Thursday, July 23, 2009

Adventure Day 4 – Wowsers, I can’t believe I did it without the Tequila!

Yes people, you heard right. Today was one to write down in the record books! July 23rd, 2009 I purchased a bikini (which for the record I will NEVER wear in public) – the point is I bought one.

The scenario: I went to Wal-mart to pick up a few things. I am just merely walking by a rack of clearance skimpies (my own word) on my way to practice looking at purses that I would never, on my own, buy. I saw the bright yellow clearance sign and the number 5 on each piece and I thought to myself ‘I am deciding it is not wrong for me to NOT try this thing on, or actually go to a real store to buy one since I will NEVER be wearing it out in public. This is as close as we’re going to get without the Tequila already in me to do this.’

So I casually looked at the very picked over remains on the rack and did my best to quickly find my sizes in both the top and bottom (which did not necessarily have to match in size *smile*). Hmmmm I wondered, should these two pieces actually co-ordinate? This would take up at least an extra five minutes to figure out – did I want to risk someone walking by and seeing me intensely involved in trying to match this absurd outfit I couldn’t believe myself that I was purchasing? I might as well if I was going through with it. So there I stood for a good 5-10 minutes trying to see what would match and what wouldn’t, praying the entire time that the fact that I was there at 8:45am would somehow help me out.

I learned something while on my search: there are lots of extra large bikini bottoms out there to buy, as there should be. I am a firm believer that ‘they’ (whoever ‘they’ are) shouldn’t make certain styles of clothing past a certain size because no one needs to see it. For example short shorts are only ok on twelve year old girls who haven’t grown past their stick legs – after that they should be off the shelves. Anyways, I seemed to manage to find some bright orange bottoms along with a wonderful stringy brightly coloured floral top. After I avoided some hyperventilating, I hid the little outfit under some of my other purchases – what the heck was I doing? And how could buying this little number actually help me ‘expand my horizons’? I had no idea at that point but I did it anyway. I have to admit that while I was going through the self check out, the whole time I was praying that I’d have no problems with the purchase – that last thing I wanted was some lady coming over and seeing what I was getting and dying of hilarious laughter at what she saw ME buying. It worked – there were no deaths.


I’m not sure if I ate courage for breakfast today or what, but I was on a roll and decided if I could buy a bikini, I could go and try to buy a purse. So off to Winner’s I went. (Seeing as Wal-mart only had the kind of purses I would normally buy, I thought purchasing one there would be cheating – I’m no cheater). I walk into the store and quickly spotted the purse area. I took a deep breath in, and then slowly let it out. ‘I could do this’ I thought, ‘I’m on a roll, remember?’. I had to remind myself right away what I normally looked for: anything that was brown, black and small, with nothing fancy. Ok so I knew I had to look for the opposite of that description – those were the rules.

I was a bit overwhelmed, there were so many. Big ones, bigger ones, animal prints (hmmm….that would definitely be different), bright ones, ones that could be used as luggage, ones that had big price tags; others that had bigger price tags. After much perusing I picked up one that was certainly bigger than any purse I’d ever been given, it had long straps (I could still through it around my arm and hold on to it), it was a deep burgundy colour, and it was like a snake type skin – shiny yet soft. I took another huge inhalation and let it out. I looked at the price tag - $39.99. I took another breath in and out. I carried it around the store with me for a while to see if it ‘felt right’. It did. I was shocked. Who knew? Other than the ridiculous price, it was ok (you know … for something I’d never buy on my own).

I decided I would take it. In part because I liked it and in part because I wanted to get this over with – I had no idea how challenging it would be for me to buy a purse, completely draining. So I took my new found friend with me to the register to pay and the lady behind the counter remarked immediately: ‘Oh, time for a new one?’
I said nervously ‘Uh, yeah, I guess so, I don’t really buy stuff like this’. (Acting like I was at a porn shop for the first time).
She said ‘Will it go with your fall coat?’
I stared at her blankly thinking ‘What? Now I need to buy a fall coat? Are you kidding me lady? I’m wearing my fall coat’ (which doubles as my spring coat, which is a delightful neon green sporty jacket – I don’t think the purse matched it).
After I didn’t really reply she asked ‘Will it go with your winter coat?’
I quickly did inventory in my head, hmmmm…probably wouldn’t go with my sporty, everyday winter jacket either – think Eva, think…
I was obviously not too quick because she simply said ‘It’ll go with black’.
I concurred and thanked her for the transaction and quickly high tailed it out of there – man who knew so much thought had to go into buying a bag, man!

Apparently I hadn’t tortured myself enough to this point, because after walking out of Winner’s I decided I would go to the lingerie store and try to also strike #19 off of my list. I walk in. Oh the fun of seeing myriads of underwear everywhere. This was just too much for one day. I plunged forward.

I went straight to the back of the store where I knew all of the skanky stuff would be that I never buy. I had to pass by all of the cute, comfy pjs and housecoats on the way.


I begin to look through what was there. My goal was to buy something I’d never normally buy; once again I had to make a list of what I would rather buy and look for everything that was opposite to it. So I did, and I looked. I was in shock when I saw how much money some of the pieces were. I can’t figure out why someone would spend so much money on something they would only be wearing for but a few moments – none of this made sense to me, but that wasn’t the point of the exercise was it? After several minutes of looking around, having 2 ladies ask if I needed help and almost settling on a couple of things that were out of my element, I was nearly ready to make my purchase. Then a new lady comes up to me and asks if I needed help with anything, I said no and waited for her to leave. She didn’t leave. Instead she stood too close to me and had her eagle eye out and waiting. ‘Um, did I say I wanted you to stare at me for the next 10 minutes?’ I thought. She didn’t move, so I did – #19 would have to wait for another exhaustifying day.

**Side notes: I will do a special post on the experience of actually putting on the bikini (I plan on having the Tequila out that day – or something). I did try a new kind of cheese today – Blue cheese … I have a big wedge of it here if anyone is interested. I invited a few more people to read this blog, so I have completed #8 and I am nervously awaiting any response – I have to say, it is rather nerve wracking putting yourself out there. Being anonymous is way more comfortable.


Joia said...

This may be my favorite one yet! You GO GIRL - I am soo impressed that you plunged through three biggies on your list in one day! I need to do the purse thing too!!

Anonymous said...

Hey you,
It's your cuz here- who is STILL waiting for a special nickname!! How come you never e-mail me back????!!
This post was EPIC!!! I HATE nosy sales ladies!! UUGGHHH. It makes me so mad!!! How come they can't mind their own BEESWAX??? Shopping can be an unpleasant experience sometimes, can't it?
But I'm proud of you Eva!!
-Yur cuz