Yeah so you would've thought I had this 40 Day thing completely thought out already, as I had my chopsticks going and am already talking about one of the 'bigger items' on the list being attempted. Seriously, it was completely spontaneous. Maybe that means I am actually beginning to get the hang of this adventure we call life.
Anyways, lastnight I was all prepared to go to work, in fact I even went in just before 5pm and showed up to am empty house. The young women I support in this home are quite independent and the empty house has been a trend as of late. I made the necessary calls and was instructed to leave as I was told by a housemate that the young lady I was there to see had plans to be out for the entire night.
On my way home I remembered that I had just had a text conversation with Dee about his next show being that night only 20 minutes away. Initially when I thought of going I thought it'd be really fun to take a couple of the people I support (who LOVE wrestling - many do) and make it a fun night out for them (yes it was for them, not me). However, I knew that as it was literally last minute I did not think I should even bother trying to go through whatever 'red tape' there may be to take them (I figured managers would have to approve or something, there always seems to be hoops and such), hopefully there'd be another chance to do this.
I was left with a decision: to go on my own or to wait for another chance to go when it could be further away and not as convenient with my schedule (and of course my deadline). I talked with Wally, who was terrified for me to go somewhere I didn't know, by my self, at night. Yet clearly not so concerned that he felt the urge to 'keep me safe' and come. He already had plans with a friend to watch a movie Dee had lent him and there was no changing their minds.
I then did what anyone in my position would do: I facebooked my plight. Got people curious (as I obviously wasn't going to say where I was going) but no takers (well a couple people said they would go but they were under the security of distance).
Dee texted me after a while, almost as if he knew I was having a hard time deciding, and at one point I thought I really wasn't going to be brave enough to go, but he tipped the scale of reason and within minutes I found myself grabbing my keys, my GPS, and my scratched out directions in case the GPS screwed up.
It was 8pm and I was headed to the middle of nowhere for ... a wrestling event. Seriously? I questioned my sanity at this point. Like do I have an unhealthy attachment to this guy? Am I a complete loser for entering trailer trash territory (no offense Dee and everyone there)? What the heck is going on here? Never in my life ... wait a minute ... that's why. A learning experience and a peak inside my trainer's life. Peaking is always fun. *chuckling to self*
I am now in the car obeying my GPS. All was fine until the robot told me to make a turn that wasn't on my scratched out list of rights and lefts. I had a few extra minutes so despite my conscience obeyed the chick making demands on me. Which totally took me onto a gravel road. It's at this point I got nervous ... but traveled on.
I was glad I stuck to the GPS because it took me right to the building. Did I mention that this place was on like a native reserve? Oh yeah I forgot that part. I don't mean to be racist or blanket everyone but you know me, I'm gonna give you my honest reaction. As I turned into a beautiful complex and noticed three young native kids exploring someone's pimped out trunk, my heart began to pound heavier and I said several prayers for Chuck (my recently acquired new but used car).
Would I be coming out to Chuck minus tires? Would they beat him up? Should I take my cell charger with me? I had better lock up my Pink CD (because you know they'd be after it. Clearly when nervous one gets irrational).
I slowly (and I do mean slowly) got out of the car and held my new bag (purse - yes I did that without a challenge!) close to my body and weaved my way through a group of smokers at the door to get in. Now Dee told me to tell the guy at the door that I was his friend (Dee's friend, not the guy at the door's, that'd be weird) and I'd get in for free (which come to think of it is a good thing because it had never occurred to me to pay for this).
Well there was no 'guy' so I just slid through the doorway and was greeted by several little boys grouped around Dee like bees to honey. He was signing one kid's arm, I think with a sharpie, which doesn't seem healthy but considering where I was not surprising (yes I know, I'm a horrible person). I instantly pulled up the sleeve of my shirt and told him I wanted an autograph too, but for some reason he refused and made some comment about me being able to see him with his shirt off, to which I drying stated I would try and contain myself.
I went and found a seat furthest away from the 'ring' as I could, doing my best to be inconspicuous. I'm not sure why it mattered because everyone else there had paid and clearly had no inhibitions about being there. I sat down and began to write immediately. I knew this was an event I wanted to remember with clarity for the blog, and for kicks.
It was intermission so a great time to get settled and begin observing the crowd.
The first thing I notice is that at least half the crowd is made up of kids. Those kids were hanging off of everything: the 'ring', each other, the wrestlers. It was like ants on candy man! Most of the group were native(as we were on a reservation - is that politically incorrect?). I noticed two native police at the back of the room who seemed to enjoy the fact that they were so 'lucky' to be here tonight. (I don't think they stopped smiling the entire time).
I saw pop spilled on the floor (we were in a small community centre, probably the size of the gym at my public school. Small). I saw several cute brown faced little boys who didn't seem old enough to know what was going on but were coached enough in life to know to try and smash a pop can with their hands (I saw one kid do this).
I immediately noticed a girl or lady, I'm not sure which. She was one of those people you think could be twenty by their demeanor, but look like they could be forty by their appearance. She was wearing black leggings that didn't go all the way down her legs, a black tank top, a white off the shoulder number which clearly displayed her underclothes perfectly. Oh and the white 'top' had the words 'Marry me Killer' on it. My best guess is that 'Killer' was a wrestler, as I saw 'Killer' t-shirts on others.
This lady also had unnaturally light pink lips, sort of wavy and kinda frizzy light brown hair, big black hoop earrings prominently displayed and was a bit overweight. She also walked with her shoulders perched back as if trying to display her frontal assets with an unruly amount of pride.
There was another similar lady only older, with darker frizzy hair, a black trench coat, high heeled sandals, the black leggings and brighter pink lipstick. Same strut and everything. (Guess I should've got out my leggings, frizzy hair and pink lipstick!!)
I suddenly felt like a 'cool kid'. Not sure why, probably my white, middle class pride getting out of control. I had to remind myself these people were just as human as I. Or maybe I as them.
Anyway soon the show got underway and there was a clear ringing of the bell, loud music and the yelling began. The first match I was there for was between some 'Sergeant' (I don't know how to spell) and some guy that I thought ate too many hamburgers for someone in the tight little outfit that he was wearing.
The first thing I noticed was the incredible fearlessness that the kids had. They were yelling and hollering their heads off at these huge grown men. These big guys were yelling back for the crowds' approval and clearly to stir everyone up. The funny part was it worked. I kinda felt like I was in the twilight zone, but I'm pretty sure that's just my economic standing talking.
The chanting began, along with the extremely loud hits, falls and swings. More than one time I wanted to grab certain body parts in efforts to make sure they weren't hurt. Even body parts I didn't have.
After what seemed to be a prescribed amount of time and several false 'just about wins' on each competitor's behalf the 'Sergeant' won, well I think we won, I can't remember now. The crowd mocked the 'bad guy' (well I think the other guy was the bad guy, it's hard to tell), and the round was over.
Next up was a chick match. First comes out this pasty looking dude who is super skinny and looks like a goth, no muscles and to be honest a seriously odd ass (seriously, never seen one like this on a guy his age or stature before). He had huge long frizzy dark hair and have I mentioned the oddness of his backyard?
Anyhoo, the little soap opera romance was with his equivalent female friend who had on a phoofy dress type thing you don't generally imagine wrestlers wearing (even female ones). More than one time I was very concerned her girls were going to come out a flyin'. She had black shredded nylons on that left me trying to picture her actually getting into them and it was very interesting in my head.
Her opponent was clearly the crowd favourite, as she should be with the perfect body with curves in all the right places, appropriate fake beating-people-up attire with a delightful cherry on her little rump. Fitting of course because her name was Cherry Blaster. Actually no that's not right, that's what I call her, her name was Cherry Bomb. She had long straight dark hair with the perfect amount of pink dashed here and there and a lovely bright pink bra peaking out perfectly (very dead on style for the locals).
