Thursday, June 30, 2011

Bits and Pieces

What a beautiful day today!

The birds are chirping (which usually annoys the hell out of me), the sun is shining (at which point I usually wonder when I'll have to complain about the heat), and I have completed the 'must do' to do list and it's only 9:30pm. We have plans tonight after I'm done work (though late) with friends we haven't seen in a while. WE have plans with Wally's sister and her husband tomorrow to celebrate the holiday (and will FINALLY get to see fireworks for the first time in years!!!).

I feel good!

I sort of feel as though I have little to write about but I know it's not true. I have tonnes of thoughts in my head but little time alone to let them ferment into some thing great. Though working mostly afternoons wasn't great for the relationship I really miss it for the me time and the time I had to write a lot more. I would bet that if I was single I'd prefer afternoons over days I just feel like I have way more time and I get so much more done in the morning. I am a morning person.

Little new has been happening lately, other than Sweet being a Scratchasaurus every night leaving me with little sleep (I'm trying ot get it while I can over the next year or so).

The other night Wally an dI decided to take matters into our own hands and try Benadryl. Yes, for the dog. I've heard and read from many sources that it's an option for possible allergies and we are guessing that's what Sweet has. The other night he was chewing himself so much that he'd even cry out at his own biting.

So off we went to the drug store and got our stuff with the all important syringe to give it to him with.

Well let's just say we should've tried to think back to the last time one of our dogs had to have medication taken orally with a syringe. We forgot.

Instead we foolishly believed that two grown adults could overtake a nervous, un co-operative 18 pound Shi-Tzu (one of whom was wearing a silk nightie which doesn't give good grip against a furry little body .... wow, you could take that anywhere but I trust you get what I mean).

We were ready for bed and I coaxed little Sweet onto my lap and then hugged him tight, pried his mouth open and yelled for Wally to squeeze the liquid in, while my attire caused a slip and slide effect that was less than humorous at the time. After much wrestling and failed attempts we finally emptied half of the medication into his mouth (on us and the bed sheets and duvet). And then I was hit by a lightning of a thought.... When Sour had oral liquid medication a few years ago we've justs squirt it on a piece of bread and he gobbled it up.

I hate moments like that when you realize you already knew the solution but had to go through crap to remember that you knew. (Hmmmmmm sounds like a good sermon illustration).

Anyhow, needless to say all four of us slept like babies that night and it was amazing.

I looked forward to the same thing last night except I ignored Wally's ever present advice not to consume caffeine in the evening (hell, I'm not 85!!). I rarely even drink pop but I'd bought a case of Cherry Coke while over the border with Glo on Monday and felt my 13 hour day deserved a treat.

Let's just say I should've consumed my treat at noon rather than 6pm and I may actually be 85.

In other news my grandmother knows about our plans to adopt and is actually happy. Or at least she said she was excited for us when she was talking to Wally on the phone last week.

I had my parents share the news as I didn't know exactly how it would be received. My mom is being a little strange. No blatantly negative just ... strange and not overly exuberant so I really didn't know how my 7over 75 year old grandma might take it, especially since we may not get an infant (it's strange how people will accept an infant so much easier than an older child often).

Of course my fears weren't eased when my mama said 'We'll tell her in person' in an ominous tone when she agreed to tell our news. I was afraid maybe I had cancer and didn't know it the way she was talking.

It was weird I had a conversation with my mama later and she asked if I still wanted a picture I'd always admired of a woman holding her baby looking out a window. She's in a light cotton long night dress, sort of old fashioned. Its' a fairly popular piece of art ... I think.

I thought it was interesting that she remembered that AND that she asked if I still wanted it ...considering the situation (I think).

I was caught completely off guard so I said 'No, it's ok'. I don't know. I still love the picture, it says so much. After I thought about it I thought it might be still nice to have in our room. A mother's heart isn't just there when she has a baby. At the time though I was thinking about baby rooms and just figured it'd be ill fitting.

I'm trying to be understanding and know that it's not always easy when you dream of something for your kids and yourself and for it to turn out differently initially. Overall I'm sure it'll be fine but it's an adjustment. A lot of her way of expressing love is through buying gifts. She loves to do this with everyone. And because we don't know the age of the child or how many or the gender I think it's difficult for her to bond with the idea yet. I'll have to be patient.

On a very exciting note when we told Wally's family (which admittedly was more thoughtful and built with excitement) they were all very, very happy.

