My First Beating

Scroll down and read 'Explanations' first.

Ok so Dee didn't beat me ... per se.

I arrived at the gym with bells on my shoes ready to go for my first official workout with a real live trainer.

Here's the scoop on Dee: He's a pro wrestler. It's true. He apparently 'rose to the top' in early 2000 and in 2002/03 gave it up to be a dad. I'm not exactly sure what that means but I think it's cool. He still does wrestling on the weekends and 'shows' I guess, don't know what that entails. He's obviously fit (like muscle man with a little head, very white teeth and tan skinned fit). And he's super nice - well as nice as someone can be who's bringing you more physical pain than you've ever experienced in life can bring.

So I met Dee he told me to go do 3 minutes or so on a bike in the front area (where people can see you!) and he'd meet me after he checked out my eating for the past day or so.

Once I figured that out and he met me and said, after he looked over my previous day's eating, 'I think this is the first time I've ever told someone they were eating really well. The only this I would say is you have to eat more.'

At that point the heavens parted and the angels sang.

Then the little voice in my head said 'Yeah you didn't show him what you ate the day before that or the days before that'.

I thought the little voice to shut up and I gleamed with pride.

That's when we uprooted ourselves and went on with the workout.

I won't give you every horrid detail. I'll just say that the picture of the bucket should explain something (if you've ever seen 'The Biggest Loser' you'd understand). Dee was warning me of a point that may come in the workout when I could begin to feel nauseous, he said that it generally comes out of nowhere and if so to sit down. He began telling me that he used to train a guy that was in his 20's out of shape, and for the first 13 workouts vomited every time. He told the kid that he really couldn't be doing that every week or Dee would get in trouble (I guess for seemingly pushing him too hard). The kid pushed through determined to do his best and by the 14th session didn't puke anymore.

My first thoughts 'Pffst. Like I'm going to want to vomit. Whatever.'

Maybe 5 or 10 minutes later I was standing during a break and Dee was talking and I sure enough felt a wave coming on. Not the surfing kind either.

I sat down, told him how I felt and he got me some orange juice. He talked me through it and explained when I asked, that it was your body telling you you've gone far enough and that it was beginning to shut down basically.

At that body I felt like I could have literally fell into a bed and slept - it was so weird because usually even if your body is tired when working out you have adrenaline pumping and you may be weak but not ready for sleep. I was ready for sleep.

I sat for 5 minutes before the nausea passed with Dee talking about how it was great I made it through 40 minutes out of the hour so well, blah, blah, blah. You know when you hear those words: 'No really you did great', when you don't need convincing that you did great (or at least your best), the encouragement seems more like a mock. well I forgave Dee and decided he wouldn't have known better. Seeing as he's fit and all.

We finished by doing some interesting stretching involving Dee grabbing a couple of my arms and yanking to and fro in a way that felt strangely great. As he was wrapping up a general spiel and I was gearing up to get out of there I heard him say 'So now you just need to head over and do 20 minutes of cardio and you'll be good to go'.

In my head, and only in my head, I said 'What the @#%$@#$%!!!' (no I didn't swear)

Then slowly headed over to do my cardio even though it would make me late and tired-er.

In one word I would describe my first workout experience with a trainer as: wobble-y.

Hope you're getting the picture ... and laughing with me.

P.S. This day was the predecessor to the Monkey wincing that I posted lastnight. the monkey wincing definitely describes me the day after my first beating. To a tee.