Monday, January 4, 2010

I was thinkin'

Today while I was visiting a friend and using their washroom for a brief minute I had a thought fly threw my head. Actually a few.

I thought: I should have a baby. Like maybe grow one in my womb or something. That's what women my age do. Women with husband's with jobs.

Maybe then I would feel like I was 'on track' with everyone else. Maybe then I would relate better to my friends with babies. Especially the ones that grow them. you know, in their wombs and stuff.

But then I was thinking... The last time I wanted to do that it didn't work out the way I thought it would. Life didn't work out the way I thought it would. It worked out differently. It worked out better.

Then I thought maybe I should just go get a baby. You know from a different country or something. That might be fun. That would be fulfilling a dream for sure. I've always wanted to adopt an adorable little brown baby with big brown eyes. I've dreamed of it since I was fifteen.

But then I thought: that's what infertile people do and I don't know if I qualify yet. That's also what rich people do when they are infertile. Not sure if I qualify for that either. Maybe I'll wait on the brown baby.

Then I reminded myself of something: I don't actually want a baby right now. I reminded myself that babies aren't as romantic as thoughts of babies. I still have some ground to cover and exploring to do before I commit to yet another human being.

So I got thinking ... there's nothing wrong with day dreamin' about my babies. Day dreams are fun. Daydreams are safe. Day dreams don't poop, puke or cry. I can day dream while I journey through the life I have right now. And maybe, just maybe, my day dreams will turn into some sort of reality when I'm not payin' attention. It's happened before.

The detour was worth it too.

Wow. My thoughts were abundant while emptying my bladder.

Who knew?