I bought I card that had a cookie on it (appropriate in so many ways) and said 'You deserve a cookie', on the inside it had 2 cookies and said 'Actually maybe you deserve 2'. Then I wrote: 'Because we just started the adoption process .... which means you're going to be grandparents!!!'

I couldn't have asked for better reactions. I actually feel a little bad for not doing the same thing with my parents but I didn't want them to think at any point the card was saying I was pregnant, nor didI want them to NOT be visibly excited while I waited for them to be. I decided to skip it to avoid any of my own hurt over what their reactions would be. All in all it's all ok and evens out.

I'll admit though I worry a bit about if I ever get pregnant later and telling people. I honestly would be sad if people were MORE excited about a pregnancy even though it would be great - to us this is JUST as great. Oh well worries for another day, or maybe never :)

Instead of buying clothes and such I've started expanding our children's' book collection. I think books are amazing and hope to instill this into our kids. It's hard though. I want to buy all of the Berenstien Bear collection, definitely Little Critter (I love him!), and you know, all of the great books out there.

Book stores to me are like bars to an alcoholic. Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!! How can you go in without getting a few?!

Anyhoo, speaking of books 'The Help' is calling for me to read it. It's really good. I only wish I had more time in the day!


Tuesday, June 28, 2011


It's the end of a school year and though I have no kids I'm feeling the often unwanted pull of change in the air.

Several 'everyday' changes seem to be finding me (or will be soon) and it seems to be a lot at once but as I process them I hope I'm able to embrace the good they will/are bringing.

What, you may ask, are they?

* Glo's moving :(

Through life it's common to have people you meet and welcome into your life. Some are there for a short season, some a life time and some a mixture of both of these depending how the winds blows.

Glo and I became friends a little over a year ago and have grown steadily closer as time has gone by (as you may know if you've read my blog already).

We decided not to take the opportunity for this unexpected friendship for granted and in my opinion were able to mutually give and take so much from it.

Though excellent thoughtful conversations were a norm common interests we shared were surrounding health and fitness. Glo is a runner and I an aspiring one. I had recently discovered 'clean eating' (though constantly struggling to maintain a steady foothold in it), Glo was interested in learning more about it.

Glo had gone to Thailand for a month a couple years ago. I had been planning a trip to go there in several months.

Both of us had/have deep interests in being open to life and what it has to offer, opportunities, people, goals. We were/are a great match in friendship.

Let me not forget to mention our vast differences (pointed out often by those who knew us both).

Glo: genuinely happy, sunshiney, caring, wants the best for others, positive, uses a sticker chart to invoke success in her healthy lifestyle AND it works, type of person.

Me: must work at being content, a little grey cloudish (I like to think realistically so), honest to a fault sometimes (most times), want the best for myself (and will admit it), a wee bit on the negative side (or so I'm told), tried the sticker chart AND failed miserably at it.

We're a good match (or at least she's good for me) :)

But, my good match, my 3-4 times a week gym buddy and Thursday night hang out pal is soon to be on another continent nannying a 2 year old and possibly exploring some Dutch men on the side (ok so she'd never say that or actually actively do the exploring but hopefully she'll enjoy the possibilities).

This is a BIG change for me. Glo's the one person in my life in the past several months who has gone above and beyond what I've ever known as an available friend. Something people rarely get to give or share with others (seeing as I'm kidless right now and she was a student all these months, generally a mixture not found often but great for availability!).

So I am trying to figure out how best to live without my fitness life preserver and fun friend after being indulged by her attention over the past few months.

Another change ...

* Beginning the road to parenthood through adoption

Yes I've probably already used up my quotient of acceptable number of blog posts about the topic but they will likely only increase. It has taken so long to get to a point of taking the steps towards this journey so to absorb and mentally 'figure out' how we're feeling and learning what we need to know in this unusual area of parenting is a challenge.

(Yes, it's unusual - I tried to pick up some adoption-parenting books the other day and in a giant book store with thousands and thousands of books there were only 6 on the topic).

This is a wonderfully good change but an intimidating and unknown one to say the least.

It's one thing not to know the gender of your child but to also wonder if you will have more than one AND how old they will be is an altogether different story. My new way of dealing with the lack of preparation we are able to do is to buy children's' books. It is my new obsession. (I have enough to do a whole post on this I think!).

By the way, the other day we moved a couple of pieces of furniture into our future child's room. I quickly got the books I'd picked up over the years and put them on the bookshelf. There aren't words to describe how it felt to know that somebody would be hearing me read those books to them someday in that very room. Wow!

