I'm tired. Exhaustified.
I feel like I have no reason to be but I am. Wally would laugh at that and say I was being ridiculous and that I have every right to say that I am but I'm not sure. I see everyone at work and they seem so fine. I feel like I'm lagging around like a puppy dog missing two legs.
I want to write about my adventure but ... I'm too tired.
I can and will tell you that I have had a serious case of the 'sads'. Meaning I've been very sad the past couple of days.
Today I wondered if I should just quit everything. Quit my health goal (which I have yet to share). Quit working (um ... yeah .... cause I'd do so great as a depressed bum). Quit thinking about getting my degree (more on that later). Quit trying to live differently (it's seems like such a challenge and sometimes I wonder if it's pointless). I've also thought of quitting my 40 day adventure #2 (*sigh*).
Wally has asked me to slow down at times as I always seem to have some 'great idea' on the horizon that I need to try. To be honest this whole way of living is absolutely exhausting to me (yes I know I've said that too many times already, but it's true).
I've had another good friend that I respect tell me I just need some time to slow down and think. To take time to be alone, meditate, pray, be with God. I think he's right, but I don't know how anymore. Slowing down isn't taught in school. I don't think it would matter if it was because keeping up seems to be the general theme of life, at least in North America.
Then I look ahead to the next month in a job where I pretty much live on the faith of others needing my help whenever, and I wonder if I'll get enough work. I know I don't need to worry about this. I learned this forever ago in life. But I think about it. I'm human.
Oh I'm rambling. Sorry. My thoughts are all jumbled up right now.
Do any of you get a case of the 'sads'? Do you ever want to give up?
I know deep down I can't. I won't. I just need to refocus. But sometimes the 'sads' are like a bad cold - very difficult to get rid of.
I have been thinking about finally throwing myself a 30th birthday party. I thought I'd call it my 'Thirty and still Flirty' Party. Admission would be a fun thong in my size (or hey a skanky outfit would do) and in return I would feed party goers some expensive Marble Slab ice cream cake (remember that's on my list).
Still thinking about this. I'm usually not the type to care if 1 person out of the 30 invited came. But after my post big party blues I don't know if I'm up for any more post party let downs.
We'll see. I anticipate fighting off the 'sads' within the next 24 hours. I find my mind the hardest thing in the world to fight against. But. I will. And I am determined to win.
Even if I lose a few fights in the process.
