#18 was definitely one of those items on my list that I had (in the back of my mind) already considered done. Not actually done yet but I had an idea of who I would be going for coffee with we just hadn’t yet set a date. With these items (the ones I’ve already considered doing) on my list I sort of feel like I’m cheating, because ‘it was going to happen anyway’, yet I’m quickly learning that you cannot always predict how things are going to turn out (hmmmm… sounds a lot like life).
Since I started my job 3 months ago I have gotten to know many of the people I work with. Some through actually working with them, others through tormenting (mutually of course), and then a few just through going to training together. The person I had intended to complete #18 with I had met through the latter. She’s a great girl with one of those personalities that make you feel cared about and listed to from the minute you begin sharing with her. We immediately decided that a ‘get together’ was in order. I was very excited because she was super nice (is super nice), level headed and very caring – Yay a new friend! However she is also a mommy of a beautiful little guy who’s just over a year old. Needless to say she’s a busy (and I’ll guess tired – since she does a 30 hour sleep contract without getting much sleep) chick. All this to say: she did not turn out to be my #18 (however we are in the process of making a date that I look forward to).
Who’s my #18? Well, another girl I work with, Sista, one of my new family members. How did this date come to occur? Well Sista invited me to go on a girls weekend away this coming weekend (which I won’t say too much about now because I’m sure it is full post worthy later on), and we had plans to catch up on it after work but got disconnected on the way. Anyways, Sista gave a call to ‘touch base’ afterwards and fill me in on some details when she asked if I just wanted to do coffee – impromptu, I love it. I had been at work for 10 hours and hadn’t seen Wally much since Sunday so I figured it might be wise to pass this time, after telling him about it after I got off the phone he encouraged me to go. I was very excited, because even more than connecting time, I love impromptu connecting time, it just seems so much more natural and uncontrived – it’s real. I love real (even though sometimes I hate real too).
Off we went to a Starbucks (the ‘city people’s’ coffee place) and I guzzled my Tall (which is actually small – strange) Double Chocolate Chip Frapaccino (sp?) (it’s liquid crack), and leapt ‘off the wagon’ with my extra huge Double Chocolate Chunk Cookie (my first in a while – I need to do some more confessing later). It was good … oh yeah and we talked. It was one of those conversations that you wonder how and where it got started, you end up bunny trailing into places you have to retract from for now and remind each other you will HAVE to revisit later, and you find yourself pouring and pouring out your story. Now, Sista and I had had a couple of these conversations before during ends or overlapping shifts (we never actually work together on the same day – weird). Since working together we have found out that we know waaaaaay too many of the same people and had similar experiences with them (which has been great confirmation for me, but that’s another story), it’s been interesting to say the least. We’ve shared parts of our stories but never like really filled in the gaps.
I have to say in the past several months I feel like when I’ve met people a lot of the talk has surrounded my story, hopefully less because I’m a narcissist and more because people hear mine and Wally’s current situation and they want to know more (about why we went back to school, sold our house and moved to the city). I have to admit, it feels good to share, to know that someone could possibly be interested in ‘our story’, as simple as it is. This time it was different, I still shared parts of my life and experiences and stuff, but I got to hear someone else’s story and it was eye opening.
Sista had told me general parts of her story before, big general parts, enough for me to feel ‘in on it’ a bit. But last night I got to really hear the emotions behind her experiences and the incredibleness of God through it. I won’t share what I learned but let me just say ‘Wow!’ - that’s what I said several times during the visit. My ‘Wow!’ wasn’t ‘God’s so cool, isn’t that great, I bet you’re glad He allowed you that experience’ kind of ‘Wow!’ Rather, it was more like ‘Wow! I can’t believe you went through that, lived through that, came through on the other side, that’s so personal, life altering, heartbreaking, humiliating, I want to cry for you, but girl you lived to tell, you’re going to be ok, fought through the bitterness, truly are better and I still can’t believe you went through that’ kind of ‘Wow!’
Though I don’t wish on anyone tragic life experiences, I have to say I love hearing and relating to people that have lived to tell their own. It grounds me, humbles me, takes me with them through their pain, gives me hope, and reminds me that I’m a survivor of my own story too. Have you ever gone a long, long time before hearing a ‘big’ story? I think we begin to float into a false world of security and disconnect. I think we become less feeling and human because ‘it didn’t happen to me’. By listening to each other and digging deeper with people we learn more about our humanity, about the fact that we are not that different from one another after all and we indeed NEED to keep connected through sharing these experiences. I say that realizing though that unfortunately not everyone wants to listen so when doing this you do need to use wisdom and discretion for sure. That actually came up in our conversation – just how sometimes people don’t want to know our hurts because they don’t want to ‘go there’ with us – I’m guessing they don’t want to feel the pain too.
I hate trying to end a post like this; admittedly I don’t often know how to do it. I like perfectly tied shoelaces, but just don’t always want to perfectly tie them. Let me try though…
Completely #18 on my list has taught me a few things…
It’s great to write a list and try to complete it, but it’s even better if you just let it happen.
We need to keep listening to each other – we ALL have a story worth telling.
The only things you really need to ‘connect’ are two willing people.
Sharing is healing - God is the Healer
There are certain acts of betrayal after which I don’t know if I could ever learn how to trust again – I’m not talking infidelity
I’m human and I love meeting other humans
I don’t think I will ever get tired of hearing the heart of someone’s story
I am still in love with Double Chocolate Chip Frapaccinos, seriously …
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
A couple of things...
Just to let you know I do respond to some of the comments posted, but usually I comment where ever the comment was posted (like in the comments for that post - so check there for a response.
