It's 4:30am and I'm awake because I'm excited. Ridiculous. Why? Because I invited exactly 5 more people to read my blog.
It's kind of odd that I'm excited about it knowing what I know from what can happen when one invites others into their head, but I am. I know that there's a big chance no one will read past my recent adventures into all of the other writing I've done about my life, things that have changed it, changed me.
Since last summer when I started the blog I was really only on a quest to 'get it all out', all of my thoughts, feelings and emotions I've had thus far in life (or at least all I've had since last summer while recounting the whole thing). Wally teased me about starting it as 'who was going to read it?' And I was going to become 'one of those people'. I think he's since realized I'm a narcissist by nature so it's really only natural.
I've realized that blogging, for me, has been cathartic and healing. Not just through the writing but even more so through the handful of people that I've been privileged to get to know as well.
I've mentioned before somewhere on this thing that I often spend time reading my own writing. I laugh out loud, I cry (shhhhh don't tell anyone, people think I'm stone, I kinda like it that way), and I re think my reactions to the world around me. I just find it amazing how I can have moments after I've written something, hours or even days later, when I go 'That's it! That's why!'.
I had one of those moments yesterday and it's amazing how you can really grasp something you didn't think you could grasp until you just mulled it over in your heart and mind. I love it!
For me understanding others is one of the greatest gifts I could have, however I am such an incredibly long way from perfecting it, as I'm certain I get more judgmental everyday. But as my blog title says 'I'm a work in progress'. (Apparently every one else is too as there are a million other blogs with that name - a hopeful thing).
All that to say though I'm terrified to be disagreed with, loved too much, answered every time I have a question, or my worst fear of all, being completely misunderstood. I will continue, every now and then, to stretch out my fearful self and invite others in. Because I've learned that out of the many that might want to 'see inside' there will always be one, every so often, that will 'connect' and 'get it'. And for that one more person in the world that I get to be real with, it's completely worth it.
I've invited 5 people to read my blog (6 including Dee, who will soon be renamed) and I already know that it was worth it, because I have 'connected'.
Thank you. What a huge gift for me. I don't take it for granted.
3 comments:
I've spent the last couple of hours reading your blog and trying to catch up from July...if I go blind, I fully intend to blame you! So, now that I have finished the journey (and downed a couple of glasses of Pinot Grigio, no reflection), my plan is to re-read some of my favorite posts and comment. Not because I honestly think my opinion is important but because there is a "comment" option and I like having options.
Thanks for letting me be one of your five, er six :)
Not sure which of the 5 or 6 you are (have a guess) but welcome to my head. Honoured to have someone read along.
Oh, the fun of anonymity!
You should add "become a super sleuth for a day" to your adventure list, you could even start calling Wally "Watson". This could lead to some super fun role playing (do you smoke?)and if you go to a murder mystery dinner show that might count towards that creatively cool date with Watson/Wally.
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