Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Vivvie Update and Other Admissions

I wanted to make sure to let you know that outcome of my co worker's and my actions last week in regards to our 'higher ups' and any possible trouble we thought may occur.

Well it turns out we (in so many more ways than one) did the (obvious) right thing by taking Vivvie without formal approval.

When we returned to work afterwards I think it's a fairly accurate description to say that the office was 'a buzz' about what we had done. Really what Chi Chi had done - I simply sat in the passenger seat providing snacks, oh and I nearly killed Vivvie during her lift into bed that night - seriously I'm not trying to be humble just telling you the truth. Chi Chi was the one who checked us into the hotel, communicated with Vivvie's hearing impaired sister and brother in law (in sign language - yes she does it all!!), AND had to get in and out of the wheelchair van hooking and unhooking all of the belts and stuff in the heat while I stood there pressing the deploy and lower buttons on the lift. You really could have put a sequined dress on me and called me Vanna (though admittedly I'm not a size 0, nor will I ever be as my 'tent posts' are too far apart).

Anyways people were talking and by the end of last week both Chi Chi and myself had been spoken to be Vivvie's manager in our agency and were told that the person making the initial call didn't really know the extent of the situation and was under stress from other chaos in the office and had made the wrong call. We were both going to be paid for both days gone as if it were any other trip.

I had mixed reaction. Ashamedly, mostly I was glad because I had given up 9 hours and an overnight (that I was praying to get out of anyway) and had a shift cancelled later that week. But this was my super, incredible selfish side.

The smaller more generous caring part of me was a bit disappointed becasue deep down I wanted to be some sort of hero. You know, the REAL kind that does things out of the goodness of their true and honest heart. Not the kind that even thinks about getting paid for it.

I thought about getting paid for it. I hoped I'd get paid for it. I wanted to get paid for it.

All three of these sentences proves one thing to me.

I am definitely no REAL hero.

I mean I won't lie. I do think it's great and I LOVED going against the rules and making this dream of Vivvie's come true (scratch that - HELPING make this dream come true). I'm proud that honestly in the moment of offering to go I was not thinking for a second about a paycheque.

But once the fun was over (and maybe even during). I thought of money. I thought of car problems, house saving and my own monetary benefits.

Just admitting this shallow notion makes me want to cry. But it's true.

I'm not sure I can do a whole lot to change this as (by no means is this an excuse just common knowledge) I am human.

I sort of think though the more often you do stuff to help others spontaneously the more it will become natural and perhaps more genuine. And probably the first step is just purposefully giving. I think I get the first step, I would just prefer to jump to the last step. You know, and be Jesus or Mother Theresa or something.

Surely they had to start somewhere right?

Anyways I'm making this about me and that's not the point. The point is Chi Chi and I were recognized for our efforts and it felt good. I don't want you to think that I think it's wrong because that feeling definitely gives me the urge to do it again. But I want the urge to do it again to come more from the satisfaction and peace I know Vivvie and her family have gotten rather than what I've gotten out of it.

I printed off 3 pictures to remind me of this experience. One is of the moment Vivvie and her brother first embraced, the other of the two of them posed together, and the third of the two of them with Chi Chi and I.

All reminders of all of the things I've learned.

I'm kind of glad the 'buzz' is over because it was feeding my pride to the point of gluttony and it was making me a little sick.

I'm doing my best to be healthier these days. Funny how gluttony comes in so many different forms.

Something else for me to tackle. I'm up for it.