Another thing ... 'Cuz' you need to make up your own name (it's more fun for you)and I did respond to your comment on the post you commented on. And I checked my e-mail and there aren't any e-mails in there that haven't been responded to. I don't get e-mail addresses from comments posted on this blog so don't expect e-mailed responses from comments made :)
Another thing ... 'Cuz' you need to make up your own name (it's more fun for you)and I did respond to your comment on the post you commented on. And I checked my e-mail and there aren't any e-mails in there that haven't been responded to. I don't get e-mail addresses from comments posted on this blog so don't expect e-mailed responses from comments made :)
Adventure Day 16 - 100 things I am thankful for
Adventure Day 16 - #27 – Write down 100 things I am thankful for in one day
1. My health
2. My husband
3. My parents still being married to each other
4. Marshmallow – and that he loves me
5. Mini marshmallow – she’s just too cute
6. I have a job in my field of work
7. My co-workers
8. Our apartment – I love it
9. Being able to go back to school
10. Getting to learn how to be happy without having kids
11. Our car
12. I can see
13. I can smell
14. I can hear
15. I can feel
16. I can think
17. I can touch
18. I can taste (although sometimes I hate this too)
19. We have all of our needs met and then some
20. My aunt
21. Learning the lesson of how fragile life is (even though it was very painful)
22. My country
23. The sun
24. The moon
25. Stars (I don’t look at these enough)
26. Brand new babies
27. Brand new puppies
28. Air conditioning
29. New friends
30. Old friends
31. Health care
32. My home church
33. Butterflies
34. Fall
35. Snowflakes
36. Trees
37. Photographs - I LOVE pictures
38. Music
39. Portable music
40. Grace
41. My glasses
42. Second chances
43. Laughing
44. A good sleep
45. The beach (even though I never really go)
46. My dogs
47. Chicken
48. Plasma donation
49. Alone time
50. That I have people that love me
51. That I have people I can be real with
52. That I can love others
53. My in laws
54. The relationships I’ve developed seemingly out of nowhere that run deep and teach me lots
55. Airplanes
56. I can walk
57. I can breathe
58. I can try new things
59. Reading
60. Writing / blogging
61. Our spare bed - it's my favourite
62. That I can buy clothes that I like
63. Grocery shopping
64. Pianos
65. Singing people
66. Thankful people
67. Books
68. Jesus
69. People that live love (and don’t criticize me for waiting until 68 to be thankful for Jesus)
70. People that aren’t like me
71. People that reach me
72. Gentle spirits
73. Determination
74. People that listen
75. People who know when to be quiet
76. Grandparents
77. That God can turn my scars into something that looks like it should have been there all along – and it’s beautiful
78. People that are dispensable by everyone else's standards – though in reality are the ones whom show us a glimpse of true life
79. Peace
80. Restaurants
81. Parks
82. Gravel roads
83. Countryside
84. Water
85. Zoos
86. Museums
87. Forgiveness
88. The wind on a hot day
89. No wind on a cold day
90. Porch swings
91. Memories
92. Old recipes
93. Christmas
94. The ability to cry
95. Real hugs
96. Quilts
97. Hope
98. Change
99. Cleanliness
100. This minute
1. My health
2. My husband
3. My parents still being married to each other
4. Marshmallow – and that he loves me
5. Mini marshmallow – she’s just too cute
6. I have a job in my field of work
7. My co-workers
8. Our apartment – I love it
9. Being able to go back to school
10. Getting to learn how to be happy without having kids
11. Our car
12. I can see
13. I can smell
14. I can hear
15. I can feel
16. I can think
17. I can touch
18. I can taste (although sometimes I hate this too)
19. We have all of our needs met and then some
20. My aunt
21. Learning the lesson of how fragile life is (even though it was very painful)
22. My country
23. The sun
24. The moon
25. Stars (I don’t look at these enough)
26. Brand new babies
27. Brand new puppies
28. Air conditioning
29. New friends
30. Old friends
31. Health care
32. My home church
33. Butterflies
34. Fall
35. Snowflakes
36. Trees
37. Photographs - I LOVE pictures
38. Music
39. Portable music
40. Grace
41. My glasses
42. Second chances
43. Laughing
44. A good sleep
45. The beach (even though I never really go)
46. My dogs
47. Chicken
48. Plasma donation
49. Alone time
50. That I have people that love me
51. That I have people I can be real with
52. That I can love others
53. My in laws
54. The relationships I’ve developed seemingly out of nowhere that run deep and teach me lots
55. Airplanes
56. I can walk
57. I can breathe
58. I can try new things
59. Reading
60. Writing / blogging
61. Our spare bed - it's my favourite
62. That I can buy clothes that I like
63. Grocery shopping
64. Pianos
65. Singing people
66. Thankful people
67. Books
68. Jesus
69. People that live love (and don’t criticize me for waiting until 68 to be thankful for Jesus)
70. People that aren’t like me
71. People that reach me
72. Gentle spirits
73. Determination
74. People that listen
75. People who know when to be quiet
76. Grandparents
77. That God can turn my scars into something that looks like it should have been there all along – and it’s beautiful
78. People that are dispensable by everyone else's standards – though in reality are the ones whom show us a glimpse of true life
79. Peace
80. Restaurants
81. Parks
82. Gravel roads
83. Countryside
84. Water
85. Zoos
86. Museums
87. Forgiveness
88. The wind on a hot day
89. No wind on a cold day
90. Porch swings
91. Memories
92. Old recipes
93. Christmas
94. The ability to cry
95. Real hugs
96. Quilts
97. Hope
98. Change
99. Cleanliness
100. This minute
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Adventure Day 15 – It was the best of times, it was the worst of times
#28 – Have a ‘couple’ date with people we’ve never gotten to know before
That was the item I struck off of my list on Day 15. Wow, it sounds like it was an obligation, which certainly was not the case at all!
Since moving to the city Wally and I haven’t really acquired many, strike that – any, couple friends. We have lots of helter-skelter friends (like his group of peeps from school, and for me my home church people, a friend or two at school and now the people I’m getting to know at work), but not couple friends. I’m not sure what everyone else’s experiences are but for us, not having kids has definitely put us into a whole other sect of people.
You see when we were first married meeting new couples to hang out with was pretty easy because they were all getting married too, so we all had loads in common. I’d say we had at least 3 or 4 sets of couples that we could hang out and have fun with. And then it happened … The one thing that no one could seem to avoid. They all had kids. This wouldn’t have been a problem for us as we were really expecting to be in their situation soon too. However, time kept passing by and our ‘situation’ never turned into their ‘situation’.
