Today I finished my first full week of my placement for school. What can I say ... wow! It's going to be an intense 13 weeks to come!
You may be wondering what a typical day of my placement is like, or you may not give two hoots. Here's one of my days in short... (For the record I've decided to forget about editing and worrying about being a writer while I am blogging on the fly. I realized today how much I miss sharing my thoughts about my regular old days, so I figured rather than worry about perfection I'd just whip out what I could and if people want to read it, it's there).
Hmmmm which wacko day should I tell you about? Thinking, thinking, thinking ....
Yesterday is fresh in my mind, why not it? (I may share a couple of other first days too, but we'll start here).
I started my day later Wednesday because I would be going pretty late in the day. The first person of the day for me to see was a lady named Vivvie. She's 54 years old, crippled up pretty bad in a wheelchair because of an accident when she was 5 that left her non ambulatory, non verbal, and unable to do much at all with her one side. Vivvie has a clear mind but has refused to use any method of communication created for her which leaves her to only use her own sign language, moaning, and some pointing - leaving those initially working with her (aka me) ready to pull their hair out (not because of her, but because of me not able to understand). Vivvie cannot read but does manage to do a few things for herself like heat food in the toaster oven, however with much work and challenge.
On my first visit I was 'shadowing' a worker named Bill who is younger than myself, soft spoken, carries a somewhat nervous laughter but a gentle and caring way in all I saw him do. I walked in and met Vivvie, who had began preparing her lunch in the toaster oven and Bill quickly took over for her, getting her food ready, then busily cleaning up the cat litter, some other odd jobs, then proceeded to work with Vivvie on a grocery list.
Ok so when I heard Bill say that they would make a grocery list I thought 'This will only take a minute or two'. Boy was I wrong. I was wrong because if it were me the grocery list making would've consisted of me peeking through the fridge and the cupboards for what was needing to be replenished. Instead it took Bill a good half hour to forty five minutes. Why you ask? No, not because he's a man. Because Bill had Vivvie participating in the chore completely. Bill carefully and considerately went through the fridge, looking at each shelf and asking about any potential items that Vivvie wanted. Remember Vivvie is non verbal so to guess what she was asking for beyond what you were asking her about was a tedious and intense process of actions, moans, points and A LOT of guessing.
I watched as Bill was able to guess yogurt, bread, bananas, and the one that shocked me when he got home: a specific sandwich spread she hadn't asked for in ages. Like how did he do that?!!! Seriously he started with sandwich meat and figured out sandwich spread and the flavor and brand and everything!! I was beyond impressed.
When Bill was done making the list he said that he would have to pop out for a few minutes to get the groceries (in reality I think it was an eternity, or an hour and a half - whichever). He said I could get to know Vivvie better. Off he went and I sat while Vivvie went back to her meal. I realized quickly that her food was cold and she wanted it reheated but didn't want to ask me. I allowed her to try on her own to do it and when I saw that it was difficult I intervened and asked if she wanted help. She nodded yes. I helped her out while trying to chat with her all the while. It wasn't long and the food was ready.
As she ate I noticed Vivvie trying to reach for napkins a couple of times so I offered help and she accepted - I never knew how good it could feel to have help accepted. We're taught in school to allow and encourage as much independence as possible, that's what I was trying to do. Some people refuse any sort of help, when Vivvie accepted mine I was glad.
As time passed I was able to sort of chat with her a bit and she tried to chat with me. At one point she was desperately trying to tell me something and I was trying to guess. She was motioning as if she was opening a bottle with the side of her leg (popping the top off) and then drinking it. Then she'd tap on her chair. I would ask 'Are you thirsty? Do you need a drink?' and she would shake her head. She did it a few times and then gave up. I told her that I was no good for helping and that I was sorry. I was able to understand a few things (which I was overjoyed about).
A while into our alone time a couple of VON ladies whisked into her room to change her brief and prep her ventilator. They obviously had an awesome re pore with Vivvie and did a fabulous job connecting with her and giving me ideas on things we could do together in the future (Vivvie and I). Not long after they whisked in Vivvie began doing the same drink and tapping signs she tried with me (to no avail) and one of the nurses responded with 'You want some hard liquor eh?' They chuckled, I laughed. She was just trying to joke around! Ahhh. At that point I told Vivvie that maybe we'd go out for drinks when I was off. She then made signs of being sick to which someone interpreted them for me as she can't drink much anymore because she gets sicks. Apparently she was a partier back in the day.
The VON nurses also shared Vivvie's secret crush on Bill the worker and her affinity towards Antonio Banderas (sp?) - I loved it. Her sense of humour also came out when she was having difficulty breathing and was coughing pretty bad. She made some signs pointing to a hook in her kitchen and Bill knew she was referring to hanging up her doctor and then she'd pretend she was the cat (her catch is a bit evil) clawing at him. After which she showed her fist and then flailed her middle finger. Obviously her doctor isn't her favourite person. Obviously Vivvie had an incredible sense of humour (and perhaps some pent up anger).
In the end I came out of our visit together excited about the opportunities I would have to get Vivvie out and about while I was doing my placement. I will have 3 hours a week with her to do social activities and outing. Something she doesn't get really at all because all of her support is wrapped up in taking care of her daily physical/medical needs. Don't get me wrong, I'm a bit overwhelmed at the idea that I need to learn how to book the para-transit system, call VON (her health care staff)to organize help pre-outing and take Vivvie (who'd be relying on me for her communication - eek!) out into the community. However at the same time I'm so excited to be a part of giving someone the opportunity to live a fuller life out in the community and to experience all those things we take for granted. A simple trip to the dollar store, a meal at a restaurant, trip bowling or to the movies would make Vivvie's month. What a privilege I have. When I get frustrated (which may be often) I need to remember this.
Well, This wasn't my whole day, in fact it was only a third of it but it was one of the many interesting people I will be supporting for the next 14 weeks. I hope you enjoyed meeting Vivvie. I think I will try and maybe share a bit about each person I get to spend time with through my week. I don't think you'd be disappointed with any of their stories. Perhaps I will try and get a couple posted over the weekend.
I have to say it again - I love my job and I love the people I support even more ... and it's only just begun!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
No sleep
Ok so this is a random, 'I'm up at midnight totally wide awake, about nothing in particular' post. I usually write it in MS Word then copy and paste but I'm trying to live dangerously these days so I'll give this a whirl.
I wrote a post the other day about my first day at placement but it hasn't been finished or edited so it clearly hasn't found a home on here yet, we'll see if that changes. Since I haven't written much lately at all about my current situation maybe I'll fill you in and give a refresher.
Last Wednesday was my first official day of my final placement with school. This is basically like an unpaid job for approximately 30 hours a week (for 15 weeks). Mine is with an organization that does Supported Independent Living with people with developmental disabilities. I will be meeting with between 2 and 5 different people everyday either in their homes or supporting them at different programs through out the city. I have only met two of the people I'll be with and so far I've really enjoyed it and them. I'm sure I'll have some great stories too. I'm not sure how great I'll be at blogging, considering my life will be literally taken up by 8 hours of school, 30 hours of work and 30 hours of placement and some study time somewhere in there - EEK!!
