Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I thought I already learned this lesson!

I really want to say something brilliant right now. I want to, you know, discover something great in the deep recesses of my mind and share it with the world and have people wake up and be like 'Wow! You are a genius!'

Unfortunately I'm going through a dry spell and it's doubtful that will happen.

Instead I'll give you what I've got.

The other day Dee, my trainer, asked me what I was going to do this week other than work.


I said 'Uh, nothing. I don't really have any hobbies.'

I came home thinking 'Girl, you need a life.'

I can't believe how much the distractions of life can take completely over if you let them and give you nothing but stress and boredom in return.

I've been going overboard with work since I took that contract in September. And unfortunately I haven't returned to my former discovering self.

If I were to list the things I've learned since the new year, they'd be few and far between. That's not to say I haven't learned anything, just that I haven't been having the fun I had found last summer in doing so.

I do find it amazing that you can be given a certain lesson in life and really start 'getting it' then end up reverting to your old ways when challenged to practice it in a new setting.

A few years ago when I had my own business and was completely self employed, I had to learn the lesson of trust. Trusting that I couldn't do it all until I let go. I wasn't in control. I had gotten myself overworked, stressed out and full of fear wondering where my next job would come from and how we were going to pay our bills.

After much learning and slowly letting go of my fears, and realizing that I just needed to allow myself not to worry but rather to trust I did. I took a lot of mental work at first, but I did it. I put my own needs before worrying about money. I decided that my need for a break was just as important (if not more so) than my need for money to pay the hydro bill.

By beginning to say no when I knew I needed a break I began exercising a great muscle. I'll call it that 'trust your instinct' muscle. This was and probably is the best muscle I could possibly learn how to use. The cool part was, the more I exercised ti the better I got at trusting and the less I had to worry about my bills because the work always came at the right time, fulfilling the right need. It was very cool.

Now that I'm re learning that same old lesson in my life, a few years later, I am going to learn how to use it again.

I'm shocked as to how quickly we can forget how to use something once we stop.

It makes me wonder if we stop needing to use that muscle or if we use it without thinking in a natural healthy way. Or did we just get distracted with other things and forget all about the lesson we learned and are back to our old unhealthy ways.

Who knows?

My best guess is the latter one. It's incredible how easy it is to fall into our old ways of thinking and living when we stop being conscious of ourselves and what we are doing.

Now the fun part begins.

The exercise. The discipline. The determination. The work.

Perhaps another 40 Day Journey is in order ...


This will never end, will it?