You see we had every intention of joining the parenting ranks soon after we married, I think I’ve mentioned how that changed, the thing is our friends’ lives didn’t – they all kept reproducing (and some still are) without regard to our needs – how dare they. Didn’t they know we needed them? Didn’t they know we no longer related to their lives? Didn’t they get that we weren’t really interested in having segmented conversations, interrupted game nights and evenings that only further enlightened us on how we weren’t going to parent? No, they were oblivious. And we were selfish.
Now, let me clarify something. Wally and I still have friends that have kids, we would never actually cut people off for this reason (well … no we wouldn’t), but in the past 2 ½ years it has become glaringly obvious that we are living very different lives than our friends with kids. Initially I was NOT ok with this fact. When our friends that got married after us began their little families I really struggled watching them get to experience the miracle of life, mom’s staying home raising their children while I was out scrubbing other people toilets to make ends meet. Our friends were picking out baby names, taking kiddos to preschool and setting up education savings plans while Wally and I were applying to College. Something seemed very wrong with this picture.
It took me a couple of years to truly accept (and now completely LOVE) the place our life was going and now that I do I wouldn’t change a thing. Well maybe one thing … where do you find good friends that you mesh with, who understand where you’re at and can stand with you rather than watch you? Well, to be honest I don’t’ have the answer for this, all I can say is that you have to be open and sometimes step out and make the first move – kind of like dating.
This is where #28 comes in. As I mentioned before finding a couple to ‘date’ isn’t easy. In fact it’s twice as difficult than regular dating, as there are twice as many personalities involved, not to mention the fact that each has to tolerate the mix of 3 other people at the same time – it’s very complex. Generally it’s the ladies who get along and chat, while the gents go do something (or watch something) together. However for #28 I stepped out a bit and took a risk. The people we invited over for a ‘couple’ date I knew but Wally didn’t, and really I didn’t know the gallie very much at all. I invited Bro from work and his wife Smiles. At first I wasn’t sure if I could do it. I find crossing work and personal life weird, who wants to make work awkward with whatever info you’ve accidentally let out the night before? (And I have to admit this I do often). Also, Smiles had interviewed me for my current job and as far as I knew she would be doing it again in the future for whatever contracts that arose, isn’t it weird to be yourself with someone you wouldn’t be yourself with later? I’m just not that kind of a person. Once you get to know me there’s no going back, no faking it, no lying about how you are – I’m me, like it or leave it.
However this time I made the exception. In part because, as I mentioned in Day 12, I had felt that our work team had a ‘family feel’ with no need to fake things and I was accepted. Also because I’d heard rumors that Smiles was a genuinely smiley person, not the fake kind - I like that. Those two things made it ok for me to safely pursue this possible friendship. (It also didn’t hurt that Bro and Smiles had been married for 6 years, were kidless and in a similar situation as Wally and I – wanting kids, yet glad for how things have turned out. Oh, and Bro had a PS3 like Wally).
Once I’d made my list I couldn’t wait to make the invite (actually I think we talked about getting together sooner but it just hadn’t happened). We made a date and last night was it. They came over for dinner and some games. As always the beginning was a bit quiet and awkward (I never let that go on for long), but as we hung in there we chatted along and shared more of each of our own stories. It was going very and I was thinking ‘Yay!! kidless friends with our kind of take on life – does it get any better?!’
I soon found out that it does. How you ask? Well about halfway through our evening we were chatting and Smiles looks at me rather anxiously (probably after I’d remarked about how great it was to have new friends that ‘got it’) and said something about having to tell us something. I’m thinking ‘This is weird. This is only our first date, how could she possibly have anything to tell us that she’d be nervous to share?’ I knew it had to be something big. To be honest I was sure it was going to be ‘We’re pregnant!’ then I would have had to hate them and act all happy on the outside – I hate acting.
Smiles knew this was what I was thinking, as she and Bro had experienced the same anticipation from people as Wally and I had when sharing any exciting news with others (that never was about babies). She quickly spit it out, ‘We’re moving at the end of the month. I got an awesome job as a nanny …’ I’m not really sure of her exact words as I tuned them out after a while. I was stunned, shocked and seriously trying not to cry – my reaction actually surprised myself. ‘What?!!’ I thought. ‘You can’t, it’s our first date. We like you; you are the perfect people for us, there aren’t any others out there you know?! Do you realize how hard it is to find fun kidless people who actually like kids but don’t go to them to fill their every inner need? Seriously, the job cannot be that perfect!’
Ok so my reaction was a little on the selfish side (ok a lot on the selfish side). And it wasn’t entirely about finding our perfect couple friends. Admittedly, just as much of it (maybe more) was to do with my newly acquired family at work, my new brotherly type. Bro is the responsible, level headed, calm one who everyone likes and respects. Our house at work supports two fellows that need good male role models, our house has (had) two and now we were going to be down to one (full time anyways). How could this happen? It really does feel like a family being tugged apart.
Don’t get me wrong I am truly happy for our new friends and their adventures. The fact that they have sold their home and almost everything in it to follow dreams and whatever else God has for them inspires me completely to keep running after life, but it’s so hard to let go at the same time. I really cannot truly rationalize why I feel so at a loss when I think of my new friends leaving, but I do. It’s funny, I always pride myself on being able to let go of people without a problem because I know God’s never going to stop moving in life and we should always be prepared to say good bye – whether it’s through death or change. Why is it that this situation seems so difficult then? Why do I feel like the creepiest person on earth for getting so attached so quickly to people many would classify as strangers?
How would you feel if you were looking for a very specific thing? Let’s say the perfect little black dress (for the ladies) or that one of a kind movie you loved but have never been able to find (for the men - I’m grasping here)? Once you find it you know it immediately. You don’t have to wear it for days to see if it’s ‘right’, or rip it out of the box immediately to make sure, you just know the second you find it that it’s what you are looking for. I guess that’s how I feel about Smiles and Bro.