Tonight I went out for my last evening coffee time with Sista to celebrate her getting the 40 hour contract that she applied for (you see she was doing my 30 hour one for only a year then returning to her old 40 hour job when Bro's 40 hour contract came up and she got it). I wasn't so sure I'd be able to survive the 30 hour work week without her understanding spirit. I'll be honest, I'm still wondering if I made the wisest decision. However, I keep reminding myself it's only for 13 weeks. I start my contract next weekend. Be on your knees for me!
The other night I was out with my girls: Lovie, Artsy, and Shell Bell (at an amazing Thai restaurant all should visit) and when we were leaving someone mentioned planning our next get together and I sadly said that they should make sure to take pictures because I would not be there. Shell Bell said that they should take a picture of me and add it into their poses so that I would still show up in the pictures. This gave me a great idea (well really corny but great too).
I thought, why not print off a few 8 X 10 pictures of my face and have different people take their pictures of me doing fun things with them, things I can't do because I will be too busy to join in? I attempted to recruit some peeps to help out on the weekend and had several reply, I just need to tell them my idea. Though this is a very cheesy idea I feel like it may be essential to my sanity. You see I have a great conviction to live right? I mean I try never to say things like 'I can't wait until this is over' (which I'll confess has run through my mind a couple of times lately) or 'Everything will be great once I get through this...'. I think these are terrible things to have permanently running through your mind because who knows if I'll be around until after the 'storm has passed'. I think that we should try to live wonderfully through the storm instead (I actually love storms).
That's my current dilemma, or should I say challenge. Yes, I'll say challenge. How to encounter a crazy, potentially stressful, hectic, tiring and insane schedule of new experiences, deadlines, and stretching of my limits without giving up on truly living honestly and loving it. One of my biggest pet peeves are people that hate their lives and don't do anything about it. Or they just complain their way through - I can't stand it. I say 'Change it!'
However some situations you cannot change and some situations you simply put yourself in to see what happens. I'd say that the latter is my case. I've done this completely by choice and am now trying to think of ways that I can not only survive what I've done but thrive during this time. I'm gonna need some help ...I'm gonna need lots of help. The best way to cure a situation like this is to laugh, a lot, so that's what I'm hoping I will do. We'll see if the experiment goes anywhere...
I realize I sound a tad on the psychotic side but we all do sometimes right? (Just say right), it is after midnight now and I am seriously feeling deranged at this moment. Anyway, not my most insightful post but it's me, take it or leave it.
good night.
I wrote a post the other day about my first day at placement but it hasn't been finished or edited so it clearly hasn't found a home on here yet, we'll see if that changes. Since I haven't written much lately at all about my current situation maybe I'll fill you in and give a refresher.
Last Wednesday was my first official day of my final placement with school. This is basically like an unpaid job for approximately 30 hours a week (for 15 weeks). Mine is with an organization that does Supported Independent Living with people with developmental disabilities. I will be meeting with between 2 and 5 different people everyday either in their homes or supporting them at different programs through out the city. I have only met two of the people I'll be with and so far I've really enjoyed it and them. I'm sure I'll have some great stories too. I'm not sure how great I'll be at blogging, considering my life will be literally taken up by 8 hours of school, 30 hours of work and 30 hours of placement and some study time somewhere in there - EEK!!
Tonight I went out for my last evening coffee time with Sista to celebrate her getting the 40 hour contract that she applied for (you see she was doing my 30 hour one for only a year then returning to her old 40 hour job when Bro's 40 hour contract came up and she got it). I wasn't so sure I'd be able to survive the 30 hour work week without her understanding spirit. I'll be honest, I'm still wondering if I made the wisest decision. However, I keep reminding myself it's only for 13 weeks. I start my contract next weekend. Be on your knees for me!
The other night I was out with my girls: Lovie, Artsy, and Shell Bell (at an amazing Thai restaurant all should visit) and when we were leaving someone mentioned planning our next get together and I sadly said that they should make sure to take pictures because I would not be there. Shell Bell said that they should take a picture of me and add it into their poses so that I would still show up in the pictures. This gave me a great idea (well really corny but great too).
I thought, why not print off a few 8 X 10 pictures of my face and have different people take their pictures of me doing fun things with them, things I can't do because I will be too busy to join in? I attempted to recruit some peeps to help out on the weekend and had several reply, I just need to tell them my idea. Though this is a very cheesy idea I feel like it may be essential to my sanity. You see I have a great conviction to live right? I mean I try never to say things like 'I can't wait until this is over' (which I'll confess has run through my mind a couple of times lately) or 'Everything will be great once I get through this...'. I think these are terrible things to have permanently running through your mind because who knows if I'll be around until after the 'storm has passed'. I think that we should try to live wonderfully through the storm instead (I actually love storms).
That's my current dilemma, or should I say challenge. Yes, I'll say challenge. How to encounter a crazy, potentially stressful, hectic, tiring and insane schedule of new experiences, deadlines, and stretching of my limits without giving up on truly living honestly and loving it. One of my biggest pet peeves are people that hate their lives and don't do anything about it. Or they just complain their way through - I can't stand it. I say 'Change it!'
However some situations you cannot change and some situations you simply put yourself in to see what happens. I'd say that the latter is my case. I've done this completely by choice and am now trying to think of ways that I can not only survive what I've done but thrive during this time. I'm gonna need some help ...I'm gonna need lots of help. The best way to cure a situation like this is to laugh, a lot, so that's what I'm hoping I will do. We'll see if the experiment goes anywhere...
I realize I sound a tad on the psychotic side but we all do sometimes right? (Just say right), it is after midnight now and I am seriously feeling deranged at this moment. Anyway, not my most insightful post but it's me, take it or leave it.
good night.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
40 Day Adventure Summary!
Items NOT completed:
#1 – Stop eating sugary, baked goods and chocolate for 40 days
This one lasted exactly 14 days and I truly loved while I was doing it. I didn’t find it difficult at all not to succumb to my ‘addiction’ because I was really engaged in life. I’ve learned this is a day by day thing I will work on for life …I’ll keep you tuned in.
#13 – Have my closest aunt over for a sleepover
I was sad but not surprised that I wasn’t able to pull this one off. In fact I’m not sure why I put this one on my list at this point. I think that I figured by putting it on ‘THE list’ that I would make it magically happen. Here’s the catch. My aunt has been caring for her dying mother-in-law for the past few months, after losing a brother-in-law as well. I didn’t really think through her commitment and should’ve considered this before listing it. I will make this a next year thing for sure!
#17 – Cook a Vegan Meal
There is no reason at all that I couldn’t have completed this item. I had a recipe and the ingredients for it since week 1. I had every intention of at least doing it on my last day but fatigue overcame me. No deep excuses.
