Monday, January 25, 2010

Day 19 of Successfulness

Yes I am back to the number thing. Well, at least for the moment. We'll see.

Last week I worked lots. For some reason a 42 hour week seems far longer when it starts and stops a hundred times through out. You see I have a lot of days that consist of me starting the day at 7:30 or 8 am, working until noon, then back in (somewhere else) at 4pm and working until 10pm. It's not torture or anything but if I were to choose my hours in a day they may not be exactly as scheduled. But it's all part of training. And this field.

Anyways, last week was primarily spent working my 42 hours amongst 6 days here and there - many of my shifts being my first 'on my own' ones. Overall they went very well. YAY!

In other news the past couple of weeks have found themselves far (oh so far) from the wagon. I found myself a little down last week. I think I was perhaps a tad overwhelmed with all the new work, the party planning (and trying to be understood by everyone who's helping), and the fact that I am currently leaving our apartment looking like that of a college student every time I exit it. And I guess now that I'm not one I can't do that anymore. (Come to think of it I never did that then ... really).

Wally commented how I seem to use something and when I'm done with it just leave it where ever I last was. Apparently this isn't normal. Or at least not acceptable.

By the time Sunday came (my only day off) the place looked like a tornado hit it. (I do, incidentally, know what that looks like first hand). I honestly haven't felt like I had any energy or concern for the fact that there was more silverware in the living room than in the kitchen (or food for that matter). Or that every pair of underwear I had was in the wash patiently waiting for their turn in the machine, while I had to torture a pair today that really should have waited until successfulness had reaped some results. Oh yes and let's not forget the fact that I was beginning to be kind to the environment by writing my notes to Wally in the accumulated dust on our furniture.

All this to say I seemed wiped out and completely overrun with stuff to 'catch up' on and not any ambition to do so in sight. I think all of this contributed to the fact that I have not even cared one shred about any stupid diet or competition.

I realized today that I was really just choosing to live in denial (of some magnitude). I have been avoiding the truth of my 'issues' or at least avoiding the solution to them. I avoided the scale, (which so eloquently told me today that the weight was not going to jump off of my body because I had good intentions - weird eh?). I realized that by not reminding myself of the truth I was just running from it.

So this morning before I ate my fabulous Fibre One and cottage cheese with cinnamon for breakfast, I grabbed the electronic scale and faced the facts. I quickly stripped down to my undies (because you needed to know), but didn't go too crazy (I kept my watch and rings on). I stepped on that scale with confidence and strength. After seeing the number that stared back at me, wondered if perhaps confidence and strength added weight to my number.

Either way I got the truth and I accepted it. I didn't get off of the scale sad or angry. I didn't feel ugly or defeated. Instead I felt challenged. Challenged to, once again, be the person I know that I am. Who knew a scale could go that deep eh?

Well anyways I've had a good day in the realm of successfulness and decided to bring back the title. I decided that successfulness shouldn't be completely based on the outside result but also the scenery along the way. It took 19 days to get here and each have taught me something. Ok so I'll be honest I'm not exactly sure what but I'm sure they have right?

P.S. After breakfast during the 2 hours I had before work I finally dusted, swept, vacuumed, cleaned the bathroom, put some Christmas stuff away, did 2 loads of laundry, 1 load of dishes, made my successful lunch and had time to finish some paperwork for work. It's amazing what accepting the truth will do!

No comments: