Thursday, January 27, 2011

Scratch the match and watch out

This morning I wanted to blog so bad. I think I had a post in my head. I was even going to try but it was my early day and I knew that if I did I would end up late for work. Poo.

My spirits yesterday and today were, for some unknown reason to me, lifted. I have been feeling boosted, happier and more hopeful. Perhaps people have been praying, I'm not sure. If they (you) were, I appreciate it.

I don't remember at this point what exactly I was going to blog about but no doubt it will return if it's worth anything. Instead I think I shall bore you with my own self discoveries of the day.

Today I was shadowing someone at work, training them with someone I support. As usual our conversation went back and forth and then veered off course into our personal lives. I'm not really sure how it traveled to weight, fitness and lifestyle but it did. I spoke openly about my issues and she shared hers. I shared about my triumphs, disappointments and recent learnings on how to take care of my body. I shared how I still struggle but that I wanted to learn how to be a trainer and be a certified nutritionist to share the right information with others.

As the afternoon went on and we chatted she stopped at one point looking a little flushed and said 'I don't mean to sound weird or anything but I feel like I'm having one of those moments where I was meant to meet you today and it's for a reason.' She went on to explain her feelings a bit further and I have to say it was one of the coolest feelings I've ever had as I heard those words.

I knew after I spoke with her that I am still meant to reach my fitness goals and even more so, I am meant to be a trainer and coach people with nutrition. It excites me through and through. People talking about diets, genetics and metabolism being the reasons why they have yet to succeed at reaching their goals angers and ignites something within me that is oh so irritating!

Having said all this I will fully admit to struggling with emotional eating and my weight training at present. The weight training I am feeling the itch to do again, but was put on the back burner as I have begun training for my very first 5K run in the spring. This will be a dream come true for me. And what's even better? Wally may run it with me! (Along with my far away best friend too!).

Side Note: I also just had the idea last night that I could create the 5K run or walk and do it as a fund raiser for Compasio to help get to the $10 0000 goal. I think lots of people would join in. I am sooooooo excited about this, I hope it works out!!!!

Anyways, talking with this person in the midst of a morning when I thought once again about quitting my job (I'm clearly not cut out for this full time), I actually regretted not already having my training certification.

This girl is so ready to accept the truth. She wants to change her health above all and knows that's the most important thing. She's struggled all of her life as I have and connected me on this issue deeply. She's aware of her emotional eating and wants to do something lasting and true. I believe with the right support that she absolutely will.

I feel so shocked at myself and how excited I am about my little dream of becoming a trainer. It nearly makes me laugh out loud when I think of it. It's so not spiritual. It seems so shallow and self involved. Not that I am Ms. Humble Pie or anything but I have always considered myself as someone who cared for others and because of my own experiences have tried to look past outward appearances and stressed the importance of improving one's spiritual self and not look at their body.

I know, I know, I can take myself to the place of knowing how much it can change someone on so many levels for them to change their lives through working on taking care of their physical bodies but it just SEEMS so different for me.

And there's of course the fact that 'I'm not there yet'. I haven't reached my end goal, which is a super clean lifestyle (regarding food). I still battle emotional eating (especially lately). And I have not perfected each and every sport. (Ok so I'll be honest, I haven't perfected any sport).

These are all things that I feel intimidated to have won trophies in before being allowed to teach someone else in them.

I actually am reminded of a conversation I had earlier today about the fact that when we don't have very much trouble learning something we are not generally very good at teaching it to others that do have a difficult time learning it. That's why someone who understands the mis understanding in the learning should be doing the teaching.

My cousin taught me the old saying (I'd never heard before) 'Those who can't, teach.' I laughed at the time at how right the saying was because we were speaking about the fact that I was a piano teacher (I think a pretty decent one - I mean I had a few students that were far better players than I) that could not play. I could play, but not well. I knew all of the theory, I knew how it worked, but unless I practiced a ridiculous amount I wasn't very good. I also had incredible stage fright that would cause anyone to question my teaching qualifications.

I still believe I will achieve my fitness and lifestyle goals, I still have a long way to go, but I will. It's so deeply rooted in me I have no choice.

Today the spark was turned into a flame at the prospect of helping someone else conquer their biggest challenge. I kind of think doing so will help me continue to conquer mine.

Not only for this girl was this a timely introduction, but just as much for myself.

I so needed this today. I so needed this now.

Much of me is still in denial over the person I have become and continue to pursue to be. I need to keep digging and figuring out who I really am underneath that broken little girl. She's still there.

I can't wait to really know and acknowledge the person I know was meant to be in the first place.

In saying that I am thankful at how beautifully God worked around the hurt I experienced in this broken world. He truly is an amazing artist.