It’s not that we don’t have lots of friends (especially since moving and expanding our life), but it’s rare to find couple friends that you can ‘click’ with. Now I have to stop myself and say. As couple friends we only met once and really there wasn’t this miraculous clicking or anything like I may be making it sound. But there was potential and hope. And I have to admit that as I grow older in life I’m learning that it’s rare to find people that share the same kind of take on life as I do (as Wally and I do) and sometimes that’s hard. However, I’m also learning that you have always got to leave yourself open to meeting new people too because if you constantly look for ones that fit your mold, timing and surroundings you will indeed miss out on some great travel opportunities.
We plan on visiting our new friends in their new city for sure! (They aren’t getting rid of us that easily!)
That was the item I struck off of my list on Day 15. Wow, it sounds like it was an obligation, which certainly was not the case at all!
Since moving to the city Wally and I haven’t really acquired many, strike that – any, couple friends. We have lots of helter-skelter friends (like his group of peeps from school, and for me my home church people, a friend or two at school and now the people I’m getting to know at work), but not couple friends. I’m not sure what everyone else’s experiences are but for us, not having kids has definitely put us into a whole other sect of people.
You see when we were first married meeting new couples to hang out with was pretty easy because they were all getting married too, so we all had loads in common. I’d say we had at least 3 or 4 sets of couples that we could hang out and have fun with. And then it happened … The one thing that no one could seem to avoid. They all had kids. This wouldn’t have been a problem for us as we were really expecting to be in their situation soon too. However, time kept passing by and our ‘situation’ never turned into their ‘situation’.
You see we had every intention of joining the parenting ranks soon after we married, I think I’ve mentioned how that changed, the thing is our friends’ lives didn’t – they all kept reproducing (and some still are) without regard to our needs – how dare they. Didn’t they know we needed them? Didn’t they know we no longer related to their lives? Didn’t they get that we weren’t really interested in having segmented conversations, interrupted game nights and evenings that only further enlightened us on how we weren’t going to parent? No, they were oblivious. And we were selfish.
Now, let me clarify something. Wally and I still have friends that have kids, we would never actually cut people off for this reason (well … no we wouldn’t), but in the past 2 ½ years it has become glaringly obvious that we are living very different lives than our friends with kids. Initially I was NOT ok with this fact. When our friends that got married after us began their little families I really struggled watching them get to experience the miracle of life, mom’s staying home raising their children while I was out scrubbing other people toilets to make ends meet. Our friends were picking out baby names, taking kiddos to preschool and setting up education savings plans while Wally and I were applying to College. Something seemed very wrong with this picture.
It took me a couple of years to truly accept (and now completely LOVE) the place our life was going and now that I do I wouldn’t change a thing. Well maybe one thing … where do you find good friends that you mesh with, who understand where you’re at and can stand with you rather than watch you? Well, to be honest I don’t’ have the answer for this, all I can say is that you have to be open and sometimes step out and make the first move – kind of like dating.
This is where #28 comes in. As I mentioned before finding a couple to ‘date’ isn’t easy. In fact it’s twice as difficult than regular dating, as there are twice as many personalities involved, not to mention the fact that each has to tolerate the mix of 3 other people at the same time – it’s very complex. Generally it’s the ladies who get along and chat, while the gents go do something (or watch something) together. However for #28 I stepped out a bit and took a risk. The people we invited over for a ‘couple’ date I knew but Wally didn’t, and really I didn’t know the gallie very much at all. I invited Bro from work and his wife Smiles. At first I wasn’t sure if I could do it. I find crossing work and personal life weird, who wants to make work awkward with whatever info you’ve accidentally let out the night before? (And I have to admit this I do often). Also, Smiles had interviewed me for my current job and as far as I knew she would be doing it again in the future for whatever contracts that arose, isn’t it weird to be yourself with someone you wouldn’t be yourself with later? I’m just not that kind of a person. Once you get to know me there’s no going back, no faking it, no lying about how you are – I’m me, like it or leave it.
However this time I made the exception. In part because, as I mentioned in Day 12, I had felt that our work team had a ‘family feel’ with no need to fake things and I was accepted. Also because I’d heard rumors that Smiles was a genuinely smiley person, not the fake kind - I like that. Those two things made it ok for me to safely pursue this possible friendship. (It also didn’t hurt that Bro and Smiles had been married for 6 years, were kidless and in a similar situation as Wally and I – wanting kids, yet glad for how things have turned out. Oh, and Bro had a PS3 like Wally).
Once I’d made my list I couldn’t wait to make the invite (actually I think we talked about getting together sooner but it just hadn’t happened). We made a date and last night was it. They came over for dinner and some games. As always the beginning was a bit quiet and awkward (I never let that go on for long), but as we hung in there we chatted along and shared more of each of our own stories. It was going very and I was thinking ‘Yay!! kidless friends with our kind of take on life – does it get any better?!’
I soon found out that it does. How you ask? Well about halfway through our evening we were chatting and Smiles looks at me rather anxiously (probably after I’d remarked about how great it was to have new friends that ‘got it’) and said something about having to tell us something. I’m thinking ‘This is weird. This is only our first date, how could she possibly have anything to tell us that she’d be nervous to share?’ I knew it had to be something big. To be honest I was sure it was going to be ‘We’re pregnant!’ then I would have had to hate them and act all happy on the outside – I hate acting.
Smiles knew this was what I was thinking, as she and Bro had experienced the same anticipation from people as Wally and I had when sharing any exciting news with others (that never was about babies). She quickly spit it out, ‘We’re moving at the end of the month. I got an awesome job as a nanny …’ I’m not really sure of her exact words as I tuned them out after a while. I was stunned, shocked and seriously trying not to cry – my reaction actually surprised myself. ‘What?!!’ I thought. ‘You can’t, it’s our first date. We like you; you are the perfect people for us, there aren’t any others out there you know?! Do you realize how hard it is to find fun kidless people who actually like kids but don’t go to them to fill their every inner need? Seriously, the job cannot be that perfect!’
Ok so my reaction was a little on the selfish side (ok a lot on the selfish side). And it wasn’t entirely about finding our perfect couple friends. Admittedly, just as much of it (maybe more) was to do with my newly acquired family at work, my new brotherly type. Bro is the responsible, level headed, calm one who everyone likes and respects. Our house at work supports two fellows that need good male role models, our house has (had) two and now we were going to be down to one (full time anyways). How could this happen? It really does feel like a family being tugged apart.
