (in their wedding) that they fail to recognize that life indeed takes over after wards and you don't drink from champagne glasses and feed each other cake every night for dinner. That unlike the day of your nuptials, things don't always go smoothly, you don't always respond adoringly at one another and you can even look down right ugly to each other - and the kicker is neither one of you give a rip what the other one thinks.
Once again I'm not trying poo poo the party, just trying to make the after party an event that can be enjoyed for more that a mere few minutes. I could truly go on about this for hours and hours but I will force myself to stop.
Wedding: the ceremony or celebration of a marriage
Marriage: a legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife (or now a days between two people), a close union
Seems to me you need a marriage before you can have a wedding ... at least one worth celebrating.
*Sigh*
Part of me cannot wait to get out my feelings on weddings and then there’s another part of me that is fearful of how my thoughts will spill out. Oh well, here she goes…
Weddings. In they’re purest sense are one of the most sacred, beautiful, meaningful celebrations in a person’s life, if they choose to have one. They are coveted by young women and dreamed about by girls even younger.
What first comes to mind when you think of a wedding? To me, a big white gown, multitudes of flowers, extravagant décor and dress, lots of food, laughter and some tears. I think of the ‘the walk’ down the aisle, vows that are recited, promises made, perhaps a father/daughter dance, followed by some once in a life time speeches (good or bad). Oh and don’t forget the cake – a brilliantly decorated cake is essential for a good wedding.
As I mention all of these things I chuckle to myself. Don’t get me wrong, these are all beautiful additions to a nice celebration of love but how vital are they really to a celebration of a sacred covenant that is being made between two people and their God? That is the true essence of a wedding, isn’t it? The coming together of two people into one, who plan (with God’s help) on spending the rest of their earthly lives together. When I put it that way you kind of do wonder what all of the pomp and circumstance is about.
I think back to when Wally and I were preparing for our own wedding. Since my mama didn’t get to plan her wedding (when she was 19) she was quite excited about helping us with ours. And since mama and pop were paying they certainly had the final say. In all honesty I would have loved to run off and get married without the big show especially when mama stormed into my bedroom 2 weeks after we were engaged and demanded we get ‘on this’ and start making some concrete plans. She is an organizer and needed things done yesterday, I just wanted sit and enjoy knowing that soon (within 7 months) I would finally be able to live my life with Wally all the time.
Anyway Wally and I decided that the main thing we cared about was the ceremony – it was the real reason we were going ahead with the ‘big’ wedding. We wanted to set an example of deep respect and commitment for the covenant we were about to take part in. We wanted others to be there to witness our vows to one another and hopefully later keep us accountable for the words we were promising to each other.
We indeed planned the ceremony and mama made sure the décor was beautiful, as well as the reception. I tried to make sure my girls’ dresses were affordable, modest and wearable again. Wally and I pursued premarital counseling and only went a couple of times before our pastor said we were ‘good to go’. I nearly begged him to keep working with us – I had ‘issues’ with Smoky mama and knew that I wanted to work them out before the big day. The pastor however said he thought we were the most grounded couple he’d met with (to marry) and that we had ‘good heads on our shoulders’. I was praying he’d change his mind and help me work through some of my bitterness (it’s another long story). Anyway I was left to my own.
We indeed had a wonderful day and a very meaningful ceremony to both of us, and surprisingly many others. We wrote our own vows and added our own ideas. We refused to have a unity candle on the sole basis that everyone had a unity candle. We chose our Scripture and songs for our musicians to sing and play. Every single person in the ceremony was specifically chosen in regard to our relationship to them. I collected my bouquet as I went down the aisle, from several people that were special to me and whom played important roles in my life at different times. I wrote special notes to each of them, to share with them why I had chosen them and what they meant to me. I loved it and I loved them.