* My continued road to freedom (in regards to my body image and food struggles)

Yes, I've alluded to it before but I'm saying it plain now... I feel as though I've failed (though I know in my head I've just detoured which can then help me better understand where I'm at and where I need to go).

From a number perspective I've gained weight and my clothes are snug. From a much more important perspective I've fallen back into a very unhealthy food lifestyle that had lead me to have negative health symptoms that have reminded me why I went to clean eating in the first place, how much I really do love it and how easy it is to let your surroundings determine your success.

It's a journey, not a destination. I know that in my head beyond a doubt. I am so thankful that I do and that I feel that I've gained wisdom through out my own journey so far and I'm so excited to grow more (no pun intended!!). I no longer allow my 'in the moment' fears and frustrations of my faults in keeping on the clean eating straight and narrow (because it's not rules, it's a healthy lifestyle choice that I feel so much freedom in) to chase me to some fad diet. I believe I have truly accepted (or at least accepted that I need to accept) the fact that true change is gradual and every successful step in the right direction is to be celebrated. It's ok to struggle, it helps you learn how to do better.

This lesson is a difficult one when you feel as though your pants may indeed cut off your circulation in the mean time, but it is necessary to slow down, calm down and be real along the way.

I am not a failure just a life long learner :)

I look forward to where this journey is taking me.

* 10 K Training

Lastly I am continuing to train for my fall 10 K. Admittedly without Glo at the gym I wonder how things will go, I do know that I will do this one, even if I'm lonely at the finish line.

Though I was supposed to be on week 4 now I am doing week 3 over as I abandoned it mid way last week so I'm doing it over and embracing the challenge!

Never a dull moment in life is there?

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Tick tock ....

Early next week.

That's when I'll be free to write. If I get the notion before hand I will do so but I have a feeling I will be anxiously awaiting my opportunity to be free to share.

Stay with me!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


Today was one of those days.

It was a good day and an 'it could have been better' day all rolled into one.

Work was a tad frazzled but worked out fine, but when I arrived home I opened the door to an aweful soured smell of dog vomit, clear urine and the other end kinda vomit all over the main floor of our house. I spent 45 mins wiping, sweeping, steaming and carpet cleaning (yes they finally hit the shag carpet I've been protecting!).

Sweet had not been feeling well .... at all.

I still smell it, even though Wally says it couldn't notice and my friend Chi Chi was over and she couldn't either. It's still in my nose.

I then didn't feel well after the work BBQ, thought how great it would feel to take the day off tomorrow due to my tummy upset butrealized that was nearly impossible at such short notice. Makes me wonder why we even get sick days.

Tonight Wally and I were also having a party of sorts, but not the kind you enjoy. We have some papers we are working on and we've noticed how incredibly disorganized we've been since moving. Yikes!! It's so bad. I think we'll need to resume the party on another night.

I would love to write more. I have a lot more to write. So much actually but I can't do it now. Soon I will and I can't wait. But until then you get to hear my idle complaints.

But you already got those ... so I think, for tonight, I'm done.


Monday, June 13, 2011

A Quick Note

I'm not here for long today but long enough to fill you in on my life as of late...

* my knees are killing me - I'm guessing due to the increased running and the unusually cool weather that has suddenly come for a few days.

* I'm tired - I'm only beginning ot grab a bit of sleep as last week I missed out on lots (not as much as a mother but lots for me)

* Wally and I have a nagging task that we both hope to complete tomorrow night - it's a secret... so far.

* I love my life without facebook so far but I miss having no way to contact many people whom I'm only connected with through facebook.

* Sweet has an issue with one of his eyes - boo!

*Glo gave me a new recipe for 'clean' cookie dough balls that have zero sugar or flour of any kind AND they are awesome!!! YAY!!

* I have successfully completed week 1 of training for my 10 K!!! (Did I mention that already in my last post? I can't remember).

* I need to go to bed.

* Before I do, i have to tell you that I finished 'The Birth House' and am next going to start the book 'The Help'. Looking forward to it!


Saturday, June 11, 2011

What's happening ...

It's been a while!

I think I've been pouring my extra time into reading. I'm nearing the end of a book my friend lent me called 'The Birth House' by Ami McKay. I've found that it really pulled me in and this past week I've hardly been able to put it down. In fact on days that I've gone to the gym early and had time before my work shift (after showering and getting ready at the gym), I've taken my book to a park and read for 1/2 and hour. I feel spoiled that my life is that carefree. It won't be forever though.

