Saturday, January 2, 2010

Over the Edge

Push me.


Just a little nudge is all that it will take. Ok that may be a lie, I'm not sure. It could require a big heave ho (hmmmm spelling heave ho was weird).

So you'd think that beginning my journey to a healthier new year would have started on New Year's Day. It would've made sense but well I like to be different. I like to be valiant and noticeable ... I still had chocolate in the house.

Oh well it's not the end of the world. Something else that has made it a tad difficult to get myself going is trying to figure it all out in my head, that seems to be the thing that really makes the difference in how successful I am at my endeavors.

(Side note: I am getting sooooo frustrated with my typing. One paragraph so far and I've had to edit ti like 10 times. Perhaps some typing lessons should be on my horizon. Grrrrr, there it is again - do I not know how to use a space bar? I think on one post I will leave it unedited just to show how much help I need!)

Anyhoo, moving on.

Going back to 'getting started'. It's interesting when I look back to whenever I have actually succeeded at something seemingly big (at least big for me)- like genuinely encouraging Wally to go back to school, deciding to go back myself, selling the house we had readied for our four children (paint, beds and all) like really life changing things. Every single one of those things just started with a teenie tiny thought. Kind of like a little spark. Some took several months to ignite (well really only the ones that really depending on Wally to agree - ie him quitting his job and going back to school), and others took literally a couple of days (ie me deciding to go to school).

My 40 Day thing happened without any thought really. It was really late at night, I was bloated and binging when I realized I wanted to do something really different and fun for a while.

There's this serge of adrenaline I get just with the thought of doing something new, challenging and unexpected. It's like a rush of joy and anticipation. I got that when I thought of putting on the party. Not because parties are fun, but because parties like the one we're having are out of character for Wally and I. And to be honest in our culture you only have parties like the one we're planning, for a few reasons: you're getting married, you've been married for a long time, you're getting old and if you are REALLY cool you've thought ahead and planned the coolest wake ever with great food and lots of fun (but I've never actually been to one of these , really I was just throwing the idea out there). Wally and I actually thought of adding the line 'This is your get out of funeral free pass' at the bottom of our party invites so that people would take it seriously and come. Let's be real I don't give a rip if you come to my funeral.

Give me a sec I just got lost...

Mmmmmm, ok rush of excitement pushing me over the edge to complete my 'healthy 'goals. Right.

SO I've been trying and trying to figure out where my adrenaline button is for this goal. For some reason there is no part of me (thus far) that has given me excitement beyond reason to push me through. Of course this makes me question my motives and wonder if I truly care. Is this goal completely selfish and vain.

The practical side of me says it's a completely rational goal. I have a closet FULL of clothes that are pleading with me to get with the program.

Funny when I think back to all of the things that have gotten me excited to complete a goal or dream, not one of them had practicality in mind. Practicality I am addicted to and pride myself in, but it has essentially been the one thing I've been breaking free from while doing so many of my 'adventures'. In fact maybe practicality is some thing I should stay away from and leave for another day.

Hmmmm... so if practicality won't motivate me, and the adrenaline button seems to be vacant when it comes to this challenge, what will work?

One thing that really helped me complete (well almost everything) my list of 40 new things was indeed the accountability that this blog lent. I knew I had at least 10 people that followed my journey and were excited to see what was next. With getting healthy though ... well everyone struggles with that. I especially fall short. Do I really want to write about falling short all of the time? Who really wants to hear about the same boring struggle everyday?

I really just need to keep thinking. There is something within every challenge that can bring that adrenaline rush, don't you think. I need to keep brainstorming and see how I can get the rush.

Let me try and sum up what gets me motivated:

* Doing something that people don't expect I would ever do

* Telling people about the unexpected activity

* Giving an account of what doing the activity is like

(Can I just say at this point I am so glad I'm not into weird kinky things ...*giggling*)

* Having a deadline

* Having a defined destination

* Has to be fun and at some point make me laugh

* The more relational to more effective...

Ok Well I now have my thinking cap on and can't wait to figure out where the adrenaline button is hidden. Will listen to any thoughts anyone has.

I'm smiling right now. That's a good thing.