My brother, Marshmallow, lived up to his name that day. He bawled and bawled all day and throughout the ceremony. He hugged me (and I mean HUGGED me) 3 times throughout the day. I had written him an extra long, REAL letter, sharing my unconditional love and care for him as his sister. Apparently when he read it at home (after I’d left) he cried like a baby and just sobbed and sobbed. You see normally he puts on this ‘tough guy’ act and tries not to show emotion, I guess it wasn’t working for him that day – I’m glad.
I’ll never forget walking down the aisle and saying to Pop ‘Wow! There are so many people!’ To which he replied (in a cracked, shaky voice) ‘You’ll be fine, it’s ok, you can do this.’ Um, I think I should have been the one telling him that… his reaction was interesting to me because I’d never seen him crack before or seem nervous - EVER. He is Mr. cool-calm-and collected.
So we lived through our day and all of the pomp and circumstance. I did wear an off white dress that I had made by my closest friend’s mom. I loved that it was made by someone who respected marriage and upheld it’s sacredness. She hand stitched much of the lace because I couldn’t afford to buy the actual amount needed. The dress was beautiful. Not like other bride’s dresses. It didn’t make me look like a princess on her most perfect and only day. Instead it made me feel prepared to take vows that would bind me to another person. It was different, imperfect and special just like me, and just like the life I was walking into.
A couple weeks ago I was talking to a friend of mine about my ‘most beautiful day’ ever. I was referring to a time I was in a friend’s wedding. When I was done talking my friend said ‘You mean except for your own wedding, right?’ I smiled and said ‘No.’ She looked at me awkwardly and waited. I tried to explain that I never felt that ‘fairytale’ way about our wedding day, but that it was intentional. I didn’t ever want to set myself up to feel disappointed or diluted about what my wedding day was supposed to be about. It was really about Wally and I making a covenant, period. Not about feeling like the most beautiful person on the planet. No dress, jewelry or hairdo could make me beautiful on my wedding day, that was an inside job and I had hoped that I’d done my homework and succeeded.
I don’t mean to come off as a ‘know it all’ about weddings or that I ‘have it all together’, or that I am such a godly woman, because I don’t and I’m not. I fail in so many ways: with my attitude (especially with family), I carry around bitterness of hurts from long past, I birth jealousy that clothes me in the ugliest of garments. However over the years Wally and I have been married I have had a front row seat to what marriage can bring with it: the challenges, the hurts, the frustrations. These things only get glossed over during the sermon at a wedding. How often do you here a couple talking about how they are going to deal with the day when the husband loses his job when they are signing up for their bridal registry? Hmmmm … never.
Marriage is a wonderful gift and a beautiful one, if cared for, but during the planning of a wedding the main focus seems to always be the day, to celebration and how everything is going to look in the moment. And that’s the thing, the day lasts but a moment and the marriage lasts … well that depends.
I suppose part of me just wonders, if we could strip away all of the outward stuff and started to work on all of the inward stuff, what would happen to our divorce rates? By no means am I trying to judge people that have decided upon divorce but I'm sure many of them would say themselves that they would do things differently. Perhaps they would still marry the same person but maybe consider possible circumstances they may go through as a couple and how they may react. Now I realize that there really is no possible way for a couple to know what they would really do in this situation or that. The thing is that many of them are so caught up in the fairytale they are planning (in their wedding) that they fail to recognize that life indeed takes over after wards and you don't drink from champagne glasses and feed each other cake every night for dinner. That unlike the day of your nuptials, things don't always go smoothly, you don't always respond adoringly at one another and you can even look down right ugly to each other - and the kicker is neither one of you give a rip what the other one thinks.
Once again I'm not trying poo poo the party, just trying to make the after party an event that can be enjoyed for more that a mere few minutes. I could truly go on about this for hours and hours but I will force myself to stop.
Wedding: the ceremony or celebration of a marriage
Marriage: a legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife (or now a days between two people), a close union
Seems to me you need a marriage before you can have a wedding ... at least one worth celebrating.
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