Hmmmmm what's been on the go this week?

Today I was finally supposed to have the garage sale for Compasio but it was supposed to thunderstorm (90%). Now I'm sitting at the window looking at dry pavement and a threatening sky. This is the second cancellation I've done in 2 weeks. Clearly I'm not a die hard garage sale buff. Oh well, we'll get it done.

In other fund raising news. We are now at $4415,00 raised plus a jar full of money. I'm going to say $4500. I was hoping the garage sale would push us to the half way point and I'm confident it will when it finally happens. I am kind of in awe that we've raised nearly $5000. That's a lot of money in Thailand and for a charity (at least I think). I won't lie. I'm very proud of the vision I've had and the work so many have put into it supporting me. It's really cool. Way cooler than if we'd just raised to pay our way there. I am so glad that we chose to fund it ourselves - it felt and feels so right.

10 K stuff: Well I've done well to stick fairly closely to the training plan only switching up rest days. I'm choosing to go in an hour and do my long run of the week a day early and praying it goes well. Other than that I have actually enjoyed the training and not felt overwhelmed. Of course I could be speaking too soon!

I have learned that what I've been preaching about food being the made cornerstone with weight loss results to be true. I haven't' weighted myself as I know that's not truly the measuring point for me (which is eat clean = I've done good, no matter what the number is), and my clothes. I have not been doing great in those regards but am trying very hard to allow myself room to learn and grow.

I read somewhere this week about a fitness model who preps for things and has said that when she got into the best shape of her life she was never able to use the same method again and expect the same results. A light bulb went on in my head and I really became aware of how it's really about learning along the way not just about the end result. So I'm trying ot learn.

Work is going alright. I'm happy to say that I'm getting used to having weekends off. In fact I love the stable schedule and the relief it's bringing to my work and our life. I am really noticing, after the year and a half I've been at my work, the bonds I beginning to be able to make with te people I support regularly and how much better I know them than I ever did before.

I understand that when you train with someone there's no way to know someone for reall after 2 or 3 training shifts but I'm just astounded at the fact that it's taken over a year to feel truly comfortable and knowing in the decisions I help people make. I sometimes see other staff with 'my' people (notice the quotes) and I want to explain to them a few things (of course I know EVERYTHING *sarcasm intended*). I want to say 'she's having a tantrum for attention, please ignore her pretending to be sick on the floor'. But one has to be careful how much they parade around their seemingly bossy side.

I will be honest unlike some staff I have few people I feel as though I know well enough to say 'Do this! Do that!'. I don't like how many DSWs have no issue with walking into some one's life and abusing their power and begin ordering people around like nothing. I struggle with waiting too long to do this, but I'm completely ok with that. I'd rather take time to know the person and their needs before assuming one of them is me ordering them around (and yes, that is a need for a few people).

In other, other news ... tomorrow I'm going off facebook for a long time (so at least a couple of months, which is my definition of long). I am dreading and looking forward to this all at the same time. I may be blogging a lot more!

I am also continuing to look for a running partner to complete my 10 K goal with. I really want to take the opportunity to do a real run but I know myself and that I'll only do something like that with the prompting of another. I'm going to continue to look for someone.

Something else: Wally and I are actually going to church tomorrow. Something we've never actually done here in our city since we moved. Should be interesting. I'm trying to keep accountable to A-bag for this. Our home church is dissolving for the summer so we thought we'd give this church thing a try. We'll see!

I just finished knitting my first pair of socks this week. Only to find out they're too small for me. I guess there's something called a gauge you're supposed to do something about. Oh well, my mother in law will get them for her birthday!

I am still waiting a bit longer to share our little project news. Soon I think, soon!

I better get going. I look forward to writing more soon (or maybe having something to write about).

Til next time! Cheers!

Monday, June 6, 2011

10K or bust!!

Wow! What a difference a week makes with some sunshine!!

I'm feeling much more 'on the go' and myself since spring, or rather summer has made an appearance (does Srping really come in Ontario?).

Along with the thing I can't share at the moment I've been up to figuring out another goal and setting it to paper.

After some time after completing my 5K goal I have indeed decided to go after my 10 K goal. AFter much research and reading I have found (what I hope is) a good training plan for it that incorporates both running and weight training.

