Monday, June 14, 2010

Stray thoughts

I wonder about it a lot. Worry about it a little sometimes. Dream about it enough.

This morning I was thinking about a newly transitioned friend in my life and what they they accomplished on the weekend. She did a 218km bike ride (in 2 days) to raise money for cancer research. She raised over $3000.00. Yeah, I know, amazing right?

I asked her before hand why she would do this, I was curious as to her motivation. She said she knew too many people touched by the illness, especially a close friend of hers more recently having to battle it.

I pondered a bit about how good life feels right now for Wally and I. Almost like the worst is over. In saying that I know that I am being completely naive. I know that life throws such unexpected curve balls and incredible challenges that always seem to hide behind cotton candy and laughter.

The least expected generally comes ... when you are least expecting it.

I think about what it would (or possibly will) be like to be told you have cancer. I wonder if I'll ever get the call that my husband has been in an accident. I try and put myself in a position of what it will be like when I lose a parent or even a sibling. It's tough stuff.

I'm glad we're generally not programmed to think about these things because what a depressing life it would be. However at the same time it makes me wonder what I should be doing differently now.

Often people get 'bad news' and then have to do a 30 minute makeover on their lives that usually would take 30 years of prompting to build up to.

I'm pretty sure I'd never have gone back to school had I not had to ponder death and life. Facing it close up pushed me to make some big changes a lot faster than I would have otherwise. I often use that as my method for deciding whether or not to do something in life.

I was talking to Wally the other day about people we know that talk about what they'd love to do but never ever do anything. I'm not sure why, maybe it's the work it takes sometimes to do it, or the fear of the unknown. Whatever it is it makes me sad that they don't see what they can do. The existence of their world is a comfy chair and a television. How sad.

I sometimes get overwhelmed at the responsibility I feel that I have to live to the fullest. I'm not saying I'm all that great at doing it but I definitely feel convicted to try.

I remember when I was a teen and in a sort of leadership group. Our leader asked us at a retreat once to write out our eulogy, what we wanted others to say about us. Though a bit morbid, it was a great exercise to help you see what you wanted to be known for versus how you were living. Hopefully you were insightful enough to see the things you may need to change in order to get to where you wanted to be. You also learned that aesthetics didn't count for a whole lot.

I think I may think about these things bit more on my retreat.

Speaking of my retreat, I think I should plan some stuff. Stuff to do maybe, or think about. I'm afraid I'll get bored right away or let the cable catch my attention.

Do any of you have thoughts on what I should do or NOT do while I'm away. ie. no facebook, no e-mail, go for a hike, do yoga, etc. ?

What would you be sure to do if you went away by yourself for a couple of days? If you have already what has worked for you? Help!

I want this experience to be interesting. Maybe even enlightening...