Friday, April 15, 2011

A Facebookless World

At this point in life I can't even imagine it!

Could you?

A world where you don't know what's happening in every one's lives around you? A world where you can't, with a few clicks of the mouse, know the low down on who's in what relationship, where some one's working or who's having a baby when.

Oh facebook.

I have big and very mixed feelings about this little virtual world.

I've talked to a handful of people that have at different times taken matters into their own hands and detached themselves from the drama that is facebook.

Most of them have taken LOAs (leave of absence)from it, few have fully committed to leaving it completely.

When asked why they have said 'It's just too much. Too much drama, miscommunication, and honestly I was addicted.'

I totally get it. I am a facebook-aholic.

I am the one who updates their status at least twice a day. I am the one who says more than they should. I am the one who gets misunderstood often. I am the one who's had friends delete them out of the blue.

Now I will tell you straight up honestly I am not someone who really gets all twelve year old girl like and worries about losing facebook friends pretending I was BFFs with everyone of them. I understand and appreciate when someone needs to make the right decision for themselves and 9 times out of 10 you weren't really friends anyways.

Recently though I noticed someone who up until lately I had been very very close with that was no longer on my list. I thought maybe that person just deleted their account but then saw that they were still friends with other mutual friends. This is still someone in my life so it wasn't a matter of 'oh they were just getting rid of the extras and really keeping the close ones'. I'm guessing there was more to the story.

Anyhow, this, along with my great addiction has got me seriously preparing to dislodge myself from the facebook society. If I'm that annoying or over the top that I'm shooing real friends away (or at least I thought they were) maybe it's time to cut the cord. (Not to mention the fact that if you have relatives that are already annoyed by you this just gives them 10 times the ammunition).

Maybe the friendship was done anyways and that's ok, different seasons require different people, but, why take the gamble.

Were we really meant to know everything about everyone all of the time? No.

Have you had a conversation with a facebook friend that you hadn't actually seen face to face in months? The conversation is like this:

'Hi! How have you been? (doesn't wait for you to answer) I see you went on a trip. It looked amazing!'

'Yeah it really was.' You say.


You offer 'So you're getting married in Cuba? That's nice. In June eh? I hope you enjoy!'

They reply 'Yeah, so and so's annoying though, we had to kick them out of the bridal party.'

'Oh that's too bad.'

More weird silence.

You're 'friend' says 'Well, I better go. It was great to chat, we should do coffee sometime!'

'Yeah, right. See ya!' Then you feel relieved the run in is over.

I won't lie the benefits of facebook for me have far outweighed the cons for the most part. I've connected with people I would never have known otherwise, made and deepened friendships with people that I would never know now had I not been able to find them or have free access to bug them.

I even noticed at work after I had become facebook friends with many of my co workers that once they got to know the less quiet, more confident side of Eva there was more delight in our encounters. In fact I even told Wally that one day I noticed after the facebook introduction to my co workers, when I was running into them at work I could tell there was this look of expectation on their face. They saw me and were ready to be entertained by a story, funny comment or something.

It's actually a really strange feeling to have people act that way, and to know it was just from them seeing a little piece of yourself exposed in a realatively unreal place.

Of course with every positive there's a negative and I am now noticing or imagining my personality getting 'old' and grating on people's nerves. Perhaps why my friend deleted me.

Right now I am awaiting the completion of my Compasio 5K Fundraiser and probably my Garage sale fundraiser before pressing the morbid 'deactivation' button. (It is great for fundraising and I still have a ways to go).

I am both dreading it and looking forward to it. I guess I should work on getting e-mail addresses of those I do like to stay in touch with. I hope this will give my good friends and I a chance to really communicate and make more of an effort ot stay in touch - I seriously could make a living out of doing coffee.

I'm not saying I'm staying off of facebook forever - we'll see. But I am definitely taking a good long break from it.

The facebook world will never be the same ;)

'More time to myself'

I was spending some time with a friend the other day and that phrase came out of her mouth.

For some reason it struck me. Really struck me.

I'm not really sure why exactly. Maybe because that seems to be what every one (including myself) is running around in life trying to do.

The thing is .... really, who else does it belong to?

When I hear that phrase and think of my own 'time to myself' I immediately melt into a puddle of ahhhhhhhh.

What does it mean?

For me it's a gluttonous act of whatever I feel like. It could be reading a book in silence, eating my favourite snack alone, going to the book store (oh my goodness bookstores!!!!) just to look around, hoping I have money I forgot about living in my purse.

I means having nothing to do that I don't want to do, in otherwaords spending my time on me without any guilt what-so-ever.

I can only imagine how much the value of this experience goes up when you have children.

Is it a North American or Western thing to want time to yourself? Is it 'normal' to hope for or expect? Or is it something we used to have back int he day that got lost in the bustle of trying to achieve more than necessary in a shorter period of time?

I don't know the answer but I know that it's not a statement I want to have to say very often.

I think it's like hoping you'll get just one more gasp of air while fighting waves in the middle of an ocean. At least often that's how it feels when you are saying it. I know, I used to say it more often, and I still think it more than I should.

Could you imagine a life where we loved everything we did? Where we never longed for more of any good thing? Where we knew our limits?

Last night while out with that same friend I ordered a drink from Starbucks. the ladies who made it warned of great pleasure from it. They didn't lie.

I don't remember if there's ever been a time, at least not in my recent history, that I've enjoyed something so much.

I drank about an inch out of the grande cup and honestly felt like I'd taken so much enjoyment out of it thus far I needed no more. In fact I wondered if having more would ruin it.

Let me tell you, in the realm of tasting that's not something I experience often or maybe ever. It was almost a holy moment.

I savoured every taste for at least the first quarter of the drink. I would pick it up, hold it in my hands, feel the warmth. Then I'd stare at the artificial-but-who-cares whipped cream on top, and the perfectly drizzled caramel sauce on top in wonder.

I'd slowly bow my head towards the drink, close my eyes and let the white foam touch my lips adding a coolness. Then I'd tip the cup ever so gently forward so that the pool of hidden goodness under the sea of cream would invade my taste buds and flood my mouth.

Oh. My. Goodness. It was so wonderful.

I don't often enjoy something so much I want to take it slow. That pretty much applies to everything in my life. Once I know what I like I want to go after it full throttle so that I can just enjoy my new discovery.

This drink was different. It slowed me down and kept me in the moment of it's greatness. By doing so it enveloped me, slowed time and heightened every sense. It was good.

In a life that seems impossible to enjoy every moment or even catch a moment to enjoy maybe we should try to just take a couple each day to just sit still and absorb. Maybe some days they'll be rich with flavour, maybe some days they'll be a little flat and watered down. But I think we are hear to learn how to thirst for both at different times.

That all being said 'More time to myself' never seems like a chore to endure.

Does it?

Drink up whatever moment that you have today.