I've also decided that while I'm training for it clean eating will be on the menu to help fuel the fire (hopefully!) I feel like incorporating clean eating with this bigger goal of going back to weight training AND furthering my running distance it would help immensely and give me more accountability as well.

I also am pairing my running goal with going off of facebook until I have a chieved my goal. Not only will it give be the decent break I've been really wanting from it but also probably a little incentive as well to get through it. No facebook until I'm done.

Though I am beginning my training this week, today actually, I am not going off of facebook until next Sunday due to using FB to advertise the Compassio garage sale fundraiser on Saturday.

I feel REALLY good about the whole idea of this goal and know that as I go after it I will feel a great sense of accompliment as I reach it. The program is 11 weeks but I am thinking I won't actually do the 10 K until the fall, maybe september. I would really love to find a running partner just to run the actual race (my first real one) with me. If I don't I will still be happy with the idea of completing 10 K where ever that is.

I won't lie I feel a little fearful of being able to do all of the training my program requires and sticking to everything as there are 6 days of training out of seven in the week including 3 runs, 2 cross trainings, and I plan on 3 weight training sessions as well. It should be interesting.

I plan on going lighter with the weights and adding weight slowly since I do have a decent foundation in this area and my goal is running distance not huge muscle growth. We'll see what happens.

I really want to see this goal happen because it's going beyond what I ever imagined myself doing and will get me into good overall condition. I am looking forward to it.

I have struggled greatly with my eating in the past few months and this has caused great disappointment as well. Honestly I feel good when I avoid processed foods and especially when I avoid eating anything to excess but that hasn't been the case. Though I have had a weight gain that isn't my concern really, it's the lack fo a healthy lifestyle and relationship with food.

Now it's so easy for me to focus on my failures and how I feel as though I've 'fallen' in this area but I must remember all the things I've learned, the things that have stuck with me and the truths as well.

Life really is a journey (I'm so tired of that cliche, but it is true).

I need to learned how to wrestle fairly with the journey and not give up. To win some and be happy and to lose some and learn new ways of how to win next time.

10 K here I come!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

A few things ...

I have to say, I'm doing much better than my last post :).

I made it through my week, though missing a couple of main stay friends. I'm noticing that sometimes it's really good to lose what you're used to for a little while (note the little while part) because it really does make you apppreaciate what you have.

I'm not sure if it's due to the beautiful weather but for the most part I've had the best week I can remember having for a long time.

Work went really well, I started a new cleaning job (I know I'm crazy) and I actually enjoyed it a lot. It was time to think on my own, make extra money, and listen to a couple podcosts that made me think a little more. I didn't even notice the extra long work day.

A few things have popped up this week that have given me lots to think on.

Wally and I have pondered quite a bit about the idea of beginning a church relationship again. We decided a while back that this was a very important part of our lives that is missing and we need it. I think we are finally ready to go find it again.

I did some searching on the internet and e-mailing and then shared a phone call. There's potential that we may go back to my old home church. It just really sucks that the group we could attend breaks for the summer and the one that meets throughout the summer is on a night that I work everyweek. We'll have to figure it out and make a point to make some connections at least of some relationships that maybe we can nurture in the mean time.

There's another big thing that we've stepped into this week, sort of 'out of no where' but really not. I would love to talk about it more but I think I have to wait a little bit longer.

Aaaaaaand, I've decided to go ahead and do my personal training certification for sure (I can't believe I'm saying that!).

I will admit I fell like much of a fraud considering I've gained a few pounds, taken a break from it and have not been strict with my clean eating as of late. But, I realized the other day that whether or not I'm 'perfect' in those things it's still a dream I want to fulfill (and who knows, maybe having a goal like that will inspire me to be more committed to a lifestyle that ultimately makes me feel really good not only physically but mentally and emotionally as well).

I'm not sure what exactly has inspired these things to come to the forefront of my mind. I know our visit with A-bag last week really reminded us about how important the spiritual part of our lives are.

I know that a recent conversation and acceptance of what God has placed on our hearts urged us with the second item.

Seeing someone I support speak out their own dreams and goals has reminded me of what mine are and that sometimes whether you feel able or not to do or be what you dream about it's up to you to be true to that dream and do your part to make it happen. I really don't want to live with regrets.

Wally sent me an article the other day that reminded me of how I came to feel so strongly about living life as fully as possible. Here's the link:

Read it, give it some thought, see what you would do differently. If anything.

Just think.