Don’t get me wrong I am truly happy for our new friends and their adventures. The fact that they have sold their home and almost everything in it to follow dreams and whatever else God has for them inspires me completely to keep running after life, but it’s so hard to let go at the same time. I really cannot truly rationalize why I feel so at a loss when I think of my new friends leaving, but I do. It’s funny, I always pride myself on being able to let go of people without a problem because I know God’s never going to stop moving in life and we should always be prepared to say good bye – whether it’s through death or change. Why is it that this situation seems so difficult then? Why do I feel like the creepiest person on earth for getting so attached so quickly to people many would classify as strangers?
How would you feel if you were looking for a very specific thing? Let’s say the perfect little black dress (for the ladies) or that one of a kind movie you loved but have never been able to find (for the men - I’m grasping here)? Once you find it you know it immediately. You don’t have to wear it for days to see if it’s ‘right’, or rip it out of the box immediately to make sure, you just know the second you find it that it’s what you are looking for. I guess that’s how I feel about Smiles and Bro.
It’s not that we don’t have lots of friends (especially since moving and expanding our life), but it’s rare to find couple friends that you can ‘click’ with. Now I have to stop myself and say. As couple friends we only met once and really there wasn’t this miraculous clicking or anything like I may be making it sound. But there was potential and hope. And I have to admit that as I grow older in life I’m learning that it’s rare to find people that share the same kind of take on life as I do (as Wally and I do) and sometimes that’s hard. However, I’m also learning that you have always got to leave yourself open to meeting new people too because if you constantly look for ones that fit your mold, timing and surroundings you will indeed miss out on some great travel opportunities.
We plan on visiting our new friends in their new city for sure! (They aren’t getting rid of us that easily!)
Recap of Adventure Days 13 & 14
I have to say, sometimes keeping track of what day is what is a challenge! Oh well, I’ll keep trying to keep up.
Day 13 was a pretty average day, nothing too exciting going on. I went into work for my fifth day in a row (this is good stuff for a relief worker!). Nothing too out of the ordinary from that, but I did get a couple of good ‘funnies’ to share:
I was standing a couple of feet into Guy’s bedroom to say goodnight and stuff when he came (sort of charging) at me with his arms wide open – he wanted a hug. As I mentioned before there are policies and stuff on that kind of thing so we have to really watch stuff. Besides that I will remind you that I’m not a hugely affectionate person (physically). So I took several steps back. He quickly takes the hint and says: “Why don’t you want a hug?”
I say: “Remember, I’m not that into hugs.”
He asks: “How do you love your husband then?”
I say: “I cook for him.”
He looks confused and says: “That’s not loving.”
I say: “It is in my house.”
Another time through out the night when I was apparently being ‘too curious’, Guy reminds me of the ‘curiosity killed the cat’ saying and says: “You should be careful Eva, about being so curious. God’s not always going to save you!”
Day 14 – Did not hold all that much excitement in it. However I did complete one of my items on the list and pursued another one.
I finished up my 7 days of no t.v. (or other stuff like it). I sort of cheated though. Sunday morning (that day) I woke up and plunked down on the couch and turned the t.v. on, without any regard for my resolve. I didn’t give two hoots about 7 days of whatever. The funny thing was I didn’t even care about what I was watching. Since it was Sunday morning there were loads of televangelists on t.v. or speakers of sorts. I suppose in my mind I wasn’t breaking any commitments since I wasn’t actually enjoying what was on t.v.
I kind of think that mentality is funny. I seem to carry that around a lot with me on this 40 day adventure. If it’s not something I care about or feel in my heart drawn to do, then it doesn’t really matter if I do it and break my own rules. I wonder why I do that? It has actually caused me to totally ‘cheat’ on myself several times.
For example Friday night Wally and I went to a movie together (we do this maybe once every year or two) – um, hello, did we have to do this on my week off of media? To go along with that we also bought some snacks for the movie (Swedish berries and a huge Twix bar – did someone forget the other rule?). We did have a giant ‘reasoning’ discussion before and I honestly don’t feel I was doing it out of an internal need for it. It really just seemed wrong to do this ‘special event’ without doing it right – with snacks. That was all well and good until the next day when Wally and I were out for a nice hot beverage (to a place we’d been to before) and I was longing desperately for a baked good (like pleading for some rationale). I didn’t get one, but I did get a larger size drink to make up for it. There’s something wrong with the ‘spirit’ of that activity I think.
Later we decided to go out for lunch and indeed picked a new restaurant and I indeed picked something new to me. It was all good and we definitely felt the spirit of adventure (slight though it was). Then in the evening we had a craving to try something new (at a restaurant that of course I’d been to). It was an ice cream shake type thing. We went and tried and it really is only occurring to me now how ‘off base’ it was for us to convince ourselves this was within the ‘rules’ to do.
Let me address two things with all of these breaking of the rules. First, we don’t normally go out that often (we’re super frugal) but I had my first day off in a while and it was the most we’d seen each other in a week so outings like these seem to be how we roll. The second thing is that I sound wrapped up in my ‘rules’, yet totally unwrapped at the same time.
Here’s the deal: as I write about my ‘adventure’ I’m realizing that putting things to do in the ‘negative’ like: don’t watch t.v. for 7 days, and don’t eat blah, blah, blah, (and though I didn’t put it this way in the list) don’t go to any restaurants that aren’t new to you, we tend to look for ways around them or are naturally pulled to go against them. Even when they are worded positively, if we are not truly desiring something different we are going to find a way around it. Don’t get me wrong I really do want to change and try new things but some days are definitely easier to be in that frame of mind than others.
Even though perfection is far from me at this point I am learning more about myself and those around me by doing this experiment. I’m learning about resolve, motives, commitment, how difficult and even sometimes impossible it is to be ‘perfect’ all the time and always abide by whatever rules are laid down. I am understanding so much more about my faith (that sounds weird I know) but I’m talking more about the foundation of my Christian faith, about how following rules is just not how Jesus rolled. He was so much more about living by the Spirit and many times that meant breaking the rules. This is where things get tough though. On our own we can never really know when to ‘break the rules’, our natural desires are going to always justify the things we want. To really know when it’s better for us to ‘break the rules’ we need to truly seek direction – and that’s not easy, at all.
