Thursday, May 20, 2010

#28 - A full day of the thong

Ok so I totally almost forgot to write about this one. How could I?!

I think the only reason I've remembered is because it's 3:30am and and the part of my body that used to be housed in my more preferred underwear is currently in so much pain I cannot sleep.

In short: my mind is completely on my ass right now. 100%. Like it hurts so bad there aren't words.

Of course you know I'll scrounge some up anyway, but that's not the point. The point is .... OUCH!!

Oh, and I'm starving. This is rather inconvenient as there aren't notes in any book to tell me what to do when I wake up in the night hungry. There are a hundred other rules to tell me when what to eat but right now I'm so hungry I'm ready to hurl and have worked so hard I'm not sure what to do. (No need to leave me blog comments to tell me to go eat, I know).

BWhy the heck am I talking about being hungry when the point of this post is to tell you about wearing a thong? I guess the two are tied (ha ha ... string) together by my dual ass pain.

Ok, let me focus.

*squinting eyes*

*shaking head*

*grieving my sleep*


Last Saturday, completely on a whim, I decided to throw on the dreaded thong. Actually I think it was Dreaded Thong's sibling as I believe I stretched Dreaded Thong to a point of no return (in so many ways).

I'm not sure what did it exactly. I think it was the fact that I figured trying to entertain this little contraption may be easier while pairing it with something of sustenance, like my jeans.

My hope was that this duo would erase all of the issues I had when I tried Dreaded Thong before.

In jeans: the triangle in the back couldn't possibly be seen through the fabric. (However if I placed it right and bent over properly I'm sure I could make it be seen in great trailer trash fashion, but that wasn'' the look I was going for either - if that was the case I'd be purchasing a black thong and be finding my most sparkling white jeans).

In jeans: my most lumpy and bumpy revelations would not (or good lord should not) be visible. As jeans are a nice and ... firm fabric. Gotta love that.

My other concern, regarding the 'food baby' issue, would also be put to rest as these particular jeans are (now that I've lost 16 pounds) a much easier fit and don't require me to be wearing restrictive garments underneath to enable the zipper to fly north.

So, on a complete and utter whim I confidently put my feet between what seemed to be an obstacle course of string and hiked them up (ok so there was definitely no hiking involved as that could have produced other grotesque injuries, but you know what I mean).

I continued the sequence with my jeans, button done up, zipper in place. Then to the mirror I went.

This time I did the back and forth, back and forth thing again, but without horror. I did my best to stick my tummy out, then in, then out. Just in case I felt the possibility of betrayal later when I had lunch. I did not.

I felt confident that I could wear my new ... hidden adornment, for at least a couple of hours.

Once I was dressed and out of the bedroom (giving Wally a clear indication that I may possibly be ready for the day). I think I bounced into the living room. Actually I'm quite confident there was a lot of bouncing on many fronts ... and backs.

Shockingly, this time I was also wearing a smile. I proudly proclaimed: 'I'm wearing a thong!'

'I'm wearing it! I'm doing it! Me ... a thong. I can't believe it!'

From what I remember I don't think Wally had words for me in response. I think it was more of a look that said: 'Oh my goodness are you seriously proud of this? You're wearing a thong, it's not like you've achieved piece in the middle east.' (To which I would reply 'No, but definitely in the south').

Wally continued on with what he was doing and I continued on with my exclamation. The entire day.

While we were in Wal-mart, in the car on the way home from Wal-Mart, during lunch, throughout the afternoon, after supper, and into the evening. When I was getting ready for bed I felt like I had completed a marathon and announced I would even wear this ... thing to bed.

You really would've thought I had solved world hunger or something. Nope. Just wore a thong for a day.

In the end, I was able to complete #28 in all it's fullness (or, well ... you know what I mean).

I am a wee bit shocked at the amount of pride I felt in doing so. I think that goes to show you how 'out of the box' this little number (do the puns over stop?!) was for me.

A few years ago, this whole thing would've been the most humiliating task in the world and I would've never thought myself worthy of using string for underwear (or perhaps felt myself too worthy of it). But now-a-days, with my incessant need to understand others and why they do what they do, coupled with some newly found confidence, (ok and the fact that these experiences seem to give me decent writing material), I was able to enter a new perspective.

I'll never be the same.

I'm sure my assets in progress will agree.

In honour of #28 I am throwing myself a long awaited 30th Birthday Party requesting a thong (or skanky outfit) from each party goer. This will double as my ice cream cake adventure. (I have to entice the guests with something other than visuals of me in their gifts).

I invited ... well way more people than I know would ever come. Lots of strays that are completely unfamiliar with what I'm doing. I'm not sure why I did this. I guess I'm just curious to see what their response is. I'm quite positive they think I'm crazy. I am so ok with that :)

I am very much looking forward to my itty bitty birthday party and sharing a few unadulterated laughs with people that will certainly appreciate my zest for life.


I love living.