On we go, their match was pretty much the same as the one before only with boobs involved and the spare part (being the goth BF). This time the 'good gal' didn't win though which set up the crowd to be nice and feisty for the final CAGE MATCH!!!
Yes ladies and gentlemen that's what I said. I got to see a real live cage match. I'll never be the same. There was a bit of a break so the high school kids could assemble the 'cage' then the show went on.
So, by the way, this was the final competition of the night and it did indeed involve Dee A.K.A. Danger Boy and some big guy with a bandanna. I have to mention something, generally I am completely unaffected by looks, don't really care about them, often don't notice. After seeing too many people that night in too tight of clothing, I have to say Dee looked great. A bit over tanned but I think that's the look he goes for. He definitely looked like a pro (yeah I said it don't let it go to your little head).
The men got introduced and began to rumble around (and I mean around, not in) the cage revving up the audience before getting down to business. In fact for the longest time I couldn't figure out why the heck they spent so long setting up this cage, they weren't even using it!
I'm sure the people there were enthralled because the match came to them, literally. The fight ensued right amongst the chairs, coincidentally where I was sitting. Here I thought the back was 'out of harms way', clearly not lastnight. Chairs were being thrown, everyone went scrambling, I got a chair in the leg (which I later noted to Dee should be grounds for a free shake on him but he didn't agree). It was chaos and the police guys in the back were in heaven.
See, if I had been a kid there I'd already be crying in my mother's lap at this point, scared out of my tree that someone would be hurt. Not this crowd of kids. They ate it up. I'm trying to decide if that's the parenting they got, naturally good survival skills or just plain stupidity. Whatever it was it didn't matter, after several minutes on the actual floor, and too many winces on my part to count, the two men made their way to the cage finally.
I can condense this with a few words: one guy climbed up the cage, the other grabbed his foot at the last second, the other guy climbed up the cage and soon got his foot grabbed and pulled back down. That happened a few times to each with some big slaps, 'pile drivers', jumps and shouts dispersed between it all. Oh and I can't leave out the countless times I said a prayer for Dee's jewels too (and my own for a matter of fact - yeah I know, I don't even have any).
In the end Dee won the big shiny belt thing that I'm quite sure he doesn't take home with himself at night, the crowd is pleased and the world is at peace.
There was a guy who came out and shouted 'Free food' and there was a stampede. I hope the guy got out alive. Who am I kidding, I really don't care.
I sat for a minute in my spot as I watched the scantly clad ladies round up their offspring. I noticed that my cheeks hurt from the perma-smile I had. Seriously, I don't really 'Laugh Out Loud' ever (it takes a lot), but if there was an equal action to it for me, this would've been it.
It wasn't a prideful 'These people are so stupid' smile (ok part of it could have been), but more of an 'I think I can understand why some people could be entertained by this'. And the fact that I got in free and everyone else paid ten bucks.
As I got up to leave I ran into a former College classmate. We chatted it up, he introduced me to his friend who seemed way to excited to meet a girl who would talk to them. Then I headed off to my Chuck. And success. He was in perfect condition.
As I settled into my dark car I plugged in my GPS and noticed something was wrong with it - RATS!! This is what I was worried about: strange place, dark, getting late not knowing where to go and did I mention that I have a HORRIBLE sense of direction? As I drove home with a prayer or two in my pocket I got a few texts from Dee wondering what my thoughts were. I told him that my thoughts were on the gravel road I was driving down on my way home and we had lots to talk about on Monday. He really wanted to know what I thought. I guess if he looks this address up he'll really know...
I did get texting with him during the one match and told him that honestly I respected him for doing his this. Years ago I would've never appreciated something I didn't understand. Let's be real here, I do NOT understand professional wrestling, nor will I pretend to. But from what I know about Dee in our short 2 months of training together is that he is a believer in living life, in pursuing your goals and dreams. That I respect him for ... big time.
I mean really, you've got to give him credit for running around in his underwear putting the future of his potential children at risk (ok I think he's done with that but still). Not to mention his life and limb (even though he said he was fine after - I wasn't).
Overall, I am glad I went. It was a great story to tell, I got to see the 'other side' of my trainer (actually I got to see many sides of my trainer *giggling girlishly*), and perhaps a step towards understanding more fully why I don't believe in spandex.
Oh boy, I have so much to talk to him about tomorrow...
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
#3 - Eat with chopsticks for a month: The beginning ...
So I started this off today not knowing I was even going to do a 40 Day Adventure, I just knew that I wanted to learn how to use chopsticks. I had already decided that I would do my best to learn over the next few weeks.
So my first meal was scrambled eggs and toast.
I have to say I was shocked at how well I did! It only took twice as long as usual - not bad at all ... I thought. I think small chunks of things are good, especially when they are soft and pliable.
Which lead me to my dinner, which was not such a success.
I had brown rice, small pieces of chicken, red pepper and broccoli. Let's just say using chopsticks with non sticky rice will definitely help me with my weight loss goals. In fact I'm surprised no one has thought of the 'chopstick diet' yet.
Even though it took a lot of interesting finger movements and I had serious questions as to whether or not I'd be pursuing a beverage later for my supper, I did eventually succeed in finishing my stir fry ... eventually.
My next questions is: how do Asians eat yogurt? I banked on spoons, however if I find out differently I will be accountable and use my creativity wisely to somehow get it down.
Also, do they just sip their soup? I'd love to know.
Anyhoo, there's my first day of chopstickness. Should be interesting to see how it goes the rest of the month.
P.S. I don't know if it's cheating but I cut up my food for tomorrow as I'm not sure how to eat half a sweet potato without at least cutting it up first. I don't really want to gnaw on it as I'm sure the people I'll be supporting at work don't need to question my actions any more than they already do.
Oh yeah and I'm off to complete another number on the list, which by the way was NOT planned at all.
So my first meal was scrambled eggs and toast.
I have to say I was shocked at how well I did! It only took twice as long as usual - not bad at all ... I thought. I think small chunks of things are good, especially when they are soft and pliable.
Which lead me to my dinner, which was not such a success.
I had brown rice, small pieces of chicken, red pepper and broccoli. Let's just say using chopsticks with non sticky rice will definitely help me with my weight loss goals. In fact I'm surprised no one has thought of the 'chopstick diet' yet.
Even though it took a lot of interesting finger movements and I had serious questions as to whether or not I'd be pursuing a beverage later for my supper, I did eventually succeed in finishing my stir fry ... eventually.
My next questions is: how do Asians eat yogurt? I banked on spoons, however if I find out differently I will be accountable and use my creativity wisely to somehow get it down.
Also, do they just sip their soup? I'd love to know.
Anyhoo, there's my first day of chopstickness. Should be interesting to see how it goes the rest of the month.
P.S. I don't know if it's cheating but I cut up my food for tomorrow as I'm not sure how to eat half a sweet potato without at least cutting it up first. I don't really want to gnaw on it as I'm sure the people I'll be supporting at work don't need to question my actions any more than they already do.
Oh yeah and I'm off to complete another number on the list, which by the way was NOT planned at all.
40 Day Adventure #2 - Yes indeedy I'm insane!!
OK I'm totally nuts. Really. Like I didn't get enough action out of the last time I did this. I was only working part time and it completely exhaustified me.
I have to be honest I totally did not plan this. I actually just facebooked about a new challenge I am up for (mentally anyways) and then Shell Bell asked if perhaps it was another 40 day adventure. I decided 'Why not?'
For those of you who know that I've been having the 'post party blues' lately you may wonder why I'm not giving myself a rest. Well ... I'm a jumper. I jump too easily. The first second I feel better I seem to think it's time to try something else. It's a problem. One I'm kind of excited to have.
This 40 Day adventure may (or may not) be a little less adventuresome than the last, we'll see. But here is my list so far. I really need some help thinking of the last few items to add to the list.
Here we go ...