The world, and the religious system, is all about rules and following things by a line. There are laws to protect us, there are scientific rules by which the physical world lives, we hear all about what the moral way to do things is, but what about when those laws cannot be followed, understood or upheld? Sometimes we stick to them anyway, even if it hurts others or ourselves. Other times we do away with the whole system and live by our own school of thought. But every so often we actually stop and think about whatever it is we are struggling through and we look deeper, we ask questions we were always too afraid to ask and we leave ourselves open to debate. Do we always get the answers? No. Do we always need the answers? I don’t think so. Does it always matter if we go through this process only to find out we made the wrong decision - we trusted too much, we didn’t feel enough or we just made a stupid choice? No, and to be honest I don’t know that I really believe in the idea of making a mistake IF we learn something in the process and become better for it.
With all of that being said, I’m continuing my journey and perhaps at some point may try to truly follow the rules by the strictest of standard and write about it, but for now I’m going to continue to teach myself how to keep my resolve (re-reading them has been a big help) without constantly going from one extreme to another. We’ll see how that goes!
Day 13 was a pretty average day, nothing too exciting going on. I went into work for my fifth day in a row (this is good stuff for a relief worker!). Nothing too out of the ordinary from that, but I did get a couple of good ‘funnies’ to share:
I was standing a couple of feet into Guy’s bedroom to say goodnight and stuff when he came (sort of charging) at me with his arms wide open – he wanted a hug. As I mentioned before there are policies and stuff on that kind of thing so we have to really watch stuff. Besides that I will remind you that I’m not a hugely affectionate person (physically). So I took several steps back. He quickly takes the hint and says: “Why don’t you want a hug?”
I say: “Remember, I’m not that into hugs.”
He asks: “How do you love your husband then?”
I say: “I cook for him.”
He looks confused and says: “That’s not loving.”
I say: “It is in my house.”
Another time through out the night when I was apparently being ‘too curious’, Guy reminds me of the ‘curiosity killed the cat’ saying and says: “You should be careful Eva, about being so curious. God’s not always going to save you!”
Day 14 – Did not hold all that much excitement in it. However I did complete one of my items on the list and pursued another one.
I finished up my 7 days of no t.v. (or other stuff like it). I sort of cheated though. Sunday morning (that day) I woke up and plunked down on the couch and turned the t.v. on, without any regard for my resolve. I didn’t give two hoots about 7 days of whatever. The funny thing was I didn’t even care about what I was watching. Since it was Sunday morning there were loads of televangelists on t.v. or speakers of sorts. I suppose in my mind I wasn’t breaking any commitments since I wasn’t actually enjoying what was on t.v.
I kind of think that mentality is funny. I seem to carry that around a lot with me on this 40 day adventure. If it’s not something I care about or feel in my heart drawn to do, then it doesn’t really matter if I do it and break my own rules. I wonder why I do that? It has actually caused me to totally ‘cheat’ on myself several times.
For example Friday night Wally and I went to a movie together (we do this maybe once every year or two) – um, hello, did we have to do this on my week off of media? To go along with that we also bought some snacks for the movie (Swedish berries and a huge Twix bar – did someone forget the other rule?). We did have a giant ‘reasoning’ discussion before and I honestly don’t feel I was doing it out of an internal need for it. It really just seemed wrong to do this ‘special event’ without doing it right – with snacks. That was all well and good until the next day when Wally and I were out for a nice hot beverage (to a place we’d been to before) and I was longing desperately for a baked good (like pleading for some rationale). I didn’t get one, but I did get a larger size drink to make up for it. There’s something wrong with the ‘spirit’ of that activity I think.
Later we decided to go out for lunch and indeed picked a new restaurant and I indeed picked something new to me. It was all good and we definitely felt the spirit of adventure (slight though it was). Then in the evening we had a craving to try something new (at a restaurant that of course I’d been to). It was an ice cream shake type thing. We went and tried and it really is only occurring to me now how ‘off base’ it was for us to convince ourselves this was within the ‘rules’ to do.
Let me address two things with all of these breaking of the rules. First, we don’t normally go out that often (we’re super frugal) but I had my first day off in a while and it was the most we’d seen each other in a week so outings like these seem to be how we roll. The second thing is that I sound wrapped up in my ‘rules’, yet totally unwrapped at the same time.
Here’s the deal: as I write about my ‘adventure’ I’m realizing that putting things to do in the ‘negative’ like: don’t watch t.v. for 7 days, and don’t eat blah, blah, blah, (and though I didn’t put it this way in the list) don’t go to any restaurants that aren’t new to you, we tend to look for ways around them or are naturally pulled to go against them. Even when they are worded positively, if we are not truly desiring something different we are going to find a way around it. Don’t get me wrong I really do want to change and try new things but some days are definitely easier to be in that frame of mind than others.
Even though perfection is far from me at this point I am learning more about myself and those around me by doing this experiment. I’m learning about resolve, motives, commitment, how difficult and even sometimes impossible it is to be ‘perfect’ all the time and always abide by whatever rules are laid down. I am understanding so much more about my faith (that sounds weird I know) but I’m talking more about the foundation of my Christian faith, about how following rules is just not how Jesus rolled. He was so much more about living by the Spirit and many times that meant breaking the rules. This is where things get tough though. On our own we can never really know when to ‘break the rules’, our natural desires are going to always justify the things we want. To really know when it’s better for us to ‘break the rules’ we need to truly seek direction – and that’s not easy, at all.
The world, and the religious system, is all about rules and following things by a line. There are laws to protect us, there are scientific rules by which the physical world lives, we hear all about what the moral way to do things is, but what about when those laws cannot be followed, understood or upheld? Sometimes we stick to them anyway, even if it hurts others or ourselves. Other times we do away with the whole system and live by our own school of thought. But every so often we actually stop and think about whatever it is we are struggling through and we look deeper, we ask questions we were always too afraid to ask and we leave ourselves open to debate. Do we always get the answers? No. Do we always need the answers? I don’t think so. Does it always matter if we go through this process only to find out we made the wrong decision - we trusted too much, we didn’t feel enough or we just made a stupid choice? No, and to be honest I don’t know that I really believe in the idea of making a mistake IF we learn something in the process and become better for it.
