Sunday, July 10, 2011

I finally did it!

Well after a year of thinking about it I finally did it!

With Wally's support and encouragement, despite my mental struggles as of late surrounding fluctuating numbers I have enrolled to become a Certified Personal Trainer!!

There are many factors surrounding why I've waited so long to do this ...

* Would I look like a fraud trying to motivate others while continuing to struggle with food and body issues myself?

I decided for one thing I am just on a journey and there will be times I will go through smoothly and there will be times I will struggle and learn. Just because I'm struggling doesn't mean I am not supposed to continue on and follow the urge in my heart to do something.

I know that through learning more on a topic that interests me not only for my own health and fitness but very much for other women that may need a motivator that understands exactly where they are coming from and can hopefully encourage and be an example of how a real woman can overcome and build confidence to go after her dreams.

* Is this just a phase?

To be honest there have been times when I've doubted the idea of being a fitness trainer because it does seem rather vain on many levels and very much a cultural fad.

When I came back from Thailand especially I thought 'Seriously, what value would I be to the world teaching people about doing things that should already be naturally a part of their lives but aren't because of this crazy, lazy culture we live in.'

After a few months of contemplation I've come to the conclusion that for now Wally and I will be living in this North American culture where the reality is people don't know how to take care of themselves well, due to the industrialization of the food industry and the culture of getting everywhere five minutes ago (meaning driving cars instead of walking or biking). This is really just the way our culture works right now and rather than abandon an idea because in an ideal world it shouldn't be necessary I feel excitement at trying to work with it (along with my own story) to make things better in some way. Kind of like meeting people where they are at.

* Is it financially worth it?

As Wally and I begin to look more closely at our stewardship as of late and the idea of doing our best to live on one income I had to really think about whether doing this coursewould make any financial sense.

It's not a super expensive course, though more than a night course at a college and it is something that I will have to keep up every two years by doing additional courses of the same cost (but can be on different health related topics which REALLY excites me - Noutrition is next on my list!!).

However in saying this the certification is recognized around the world and highly esteemed. I asked my trainer for a referral for a noutrition course and this is what he recommended (I wasn't about to say I was thinking about becoming a trainer!)

In the end I will absolutely be able to train others in my home and likely even in theirs. This could be the extra income we want coming from me doing something I am passionate about. This also excited me greatly!

All in all I feel great about this decision (it really helps that Wally pushed me over the edge to do it with his support and mutual excitement) and look forward to continuing my journey of fitness.

Dee always said it was all about acceptance. Something I've struggled SO much doing.

Accepting myself, my failures and especially my successes. Also though, accepting a possible 'calling' to be healed through helping others.

This could be the greatest gift of all.

My hope is that by 2012 or sooner I will be a Certifies Personal Trainer.

I may not be the made up, perfect hair, cellulite free, ideal proportioned one that you have a difficult time relating to.

But hopefully that works in my favour.


PRN - 5 minutes to sit down and shut up

I'm pretty sure I've written on this topic before but it's in my head reteaching me something again so I'll let the thoughts come out ...

Thursday night was not great. We went to bed and I tried to settle into some much desired sleep. Unfortunately Sweet's little Itchfest (2011) had just decided to start up. Included in the performances were: 'Thump, thump, thump, thump' played on the hardwood floor, 'Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch' behind the ears at his sides and under his chin, not to be outdone by the serenade of the notorious high pitched cry of the 'Howwwwwwwwwwwwwwwl' that liked play on repeat.

By midnight Wally and I had gotten after him (which seemed entirely unfair but we'd had enough, didn't he know that he's an animal and he should be able to control himself?).

I got up and was in a state of Mad Ladyness. I raised my voice (ok so I yelled) at him asked if he realized I just needed to sleep. Also wondering, in my distraught state, if he could just stop scratching? I got out of bed and picked him up hoping to mildly shake the scratchies out (no I didn't hurt him or anything, we were just having a heart to heart).

Wally and I put the light on to discuss the matter.

Though we were both perturbed about the inconvenient Itchfest occurring in our room at ungodly hours (for us), we still both felt bad for Sweet's own pain.

I decided to take Sweet to the basement tv room and try and have us get some sleep (or at least muffle his thumping on the carpet down there).

I set up my makeshift bed on the couch and put the tv on and watched 'Cupcake Wars'. Obviously that's what you do when you are exhausted and need sleep.