1. Go on my first (and perhaps last) jog.
2. Book 10 consecutive days off of work - definitely a challenge for me!
3. Eat with only chopsticks for one month (like the month of May) - I'm totally jealous of the 'cool' people that can eat them so what better way to learn?
4. Give Dee my blog address the next time I see him - Geez I don't like this one. I feel like it'd be easier to prance around naked, I'll take the risk on sharing the address though instead. For all I know he'll never read past this list.
5.Meet up with an old high school friend I haven't chatted with in years - I'll totally admit that because of the party I have not one but two dates to do this already set, but it should be a good reflective item.
6.40 days (which I hope to turn into a lifetime) of super clean eating, however I may have to deflect it for 1 or2 off the items on this list).
7. Tie my camera to my arm for a week - I may learn to remember to use it too!
8. Book the hot air balloon ride that I've been wanting to try
9. Spend some time sewing with my Grandma - sounds boring but I have no doubt my blog post will be interesting.
10. Go out for coffee with my laughs-a-lot aunt - you never know what might come up (you remember how my brothers breakfast went)
11. Buy a super expensive ice cream cake and invite a few random maybe not quite friends yet people to share it (Not sure if I'll have permission to do this but I may get a buzz from watching other enjoy it).
12. Read a book - it's been a while.
13. Try Gelato (again, may need permission)
14. Go to one of Dee's wrestling events - yikes that is sooooo out of my element. Maybe I can make it a father daughter bonding experience.
15. Take someone out for coffee that I think is interesting.
16. Invite 5 more people to read my blog - this absolutely terrifies me so feel free to help me out!
17. Talk to someone at work about a few fund raising ideas I have - and hopefully not get roped into taking on the entire project!
18. Get a facial - never done this but suspect it could be heavenly.
19. (I cant' believe I'm saying this one...) Go to a stag shop with my hairdresser because she thought I may have cheated on my last 40 day adventure with the lingerie (note: I did not say I was going to buy anything - I think I need a shower already).
20. Get an actual tan in a tanning bed - ok once again I really don't want to do this but think my perspective on trying it once could be seriously entertaining.
21. Scrap book the 'Party'
22. Do a blog post on all the things I can remember doing since my last 40 day adventure that I probably wouldn't have if I hadn't done it.
23. Interview 5 people to find out what their 'Core Gifts' are - I'll have to explain when I post about it, I think it's very cool.
24. Go to my home church 4 weeks in a row - haven't been in months and want to remember why I went in the first place (other than my fun dancin' friends).
25. Go out for beer with the guys - I have no idea who the guys are but I've always wanted to do this so I guess I'll have to find some.
26. Do another 'Girls' Night Out' - maybe I'll muster up another great experience for those who dare.
27. Go for coffee with someone I look up to at work.
28. Buy some thongs and torture myself by wearing them - this just totally makes me laugh (I was going to say cracks me up, but that's lame).
29. Go on a creatively cool date with Wally
30. Go to my high school reunion
31. Share my new 'challenge' with you.
32. Interview someone I don't know that well and share their story with you.
33. Give you a list of 100 things you should know about me.
34. Do a random act of kindness.
35. Eat lobster - never tried it, always wondered.
For now that's all I've got and I'm soon going to be late for work. Clearly I need a few suggestions to get my numbers up to forty but I am confident you all can help me out while I ponder some myself.
I have to be honest I totally did not plan this. I actually just facebooked about a new challenge I am up for (mentally anyways) and then Shell Bell asked if perhaps it was another 40 day adventure. I decided 'Why not?'
For those of you who know that I've been having the 'post party blues' lately you may wonder why I'm not giving myself a rest. Well ... I'm a jumper. I jump too easily. The first second I feel better I seem to think it's time to try something else. It's a problem. One I'm kind of excited to have.
This 40 Day adventure may (or may not) be a little less adventuresome than the last, we'll see. But here is my list so far. I really need some help thinking of the last few items to add to the list.
Here we go ...
1. Go on my first (and perhaps last) jog.
2. Book 10 consecutive days off of work - definitely a challenge for me!
3. Eat with only chopsticks for one month (like the month of May) - I'm totally jealous of the 'cool' people that can eat them so what better way to learn?
4. Give Dee my blog address the next time I see him - Geez I don't like this one. I feel like it'd be easier to prance around naked, I'll take the risk on sharing the address though instead. For all I know he'll never read past this list.
5.Meet up with an old high school friend I haven't chatted with in years - I'll totally admit that because of the party I have not one but two dates to do this already set, but it should be a good reflective item.
6.40 days (which I hope to turn into a lifetime) of super clean eating, however I may have to deflect it for 1 or2 off the items on this list).
7. Tie my camera to my arm for a week - I may learn to remember to use it too!
8. Book the hot air balloon ride that I've been wanting to try
9. Spend some time sewing with my Grandma - sounds boring but I have no doubt my blog post will be interesting.
10. Go out for coffee with my laughs-a-lot aunt - you never know what might come up (you remember how my brothers breakfast went)
11. Buy a super expensive ice cream cake and invite a few random maybe not quite friends yet people to share it (Not sure if I'll have permission to do this but I may get a buzz from watching other enjoy it).
12. Read a book - it's been a while.
13. Try Gelato (again, may need permission)
14. Go to one of Dee's wrestling events - yikes that is sooooo out of my element. Maybe I can make it a father daughter bonding experience.
15. Take someone out for coffee that I think is interesting.
16. Invite 5 more people to read my blog - this absolutely terrifies me so feel free to help me out!
17. Talk to someone at work about a few fund raising ideas I have - and hopefully not get roped into taking on the entire project!
18. Get a facial - never done this but suspect it could be heavenly.
19. (I cant' believe I'm saying this one...) Go to a stag shop with my hairdresser because she thought I may have cheated on my last 40 day adventure with the lingerie (note: I did not say I was going to buy anything - I think I need a shower already).
20. Get an actual tan in a tanning bed - ok once again I really don't want to do this but think my perspective on trying it once could be seriously entertaining.
21. Scrap book the 'Party'
22. Do a blog post on all the things I can remember doing since my last 40 day adventure that I probably wouldn't have if I hadn't done it.
23. Interview 5 people to find out what their 'Core Gifts' are - I'll have to explain when I post about it, I think it's very cool.
24. Go to my home church 4 weeks in a row - haven't been in months and want to remember why I went in the first place (other than my fun dancin' friends).
25. Go out for beer with the guys - I have no idea who the guys are but I've always wanted to do this so I guess I'll have to find some.
26. Do another 'Girls' Night Out' - maybe I'll muster up another great experience for those who dare.
27. Go for coffee with someone I look up to at work.
28. Buy some thongs and torture myself by wearing them - this just totally makes me laugh (I was going to say cracks me up, but that's lame).
29. Go on a creatively cool date with Wally
30. Go to my high school reunion
31. Share my new 'challenge' with you.
32. Interview someone I don't know that well and share their story with you.
33. Give you a list of 100 things you should know about me.
34. Do a random act of kindness.
35. Eat lobster - never tried it, always wondered.
For now that's all I've got and I'm soon going to be late for work. Clearly I need a few suggestions to get my numbers up to forty but I am confident you all can help me out while I ponder some myself.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Random NOT party stuff.
Things I've noticed lately...
* I want to go out for beer with my trainer because I think we could be great friends. However I think it'd have to be protein shakes as he doesn't really drink much, and well he definitely wouldn't let me have beer.
* I have become reliant on my cell phone in a way that I always found annoying in other people
* The 'post-party blues' are beginning to pass as time does
* I realized the other day I have no idea what it's like to have weekends like normal people. I definitely took them for granted before.
* So many aspects of my job make me smile big on the outside and even bigger on the inside - I love it!
* My job isn't really a job ... it's so much more (not being conceited ... you get it)
* I don't remember the last time I ordered french fries in a restaurant and I'm ok with that.