With all of that being said, I’m continuing my journey and perhaps at some point may try to truly follow the rules by the strictest of standard and write about it, but for now I’m going to continue to teach myself how to keep my resolve (re-reading them has been a big help) without constantly going from one extreme to another. We’ll see how that goes!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Adventure Day 12 - #23 Expanding my family
So Friday turned out a bit differently than it was supposed to, but in a good way. I was supposed to be going in for my fourth consecutive day in a row at the house I work at. However the night before I had been chatting with other staff about the training they were going to and I remarked how I would love to join them and get a bit of a break (since I still had two big shifts after Friday that I would be in for). Don’t get me wrong, I really do love my job (most of the time) but sometimes it’s nice to get a break from the normal stuff, and the training was specialized for the one person we support and I knew I’d enjoy getting the ‘scoop’ and learning more.
I think 5 minutes after I mentioned that I would go it was all arranged that I would be joining them (keep in mind it was 10pm and my next shift was at 9am and they covered it!). I was excited. Not just because I was going to the training (that might be kinda sad), but that I could hang out and get to know my co-workers better.
You see I started working at this home 3 months ago now and it’s only been the past couple of weeks that I really have felt ‘safe’ to (as I put it before) come out of my shell. And come out of my shell I did! In fact sometimes I think I should’ve stayed in. I’m afraid when I get to know people that make me feel accepted completely (which doesn’t happen all that often) I REALLY am myself around them. I can sometimes have quick wit and a sharp tongue that some people don’t appreciate. So far at work I’ve been called a bitch twice, a spicy meatball, a firecracker, a peppercorn and I’m sure there are a few others I cann’t remember. I love it! I love that I can let go and just be and laugh and argue without really constantly being worried about what every one thinks. Can it get any better than that?
Onto my Friday. I went with the 3 full time staff – 2 guys and a gal (without my boss’ approval – oops!) to the training session. Well, I guess it was training. The guy in charge seemed less than my ideal, had an annoying laugh and was a tad on the arrogant side. More than once he wouldn’t let my co-workers and I finish our thoughts, and at one point he blatantly came out and dissed my program at College and said that DSWs didn’t come out of school with any real skills or at least didn’t use them or know how to. Well, he walked over the wrong chick’s feet – I didn’t really hold back my opinions and facts of what I had learned in school and as he challenged me (or tried to shut me down) I just spoke louder. Sometimes I don’t let things go – this was one of those times. Needless to say we had a lot to talk about during lunch and we did (over some Thai food at a new to me restaurant might I add).
As we ate, talked, laughed and hissed I looked around the table and realized that though I haven’t known the people I was sitting with for very long they indeed were beginning to feel like my family. What makes them feel more like a family than my home church or other friends I have? Well, like a family, this group has a lot in common: we all share the same boss (Big Mama), we joke painfully with each other, we disagree sometimes and argue others (I haven’t done a lot of this but I’m sure I will and I’m sure that it’ll be ok), only we could understand the dysfunctional house we live in too much of the time, we are all in relatively the same income bracket, we try to help each other out when we can, we cover for each other and we annoy each other – sounds like a family to me.
Now after listing all of these things I’m afraid I’ve made myself out to be more ‘in the family’ than perhaps I really am, I do realize my place. I just want to point out that I FEEL like I’m a part of the family there and I love it. I couldn’t imagine working with any other team. When I started out here it was more for the experience, but in a very short time it has turned into a place to live rather than visit.
When I wrote #23 down on my list I really and truly had no idea how I was going to do this, I just knew that I wanted a bigger family. I don’t think you can strategize how to actually ‘expand your family’. However I do think that you can have an idea of what you want out of life, the kind of person you want to be, and the people you want to be surrounded by. If you are open to the possibilities of what the definition of something could be, you may actually already have (or be in the process of getting what you are looking for) and not even realize it.
A lot of people complain about their families (I am one of these) and even get to a point where they feel sorry for themselves because they don’t have supportive, involved, and functional parents and/or siblings in their lives. But the thing is: family is whoever you let in. Family is who you are surrounded by in the hard times. They are the ones who have your back, annoy the hell out of you, make you laugh, believe in you, appreciate who you are and need you too.
By my definition anyone can be your family, you just have to let them. I have my welcome mat out and can’t wait to see who’s coming for Christmas!
I think 5 minutes after I mentioned that I would go it was all arranged that I would be joining them (keep in mind it was 10pm and my next shift was at 9am and they covered it!). I was excited. Not just because I was going to the training (that might be kinda sad), but that I could hang out and get to know my co-workers better.
You see I started working at this home 3 months ago now and it’s only been the past couple of weeks that I really have felt ‘safe’ to (as I put it before) come out of my shell. And come out of my shell I did! In fact sometimes I think I should’ve stayed in. I’m afraid when I get to know people that make me feel accepted completely (which doesn’t happen all that often) I REALLY am myself around them. I can sometimes have quick wit and a sharp tongue that some people don’t appreciate. So far at work I’ve been called a bitch twice, a spicy meatball, a firecracker, a peppercorn and I’m sure there are a few others I cann’t remember. I love it! I love that I can let go and just be and laugh and argue without really constantly being worried about what every one thinks. Can it get any better than that?
Onto my Friday. I went with the 3 full time staff – 2 guys and a gal (without my boss’ approval – oops!) to the training session. Well, I guess it was training. The guy in charge seemed less than my ideal, had an annoying laugh and was a tad on the arrogant side. More than once he wouldn’t let my co-workers and I finish our thoughts, and at one point he blatantly came out and dissed my program at College and said that DSWs didn’t come out of school with any real skills or at least didn’t use them or know how to. Well, he walked over the wrong chick’s feet – I didn’t really hold back my opinions and facts of what I had learned in school and as he challenged me (or tried to shut me down) I just spoke louder. Sometimes I don’t let things go – this was one of those times. Needless to say we had a lot to talk about during lunch and we did (over some Thai food at a new to me restaurant might I add).