Sweet continued to scratch off and on but seemed to settle a bit. I finally shut the tv off between 3 and 4 am. I tried to settle as well.

Then the thumping returned.

And continued.

I lost it.

I lept off of the couch and crawled to Sweet (who had moved over to the door to satisfy an itch) to plead for him to stop and once again give all the reasons why sleep was so detrimental to my sanity.

He needed no convincing.

It was there in the middle of our tv room I stayed just out of reach from my little Sweet. It was there on the floor I gave up the idea of a comfy re cooperating sleep that night while Sweet revealed a new rendition of 'Thump, thump, thump, thump' played now on the door that wasn't closed tightly.

Wally walked in and found me in this precarious position at 6:30am sleeping. He tried to rustle me awake but I refused. He came back 40 minutes later to say goodbye and remind me of my workday that was awaiting me. I told him if I could have I totally would have called in sick because madness caused by sleep deprivation had settled in. I could barely handle the thought of dealing with what I knew would be magnified annoyances.

I managed to get myself up to the kitchen when I remembered we were having company for supper after work and I needed to do some clean up before I left for work, yet I wasn't exactly displaying my speediness yet that morning. As I went to throw something in the garbage in my efforts to clean up I slipped and barely caught my balance in my sleepy stupor while noticing the pool of dog pee that caused a near fatal accident (fatal for someone).

As I grabbed tea towel after tea towel to through on the gigantic mass of liquid I notice I knocked over a cup full of dog food that has sprayed all over the kitchen floor as well.

I think at that point I may have had another meltdown and perhaps voiced my madness to the universe, perhaps in an inappropriately loud voice.

Then I went and had my shower and got ready.

By the time I returned tot he kitchen I gave up every ambition I had for the day and decided my main priority was to live through as quietly as possible.

I moved slowly and somewhat hazily through the next several minutes.

I made a shake, I gave up hopes of taking my usual healthy lunch and snacks and gave myself permission to eat whatever crap that landed in my mouth that day (and it did land very well).

Then I finally took sweet and Sour out for what seemed to be pointless morning constitutional just in the yard as I had taken too much time up already.

Then I decided that the next 5 minutes might be best used sitting in the lawn chair on our less than impressive patio in the quiet of the morning. So I did.

I listened to the birds, I closed my eyes, and I surrendered my madness to the day.

I may have threw up a few prayers as well but as I was pretty out of it at that point I don't remember.

It was there while sitting completely still and realizing and accepting those 5 minutes of nothingness as my pill of salvation for the day that I recharged.

Well, sort of.

I didn't hop out of the chair with any more energy than I displayed before but I did get up with a little more faith that I would make it to the other side of the clock that day.

I felt a peace about the imperfections that may continue to occur and that seemed like enough.

And ... it was.

When I arrived at my first shift at 9am perfectly on time (after 1/2 hr of driving through the city) I noticed that the door to the house I was going was shut and locked tight. I knocked. No answer. Yet their car was there.

I knew no one was awake and any further knocking was pointless. I vaguely remember possibly promising to call about something else before that day's visit. I never called so likely they never expected me. My bad.

I prayed they indeed didn't expect me and I went on to do some important paperwork that I'd taken on for that person so as not to waste any time.

As I left I thought about how I could've been sick and it wouldn't have mattered but what could I do now.

Instead I spent 1 1/2 hours alone in Walmart creating a sheet of estimations for some one's new apartment writing down items, UPC codes and price tags. I then was thankful for my mistake as it was a calm and quiet time that I would've had to do with the person I was with (who would've complained and sighed for the entire time). At least I was accomplishing something.

My day continued on to get better even though I was exhausted (and thought 'Oh my goodness how do young moms survive????!!!').

By the end of our day we had enjoyed a nice meal with a great couple despite my honest madness.

I'm pretty sure what got me through though were those 5 minutes that didn't seem all that affordable at the beginning of the day.

5 minutes that I would sit down and shut up.

Moral of the story: when you are having one of those days where nothing's going right, time is evaporating, and you find yourself in a near fatal accident caused by dog pee and over tiredness ... take 5 minutes to sit down and shut up.

To be taken as needed, with eyes closed, outside if possible.

Sometimes they can save your life, or at least your day.