Sunday, May 29, 2011

Dream a little dream with me

Right now is the perfect moment.

It's raining hard. There's rumbling of thunder. My favourite dogs is on my lap (incidentally he almost took out my laptop to run from the outside weather, even though we're inside).

I've had a good day. Maybe even a great day. Laundry almost done. Mulching of the front gardens done. Clean kabobs on the bbq (that turned out pretty good), a couple clean treats made and enjoyed. I went through most of my kitchen cupboards to rearrange and get rid of a few things in order to try and make room on the counter in order to make prepping food easier. Wally actually came in at one point and asked if we were moving out (since I had hidden many of the usual contraptions in the cupboards and it looked so clear).

We also had our first visit with my newest little second cousin. She's a doll. She laughed a lot at our doggies. Apparently her parents said that she hadn't laughed that much ever. It was cute.

It's been a good day.

Yesterday Wally and I met my fried A-bag for lunch and coffee. He finally finished up some travelling first in Thailand, then Israel and finally in Holland. He was the one person we knew while visiting Thailand. It was great to reconnect again before he leaves for whatever adventure awaits him next.

A-bag is one of those people I would have no problem asking questions of. I don't really have to worry if I'll offend or sound stupid, I can just ask anyway.

Yesterday A-bag was the one asking the questions. The one that caught my attention most? 'So, do you have any plans or dreams for the future?' (I'm paraphrasing but the part that grabbed me was the dream reference).

It got me thinking ...

Of course I have dreams. I mean I complain about them to whoever reads quite often. But I think A-bag was asking something bigger than that, or at least I was feeling something tug at me bigger than that.

Last fall I had what is called a PATH done. I shared with you all some of my dreams in those regards: buying a house, fundraising $10 000, going to Thailand, becoming a personal trainer, living a healthy lifestyle, writing, speaking to encourage others (like to the masses *giggle*), and of course adopting and/or having children.

In many ways I've treated the process like a check list.

House - check, trip - check, fundraising - half check, writing - three quarters of a check, living a healthy lifestyle - some days check/some days ex, speaking to encourage others - forgot about that one, becoming a personal trainer - too embarrassed to admit this one, adopting/having children - doing my part in some ways/preparing to do my part in others.

I guess what I'm saying is I've turned many of my dreams into a 'To do' list and have lost some of the magic along the way.

It's like when you want to have the perfect Christmas family day only you are uptight about the turkey being too dry, the gravy tasting bland, the gift wrap getting picked up, the kids being well behaved so much so that you didn't take time to enjoy and share all of these great things.

When A-bag originally asked what was new and how life was I felt so incredibly dead. 'Nothing's new really. Life is fine.'

That's so not my style. Or at least not how I want my style to be.

It's got me thinking that maybe it's ok to always keep dreaming, to keep discovering new things and new people.

I've felt a real sense of nothingness (I know that's not a word) since after our trip. I don't remember feeling so empty really.

I feel quite challenged lately surrounding God stuff, and 'community' (not the show, even though I do thinks it's AWESOME). At the same time I (we) have wondered how is best to find a sense of community.

We have looked into a church since meeting with A-bag yesterday we are seeing how we can get reconnected with that area of our lives. As I spoke with someone tonight I shared how people don't seem to have time to do 'community', to just spend time together anymore. I vented slightly regarding my frustration over the fact that everyone is too busy for each other (I cannot disclude myself completely and no I don't think disclude is a word but it should be).

Anyways, I guess what I'm getting at is that Wally and I are working on somehow finding a place to call home and people to call family (in a not biological sense). I believe beyond needing it we are called to have it. To be recipients of it and givers to it.

I have missed this for too long and I would love to have it back.

Back to the dreaming thing .... I also think I may give myself some homework this week. To spend an hour or so making my dream world. Just for fun. When do we ever do that anyways?

I want my kids to be dreamers. Best way to do that is learn how to be one myself.

I'll share what I come up with ;)