#24 – Talk to someone in my city that works with an organization that helps the homeless
Well I sort of did this one. I did e-mail (at two different times) the organization that I really wanted to go and see and talk to someone. However I only got one e-mail back and still no reply to the other one about getting a tour. The must be busy people because to set up a time didn’t seem possible, I go the impression that they were more interested in serious volunteers (which I will hopefully be in the future) because the first step in the process was to fill out a volunteer application before anything else. Bummer. (At least I learned where it is on my little bus ride/pursuit of the passport office).
Top Ten things I learned while on my adventure:
I like relish and mustard on my hotdogs (along with ketchup).
It’s worth it to spend money (if you have it) to go to a beautiful place to stay for a vacation – however I’ll bet I could do this again and prove you don’t have to spend money to find a beautiful place. It was worth every penny though!
Relationships and people are the most valuable and interesting parts of life – they cost nothing.
Sometimes it takes practice to try new things – you may not love it right away but as you get better at it and allow yourself the room to try, you may be pleasantly surprised!
Sometimes the little things are really the big things.
Not to sound New Age-y, but the power of intention is incredible.
Nature is beautiful – make time for it.
It’s ok to spend money (that you have) on yourself – just don’t forget to do it for others too.
Your intention for completing a task may be one thing but the outcome may give you something entirely different – be ok with it and take with you whatever you learn.
There’s no time like the present!
It feels cool to inspire people but even cooler see people act on the inspiration (especially when it’s yourself).
That’s 11 things … guess I learned more than I thought!
Overall I had an amazing time doing my 40 things in 40 days. It was a great excuse to try new things without getting flack from people (or myself). It felt liberating in so many ways and pushed me out of me comfort zone for sure. I’ve been trying to decide how or if I will do this again. I’ve pondered doing another list right away (carpe diem right?), or doing a 52 things in a year, but as I remember how this experience went I think that I will pursue to try new things whenever I get the chance and for those other challenges perhaps do an annual 40 things in forty days would be fun. There is something about having a timeline and creating an adventure that made doing these things different. I will admit it totally wiped me out (as I got pretty into it). I think a lot of it had to do with the offshoots of life I came across from it. I learned that just by stepping out to try one new thing you may meet one person that introduces you to so many others that are interested in doing life with you – It’s been awesome!
The one thing I have to remember there are no rules to living life except for one – LIVE!
#1 – Stop eating sugary, baked goods and chocolate for 40 days
This one lasted exactly 14 days and I truly loved while I was doing it. I didn’t find it difficult at all not to succumb to my ‘addiction’ because I was really engaged in life. I’ve learned this is a day by day thing I will work on for life …I’ll keep you tuned in.
#13 – Have my closest aunt over for a sleepover
I was sad but not surprised that I wasn’t able to pull this one off. In fact I’m not sure why I put this one on my list at this point. I think that I figured by putting it on ‘THE list’ that I would make it magically happen. Here’s the catch. My aunt has been caring for her dying mother-in-law for the past few months, after losing a brother-in-law as well. I didn’t really think through her commitment and should’ve considered this before listing it. I will make this a next year thing for sure!
#17 – Cook a Vegan Meal
There is no reason at all that I couldn’t have completed this item. I had a recipe and the ingredients for it since week 1. I had every intention of at least doing it on my last day but fatigue overcame me. No deep excuses.
#24 – Talk to someone in my city that works with an organization that helps the homeless
Well I sort of did this one. I did e-mail (at two different times) the organization that I really wanted to go and see and talk to someone. However I only got one e-mail back and still no reply to the other one about getting a tour. The must be busy people because to set up a time didn’t seem possible, I go the impression that they were more interested in serious volunteers (which I will hopefully be in the future) because the first step in the process was to fill out a volunteer application before anything else. Bummer. (At least I learned where it is on my little bus ride/pursuit of the passport office).
Top Ten things I learned while on my adventure:
I like relish and mustard on my hotdogs (along with ketchup).
It’s worth it to spend money (if you have it) to go to a beautiful place to stay for a vacation – however I’ll bet I could do this again and prove you don’t have to spend money to find a beautiful place. It was worth every penny though!
Relationships and people are the most valuable and interesting parts of life – they cost nothing.
Sometimes it takes practice to try new things – you may not love it right away but as you get better at it and allow yourself the room to try, you may be pleasantly surprised!
Sometimes the little things are really the big things.
Not to sound New Age-y, but the power of intention is incredible.
Nature is beautiful – make time for it.
It’s ok to spend money (that you have) on yourself – just don’t forget to do it for others too.
Your intention for completing a task may be one thing but the outcome may give you something entirely different – be ok with it and take with you whatever you learn.
There’s no time like the present!
It feels cool to inspire people but even cooler see people act on the inspiration (especially when it’s yourself).
That’s 11 things … guess I learned more than I thought!
Overall I had an amazing time doing my 40 things in 40 days. It was a great excuse to try new things without getting flack from people (or myself). It felt liberating in so many ways and pushed me out of me comfort zone for sure. I’ve been trying to decide how or if I will do this again. I’ve pondered doing another list right away (carpe diem right?), or doing a 52 things in a year, but as I remember how this experience went I think that I will pursue to try new things whenever I get the chance and for those other challenges perhaps do an annual 40 things in forty days would be fun. There is something about having a timeline and creating an adventure that made doing these things different. I will admit it totally wiped me out (as I got pretty into it). I think a lot of it had to do with the offshoots of life I came across from it. I learned that just by stepping out to try one new thing you may meet one person that introduces you to so many others that are interested in doing life with you – It’s been awesome!
The one thing I have to remember there are no rules to living life except for one – LIVE!
Adventure Day 40 Part 2 - #19 – Buy a piece of lingerie and wear it
Once I got home from my bus outing, around 9 am, I crashed on our spare room bed where I LOVE to catch extra sleep (or just missed sleep). Unfortunately by body was not co-operating and I just laid there with my eyes closed for a good hour and a half. When I finally realized that a good nap was not in my future, I decided to head out and tackle #19 on my list - yet again.
*Sigh*
Third time is supposed to be a charm but I’m sure there is fine print that negates the saying when sleep deprivation is involved. I charged in the store trying to place my mind over the matter at hand. I decided that perhaps I’d go at this scant outfit shopping from another angle (wondering if perhaps I should’ve stuck around my bus stop down town a few more hours until the skanky ladies underwear store across the street from it opened up – neon and leather would definitely make my ‘never would wear’ list). I decided to look at bras and such (you know the ones you’d never wear under your clothes).
I scanned the contents of the stored and grabbed about 5 different ones. I went into the change room and was not too shocked to find out that none of them fit. I was borderline tears as I thought about perhaps putting them away and never to return, when a sales lady politely asked how it went.
“Not so good, none of them fit.” I replied leaving things open for discussion, something I don’t normally do – especially in a bra store.
“Would you like me to measure you?” she asked.
It’s at this point I would usually say “No thanks” and move on to an underwear-less store. But I had a stick-to-it-ness in me today that shocked even myself.
So I responded with a “Sure” and succumbed to some stranger putting a tape measure around my boobs – oh the fun of it all. She was a very nice, gentle spirited young woman who seemed to understand my plight, which made the experience all the better.
