Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Pre - Party...

The party. The party. The party.

Where do I even start?

Well I could start with the conversation I just had with my mother in law about someone's opinion on who I did not invite to the party.


Or I could skip that garbage and just tell you what I'm feeling. I'll do that.

I sit in my living room now surrounded by remnants of a party bomb that went off upon our arrival home Sunday afternoon. My sparkly perfect party shoes are sitting on the coffee table - not sure why. Along with an opened bag of rice cakes, a dirty dish and my cell phone. Close by on the floor lies two check books, my contacts, contact juice, deodorant and scissors. An even larger heap of stray items lies a few feet away. A bag of apples, my party dress, necklace from that night, a serving platter, gym pants, dirty clothes and groceries I was too lazy to put away yesterday (more rice cakes, raw veggies and protein powder).

Essentially I am amidst a mess of my life which is what I feel like I have to work through before getting my thoughts out - however I will do my best.

The party...

The weeks leading up to it were chaotic and busy. Every spare minute filled with details, details, details. Phone calls, e-mails, confirmations and lots of bank transactions.

About two weeks before I had a serious melt down wondering if I was doing the right thing, wondering if my excitement for life had gotten completely out of control and insane. Well to be honest, it probably had but luckily I was surrounded by great friends who banded together to help me get everything done. One friend in particular made the difference.

I received an e-mail form someone I actually met on this blog. She sent the perfect e-mail offering all of her help, it didn't take me long to take her up on it. She was amazing and did more than I could have even imagined. She made all of the little details (like putting special quotes up on the walls, doing scrapbook pages and mounting photos on the wall) happen. I was astounded. She was making my dream party come true. Thank you to her (you know who you are!!!)

The cool part was she wasn't my closest friend, not someone that was there from the beginning of the planning, she was someone who was just really watching. Through our evenings together prepping I really found a true friend and that's been one of the best gifts I've been given during this event. I know she has no idea how much this had meant to me.

So ... anyone who reads my blog regularly knows that one of my closest friends was not able to make it due to a prior engagement that was very important as well. I blogged about my feelings and definitely was in a placement of understanding (though to be honest was disappointed a bit in the circumstances).

Early last week Wally asked me not to plan anything for the Friday evening before the party. At first I told him there would be stuff to do then as my miracle friend came along I no longer had to worry about it. I came home from work Friday and fell asleep on the couch waiting for him to come home. Once he was there he was very vague about what was going on. I asked him about food and what to do and he wouldn't give me a definite answer. I was hungry too (it was after 6pm). I asked him if I'd need to change and he said no (would never believe that next time). He told me I had time to have a nap. I told him I did not have time for a nap as I was hungry. He insisted and I laid down (for a second) then told him I was going to change).

Anyways after about an hour there was a phone call and Wally left and said he had to get something in the lobby. I asked no questions and secretly wondered if I was getting a surprise birthday party (30 is a respectable number!). I decided to begin ironing my pants. You know, cause that's what you do when you have time to kill.

The next thing I know I here the apartment door open and quiet footsteps. I look at the bedroom door behind me and see my close far away friend standing in the doorway. At this point I was standing with a hot iron in my hand screaming. I was in complete shock.

I immediately thought of my friend's prior commitment and left bad that she gave it up for me. I honestly did not feel deserving of such a sacrifice. I stood speechless in shock for a few minutes and still didn't really understand what was happening. Wally and Zoe stood together with smiles as I wanted to cry. They informed me that Zoe and I were going out - just the two of us!!! I didn't get it. You see Zoe and I have been friends since high school. She was the Maid of Honour in my wedding, I played for hers but we had never gone out on a girls night before as adults. She got married and moved far away and had babies making outings impossible. I spend a morning with her when I visited once (just the two of us) for brunch and parasialing but that was it. To be honest I had know idea if we'd have fun just the two of us (ok I knew we would but we'd never done it).

The rest of the night was pretty much a blur, I was in shock the entire time. Zoe was chatting and carrying on with conversations we'd had on the phone filling me in on her life, I in on mine but the whole time I was almost out of my body. We had a yummy dinner out (with girly drinks) and then starbucks drinks (I'm sure I drank a days' worth of calories just in that evening!). We talked and talked until we knew she had to go (as she had her 1 yr old daughter with her being looking after by her brother and sister in law).

You may be thinking 'Oh yeah, what's the big deal? She ditched her event for yours. Friends do that sometimes.' But for me it was so much more. You see Wally always gets after me about putting more into relationships than I get out. He will say 'You care too much for that person. They don't care about you the same way.' I often get disappointed when people don't respond or make me a priority (wow do I ever sound narcissistic?). This friend was someone Wally asked me to let go of in a sense. Not get rid of but to not rely on to have a close, relationship with expectations in the air. Do you know what I mean?

It wasn't that he didn't like her at all. It was that I was overly attached and disappointed when I wasn't being overly attached to. I did some soul searching and realized I had unhealthy and unrealistic expectations with Zoe. It was easy for me to visit since I had no kids, a flexible job and no other commitments. She has 2 small children, a husband who is a doctor, and many people who count on her. Still all I ever wanted was to be important enough to her to make the trip just for me. What an incredibly selfish thing. As I posted before in my head I completely understood. Completely. In heart a different story played on.

I am still processing the fact that one of my dearest friends made some serious sacrifices for me. She reciprocated her love for me. She loves me. This concept couldn't be any more huge for me to comprehend. I am so humbled. So incredibly humbled.

The best part is she had a great time. She said it was the best weekend she's ever had (even though she was only here for 46 hours!!!). I can't say the same about it being the best weekend of my life. But I can say her coming to see me is probably one of the best gifts I've ever been given and I even still as I write have not comprehended fully what she has done for me. I needed to know that right now. And to be honest I can't imagine not having her there now when I look back. You'll understand why in my next post.

To Zoe and my miracle friend - thank you for everything. But most of all for making me feel and know that I'm loved.

No greater gift than that.


Anonymous said...

I felt like I was being a bit pushy in "forcing" you to take my help, but I know when people offer to hel, I say no because I like to think that I can handle everything on my own. So I felt like it was time to give you a little tough love :)

I loved helping you and definitley felt that it made our friendship grow. I had so many laughs with you and am so glad to have someone to joke with. Thanks for letting me help :)

"Miracle Max"
You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles(Princess Bride)

Zoe said...

Like I said, just getting to surprise you and spend Friday evening together made everything totally worthwhile... getting to see you at the party was all extra - and I had a BLAST at your party!! Thank you, thank you, thank you for a million reasons for having the party.

More explained later...

love you!