Thursday, September 8, 2011

The dog's on the couch, but it's not my house

One great thing about being on vacation, away from your house, away from distractions, and visiting someone else's is that you have a chance to think differently.

For me sometimes it's overload because I get overwhelmed with what all to think about and process on a normal day let alone being plunked into a whole new world and perspective.

This morning I have 3 1/2 hrs of uninterrupted time to myself to do just that. Initially I was going to take off and check out some stores on my own but when I realized the house would be empty and it wasn't mine I thought 'Stay home and think! You can shop anytime!' (Besides I've already exceeded my non existent vacation budget).

That's the one great thing about going somewhere else. It's somewhere else. You can sit around and not have a hundred things to deter you from thinking since it's not your house, it's not your life, it's just your time. I can't feel guilty for not completing a chore since non of it is mine (and I already loaded the dishwasher so I don't even have to feel guilty about being a completely lazy house guest).

So one the four kids (2 were guests) and pregnant friend vacated the building I ran quickly to lock the door. Just kidding I just thought about running quickly to lock the door (I trust Joy knows the humour in this).

Nope, instead I abandoned the idea of running on my vacation as my VERY impaired sense of direction follows me everywhere and there's no way I could handle running and making sure no American grabbed my from the bushes to kidnap me, while trying to find my way through oddly set up streets. It's just too much for me.

I realized that it's totally ok to check my e-mail while sitting on the toilet (even though my eating as of late doesn't really promote a lot of action in that area - TMI deal with it) because no one would know. (Although at this point now everyone knows).

I looked up the nearest Walmart to scope something out for Wally.

I watched to dog walk sadly around her house and am now noticing she's laying in the couch all peace full. Um ... she's not really allowed on that couch. But she looks so peaceful I think I'll forget that I know that rule ... for a little while anyways.

Then I did my favourite thing in the world to do. I made a list.

For the first time in a while I sat down and actually thought deeply about what I was putting on the list.

I admit scratching down 'eggs', 'milk', 'call doctor' don't generally require much serious thought but many of the other lists I write down in hopes of completely changing my life just by writing them down do.

I hardly think because I wrote down 'do cardio three times a week' means I'm actually gong to do cardio three times a week. Although often when I'm making those lists that's what I'm hoping my microwave thoughts are going to do.

Unfortunately microwave lists generally yield microwave results and I end up throwing the list in the garbage, only to make the identical version a few weeks later.

Lately I've been having a very slow yet I blieve, very significant epiphany.

I have been realizing how much our culture goes after the results of something, and rather than pursuing to do the work to get the results and focusing on the principle of the actions that will yield the results, they make the result the goal.

I'm not sure if I made any sense there ...

Easiest example and the one that began opening my eyes:

As I travel north and south in my journey of weight and health and such in the past I have predominantly made my focus about the goal. I would decide that if I wasn't a certain number on the scale I wasn't doing well.

Who cared if I was eating artificial foods? Who cared if I was exercising? Who cared if I was cheating the system by binging at certain times an starving at others? My measurement was entirely by the scale.

Last year when the scale was my fickle friend. I decided I would give the old fashioned way a true try. I decided to only focus on eating whole foods for several months. That was my entire focus.

Without realizing it in a few months I had yielded myself a pretty acceptable, fit and healthy body.

No, I wasn't bikini ready (in my head I never will be) but I was my natural size, feeling good and not struggling near as much with mental games and emotional turmoil.

My focus was clear. My intentions were pure. The outcome was what I had always wanted.

When my focused changed and my weight went north and I began to panic my intentions were tainted, my heart changed and I began to look for ways to be able to have the same great results but with no intention of keeping my pure intentions: a healthy balanced lifestyle free of the mental games.

Anyways, what I'm trying to get across is that I have realized that with ANYTHING you pursue: a job you love, a better relationship, even a better body, your focus needs to be on the how than the what. If you resolve to accept that the how is nearly one in the same as the why you are on the fast (ok yet seemingly slow at times) road to what you actually want.

I'm not feeling particularly successful at the moment of articulating myself well.

Perhaps as times goes on I'll be able to share my gradually brightening epiphany with you.

I think I was initially talking about lists.

So I made a list today that actually felt like it served a real, true and practical purpose. I made a general one first with things like: writing everyday and being read, making money doing something I love, and loving my life.

Then I made a second list relating to the first one that will break it down in to a doable action.

For example: Writing every single day no matter whether it's a line, post, or a link and posting it. Completing my PT certification by spending 2 hrs each Monday working on it and reassessing my progress in a month. Writing down three things each day that were good about my day or that I'm thankful for.

These are very simple steps to take my life where I'd like to see it go.

In saying all these things I fully realize life happens and we can't all just plan everything according to our dreams. But we can tackle small steps, some days very tiny steps toward the direction we desire.

I guess you'll be reading more. Or should I say I'll be writing more.

I definitely shouldn't assume :)