Friday, October 15, 2010

Fresh Starts

I'm back again after another mini hiatus.

I'm currently at the end of my week off that really turned out to be one of the least relaxing weeks I've had in a while but am glad to have at least had a break from work.

Much has been happening in the past week. Last Friday, after a rather interesting visit with a car salesman then further torture to a finance guy, Wally and I purchased a replacement car for Chuck (my old car who was smashed to death). We picked Winston up last night (he's my new to me car). I've decided to love Winston as if we were meant to be together forever. It's working out well so far.

Last Saturday, exactly 24 hrs after purchasing our car we then decided to purchase a house. (You know, we were bored). We had gone out 2 week prior looking at houses supposedly for 'fun' and ended up somehow putting ourselves in the position of moving during the most stressful time of the year - December!

Last night I finalized some stuff for the fund raising project I'm starting for Thailand with the head director fellow. I'm not sure yet if I've shared that I've changed my goal from $4000 to $10 000. I was telling a friend this morning I changed it because 10 000 seemed like a rounder number. She reminded me that 5000 is also a nice round number. I hadn't thought of that.

Essentially my holiday has been made up of talking and meeting with: 1 real estate agent, 1 mortgage 'specialist', 1 house inspector, 1 car salesman, 1 car finance person, 1 house/car insurance lady, 1 warranty person, 1 disability insurance lady, 1 car rental guy - oh wait there were two, and to spice things up a couple of old friends and one newer one. Needless to say I don't feel particularly rested but I am STARTING to feel more relaxed.

I have continued to struggle this month with sleeplessness (even on my 'holiday') and (I believe) in turn have struggled greatly, for the first time in my four months, eating clean.

I don't really want to share this failure with you. For a few reason: I'm not so sure it's failure but rather part of dealing with life without a trainer and with the realization this is a lifestyle and not going to be easy all of the time. I don't want to let anyone down, especially myself. In some ways I feel as though there's an imaginary switch somewhere that when it's turned on you are given all you need emotionally and mentally to do what you are supposed to do and at some point, perhaps during a few sleepless nights, gets turned off depleting you of the ability to follow through with your convictions about such things.

Whatever it is I know that it is not an excuse to hurl myself under a bus and give up my newly acquired lifestyle.

It woudl be easy to do in some ways because of all of the comments Wally and I have received regarding our new lifestyle. Over Thanksgiving we heard people ask about our 'diet' and stuff. It drives me crazy to hear that word because honestly I know it's not a diet. Diets don't work and though a person could approach clean eating like it's a diet (if so they will surely 'fall off' and quit eventually) that's not what the essence of it is. But then again a lot of different types of eating are like that.

I just get annoyed when we are treated like aliens and stuff when people hear that we've changed oru eating. We aren't so strict that we won't share in something considered 'unclean' (I'm chuckling to myself at the sounds of that). We just try to make the best choices we can when we're given them to make ourselves.

Anyways I sort of wonder if these attitudes have challenged my old habits into convincing me clean eating isn't a 'me' thing to do.

When I mentioned during a visit with some of my family that I was considering taking a fitness and nutrition course there were odd looks and questions. They could figure it out, especially for me to do.

As if I didn't have enough doubts about it on my own.

I remember being very scared to mention getting certified as a Personal Trainer and having a bikini goal someday during my PATH process. But all of my friends there were looking at me crazy like 'Why wouldn't you be a trainer? Why wouldn't you wear a bikini?' I was dumbfounded.

It's funny, I guess so much of who we are, what we do and who we allow ourselves to become CAN depend on who/what others believe we are. This can't be my excuse or reason to struggle but I believe it may at times contribute a wee bit.

Maybe now would be a good time to share a few of my PATH dreams with you...

* to buy a house (where I can have a vegetable garden, a yard for the dogs to play in, and a room for a home gym)

* to raise $10 000 for Compasio Thailand

* to eventually become a certified personal trainer so that I can possibly teach others what I`ve learned.

* to take a nutrition course

* to achieve a bikini body (not a slutty one, a fit one), and no I likely won`t go out in public with it on either

* to adopt childrens

I`m not sure of anything else, there could be more but those were the big ones. All things that hopefully will come to pass within the next 12 months.

I told Wally yesterday I thought that perhaps my goal for next year should be NOT to have any goals.

Sometimes I`m overzealous.

Well that`s it for now. Coming soon will be my link to my donation page for my Compasio project - YAY!!!!