Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I'm fried ... like an egg.

So I've noticed from my sitemeter that people are clearly curious about the inner thoughts I have on the outcome of THE par-te. Well the title of this post is the sum up I think.

I hope to write tomorrow as I have a block of time unspoken for in the afternoon - a rarity.

Tonight however, I think I'm going to write about my current mental and physical state. May not sound as exciting as a party but it's definitely as significant at this point.

As I type I am sitting on my favourite bed in the house. It's so perfect. Perfectly soft. Perfectly firm. Perfectly ... perfect.

I have my favourite dog nestled beside me and my second favourite at my feet. I think they are glad I am on the bed with them.

Of course a few other things accompany us...

A large heap of un-ironed laundry from several weeks passed. Thank you notes from the party that were left over. I am also noticing doggie poop bags at my feet (unused) and Lord only knows what else is under the pile of crinkled clothing.

It's 8:45pm and I just woke up form an hours nap upon Wally's arrival home from a platonic date with a former female coworker (she's still female, but formerly his coworker).

I am completely exhaustified (that's my own word - I love this word and use it often).

I have come to the realization that I need to slow down my work life. Yes, I know, what's new? I've been talking about this for months but the realization came tome yesterday at 10am while at work.

I was with a lady with Autism who's in her late thirties I think. It was my first shift with her on my own. She's someone who's known to keep staff on their toes. She has favourites and I would say definitely needs to build a rapport with you before anyone feels comfortable (both her or you).

Anyways, I was so focused that morning on keep the rapport good and being on top of things that I totally made a med error. I gave her both morning and evening meds. Not a usual mistake for me at all. Not one anyone should easily make. The odd part was I realized it myself about a half hour after I did it and was practically struck by reality's lightning and just knew I made a mistake. I phoned my manager, then the pharmacist (who stated she would be fine and gave me instructions. I thought 'I'm glad she's not going to have a heart attack, but I might!').

I knew soon after that my mistake was due to fatigue and that I needed to change a few things. I need a break.

Today as I was heading into what I thought would be an easy day with a couple of predictable shifts reality once again put me into place.

It's one o clock in the afternoon and I am leisurely approaching the door to the apartment I was headed to and I see a staff outside on the phone looking frantic and the lady I was with yesterday near by. The staff was not someone who worked with this lady so the lady supported would not let the staff in, besides that the staff was on the way to another person's place. Apparently this lady's noon staff did not show up and everyone was emotionally disheveled.

Lady says to me 'Hi Eva'. I say hello and make some chit chat with her, get the low down from the staff. Lady would not let the staff in to help but instantly asked for me to come in and be with her. In fact she put out her hand to take mine and ushered me in as I allowed. I told the staff I would help Lady with lunch if they could call around and figure stuff out and let my other person know what was up.

I went in, helped with lunch and Lady settled immediately and seemed to make plans for us. Not long after the other staff said I was instructed to finish up with lunch, settle Lady into the afternoon then hop over to my original person to be seen. (Lady is still not allowing this staff in). As I prep lady on the fact that I would be going she sternly says 'Eva stays here. No go.' She clearly began to get agitated and I somehow let my neighbour staff know that I wasn't sure how I was going to leave. Every time I mentioned other staff coming in and that I had to go she got upset.

At one point I said I had to visit the neighbour and she followed me and waited out the door and as I opened the door to talk she could tell that something was wrong, escalated and went down the steps because she wanted to go. I quickly reminded her of her coat and took the chance to get her back into her place. I felt at that point that she would be better if I stayed with her so I did and asked for other staff to call a manager ASAP. I stayed and bought time with an invitation for a sit with some water and then a phone call while we waited. Lady was fixated on leaving with me. THen she noticed another neighbour with cake outside (there was a party downstairs. She's fixated on food - not good. She began to repetatively talk about the cake and wanting it. That's when I began to panic slightly. I needed to be relieved if I couldn't take her out.

This lasted a total of an hour and when finally someone showed they just popped in and told her that her original staff was coming and held the door open for me to leave (barely enough). Lady stood close to me and made a weird moaning sort of 'no' sound and I squeezed out reminding her of the next staff on their way. I quickly entered the apartment I was originally going to.

PHEW!!!! A huge sigh of relief (though still concerned for Lady). I was then reminded of a doctor's apt. I had to take my next person to - ugh. I was already tired from what I felt was the equivalent to a hostage undertaking. I went on with my afternoon and eventually spoke to the staff that Lady had (who Lady LOVES) and told her about what happened.

She said 'That's great!! She REALLY likes you!!' 'She NEVER does that with people!'

At that point I didn't know whether to be happy or scared. It felt good to be liked but challenged to be so new with this person that I didn't have all of the answers and perfect responses.

All in all it was fine. I completed my scattered shift that followed and stayed an extra half hour to complete notes regarding the doc apt. Then found out I couldn't go to my next person due to an outbreak on the floor of the nursing home this young lady was on. What a relief I was already sooooooo done.

Leaving me time to snooze and time to write. I sooo miss blogging, reflecting, thinking and sharing. I really do love it.

Now I sit here working hard to keep my eyes open and feeling like I've spend a day int he hot sun sapped of energy - you know those days?

I spoke to my manager on the way out today and told her I thought my mistake was due to being tapped out. She agreed and encouraged me in the fact that I recognized it. I mentioned to her about taking time off and she was glad about it. I also had a great conversation earlier today with an awesome co worker that informed me of my 'fried' state and insisted I take a week off.

So. I'm going to. I don't know the date or sure. I think in June immediately after my 6 month probation period is up. Right before I support 2 guys at the cottage for 4 days (that sounds relaxing but I'll need a holiday afterwards too!!)

I think this is the perfect time to do this realizing. AFter my party I mean. It's been a time of great reflection for me anyways, this is even better.

I have so much to share on my feelings of the 'Big Event'. So many things I am shocked to learn about how I would feel. It'll be good for me to share.

Really good.