As we ate, talked, laughed and hissed I looked around the table and realized that though I haven’t known the people I was sitting with for very long they indeed were beginning to feel like my family. What makes them feel more like a family than my home church or other friends I have? Well, like a family, this group has a lot in common: we all share the same boss (Big Mama), we joke painfully with each other, we disagree sometimes and argue others (I haven’t done a lot of this but I’m sure I will and I’m sure that it’ll be ok), only we could understand the dysfunctional house we live in too much of the time, we are all in relatively the same income bracket, we try to help each other out when we can, we cover for each other and we annoy each other – sounds like a family to me.
Now after listing all of these things I’m afraid I’ve made myself out to be more ‘in the family’ than perhaps I really am, I do realize my place. I just want to point out that I FEEL like I’m a part of the family there and I love it. I couldn’t imagine working with any other team. When I started out here it was more for the experience, but in a very short time it has turned into a place to live rather than visit.
When I wrote #23 down on my list I really and truly had no idea how I was going to do this, I just knew that I wanted a bigger family. I don’t think you can strategize how to actually ‘expand your family’. However I do think that you can have an idea of what you want out of life, the kind of person you want to be, and the people you want to be surrounded by. If you are open to the possibilities of what the definition of something could be, you may actually already have (or be in the process of getting what you are looking for) and not even realize it.
A lot of people complain about their families (I am one of these) and even get to a point where they feel sorry for themselves because they don’t have supportive, involved, and functional parents and/or siblings in their lives. But the thing is: family is whoever you let in. Family is who you are surrounded by in the hard times. They are the ones who have your back, annoy the hell out of you, make you laugh, believe in you, appreciate who you are and need you too.
By my definition anyone can be your family, you just have to let them. I have my welcome mat out and can’t wait to see who’s coming for Christmas!
Saturday, August 1, 2009
More stuff you didn’t know about me …
I read my own blog a lot – I mean a lot. I don’t know what it is that attracts me so much but I love reading it. Maybe I’m a narcissist.
I worry that when new people start reading the blog they'll start with a post that isn't that good and never read it again - I don't know why I care.
I love being regular (I’ll let you take that where ever you’d like)
I believe if you are a man that is a Massage Therapist it doesn’t matter whether you have a job, a car, money, a good personality, or if you are ugly – honey if you got the hands, you got it all.
I’ve only recently learned what grace is and how we are supposed to live it out – I’m trying to do better.
I love the smell of tobacco, but hate the smell of cigars
I’m a total morning person
I’m over punctual
I had what I thought was a birthmark on my chest since I was born, when I was 22 my doctor told me otherwise – it got removed. (My parents always told me they dropped a box of Pampers on me when I was an infant – the doc thought that was funny, I didn’t when I found out what it really was).
I have absolutely no problem walking around our apartment half naked. We’re 7 floors up and face a field – could life get any better?
The only men I’ve ever had hit on me were post middle aged married men – not that I need to be hit on but why the demographic?
My mother in law thinks I remind her of Uma Thurman. Wally thinks I remind him of Joan Cusack. I’ll take my mother in law’s opinion over my husband’s this time.
I love Sandra Bullock. I like Hugh Grant. I can’t stand Bette Midler.
Wally tells me I dance like a white person – that’s ok with me. I am a white person.
I’ve literally lived through a tornado – maybe I’ll tell you about it sometime.
I’ve only ever broken one bone in my body – it was my toe, someone stepped on it while playing ‘Fruit basket’. It’s a fierce game.
Speaking of games, I’m not really competitive at all. And I hate, I mean HATE, when people read me the rules before playing the game. I’d rather read them each one at a time as we play – or just make them up.
I love good surprises, but I’m always on to them – I’m turning 30 next year, I’ll leave it at that.
I LOVE having birthdays. I think people that get all uptight about getting older are clearly stupid – I hope they get weeded out at the pearly gates for not appreciating life.
I LOVE the smell of the doggy poop bags we have – a mixture of marshmallows and vanilla – mmmmm.
I worry that when new people start reading the blog they'll start with a post that isn't that good and never read it again - I don't know why I care.
I love being regular (I’ll let you take that where ever you’d like)
I believe if you are a man that is a Massage Therapist it doesn’t matter whether you have a job, a car, money, a good personality, or if you are ugly – honey if you got the hands, you got it all.
I’ve only recently learned what grace is and how we are supposed to live it out – I’m trying to do better.
I love the smell of tobacco, but hate the smell of cigars
I’m a total morning person
I’m over punctual
I had what I thought was a birthmark on my chest since I was born, when I was 22 my doctor told me otherwise – it got removed. (My parents always told me they dropped a box of Pampers on me when I was an infant – the doc thought that was funny, I didn’t when I found out what it really was).
I have absolutely no problem walking around our apartment half naked. We’re 7 floors up and face a field – could life get any better?
The only men I’ve ever had hit on me were post middle aged married men – not that I need to be hit on but why the demographic?
My mother in law thinks I remind her of Uma Thurman. Wally thinks I remind him of Joan Cusack. I’ll take my mother in law’s opinion over my husband’s this time.
I love Sandra Bullock. I like Hugh Grant. I can’t stand Bette Midler.
Wally tells me I dance like a white person – that’s ok with me. I am a white person.
I’ve literally lived through a tornado – maybe I’ll tell you about it sometime.
I’ve only ever broken one bone in my body – it was my toe, someone stepped on it while playing ‘Fruit basket’. It’s a fierce game.
Speaking of games, I’m not really competitive at all. And I hate, I mean HATE, when people read me the rules before playing the game. I’d rather read them each one at a time as we play – or just make them up.
I love good surprises, but I’m always on to them – I’m turning 30 next year, I’ll leave it at that.
I LOVE having birthdays. I think people that get all uptight about getting older are clearly stupid – I hope they get weeded out at the pearly gates for not appreciating life.
I LOVE the smell of the doggy poop bags we have – a mixture of marshmallows and vanilla – mmmmm.
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