* I have an all time favourite photo from my party and so badly want to post it here but can't :(
* I've actually considered lately no longer being anonymous in my blog world (but then again for the most part it isn't anyway)
* I got to hear Wally be inside out excited to hear that we'll be hanging out together tonight - that was cool.
* We've been out of Peanut Butter Cup protein shakes for over a month and Dee gave me one at the gym for free today and I totally had a protein shake-gasm. mmmmmmmm
* I canoodled with a cat this morning. And liked it. The only time I considered getting a cat was when I thought it might be a fun toy for our dogs.
* My three favourite sayings are: 'I'm so hungry', 'I'm so tired', 'I'm so full'. If I am any of these three things you will hear about it several hundred times.
* I was reminded today that some friends are really given to us only for seasons. It made me a little sad.
* I think sitting in perfectly tempered sunshine is like a hug from God.
* Dee and I may actually be working on turning my body into a bikini clad creation. He's quite positive, I'm not so sure yet. (We renewed our sessions and are glad about it).
* Having money now is weird. But we aren't going to argue with it. We share.
* Even though I come off as unhuggable, some days I just want a big fat bear hug from someone who loves me.
* I really want to get 'disconnected' from technology but am afraid I will become 'disconnected' from people. I want to find a balance.
* I actually booked off 1 1/2 weeks from work (MIRACULOUS FOR ME!!!). I'm thinking about a retreat for myself.
* I realized I LOVE connecting with people any way I can. I love talking with them for real, I love 'for real' e-mails, I love making new unexpected friends. I wish I didn't feel so guilty being forward with strangers.
* I miss being loved by kids. There's really nothing like it.
* I'm tired.
* I'm hungry.
I better go ...
* I want to go out for beer with my trainer because I think we could be great friends. However I think it'd have to be protein shakes as he doesn't really drink much, and well he definitely wouldn't let me have beer.
* I have become reliant on my cell phone in a way that I always found annoying in other people
* The 'post-party blues' are beginning to pass as time does
* I realized the other day I have no idea what it's like to have weekends like normal people. I definitely took them for granted before.
* So many aspects of my job make me smile big on the outside and even bigger on the inside - I love it!
* My job isn't really a job ... it's so much more (not being conceited ... you get it)
* I don't remember the last time I ordered french fries in a restaurant and I'm ok with that.
* I have an all time favourite photo from my party and so badly want to post it here but can't :(
* I've actually considered lately no longer being anonymous in my blog world (but then again for the most part it isn't anyway)
* I got to hear Wally be inside out excited to hear that we'll be hanging out together tonight - that was cool.
* We've been out of Peanut Butter Cup protein shakes for over a month and Dee gave me one at the gym for free today and I totally had a protein shake-gasm. mmmmmmmm
* I canoodled with a cat this morning. And liked it. The only time I considered getting a cat was when I thought it might be a fun toy for our dogs.
* My three favourite sayings are: 'I'm so hungry', 'I'm so tired', 'I'm so full'. If I am any of these three things you will hear about it several hundred times.
* I was reminded today that some friends are really given to us only for seasons. It made me a little sad.
* I think sitting in perfectly tempered sunshine is like a hug from God.
* Dee and I may actually be working on turning my body into a bikini clad creation. He's quite positive, I'm not so sure yet. (We renewed our sessions and are glad about it).
* Having money now is weird. But we aren't going to argue with it. We share.
* Even though I come off as unhuggable, some days I just want a big fat bear hug from someone who loves me.
* I really want to get 'disconnected' from technology but am afraid I will become 'disconnected' from people. I want to find a balance.
* I actually booked off 1 1/2 weeks from work (MIRACULOUS FOR ME!!!). I'm thinking about a retreat for myself.
* I realized I LOVE connecting with people any way I can. I love talking with them for real, I love 'for real' e-mails, I love making new unexpected friends. I wish I didn't feel so guilty being forward with strangers.
* I miss being loved by kids. There's really nothing like it.
* I'm tired.
* I'm hungry.
I better go ...
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
The Actual Party
Now onto the actual event...
Needless to say I got no sleep the night before the party. Probably for two reasons: I was so excited that Zoe was here for my party and I had a double chocolate chip frappuccino while at Starbucks.
When Wally and I got up I was exhausted. However the show went on. I got ready and went on my way to pick up Pumpkin (who had kindly agreed to do creative things with the fruits, veggies and made incredible cookies!!) to get groceries for the party. We went and were very successful in picking up what we needed at not horrific prices.
I dropped everything off (including Pumpkin - my sister in law) at the hall and I went to get my hair and make up done. After a quiet time at the hair dressers I got transformed into a movie star (well a slightly chubby movie star). Then I went to my parents to grab food and wait. It was weird to just wait but I did until I couldn't wait any longer and off I went back to the neighbouring town the party was in and picked up a necklace (cheap) to wear and got a boutonniere for Wally (because he was too cheap to get a new shirt). I got the key from Pumpkin and arrived at the hall to try and do something.
At that point all the little oldies were leaving from their card match and I started bout five different jobs without completing any of them. Wally and a friend of his in tow soon arrived.
In no time my miracle friend and Zoe came and did their magic along with my amazing decorator friend a whirl wind of creativity happened. Within 2 hours our hall was transformed into the perfect party setting, details and all. I was in awe. Complete awe.
We all got dressed (you know, cause we were nude) and waited for our guests to arrive. Not long before 7pm they started coming through the doors. I think after the first few came in the rest was a blur. An hour into it there were more people than I could possibly keep up with. In total we had over 112 people there.
As they took seats there was a buzz in the air. Conversations happening, people reconnecting, flashes of pictures being taken. I tried my best to connect with each person there but it was merely impossible. I'd have people come up to me and begin conversations only to be interrupted by another person who'd walked in the door. I found that some people would start into every day conversations with me about a broken down car, or some other event, or so and so in the hospital. Not exactly what I was expecting.
I'm not sure what I was expecting. Perhaps meaningful conversation right off the hop like 'I love you so much.' 'You mean something to me too.' 'Life really is a gift'. I don't know, something touching I guess. Don't get me wrong I did have a few say thank you for having the party (but let's be honest, they're getting a free buffet and night out, why wouldn't they say that). This just goes to show you how self centred we are (ok maybe just I am) when giving to others sometimes. I guess I just wanted affirmation on things, maybe even confirmation.
Anyhoo. A little after 8pm I made the big announcement everyone was waiting impatiently for. (Can I just say I've never been asked so many times if I was pregnant before in one stretch of time). I said my speech. The speech. I finally told everyone why they were here. Why we were all here. I expressed our gratitude for the people that were sitting in front of us. How much we loved them and how deeply they had changed our lives even if they were present for a short season in our lives. I almost cracked and broke down but I held it together and got through. I don't remember all I said just that Wally approved and sincerely felt I did well and covered all the bases (that's a huge compliment as he is the hardest on me and my speaking skills).
So after the seriousness we had a few fun games (including the newlywed game with our parents - it was pretty fun!) then we left people to mingle, eat and enjoy some dancin'.
I got out there and gave my legs a good workout during the dance. Was thankful for Wally's younger cousin who came (I'd guess she's maybe 12) who knew all the words to every song with accompanying moves. The music wasn't all that great but we coped. I enjoyed dancin' with my family, friends and especially my home church people that I haven't seen for a while.
I continued to see new faces that I'd forgotten would be there, get pictures taken and give a hug or two. But I have to be completely honest. Overall my party was one of the loneliest experiences I've had. There were so many people and only one me. I couldn't really connect with anyone the way I love connecting.
Now, just because I am saying that I was or felt lonely doesn't mean I didn't have a good time. I did. It also doesn't mean I regret having the party, I don't for a second. I guess I just learned how much I really get out of just simple connections.