When she was all done she said you are a C36 or a D34. It’s at that point I almost died laughing. I’d never bought a bra beyond an A or B (usually the latter); maybe that’s why they never felt right. I had renewed hope as I went back out in to the store to find my new size. I grabbed another 5 or 6 bras and was back into the change room to try them on, thinking that things would be a whole different story. My hopes were dashed.
One of the bras I couldn’t even do up. When I reappeared out of my change room once again carrying a defeated look on my face the sales lady said that I could look for different sizes and that her measurement wasn’t a for sure thing. Even though I would rather have shot myself right then, I went back out and looked for 5 more bras to try on. Surely SOME thing, SOME where would fit. My result didn’t change and I took that as a sign. I briefly contemplated leaving the store to cry in the car but promised myself that I would not leave until I had something I’d never worn before (you know what I mean). So I marched up to a silk fuchsia cami with black trim and cute little pantaloons to match (that, by the way, said ‘Gorgeous’ on the butt), I got what I guessed would fit and went straight into the line the pay. I’d had enough.
After trying on 16 bras that day and countless other outfits in my two previous visits I finally had my buy. It wasn’t the stretch I was hoping for (there are absolutely no puns intended anywhere in that phrase), but it was different and fun. I left the store relieved, a little disappointed and ready for my 40 days to be done – I was exhausted! I’m quite positive that there were tears again while driving home but am not sure if they were as much to do with things not fitting as it was my incredible fatigue. Either way I was glad to have accomplished all that I had.
**Side story: At one point while I was in the store this time there was a man, I’m guessing in his late twenties/early thirties, that was with a friend of his wife/girlfriend’s, buying his lady something ‘special’ to wear. I almost lunged at his neck when I sawing him leaning on the counter with his cell phone in his hand talking to his presumed love. I heard him say (wearing a sleezy grin on his mug) “We picked something out for you to wear…” pause “Yeah I think it’ll be ok. I like it.” (Grin continues) “Well it’s not really for you, it’s more for me. I’m the one that’s going to be enjoying it…” I had made up my mind in that moment that men were scum – ok I don’t think they all are. But this one certainly was and it was due to people like him I felt so horrible about myself that day. Ok I’m being irrational, but admittedly I wanted to do away with him …. And whoever invented lingerie. **
*Sigh*
Third time is supposed to be a charm but I’m sure there is fine print that negates the saying when sleep deprivation is involved. I charged in the store trying to place my mind over the matter at hand. I decided that perhaps I’d go at this scant outfit shopping from another angle (wondering if perhaps I should’ve stuck around my bus stop down town a few more hours until the skanky ladies underwear store across the street from it opened up – neon and leather would definitely make my ‘never would wear’ list). I decided to look at bras and such (you know the ones you’d never wear under your clothes).
I scanned the contents of the stored and grabbed about 5 different ones. I went into the change room and was not too shocked to find out that none of them fit. I was borderline tears as I thought about perhaps putting them away and never to return, when a sales lady politely asked how it went.
“Not so good, none of them fit.” I replied leaving things open for discussion, something I don’t normally do – especially in a bra store.
“Would you like me to measure you?” she asked.
It’s at this point I would usually say “No thanks” and move on to an underwear-less store. But I had a stick-to-it-ness in me today that shocked even myself.
So I responded with a “Sure” and succumbed to some stranger putting a tape measure around my boobs – oh the fun of it all. She was a very nice, gentle spirited young woman who seemed to understand my plight, which made the experience all the better.
When she was all done she said you are a C36 or a D34. It’s at that point I almost died laughing. I’d never bought a bra beyond an A or B (usually the latter); maybe that’s why they never felt right. I had renewed hope as I went back out in to the store to find my new size. I grabbed another 5 or 6 bras and was back into the change room to try them on, thinking that things would be a whole different story. My hopes were dashed.
One of the bras I couldn’t even do up. When I reappeared out of my change room once again carrying a defeated look on my face the sales lady said that I could look for different sizes and that her measurement wasn’t a for sure thing. Even though I would rather have shot myself right then, I went back out and looked for 5 more bras to try on. Surely SOME thing, SOME where would fit. My result didn’t change and I took that as a sign. I briefly contemplated leaving the store to cry in the car but promised myself that I would not leave until I had something I’d never worn before (you know what I mean). So I marched up to a silk fuchsia cami with black trim and cute little pantaloons to match (that, by the way, said ‘Gorgeous’ on the butt), I got what I guessed would fit and went straight into the line the pay. I’d had enough.
After trying on 16 bras that day and countless other outfits in my two previous visits I finally had my buy. It wasn’t the stretch I was hoping for (there are absolutely no puns intended anywhere in that phrase), but it was different and fun. I left the store relieved, a little disappointed and ready for my 40 days to be done – I was exhausted! I’m quite positive that there were tears again while driving home but am not sure if they were as much to do with things not fitting as it was my incredible fatigue. Either way I was glad to have accomplished all that I had.
**Side story: At one point while I was in the store this time there was a man, I’m guessing in his late twenties/early thirties, that was with a friend of his wife/girlfriend’s, buying his lady something ‘special’ to wear. I almost lunged at his neck when I sawing him leaning on the counter with his cell phone in his hand talking to his presumed love. I heard him say (wearing a sleezy grin on his mug) “We picked something out for you to wear…” pause “Yeah I think it’ll be ok. I like it.” (Grin continues) “Well it’s not really for you, it’s more for me. I’m the one that’s going to be enjoying it…” I had made up my mind in that moment that men were scum – ok I don’t think they all are. But this one certainly was and it was due to people like him I felt so horrible about myself that day. Ok I’m being irrational, but admittedly I wanted to do away with him …. And whoever invented lingerie. **
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Adventure Day 40 Part 1 - #5 & Attempted to complete #25
#5 – Take the bus downtown alone
I’ve been on a city bus before. Actually I took one everyday to school once we moved here, and even to work if I had to. But going down town and stopping somewhere unfamiliar and trying to find a way back on again and perhaps even a transfer to another scared me. Yes I am poultry ok, I’ll admit it. This was also an item that Wally was afraid for me to do, however he is overprotective so it doesn’t’ carry a lot of weight in the grand scheme of things. Anyway I’d left it to the end for a reason: I was avoiding it. But no more! It was day 40 and I was going to take a bus downtown AND get my passport all at the same time – now that’s adventure ladies and gents!
I woke up early and completely unprepared for a day with little sleep. I pushed myself to go out and catch the bus for 8 am – I was determined. I only needed to take a tiny walk to get to the bus that would lead me down town, a little different than the one I’m used to. My usual bus is a brisk five to seven minute walk, and the route is simply: up the street, down the street, up the street, and so on. If you get lost doing that you have big problems.
