Tuesday, June 28, 2011


It's the end of a school year and though I have no kids I'm feeling the often unwanted pull of change in the air.

Several 'everyday' changes seem to be finding me (or will be soon) and it seems to be a lot at once but as I process them I hope I'm able to embrace the good they will/are bringing.

What, you may ask, are they?

* Glo's moving :(

Through life it's common to have people you meet and welcome into your life. Some are there for a short season, some a life time and some a mixture of both of these depending how the winds blows.

Glo and I became friends a little over a year ago and have grown steadily closer as time has gone by (as you may know if you've read my blog already).

We decided not to take the opportunity for this unexpected friendship for granted and in my opinion were able to mutually give and take so much from it.

Though excellent thoughtful conversations were a norm common interests we shared were surrounding health and fitness. Glo is a runner and I an aspiring one. I had recently discovered 'clean eating' (though constantly struggling to maintain a steady foothold in it), Glo was interested in learning more about it.

Glo had gone to Thailand for a month a couple years ago. I had been planning a trip to go there in several months.

Both of us had/have deep interests in being open to life and what it has to offer, opportunities, people, goals. We were/are a great match in friendship.

Let me not forget to mention our vast differences (pointed out often by those who knew us both).

Glo: genuinely happy, sunshiney, caring, wants the best for others, positive, uses a sticker chart to invoke success in her healthy lifestyle AND it works, type of person.

Me: must work at being content, a little grey cloudish (I like to think realistically so), honest to a fault sometimes (most times), want the best for myself (and will admit it), a wee bit on the negative side (or so I'm told), tried the sticker chart AND failed miserably at it.

We're a good match (or at least she's good for me) :)

But, my good match, my 3-4 times a week gym buddy and Thursday night hang out pal is soon to be on another continent nannying a 2 year old and possibly exploring some Dutch men on the side (ok so she'd never say that or actually actively do the exploring but hopefully she'll enjoy the possibilities).

This is a BIG change for me. Glo's the one person in my life in the past several months who has gone above and beyond what I've ever known as an available friend. Something people rarely get to give or share with others (seeing as I'm kidless right now and she was a student all these months, generally a mixture not found often but great for availability!).

So I am trying to figure out how best to live without my fitness life preserver and fun friend after being indulged by her attention over the past few months.

Another change ...

* Beginning the road to parenthood through adoption

Yes I've probably already used up my quotient of acceptable number of blog posts about the topic but they will likely only increase. It has taken so long to get to a point of taking the steps towards this journey so to absorb and mentally 'figure out' how we're feeling and learning what we need to know in this unusual area of parenting is a challenge.

(Yes, it's unusual - I tried to pick up some adoption-parenting books the other day and in a giant book store with thousands and thousands of books there were only 6 on the topic).

This is a wonderfully good change but an intimidating and unknown one to say the least.

It's one thing not to know the gender of your child but to also wonder if you will have more than one AND how old they will be is an altogether different story. My new way of dealing with the lack of preparation we are able to do is to buy children's' books. It is my new obsession. (I have enough to do a whole post on this I think!).

By the way, the other day we moved a couple of pieces of furniture into our future child's room. I quickly got the books I'd picked up over the years and put them on the bookshelf. There aren't words to describe how it felt to know that somebody would be hearing me read those books to them someday in that very room. Wow!

* My continued road to freedom (in regards to my body image and food struggles)

Yes, I've alluded to it before but I'm saying it plain now... I feel as though I've failed (though I know in my head I've just detoured which can then help me better understand where I'm at and where I need to go).

From a number perspective I've gained weight and my clothes are snug. From a much more important perspective I've fallen back into a very unhealthy food lifestyle that had lead me to have negative health symptoms that have reminded me why I went to clean eating in the first place, how much I really do love it and how easy it is to let your surroundings determine your success.

It's a journey, not a destination. I know that in my head beyond a doubt. I am so thankful that I do and that I feel that I've gained wisdom through out my own journey so far and I'm so excited to grow more (no pun intended!!). I no longer allow my 'in the moment' fears and frustrations of my faults in keeping on the clean eating straight and narrow (because it's not rules, it's a healthy lifestyle choice that I feel so much freedom in) to chase me to some fad diet. I believe I have truly accepted (or at least accepted that I need to accept) the fact that true change is gradual and every successful step in the right direction is to be celebrated. It's ok to struggle, it helps you learn how to do better.

This lesson is a difficult one when you feel as though your pants may indeed cut off your circulation in the mean time, but it is necessary to slow down, calm down and be real along the way.

I am not a failure just a life long learner :)

I look forward to where this journey is taking me.

* 10 K Training

Lastly I am continuing to train for my fall 10 K. Admittedly without Glo at the gym I wonder how things will go, I do know that I will do this one, even if I'm lonely at the finish line.

Though I was supposed to be on week 4 now I am doing week 3 over as I abandoned it mid way last week so I'm doing it over and embracing the challenge!

Never a dull moment in life is there?