My biggest hope out of all this I think will be realized more as time goes on. Memories do seem to get better with time - they already have in this case. I received a beautiful e-mail from my uncle's wife (he was married to my aunt that passed) and she said everything that I really wanted to hear. She seemed to 'get it'. That is what I wanted out of all of this. Someone to 'get' that life is short. to get that life is special. To understand how important it is to share your love for those around you while you have them.
That sort of brings me back to how I started my last post. I was talking with Smoky Mama on the phone earlier and she mentioned that Pumpkin couldn't figure out why I hadn't invited someone whom held a very influential role in my life early on. She apparently was a bit ticked off about it (as this person did definitely play a significant role at one point).
After thinking about it and being irritated that someone could possibly feel as if they could judge me on who I feel I wanted to be a part of my 'Celebrate Life' Party. I pondered. Was I a bitter human being? (More in regards to this person) No, not really. We parted, it was awkward. We did our best to make it the best parting it could be and considering the circumstances I think we both did as well as we could. Was I trying to hurt this person? No, I never see them really, it honestly never occurred to me that they would know anything about it (although that seems naive since we all come from Smallville).
Honestly I didn't feel it necessary to invite someone who doesn't celebrate me now. Though Wally and I aren't close to every person that was at our party they were connected to us and in a way we still feel connected to them, whether we drifted apart or life just took over. My significant former friend (whom I honestly wish well) and I did not drift at all we severed our friendship, with good intentions I think. Knowing that it was better for all involved (or at least Wally and I knew this) that we not pursue a close friendship any longer.
We wanted our party to be a celebration - period. Not obligatory invites and awkward moments. That's what our wedding was for.
So as I re-ponder who we included and who we didn't I feel no regret over those offered to come. We had the perfect people in attendance. People that love and accept us and were there for us when others turned their backs and didn't understand. Not every significant person in your life does that. Some unexpected seemingly insignificant people do.
When I think about it I guess that's what we really wanted to do ... throw a party for no significant reason at all, yet for every significant reason there could possibly be.
Well intended or not we did it. We're glad and we are truly grateful for all sorts of people who have come and gone through our lives whether they were at our celebration or not.
Do me favour: next time you see a party balloon, celebrate someone you know you deserves to be celebrated. You are the only one that can.
Cheers!
Needless to say I got no sleep the night before the party. Probably for two reasons: I was so excited that Zoe was here for my party and I had a double chocolate chip frappuccino while at Starbucks.
When Wally and I got up I was exhausted. However the show went on. I got ready and went on my way to pick up Pumpkin (who had kindly agreed to do creative things with the fruits, veggies and made incredible cookies!!) to get groceries for the party. We went and were very successful in picking up what we needed at not horrific prices.
I dropped everything off (including Pumpkin - my sister in law) at the hall and I went to get my hair and make up done. After a quiet time at the hair dressers I got transformed into a movie star (well a slightly chubby movie star). Then I went to my parents to grab food and wait. It was weird to just wait but I did until I couldn't wait any longer and off I went back to the neighbouring town the party was in and picked up a necklace (cheap) to wear and got a boutonniere for Wally (because he was too cheap to get a new shirt). I got the key from Pumpkin and arrived at the hall to try and do something.
At that point all the little oldies were leaving from their card match and I started bout five different jobs without completing any of them. Wally and a friend of his in tow soon arrived.
In no time my miracle friend and Zoe came and did their magic along with my amazing decorator friend a whirl wind of creativity happened. Within 2 hours our hall was transformed into the perfect party setting, details and all. I was in awe. Complete awe.
We all got dressed (you know, cause we were nude) and waited for our guests to arrive. Not long before 7pm they started coming through the doors. I think after the first few came in the rest was a blur. An hour into it there were more people than I could possibly keep up with. In total we had over 112 people there.
As they took seats there was a buzz in the air. Conversations happening, people reconnecting, flashes of pictures being taken. I tried my best to connect with each person there but it was merely impossible. I'd have people come up to me and begin conversations only to be interrupted by another person who'd walked in the door. I found that some people would start into every day conversations with me about a broken down car, or some other event, or so and so in the hospital. Not exactly what I was expecting.
I'm not sure what I was expecting. Perhaps meaningful conversation right off the hop like 'I love you so much.' 'You mean something to me too.' 'Life really is a gift'. I don't know, something touching I guess. Don't get me wrong I did have a few say thank you for having the party (but let's be honest, they're getting a free buffet and night out, why wouldn't they say that). This just goes to show you how self centred we are (ok maybe just I am) when giving to others sometimes. I guess I just wanted affirmation on things, maybe even confirmation.
Anyhoo. A little after 8pm I made the big announcement everyone was waiting impatiently for. (Can I just say I've never been asked so many times if I was pregnant before in one stretch of time). I said my speech. The speech. I finally told everyone why they were here. Why we were all here. I expressed our gratitude for the people that were sitting in front of us. How much we loved them and how deeply they had changed our lives even if they were present for a short season in our lives. I almost cracked and broke down but I held it together and got through. I don't remember all I said just that Wally approved and sincerely felt I did well and covered all the bases (that's a huge compliment as he is the hardest on me and my speaking skills).
So after the seriousness we had a few fun games (including the newlywed game with our parents - it was pretty fun!) then we left people to mingle, eat and enjoy some dancin'.
I got out there and gave my legs a good workout during the dance. Was thankful for Wally's younger cousin who came (I'd guess she's maybe 12) who knew all the words to every song with accompanying moves. The music wasn't all that great but we coped. I enjoyed dancin' with my family, friends and especially my home church people that I haven't seen for a while.
I continued to see new faces that I'd forgotten would be there, get pictures taken and give a hug or two. But I have to be completely honest. Overall my party was one of the loneliest experiences I've had. There were so many people and only one me. I couldn't really connect with anyone the way I love connecting.
Now, just because I am saying that I was or felt lonely doesn't mean I didn't have a good time. I did. It also doesn't mean I regret having the party, I don't for a second. I guess I just learned how much I really get out of just simple connections.
My biggest hope out of all this I think will be realized more as time goes on. Memories do seem to get better with time - they already have in this case. I received a beautiful e-mail from my uncle's wife (he was married to my aunt that passed) and she said everything that I really wanted to hear. She seemed to 'get it'. That is what I wanted out of all of this. Someone to 'get' that life is short. to get that life is special. To understand how important it is to share your love for those around you while you have them.
That sort of brings me back to how I started my last post. I was talking with Smoky Mama on the phone earlier and she mentioned that Pumpkin couldn't figure out why I hadn't invited someone whom held a very influential role in my life early on. She apparently was a bit ticked off about it (as this person did definitely play a significant role at one point).
After thinking about it and being irritated that someone could possibly feel as if they could judge me on who I feel I wanted to be a part of my 'Celebrate Life' Party. I pondered. Was I a bitter human being? (More in regards to this person) No, not really. We parted, it was awkward. We did our best to make it the best parting it could be and considering the circumstances I think we both did as well as we could. Was I trying to hurt this person? No, I never see them really, it honestly never occurred to me that they would know anything about it (although that seems naive since we all come from Smallville).
Honestly I didn't feel it necessary to invite someone who doesn't celebrate me now. Though Wally and I aren't close to every person that was at our party they were connected to us and in a way we still feel connected to them, whether we drifted apart or life just took over. My significant former friend (whom I honestly wish well) and I did not drift at all we severed our friendship, with good intentions I think. Knowing that it was better for all involved (or at least Wally and I knew this) that we not pursue a close friendship any longer.
We wanted our party to be a celebration - period. Not obligatory invites and awkward moments. That's what our wedding was for.
So as I re-ponder who we included and who we didn't I feel no regret over those offered to come. We had the perfect people in attendance. People that love and accept us and were there for us when others turned their backs and didn't understand. Not every significant person in your life does that. Some unexpected seemingly insignificant people do.
When I think about it I guess that's what we really wanted to do ... throw a party for no significant reason at all, yet for every significant reason there could possibly be.
