Thursday, July 7, 2011

Patio Time

Patio time.

It's good to get some patio time.

I have a good friend I met at work that invited me over for some as she's currently on a week of holidays. And though she's a couple of years younger than I she's got a wisdom about our job that I envy. She's been at it for 10 years (yes, and she's only 28!!!).

During our patio we talked about our pending adoption and her awaiting for the school year to come. You see she's going back to college to do something that she LOVES in horticulture. She is so excited and I am too for her.

I said so. Then I added 'I'm so jealous.'

To which she replied: 'Oh my goodness what are you talking about?! You have great things happening too!!'

I added 'Well, yeah'.

Of course I by no means meant that my life wasn't engaging in it's own great things but I was seeing her follow a dream and going after it with guts and gusto. I could see how happy she would be to learn and live out her dreams.

Though I am completely ecstatic about becoming a mommy at the same time I wonder how we will provide without me having to work (at this point we are looking for ways for me to just alter my schedule a bit rather than cut it out completely like we'd both prefer).

I feel like I'm inviting stress as well as the hopes and dreams I've had forever.

For the past couple of years I've just become at peace (or more just to terms) with the fact that I will have to work so I better get used to it and learn how to do it.

Yet as I sat on the patio and thought about it I realized that I wasn't really allowing myself to consider the possibility of not working. I'd given up on the idea of being a full time at home mom. And the possibility that I could ever find a job that I sincerely loved and felt fulfilled by. So much that I could actually enjoy working a bit AND enjoy being a mommy too.

Now when I think of my job while trying to raise my kids (no matter how much I have to do it) I think of it as purely a means of income, not enjoyment, fulfillment or a calling. It's like the whole idea of just doing what I love and as a result being provided for is possible.

I think I honestly need to allow myself the opportunity to believe in the dream of both. Will it be easy? No will it be without sacrifice? Absolutely not. Will it come to me on a silver platter? I doubt it but I'm still going to ask for a nice shiny one anyways.

If we don't allow ourselves the ability to believe something is possible than I doubt that it really is.

I'm not saying I need excessive amounts of money or a life without strife, just a chance to explore what brings me and my family the most joy.

I've always been one to believe in and encourage others to not settle for what makes sense or looks right to those around me (or them). However I haven't always been the best example of it.

Perhaps the best challenge for myself this summer is not something like 'Eat at 5 new restaurants' or 'have a Hawaiian themed dinner party' but maybe it's more like 'try to live on one income for a couple of months', or 'make a list of things you love to do and creatively look at how you could make a business out of them'.

Maybe the answer to my stressors (at least in my mind) right now about the future are the challenge I need to take up. It could be a lot of fun. It certainly would be an interesting challenge to explore.

If you have any thoughts or ideas on this please share!