Thursday, July 28, 2011

To risk or not to risk ... that is the question.

I want to take a risk.

I'm thinking about it.

Really, really thinking about it.

I need more guts .... with less gas.

But definitely more guts.

We'll see.

I just know that there's a better me out there to be had.

Waiting for me to be had.

Just need to take a risk.

More thinkin'

I only have a few minutes but I thought I'd shoot out a post. Nothing special.

I really wanted to workout today and was even looking forward to doing the workout my new trainer friends created for me but it's one of those days that I would love to stay in bed for. In a good way and in a bad way.

It's raining.

I LOVE rainy days (now that we've had some sunny ones to help with my sads).

I love the feeling of being at home all cozy and just hanging out.

I also am tired from my super long but not bad day yesterday and my frustrating end to my Tuesday.

I got into the shower this morning and barely got myself out. I'm sure I was in there for 30 minutes or longer. (Sorry about the water bill Wally).

Though I was disappointed not to get to try my workout on my own I loved the extra time I took just to wallow in glumness and let the day ease into me.

I really thought a lot in the shower (as I generally seem to) about my job.

Why do I not feel satisfied? Why do I feel the need to stick up for co workers or find justice for those I support? (At least that's what I think I'm doing). Why can't I just be happy with my decent schedule of decent people?

But I'm not.

I have this nagging desire to explore my interests. My true interests.

I always thought once I achieved a goal and lived a dream I'd feel fulfilled enough to just coast I guess. I'm learning that's not the way it goes.

Instead, more dreams bud and flourish, stronger desires develop to try new things. It doesn't stop.


Currently I'm excited about fitness and nutrition. Not in an 'I'm perfect, look at my hot body, I've got it all right' sort of way. But in an 'I'm NOT perfect, I am working on my super amazing body, but more importantly my super amazing mind and what it is thinking' sort of way.

I have a real and strong desire to help others battle their self beliefs. I want to meet people where they are at and help walk them through to permanent freedom from their mind/body struggles relating to who they are, what they can do and who they want to be.

Sounds like a bit more than fitness and nutrition.

I get excited at the thought of sharing healthy and more importantly yummy treats and food with people that want to learn. My heart flutters at the idea of training people how to exercise and take care of their bodies in order to respect what they've been given.

I also really want to do all this in a REAL and relative manner without any false hope that it happens overnight or without a lot of self exploration (especially for people like me who have struggled for so long in ways unseen).

I feel the way about this dream the same as I did when I dreamt of going back to school.

I think I need to keep growing the dream so that when it's ready it can be made real (wow I kinda sound like a new ager - forgive me!).

What do you dream of doing? What are some things you just would love to let out and try, maybe overcome?

Think about it.