Well intended or not we did it. We're glad and we are truly grateful for all sorts of people who have come and gone through our lives whether they were at our celebration or not.
Do me favour: next time you see a party balloon, celebrate someone you know you deserves to be celebrated. You are the only one that can.
Cheers!
The Pre - Party...
The party. The party. The party.
Where do I even start?
Well I could start with the conversation I just had with my mother in law about someone's opinion on who I did not invite to the party.
*sigh*
Or I could skip that garbage and just tell you what I'm feeling. I'll do that.
I sit in my living room now surrounded by remnants of a party bomb that went off upon our arrival home Sunday afternoon. My sparkly perfect party shoes are sitting on the coffee table - not sure why. Along with an opened bag of rice cakes, a dirty dish and my cell phone. Close by on the floor lies two check books, my contacts, contact juice, deodorant and scissors. An even larger heap of stray items lies a few feet away. A bag of apples, my party dress, necklace from that night, a serving platter, gym pants, dirty clothes and groceries I was too lazy to put away yesterday (more rice cakes, raw veggies and protein powder).
Essentially I am amidst a mess of my life which is what I feel like I have to work through before getting my thoughts out - however I will do my best.
The party...
The weeks leading up to it were chaotic and busy. Every spare minute filled with details, details, details. Phone calls, e-mails, confirmations and lots of bank transactions.
About two weeks before I had a serious melt down wondering if I was doing the right thing, wondering if my excitement for life had gotten completely out of control and insane. Well to be honest, it probably had but luckily I was surrounded by great friends who banded together to help me get everything done. One friend in particular made the difference.
I received an e-mail form someone I actually met on this blog. She sent the perfect e-mail offering all of her help, it didn't take me long to take her up on it. She was amazing and did more than I could have even imagined. She made all of the little details (like putting special quotes up on the walls, doing scrapbook pages and mounting photos on the wall) happen. I was astounded. She was making my dream party come true. Thank you to her (you know who you are!!!)
The cool part was she wasn't my closest friend, not someone that was there from the beginning of the planning, she was someone who was just really watching. Through our evenings together prepping I really found a true friend and that's been one of the best gifts I've been given during this event. I know she has no idea how much this had meant to me.
So ... anyone who reads my blog regularly knows that one of my closest friends was not able to make it due to a prior engagement that was very important as well. I blogged about my feelings and definitely was in a placement of understanding (though to be honest was disappointed a bit in the circumstances).
Early last week Wally asked me not to plan anything for the Friday evening before the party. At first I told him there would be stuff to do then as my miracle friend came along I no longer had to worry about it. I came home from work Friday and fell asleep on the couch waiting for him to come home. Once he was there he was very vague about what was going on. I asked him about food and what to do and he wouldn't give me a definite answer. I was hungry too (it was after 6pm). I asked him if I'd need to change and he said no (would never believe that next time). He told me I had time to have a nap. I told him I did not have time for a nap as I was hungry. He insisted and I laid down (for a second) then told him I was going to change).
Anyways after about an hour there was a phone call and Wally left and said he had to get something in the lobby. I asked no questions and secretly wondered if I was getting a surprise birthday party (30 is a respectable number!). I decided to begin ironing my pants. You know, cause that's what you do when you have time to kill.
The next thing I know I here the apartment door open and quiet footsteps. I look at the bedroom door behind me and see my close far away friend standing in the doorway. At this point I was standing with a hot iron in my hand screaming. I was in complete shock.
I immediately thought of my friend's prior commitment and left bad that she gave it up for me. I honestly did not feel deserving of such a sacrifice. I stood speechless in shock for a few minutes and still didn't really understand what was happening. Wally and Zoe stood together with smiles as I wanted to cry. They informed me that Zoe and I were going out - just the two of us!!! I didn't get it. You see Zoe and I have been friends since high school. She was the Maid of Honour in my wedding, I played for hers but we had never gone out on a girls night before as adults. She got married and moved far away and had babies making outings impossible. I spend a morning with her when I visited once (just the two of us) for brunch and parasialing but that was it. To be honest I had know idea if we'd have fun just the two of us (ok I knew we would but we'd never done it).
The rest of the night was pretty much a blur, I was in shock the entire time. Zoe was chatting and carrying on with conversations we'd had on the phone filling me in on her life, I in on mine but the whole time I was almost out of my body. We had a yummy dinner out (with girly drinks) and then starbucks drinks (I'm sure I drank a days' worth of calories just in that evening!). We talked and talked until we knew she had to go (as she had her 1 yr old daughter with her being looking after by her brother and sister in law).
You may be thinking 'Oh yeah, what's the big deal? She ditched her event for yours. Friends do that sometimes.' But for me it was so much more. You see Wally always gets after me about putting more into relationships than I get out. He will say 'You care too much for that person. They don't care about you the same way.' I often get disappointed when people don't respond or make me a priority (wow do I ever sound narcissistic?). This friend was someone Wally asked me to let go of in a sense. Not get rid of but to not rely on to have a close, relationship with expectations in the air. Do you know what I mean?
It wasn't that he didn't like her at all. It was that I was overly attached and disappointed when I wasn't being overly attached to. I did some soul searching and realized I had unhealthy and unrealistic expectations with Zoe. It was easy for me to visit since I had no kids, a flexible job and no other commitments. She has 2 small children, a husband who is a doctor, and many people who count on her. Still all I ever wanted was to be important enough to her to make the trip just for me. What an incredibly selfish thing. As I posted before in my head I completely understood. Completely. In heart a different story played on.
I am still processing the fact that one of my dearest friends made some serious sacrifices for me. She reciprocated her love for me. She loves me. This concept couldn't be any more huge for me to comprehend. I am so humbled. So incredibly humbled.
The best part is she had a great time. She said it was the best weekend she's ever had (even though she was only here for 46 hours!!!). I can't say the same about it being the best weekend of my life. But I can say her coming to see me is probably one of the best gifts I've ever been given and I even still as I write have not comprehended fully what she has done for me. I needed to know that right now. And to be honest I can't imagine not having her there now when I look back. You'll understand why in my next post.
To Zoe and my miracle friend - thank you for everything. But most of all for making me feel and know that I'm loved.
No greater gift than that.
Where do I even start?
Well I could start with the conversation I just had with my mother in law about someone's opinion on who I did not invite to the party.
*sigh*
Or I could skip that garbage and just tell you what I'm feeling. I'll do that.
I sit in my living room now surrounded by remnants of a party bomb that went off upon our arrival home Sunday afternoon. My sparkly perfect party shoes are sitting on the coffee table - not sure why. Along with an opened bag of rice cakes, a dirty dish and my cell phone. Close by on the floor lies two check books, my contacts, contact juice, deodorant and scissors. An even larger heap of stray items lies a few feet away. A bag of apples, my party dress, necklace from that night, a serving platter, gym pants, dirty clothes and groceries I was too lazy to put away yesterday (more rice cakes, raw veggies and protein powder).
Essentially I am amidst a mess of my life which is what I feel like I have to work through before getting my thoughts out - however I will do my best.
The party...
The weeks leading up to it were chaotic and busy. Every spare minute filled with details, details, details. Phone calls, e-mails, confirmations and lots of bank transactions.
About two weeks before I had a serious melt down wondering if I was doing the right thing, wondering if my excitement for life had gotten completely out of control and insane. Well to be honest, it probably had but luckily I was surrounded by great friends who banded together to help me get everything done. One friend in particular made the difference.
I received an e-mail form someone I actually met on this blog. She sent the perfect e-mail offering all of her help, it didn't take me long to take her up on it. She was amazing and did more than I could have even imagined. She made all of the little details (like putting special quotes up on the walls, doing scrapbook pages and mounting photos on the wall) happen. I was astounded. She was making my dream party come true. Thank you to her (you know who you are!!!)