As I waited I noticed a different demographic in my midst. There were a lot more older and middle aged and working people than on my college route. I was a lucky gal that day because as I boarded I spotted a place to sit for my ride – yay! I settled in comfortably and began to observe. I’m not sure if anyone else out there does this but I ALWAYS do – watch people. It’s actually a fun activity to do while being taken to your destination. I look at their clothes and wonder what they do for a living, or if they do anything at all. I watch their facial expressions to see how they react to the world around them. I take note of what they fill their bus trip with: listening to music, singing music, or just musing quietly to themselves. You have time, why not speculate what people are really like under their perfect bus demeanor? (I know Wally would want to kill me for sharing this but I promised to be honest here). I actually wonder what people on the bus are like in their most intimate moments. Not in a dirty way (well mostly not), but really, sometimes it’s so weird to see people act so robotic on the bus and think that they are actually people when they get off the bus with families and friends (lovas).
This day was no different for me. I saw a middle aged woman who was perfectly dressed for work (I’m assuming). She wore a nice crisp white blouse and red shorts (well she had some article of clothing that was red, maybe it was her purse), anyhow she was ‘altogether’ looking, except that the buttons on her blouse were too far apart and it was sitting so that there were gaping holes which ended up showing her undergarments. I wanted desperately to tell her, but this woman looked so serious and business like that I was not about to say a peep to her. Instead I spent the entire time trying to avoid looking at the ‘train wreck’ – why is it so hard not to look?!
At another point there was a young man in his twenties with ear buds in and playing very loudly (I could hear his music from across the bus). He was seemingly oblivious to anyone else remotely surrounding him; he was rather entertaining to watch. Not because I could hear his music through his ear buds, but because of the dramatic performance he was putting on with his air drumming and mumble humming that loudly accompanied his ear bud music. He had no shame, I sort of wish he had just a little. His moves sort of reminded me of Stevie Wonder – except that I like Stevie Wonder.
Overall it only really took me maybe 8 minutes to reach my stop. I had no idea downtown was so close and this bus was so accessible, and that I could observe so many interesting people in such a short period of time - what a great discovery! I need to remember when my car is in use or out of commission that the transit system is always an option. It even adds a new dimension of free entertainment too!
#25 – Get my passport
Once I got off the bus I headed down (or up, who’s to say?) the street in the presumed direction of the passport office. I was on the look out for even numbers, 400 to be precise. Actually the building was supposed to be down two blocks from the bus stop and to my left exactly. I shouldn’t have had to even look for a number really. I’d been there before (or so I thought) and knew what I was looking for (or so I thought), I figured it shouldn’t be that difficult to find (once again, or so I thought).
Once I walked the two blocks I decided I would cross the street in the direction I thought the building would be (since it wasn’t clearly where the map said it would be). I started towards one direction and walked. And walked. First I passed a parking lot of the city newspaper, so that’s where it lived? Hmmmmm, interesting. Then I walked some more. Oh, I found the organization I wanted to tour that helped the homeless – note to self. Then I continued to walk and found … nothing. At least nothing familiar to me. I decided to cross the street and walk the direction I came from (the crossing of the street was do to the many homeless types that were loitering in front of the building of the organization I had researched – I have a long way to go ok). Anyways I went down at least 3 or 4 city blocks (felt like a hundred in the wooden, not-for-walking flip flops I had on), past the convention centre, and several high end hotels, I was really finding a lot down town, fascinating.
Finally I spotted the familiar location I was looking for. I had to cross back over to the other side of the street but at this point I didn’t care I just wanted to get into the line up. I was actually right on time for them opening up – woo hoo! I made it. Or so I thought…
I got onto an elevator that took me to my floor and I got off to be greeted by a sign on my desired location that said “Passport offices have moved to 700 Far Away St.” (I got the ‘sorry about your luck’ vibe from it too). At this point I was exasperated and exhausted. Not to mention frustrated and ready to kill. Sleep deprivation and blisters can do that to you. Don’t forget the impending threats of rain that clung in the air. At this point I had to make a crucial decision: Do I go back down the street a few more blocks and risk potentially killing an innocent by stander if I couldn’t find the office? Or should I give up for this day and try another time when I was better rested to deal with uncertainty?
On another day with more sleep in me (and better shoes on me) I would’ve stuck it out, but this day I was wiser. I decided that taking the bus was a good enough accomplishment and I would hold this strike against me on my forty day excursion. This was all about living not going to jail for murder over a passport (seriously, when I don’t sleep I’m a crazy woman). I threw in the towel and headed back to the bus stop to see if I could grab a nap before any other outings that day.
**End note: One week later I did in fact locate and enter the passport office and it took all of ten minutes for me to complete. I was proud that I’d finally gotten it done and now I am waiting for my passport to arrive. Can’t wait to decide where I’ll travel to first! **
I’ve been on a city bus before. Actually I took one everyday to school once we moved here, and even to work if I had to. But going down town and stopping somewhere unfamiliar and trying to find a way back on again and perhaps even a transfer to another scared me. Yes I am poultry ok, I’ll admit it. This was also an item that Wally was afraid for me to do, however he is overprotective so it doesn’t’ carry a lot of weight in the grand scheme of things. Anyway I’d left it to the end for a reason: I was avoiding it. But no more! It was day 40 and I was going to take a bus downtown AND get my passport all at the same time – now that’s adventure ladies and gents!
I woke up early and completely unprepared for a day with little sleep. I pushed myself to go out and catch the bus for 8 am – I was determined. I only needed to take a tiny walk to get to the bus that would lead me down town, a little different than the one I’m used to. My usual bus is a brisk five to seven minute walk, and the route is simply: up the street, down the street, up the street, and so on. If you get lost doing that you have big problems.
As I waited I noticed a different demographic in my midst. There were a lot more older and middle aged and working people than on my college route. I was a lucky gal that day because as I boarded I spotted a place to sit for my ride – yay! I settled in comfortably and began to observe. I’m not sure if anyone else out there does this but I ALWAYS do – watch people. It’s actually a fun activity to do while being taken to your destination. I look at their clothes and wonder what they do for a living, or if they do anything at all. I watch their facial expressions to see how they react to the world around them. I take note of what they fill their bus trip with: listening to music, singing music, or just musing quietly to themselves. You have time, why not speculate what people are really like under their perfect bus demeanor? (I know Wally would want to kill me for sharing this but I promised to be honest here). I actually wonder what people on the bus are like in their most intimate moments. Not in a dirty way (well mostly not), but really, sometimes it’s so weird to see people act so robotic on the bus and think that they are actually people when they get off the bus with families and friends (lovas).
This day was no different for me. I saw a middle aged woman who was perfectly dressed for work (I’m assuming). She wore a nice crisp white blouse and red shorts (well she had some article of clothing that was red, maybe it was her purse), anyhow she was ‘altogether’ looking, except that the buttons on her blouse were too far apart and it was sitting so that there were gaping holes which ended up showing her undergarments. I wanted desperately to tell her, but this woman looked so serious and business like that I was not about to say a peep to her. Instead I spent the entire time trying to avoid looking at the ‘train wreck’ – why is it so hard not to look?!
At another point there was a young man in his twenties with ear buds in and playing very loudly (I could hear his music from across the bus). He was seemingly oblivious to anyone else remotely surrounding him; he was rather entertaining to watch. Not because I could hear his music through his ear buds, but because of the dramatic performance he was putting on with his air drumming and mumble humming that loudly accompanied his ear bud music. He had no shame, I sort of wish he had just a little. His moves sort of reminded me of Stevie Wonder – except that I like Stevie Wonder.
Overall it only really took me maybe 8 minutes to reach my stop. I had no idea downtown was so close and this bus was so accessible, and that I could observe so many interesting people in such a short period of time - what a great discovery! I need to remember when my car is in use or out of commission that the transit system is always an option. It even adds a new dimension of free entertainment too!
#25 – Get my passport
Once I got off the bus I headed down (or up, who’s to say?) the street in the presumed direction of the passport office. I was on the look out for even numbers, 400 to be precise. Actually the building was supposed to be down two blocks from the bus stop and to my left exactly. I shouldn’t have had to even look for a number really. I’d been there before (or so I thought) and knew what I was looking for (or so I thought), I figured it shouldn’t be that difficult to find (once again, or so I thought).
Once I walked the two blocks I decided I would cross the street in the direction I thought the building would be (since it wasn’t clearly where the map said it would be). I started towards one direction and walked. And walked. First I passed a parking lot of the city newspaper, so that’s where it lived? Hmmmmm, interesting. Then I walked some more. Oh, I found the organization I wanted to tour that helped the homeless – note to self. Then I continued to walk and found … nothing. At least nothing familiar to me. I decided to cross the street and walk the direction I came from (the crossing of the street was do to the many homeless types that were loitering in front of the building of the organization I had researched – I have a long way to go ok). Anyways I went down at least 3 or 4 city blocks (felt like a hundred in the wooden, not-for-walking flip flops I had on), past the convention centre, and several high end hotels, I was really finding a lot down town, fascinating.
Finally I spotted the familiar location I was looking for. I had to cross back over to the other side of the street but at this point I didn’t care I just wanted to get into the line up. I was actually right on time for them opening up – woo hoo! I made it. Or so I thought…
I got onto an elevator that took me to my floor and I got off to be greeted by a sign on my desired location that said “Passport offices have moved to 700 Far Away St.” (I got the ‘sorry about your luck’ vibe from it too). At this point I was exasperated and exhausted. Not to mention frustrated and ready to kill. Sleep deprivation and blisters can do that to you. Don’t forget the impending threats of rain that clung in the air. At this point I had to make a crucial decision: Do I go back down the street a few more blocks and risk potentially killing an innocent by stander if I couldn’t find the office? Or should I give up for this day and try another time when I was better rested to deal with uncertainty?
On another day with more sleep in me (and better shoes on me) I would’ve stuck it out, but this day I was wiser. I decided that taking the bus was a good enough accomplishment and I would hold this strike against me on my forty day excursion. This was all about living not going to jail for murder over a passport (seriously, when I don’t sleep I’m a crazy woman). I threw in the towel and headed back to the bus stop to see if I could grab a nap before any other outings that day.
**End note: One week later I did in fact locate and enter the passport office and it took all of ten minutes for me to complete. I was proud that I’d finally gotten it done and now I am waiting for my passport to arrive. Can’t wait to decide where I’ll travel to first! **
Adventure Day 39 – Not my best day ever
The second last day of my adventure would not contribute to my list really at all but I do feel it’s worth telling you about. It was a result of some of the things I struggle with; it sort of gave me a ‘slap in the face’ and in the end reminded me that I am surrounded by people who care. So I’ll share it with you anyway…
I didn’t have a lot going on that morning because later in the day I had an appointment to donate plasma. I was loving the fact I was back into my routine of giving and it felt so good to be able to do it again. I made sure to eat a healthy, protein filled breakfast of cottage cheese and fibre one, followed by a couple of tall glasses of water and a tuna sandwich for lunch (lots of protein). My appointment to donate was for 12:35pm so I was trying to make sure I was on schedule.
However my blogging and e-mail checking, then remembering that the dogs needed an outing before I left, interfered with my punctuality. I didn’t think anything much of leaving a bit later than planned until I hit construction. That’s when the fists came out (along with some choice words). After stewing through about 10 minutes of traffic without even getting as far as a block, I raged right and tried to get to the street I was headed to another way. After sneaking through a bunch of unfamiliar streets I made it, only to encounter another bout of my favourite thing – construction. EEK!! Road rage would definitely be a good term for what I was feeling.
When I arrived 10 minutes late and apologizing for my tardiness the lady at the counter was calm and cool saying ‘Oh no problem!’ and me thinking ‘Yeah, I have work to go to right after this, there better not be a delay.’ (Like I have a right to say that after being late). I sat down and awaited my turn to fill out all the regular papers and answer all of the bizarre questions they would ask. (For example: Was your grandmother born in Africa? My response: Take a 3 second look at me and answer that yourself. Have you recently played with monkey feces? My response: If I was that kind of girl do you think I’d be here right now? Where do they come up with this stuff?)
Anyway, I was already thinking ahead to when they would take my blood pressure and hoping it’d be ok. I figured I would be because I tend to have low blood pressure but today I was a bit high strung. I immediately took my place on the scale (had to get it over with since we hadn’t been getting along lately), then observed something miraculous. My BP was 112 over 78 – nice! It was meant to be. I then re-answered all of the strange questions they asked (verbally this time – seriously how do they do it without laughing their heads off?!) Next came the final step, my protein and iron tests. A breeze … I thought.
I ate my wonderful breakfast and I had yet to fail their test. I had come close the first time but I had gotten onto a diet plan rich in good foods so I was confident. Until the lady peered over at me with a peculiar look. She tested it two more times. I failed the test. By one point. No donation for me today. The lady asked if I’d had my period recently – no, any diet changes – yes. And that’s when it happened I felt like I got smacked opened handed across my face. I was found out! My ‘diet plan’ had been abandoned for the past several weeks as I tried another new weigh loss method. This time it hurt, really bad.
I was visibly upset and in disbelief but the lady was really great with me. She said I could come back in 56 days to donate again. 56 DAYS!!!!! What?! I was in shock now, and was just realizing what I’d done to my body. I know it’s only plasma donation. I know it’s not that big a deal. But it was the one thing I felt proud about regarding my body, that I kept it in good enough working order to donate something useful to someone. I got in the car and I cried. I got home and I ate. I was so bummed out.
Then I realized I still had to go to work. Yikes! I am not one to call in and cancel a shift or not go, for any reason really. I am always there when I say I will be – always. This day though I thought (for the first time) of calling in and finding a replacement. I felt deflated and worn out, I wasn’t sure if I could do my job at all. It’s not the kind of job you can get through without some measure of sanity, strength and patience – none of which I felt like I owned this day. After a brief debate I decided I’d go because that’s how I work and so off I went, praying for grace.
When I arrived it was Bro and Muscles working and would be for the next hour. I was relieved because it was just them, no guys to support – one was at camp for another hour and the other would soon be home from a visit. We just hung out and I sort of mentioned my day thus far but tried to slough it off. I was pretty quiet (not my usual at work self), as I had been the day before at the staff meeting. Muscles made a few comments of concern about the melancholy Eva that had appeared, but again I tried to play dumb. My shift went well overall and fortunately it was an easier than usual night – I was so thankful.