The cool part was she wasn't my closest friend, not someone that was there from the beginning of the planning, she was someone who was just really watching. Through our evenings together prepping I really found a true friend and that's been one of the best gifts I've been given during this event. I know she has no idea how much this had meant to me.
So ... anyone who reads my blog regularly knows that one of my closest friends was not able to make it due to a prior engagement that was very important as well. I blogged about my feelings and definitely was in a placement of understanding (though to be honest was disappointed a bit in the circumstances).
Early last week Wally asked me not to plan anything for the Friday evening before the party. At first I told him there would be stuff to do then as my miracle friend came along I no longer had to worry about it. I came home from work Friday and fell asleep on the couch waiting for him to come home. Once he was there he was very vague about what was going on. I asked him about food and what to do and he wouldn't give me a definite answer. I was hungry too (it was after 6pm). I asked him if I'd need to change and he said no (would never believe that next time). He told me I had time to have a nap. I told him I did not have time for a nap as I was hungry. He insisted and I laid down (for a second) then told him I was going to change).
Anyways after about an hour there was a phone call and Wally left and said he had to get something in the lobby. I asked no questions and secretly wondered if I was getting a surprise birthday party (30 is a respectable number!). I decided to begin ironing my pants. You know, cause that's what you do when you have time to kill.
The next thing I know I here the apartment door open and quiet footsteps. I look at the bedroom door behind me and see my close far away friend standing in the doorway. At this point I was standing with a hot iron in my hand screaming. I was in complete shock.
I immediately thought of my friend's prior commitment and left bad that she gave it up for me. I honestly did not feel deserving of such a sacrifice. I stood speechless in shock for a few minutes and still didn't really understand what was happening. Wally and Zoe stood together with smiles as I wanted to cry. They informed me that Zoe and I were going out - just the two of us!!! I didn't get it. You see Zoe and I have been friends since high school. She was the Maid of Honour in my wedding, I played for hers but we had never gone out on a girls night before as adults. She got married and moved far away and had babies making outings impossible. I spend a morning with her when I visited once (just the two of us) for brunch and parasialing but that was it. To be honest I had know idea if we'd have fun just the two of us (ok I knew we would but we'd never done it).
The rest of the night was pretty much a blur, I was in shock the entire time. Zoe was chatting and carrying on with conversations we'd had on the phone filling me in on her life, I in on mine but the whole time I was almost out of my body. We had a yummy dinner out (with girly drinks) and then starbucks drinks (I'm sure I drank a days' worth of calories just in that evening!). We talked and talked until we knew she had to go (as she had her 1 yr old daughter with her being looking after by her brother and sister in law).
You may be thinking 'Oh yeah, what's the big deal? She ditched her event for yours. Friends do that sometimes.' But for me it was so much more. You see Wally always gets after me about putting more into relationships than I get out. He will say 'You care too much for that person. They don't care about you the same way.' I often get disappointed when people don't respond or make me a priority (wow do I ever sound narcissistic?). This friend was someone Wally asked me to let go of in a sense. Not get rid of but to not rely on to have a close, relationship with expectations in the air. Do you know what I mean?
It wasn't that he didn't like her at all. It was that I was overly attached and disappointed when I wasn't being overly attached to. I did some soul searching and realized I had unhealthy and unrealistic expectations with Zoe. It was easy for me to visit since I had no kids, a flexible job and no other commitments. She has 2 small children, a husband who is a doctor, and many people who count on her. Still all I ever wanted was to be important enough to her to make the trip just for me. What an incredibly selfish thing. As I posted before in my head I completely understood. Completely. In heart a different story played on.
I am still processing the fact that one of my dearest friends made some serious sacrifices for me. She reciprocated her love for me. She loves me. This concept couldn't be any more huge for me to comprehend. I am so humbled. So incredibly humbled.
The best part is she had a great time. She said it was the best weekend she's ever had (even though she was only here for 46 hours!!!). I can't say the same about it being the best weekend of my life. But I can say her coming to see me is probably one of the best gifts I've ever been given and I even still as I write have not comprehended fully what she has done for me. I needed to know that right now. And to be honest I can't imagine not having her there now when I look back. You'll understand why in my next post.
To Zoe and my miracle friend - thank you for everything. But most of all for making me feel and know that I'm loved.
No greater gift than that.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I'm fried ... like an egg.
So I've noticed from my sitemeter that people are clearly curious about the inner thoughts I have on the outcome of THE par-te. Well the title of this post is the sum up I think.
I hope to write tomorrow as I have a block of time unspoken for in the afternoon - a rarity.
Tonight however, I think I'm going to write about my current mental and physical state. May not sound as exciting as a party but it's definitely as significant at this point.
As I type I am sitting on my favourite bed in the house. It's so perfect. Perfectly soft. Perfectly firm. Perfectly ... perfect.
I have my favourite dog nestled beside me and my second favourite at my feet. I think they are glad I am on the bed with them.
Of course a few other things accompany us...
A large heap of un-ironed laundry from several weeks passed. Thank you notes from the party that were left over. I am also noticing doggie poop bags at my feet (unused) and Lord only knows what else is under the pile of crinkled clothing.
It's 8:45pm and I just woke up form an hours nap upon Wally's arrival home from a platonic date with a former female coworker (she's still female, but formerly his coworker).
I am completely exhaustified (that's my own word - I love this word and use it often).
I have come to the realization that I need to slow down my work life. Yes, I know, what's new? I've been talking about this for months but the realization came tome yesterday at 10am while at work.
I was with a lady with Autism who's in her late thirties I think. It was my first shift with her on my own. She's someone who's known to keep staff on their toes. She has favourites and I would say definitely needs to build a rapport with you before anyone feels comfortable (both her or you).
Anyways, I was so focused that morning on keep the rapport good and being on top of things that I totally made a med error. I gave her both morning and evening meds. Not a usual mistake for me at all. Not one anyone should easily make. The odd part was I realized it myself about a half hour after I did it and was practically struck by reality's lightning and just knew I made a mistake. I phoned my manager, then the pharmacist (who stated she would be fine and gave me instructions. I thought 'I'm glad she's not going to have a heart attack, but I might!').
I knew soon after that my mistake was due to fatigue and that I needed to change a few things. I need a break.
Today as I was heading into what I thought would be an easy day with a couple of predictable shifts reality once again put me into place.
It's one o clock in the afternoon and I am leisurely approaching the door to the apartment I was headed to and I see a staff outside on the phone looking frantic and the lady I was with yesterday near by. The staff was not someone who worked with this lady so the lady supported would not let the staff in, besides that the staff was on the way to another person's place. Apparently this lady's noon staff did not show up and everyone was emotionally disheveled.
Lady says to me 'Hi Eva'. I say hello and make some chit chat with her, get the low down from the staff. Lady would not let the staff in to help but instantly asked for me to come in and be with her. In fact she put out her hand to take mine and ushered me in as I allowed. I told the staff I would help Lady with lunch if they could call around and figure stuff out and let my other person know what was up.
I went in, helped with lunch and Lady settled immediately and seemed to make plans for us. Not long after the other staff said I was instructed to finish up with lunch, settle Lady into the afternoon then hop over to my original person to be seen. (Lady is still not allowing this staff in). As I prep lady on the fact that I would be going she sternly says 'Eva stays here. No go.' She clearly began to get agitated and I somehow let my neighbour staff know that I wasn't sure how I was going to leave. Every time I mentioned other staff coming in and that I had to go she got upset.
At one point I said I had to visit the neighbour and she followed me and waited out the door and as I opened the door to talk she could tell that something was wrong, escalated and went down the steps because she wanted to go. I quickly reminded her of her coat and took the chance to get her back into her place. I felt at that point that she would be better if I stayed with her so I did and asked for other staff to call a manager ASAP. I stayed and bought time with an invitation for a sit with some water and then a phone call while we waited. Lady was fixated on leaving with me. THen she noticed another neighbour with cake outside (there was a party downstairs. She's fixated on food - not good. She began to repetatively talk about the cake and wanting it. That's when I began to panic slightly. I needed to be relieved if I couldn't take her out.
This lasted a total of an hour and when finally someone showed they just popped in and told her that her original staff was coming and held the door open for me to leave (barely enough). Lady stood close to me and made a weird moaning sort of 'no' sound and I squeezed out reminding her of the next staff on their way. I quickly entered the apartment I was originally going to.
PHEW!!!! A huge sigh of relief (though still concerned for Lady). I was then reminded of a doctor's apt. I had to take my next person to - ugh. I was already tired from what I felt was the equivalent to a hostage undertaking. I went on with my afternoon and eventually spoke to the staff that Lady had (who Lady LOVES) and told her about what happened.
She said 'That's great!! She REALLY likes you!!' 'She NEVER does that with people!'
At that point I didn't know whether to be happy or scared. It felt good to be liked but challenged to be so new with this person that I didn't have all of the answers and perfect responses.
All in all it was fine. I completed my scattered shift that followed and stayed an extra half hour to complete notes regarding the doc apt. Then found out I couldn't go to my next person due to an outbreak on the floor of the nursing home this young lady was on. What a relief I was already sooooooo done.
Leaving me time to snooze and time to write. I sooo miss blogging, reflecting, thinking and sharing. I really do love it.
Now I sit here working hard to keep my eyes open and feeling like I've spend a day int he hot sun sapped of energy - you know those days?
I spoke to my manager on the way out today and told her I thought my mistake was due to being tapped out. She agreed and encouraged me in the fact that I recognized it. I mentioned to her about taking time off and she was glad about it. I also had a great conversation earlier today with an awesome co worker that informed me of my 'fried' state and insisted I take a week off.
So. I'm going to. I don't know the date or sure. I think in June immediately after my 6 month probation period is up. Right before I support 2 guys at the cottage for 4 days (that sounds relaxing but I'll need a holiday afterwards too!!)
I think this is the perfect time to do this realizing. AFter my party I mean. It's been a time of great reflection for me anyways, this is even better.
I have so much to share on my feelings of the 'Big Event'. So many things I am shocked to learn about how I would feel. It'll be good for me to share.
Really good.
I hope to write tomorrow as I have a block of time unspoken for in the afternoon - a rarity.
Tonight however, I think I'm going to write about my current mental and physical state. May not sound as exciting as a party but it's definitely as significant at this point.
As I type I am sitting on my favourite bed in the house. It's so perfect. Perfectly soft. Perfectly firm. Perfectly ... perfect.
I have my favourite dog nestled beside me and my second favourite at my feet. I think they are glad I am on the bed with them.
Of course a few other things accompany us...
A large heap of un-ironed laundry from several weeks passed. Thank you notes from the party that were left over. I am also noticing doggie poop bags at my feet (unused) and Lord only knows what else is under the pile of crinkled clothing.
It's 8:45pm and I just woke up form an hours nap upon Wally's arrival home from a platonic date with a former female coworker (she's still female, but formerly his coworker).
I am completely exhaustified (that's my own word - I love this word and use it often).
I have come to the realization that I need to slow down my work life. Yes, I know, what's new? I've been talking about this for months but the realization came tome yesterday at 10am while at work.
I was with a lady with Autism who's in her late thirties I think. It was my first shift with her on my own. She's someone who's known to keep staff on their toes. She has favourites and I would say definitely needs to build a rapport with you before anyone feels comfortable (both her or you).
Anyways, I was so focused that morning on keep the rapport good and being on top of things that I totally made a med error. I gave her both morning and evening meds. Not a usual mistake for me at all. Not one anyone should easily make. The odd part was I realized it myself about a half hour after I did it and was practically struck by reality's lightning and just knew I made a mistake. I phoned my manager, then the pharmacist (who stated she would be fine and gave me instructions. I thought 'I'm glad she's not going to have a heart attack, but I might!').
I knew soon after that my mistake was due to fatigue and that I needed to change a few things. I need a break.
Today as I was heading into what I thought would be an easy day with a couple of predictable shifts reality once again put me into place.
It's one o clock in the afternoon and I am leisurely approaching the door to the apartment I was headed to and I see a staff outside on the phone looking frantic and the lady I was with yesterday near by. The staff was not someone who worked with this lady so the lady supported would not let the staff in, besides that the staff was on the way to another person's place. Apparently this lady's noon staff did not show up and everyone was emotionally disheveled.
Lady says to me 'Hi Eva'. I say hello and make some chit chat with her, get the low down from the staff. Lady would not let the staff in to help but instantly asked for me to come in and be with her. In fact she put out her hand to take mine and ushered me in as I allowed. I told the staff I would help Lady with lunch if they could call around and figure stuff out and let my other person know what was up.
I went in, helped with lunch and Lady settled immediately and seemed to make plans for us. Not long after the other staff said I was instructed to finish up with lunch, settle Lady into the afternoon then hop over to my original person to be seen. (Lady is still not allowing this staff in). As I prep lady on the fact that I would be going she sternly says 'Eva stays here. No go.' She clearly began to get agitated and I somehow let my neighbour staff know that I wasn't sure how I was going to leave. Every time I mentioned other staff coming in and that I had to go she got upset.
At one point I said I had to visit the neighbour and she followed me and waited out the door and as I opened the door to talk she could tell that something was wrong, escalated and went down the steps because she wanted to go. I quickly reminded her of her coat and took the chance to get her back into her place. I felt at that point that she would be better if I stayed with her so I did and asked for other staff to call a manager ASAP. I stayed and bought time with an invitation for a sit with some water and then a phone call while we waited. Lady was fixated on leaving with me. THen she noticed another neighbour with cake outside (there was a party downstairs. She's fixated on food - not good. She began to repetatively talk about the cake and wanting it. That's when I began to panic slightly. I needed to be relieved if I couldn't take her out.
This lasted a total of an hour and when finally someone showed they just popped in and told her that her original staff was coming and held the door open for me to leave (barely enough). Lady stood close to me and made a weird moaning sort of 'no' sound and I squeezed out reminding her of the next staff on their way. I quickly entered the apartment I was originally going to.
PHEW!!!! A huge sigh of relief (though still concerned for Lady). I was then reminded of a doctor's apt. I had to take my next person to - ugh. I was already tired from what I felt was the equivalent to a hostage undertaking. I went on with my afternoon and eventually spoke to the staff that Lady had (who Lady LOVES) and told her about what happened.
She said 'That's great!! She REALLY likes you!!' 'She NEVER does that with people!'
At that point I didn't know whether to be happy or scared. It felt good to be liked but challenged to be so new with this person that I didn't have all of the answers and perfect responses.
All in all it was fine. I completed my scattered shift that followed and stayed an extra half hour to complete notes regarding the doc apt. Then found out I couldn't go to my next person due to an outbreak on the floor of the nursing home this young lady was on. What a relief I was already sooooooo done.
Leaving me time to snooze and time to write. I sooo miss blogging, reflecting, thinking and sharing. I really do love it.
Now I sit here working hard to keep my eyes open and feeling like I've spend a day int he hot sun sapped of energy - you know those days?
I spoke to my manager on the way out today and told her I thought my mistake was due to being tapped out. She agreed and encouraged me in the fact that I recognized it. I mentioned to her about taking time off and she was glad about it. I also had a great conversation earlier today with an awesome co worker that informed me of my 'fried' state and insisted I take a week off.
So. I'm going to. I don't know the date or sure. I think in June immediately after my 6 month probation period is up. Right before I support 2 guys at the cottage for 4 days (that sounds relaxing but I'll need a holiday afterwards too!!)
I think this is the perfect time to do this realizing. AFter my party I mean. It's been a time of great reflection for me anyways, this is even better.
I have so much to share on my feelings of the 'Big Event'. So many things I am shocked to learn about how I would feel. It'll be good for me to share.
Really good.
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