At the end of the night when it was just me and the two guys, Sista showed up for some paper work. At this time Muscles and Bro had come back with another male staff to do something footfall related in the office downstairs. By the end of my shift at 11pm everyone was chatting and laughing up stairs and it was decided that we should go out for drinks. All but the extra guy staff separately drove to a restaurant with drinks only to find out that it was closing. Off we went all the way across town to an actual bar (and grill but it was open for hours longer). We found a table and shot the breeze (it sounds weird when you say it that way). It was so late and I was so tired but just sitting around with some friends talking about work (what else would we talk about) just felt good. It’s nice to have people that understand what you deal with everyday.
My day ended at 1am but so much better than it had started out. I left the bar knowing that I had people that cared (as there were many comments about my current status at that time). I later found out that Bro was a bit worried because I ‘looked like a basket case’ and that ‘Eva looked like she’d been crying’ when I came into work. I thought I had disguised myself well. You know those times you see people that don’t really know you after you’ve just had a bad experience and you can totally convince them its allergies or a headache or something. I haven’t known my new family very long and they already see through that stuff and care too. I am so grateful for this.
I curled into bed at 1:15 in the morning wanting so bad to avoid day 40 but knew that in 5 hours the alarm would be calling my name to complete my journey … and I would answer.
I didn’t have a lot going on that morning because later in the day I had an appointment to donate plasma. I was loving the fact I was back into my routine of giving and it felt so good to be able to do it again. I made sure to eat a healthy, protein filled breakfast of cottage cheese and fibre one, followed by a couple of tall glasses of water and a tuna sandwich for lunch (lots of protein). My appointment to donate was for 12:35pm so I was trying to make sure I was on schedule.
However my blogging and e-mail checking, then remembering that the dogs needed an outing before I left, interfered with my punctuality. I didn’t think anything much of leaving a bit later than planned until I hit construction. That’s when the fists came out (along with some choice words). After stewing through about 10 minutes of traffic without even getting as far as a block, I raged right and tried to get to the street I was headed to another way. After sneaking through a bunch of unfamiliar streets I made it, only to encounter another bout of my favourite thing – construction. EEK!! Road rage would definitely be a good term for what I was feeling.
When I arrived 10 minutes late and apologizing for my tardiness the lady at the counter was calm and cool saying ‘Oh no problem!’ and me thinking ‘Yeah, I have work to go to right after this, there better not be a delay.’ (Like I have a right to say that after being late). I sat down and awaited my turn to fill out all the regular papers and answer all of the bizarre questions they would ask. (For example: Was your grandmother born in Africa? My response: Take a 3 second look at me and answer that yourself. Have you recently played with monkey feces? My response: If I was that kind of girl do you think I’d be here right now? Where do they come up with this stuff?)
Anyway, I was already thinking ahead to when they would take my blood pressure and hoping it’d be ok. I figured I would be because I tend to have low blood pressure but today I was a bit high strung. I immediately took my place on the scale (had to get it over with since we hadn’t been getting along lately), then observed something miraculous. My BP was 112 over 78 – nice! It was meant to be. I then re-answered all of the strange questions they asked (verbally this time – seriously how do they do it without laughing their heads off?!) Next came the final step, my protein and iron tests. A breeze … I thought.
I ate my wonderful breakfast and I had yet to fail their test. I had come close the first time but I had gotten onto a diet plan rich in good foods so I was confident. Until the lady peered over at me with a peculiar look. She tested it two more times. I failed the test. By one point. No donation for me today. The lady asked if I’d had my period recently – no, any diet changes – yes. And that’s when it happened I felt like I got smacked opened handed across my face. I was found out! My ‘diet plan’ had been abandoned for the past several weeks as I tried another new weigh loss method. This time it hurt, really bad.
I was visibly upset and in disbelief but the lady was really great with me. She said I could come back in 56 days to donate again. 56 DAYS!!!!! What?! I was in shock now, and was just realizing what I’d done to my body. I know it’s only plasma donation. I know it’s not that big a deal. But it was the one thing I felt proud about regarding my body, that I kept it in good enough working order to donate something useful to someone. I got in the car and I cried. I got home and I ate. I was so bummed out.
Then I realized I still had to go to work. Yikes! I am not one to call in and cancel a shift or not go, for any reason really. I am always there when I say I will be – always. This day though I thought (for the first time) of calling in and finding a replacement. I felt deflated and worn out, I wasn’t sure if I could do my job at all. It’s not the kind of job you can get through without some measure of sanity, strength and patience – none of which I felt like I owned this day. After a brief debate I decided I’d go because that’s how I work and so off I went, praying for grace.
When I arrived it was Bro and Muscles working and would be for the next hour. I was relieved because it was just them, no guys to support – one was at camp for another hour and the other would soon be home from a visit. We just hung out and I sort of mentioned my day thus far but tried to slough it off. I was pretty quiet (not my usual at work self), as I had been the day before at the staff meeting. Muscles made a few comments of concern about the melancholy Eva that had appeared, but again I tried to play dumb. My shift went well overall and fortunately it was an easier than usual night – I was so thankful.
At the end of the night when it was just me and the two guys, Sista showed up for some paper work. At this time Muscles and Bro had come back with another male staff to do something footfall related in the office downstairs. By the end of my shift at 11pm everyone was chatting and laughing up stairs and it was decided that we should go out for drinks. All but the extra guy staff separately drove to a restaurant with drinks only to find out that it was closing. Off we went all the way across town to an actual bar (and grill but it was open for hours longer). We found a table and shot the breeze (it sounds weird when you say it that way). It was so late and I was so tired but just sitting around with some friends talking about work (what else would we talk about) just felt good. It’s nice to have people that understand what you deal with everyday.
My day ended at 1am but so much better than it had started out. I left the bar knowing that I had people that cared (as there were many comments about my current status at that time). I later found out that Bro was a bit worried because I ‘looked like a basket case’ and that ‘Eva looked like she’d been crying’ when I came into work. I thought I had disguised myself well. You know those times you see people that don’t really know you after you’ve just had a bad experience and you can totally convince them its allergies or a headache or something. I haven’t known my new family very long and they already see through that stuff and care too. I am so grateful for this.
I curled into bed at 1:15 in the morning wanting so bad to avoid day 40 but knew that in 5 hours the alarm would be calling my name to complete my journey … and I would answer.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Adventure Day 38 Part 2 - #40 Go on a motorcycle ride
Clearly this was a busy day for my list, I was accomplishing things left and right. Next would be the item I allowed one of my friends to determine. Yes, it’s true, if it were up to me this item would never have turned up on my list. However when I was given the idea I couldn’t turn it down - since it was indeed the perfect example of doing something I would never try on my own (or even be forced to do), but also something I should for sure experience.
My first reaction to Lovie’s e-mail was that of ‘Oh no! I can’t do that, I’m way too chicken!!! What am I gonna do? I can’t turn her down, it really is in the spirit of the whole thing. But I really am too scared!’ After a few days of pondering I accepted to challenge and decided to even embrace it. Luckily I’d been really busy through out day 38 and hadn’t given things a whole lot of thought. It wasn’t until I got out of my car at the park we were meeting at and saw the helmet and leather jacket that I’d be wearing on my fun little excursion that I began to ponder my sanity.
As we chatted about this and that I nervously made a couple of jokes about my life insurance policy being up to date and asked about how firmly implanted Rider’s (Lovie’s husband and my riding mate that evening) organs were inside his body. I was truly concerned. For two reasons: First I was afraid that I would unintentionally zone out and let go, which would inadvertently make me a glorious piece of road kill somewhere and secondly I was worried that I could quite possibly squeeze Rider’s insides so hard that the would become his outsides. (Two very valid concerns in my opinion). However not so much for Lovie, I was glad she had mountain moving faith.
Once Rider had pulled up and I had suited up, he gave me a quick lesson in being a motorcycle passenger: pretty much stay straight in the back, relax and don’t freak out. Sounded simple enough. He said that he would start out with a brief ride through the park and wanted me to give him the thumbs up at the end to say whether I was adventurous enough to try a highway drive then on to a beautiful back road. I braced myself, took a deep breath and off we went.
The ride through the park was quite simple just going very slowly on a path. I thought to myself ‘This isn’t bad at all, what’s all the fuss about you chicken?’ When the end came quicker than I thought it would Rider looked back to see the status of our outing, I gave him the go ahead to keep cycling. Off we went through town and then cranked up the speed once we got to the country side.
I won’t lie; I had to do a lot of self talking to keep myself calm and to try to really enjoy everything: the ride, the scenery, the whole newness of the experience. It reminded me of those times I’ve entered a store on Boxing Day just to get a great deal, getting in there only to have forgetton that I struggle with claustrophobia. I have to literally stop myself in the store close my eyes, breath deep and say ‘It going to be ok, you can do this, it’s not a race, take your time, you’re going to be fine’, often several times while I’m there. Well this day was no different except for the speed, that my friends was out of my control.
As we headed onto a highway I suddenly noticed the difference in speed (apparently we were going as slowly as we could go on the highway – Rider was very considerate, which I am thankful for!). Right away the wind was whipping about and I had to consciously try to hold my head when we came to any slow down’s or stops in order not to crash my helmet into Rider’s. I certainly had no intentions of injuring my driver. I also continually reminded myself of the positioning of my arms. Were they strangling Rider’s liver? Was his pancreas still pumping insulin? Would he be able to digest his food as he always had done before when this was all over? I didn’t want to maim or injure anyone here. At one point when I was trying to enjoy the trees, sunset, and fields I found myself not paying attention as much to my stance. It was then my mind quickly gave me a glimpse into my future if I stopped paying attention (I know everyone says you’ll be fine if you let go, but I’m not yet ready to test this theory).
After what I’m guessing was about 20 minutes or so we arrived back at the park we started out in and it was time for me to get off the bike. You’d think by my reaction I was anxious to jump off, but I wasn’t. In fact I was ready for more (well, I was ready for a next time – my back was a bit stiff from my slightly over tensed body). In the end I LOVED my #40!!! It was awesome and I will totally do it again sometime!
If you ever make a ‘List’ my advice is this: leave a couple of numbers for other people to decide because it’s the things you don’t expect that you may end up loving the most!
Thanks Lovie and Rider!!
My first reaction to Lovie’s e-mail was that of ‘Oh no! I can’t do that, I’m way too chicken!!! What am I gonna do? I can’t turn her down, it really is in the spirit of the whole thing. But I really am too scared!’ After a few days of pondering I accepted to challenge and decided to even embrace it. Luckily I’d been really busy through out day 38 and hadn’t given things a whole lot of thought. It wasn’t until I got out of my car at the park we were meeting at and saw the helmet and leather jacket that I’d be wearing on my fun little excursion that I began to ponder my sanity.
As we chatted about this and that I nervously made a couple of jokes about my life insurance policy being up to date and asked about how firmly implanted Rider’s (Lovie’s husband and my riding mate that evening) organs were inside his body. I was truly concerned. For two reasons: First I was afraid that I would unintentionally zone out and let go, which would inadvertently make me a glorious piece of road kill somewhere and secondly I was worried that I could quite possibly squeeze Rider’s insides so hard that the would become his outsides. (Two very valid concerns in my opinion). However not so much for Lovie, I was glad she had mountain moving faith.
Once Rider had pulled up and I had suited up, he gave me a quick lesson in being a motorcycle passenger: pretty much stay straight in the back, relax and don’t freak out. Sounded simple enough. He said that he would start out with a brief ride through the park and wanted me to give him the thumbs up at the end to say whether I was adventurous enough to try a highway drive then on to a beautiful back road. I braced myself, took a deep breath and off we went.
The ride through the park was quite simple just going very slowly on a path. I thought to myself ‘This isn’t bad at all, what’s all the fuss about you chicken?’ When the end came quicker than I thought it would Rider looked back to see the status of our outing, I gave him the go ahead to keep cycling. Off we went through town and then cranked up the speed once we got to the country side.
I won’t lie; I had to do a lot of self talking to keep myself calm and to try to really enjoy everything: the ride, the scenery, the whole newness of the experience. It reminded me of those times I’ve entered a store on Boxing Day just to get a great deal, getting in there only to have forgetton that I struggle with claustrophobia. I have to literally stop myself in the store close my eyes, breath deep and say ‘It going to be ok, you can do this, it’s not a race, take your time, you’re going to be fine’, often several times while I’m there. Well this day was no different except for the speed, that my friends was out of my control.
As we headed onto a highway I suddenly noticed the difference in speed (apparently we were going as slowly as we could go on the highway – Rider was very considerate, which I am thankful for!). Right away the wind was whipping about and I had to consciously try to hold my head when we came to any slow down’s or stops in order not to crash my helmet into Rider’s. I certainly had no intentions of injuring my driver. I also continually reminded myself of the positioning of my arms. Were they strangling Rider’s liver? Was his pancreas still pumping insulin? Would he be able to digest his food as he always had done before when this was all over? I didn’t want to maim or injure anyone here. At one point when I was trying to enjoy the trees, sunset, and fields I found myself not paying attention as much to my stance. It was then my mind quickly gave me a glimpse into my future if I stopped paying attention (I know everyone says you’ll be fine if you let go, but I’m not yet ready to test this theory).
After what I’m guessing was about 20 minutes or so we arrived back at the park we started out in and it was time for me to get off the bike. You’d think by my reaction I was anxious to jump off, but I wasn’t. In fact I was ready for more (well, I was ready for a next time – my back was a bit stiff from my slightly over tensed body). In the end I LOVED my #40!!! It was awesome and I will totally do it again sometime!
If you ever make a ‘List’ my advice is this: leave a couple of numbers for other people to decide because it’s the things you don’t expect that you may end up loving the most!
Thanks Lovie and Rider!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)