Saturday, December 5, 2009

I'm still alive ... just not sane

Well it's the truth. Ok so I'm probably not yet technically insane but I have certainly felt the potential to fall off of the tight rope at times.

There's so much I would love to share. So much I would love to say but the brief ten minutes I have to receive some therapy here is just not enough time to release much.

Here's the long and the short of it...

* I am 13 days, 1 assignment and 1 exam away from completing my college diploma
* 20 days, 9 shifts away from celebrating Christmas
* 12 days from being eligible to work for my placement agency which has indeed hired me on the day following my last day of placement (even though they aren't technically allowed to do that
* 17 days away from seeing an old friend who lives far, far away

Living in a countdown isn't really my style at all. I really believe in living in the moment, enjoying every second and learning through every mistake. By I have to say taking on a 70 hour work week in the field of my choosing doesn't produce feelings of philosophy they provide a desire to just survive. I am now more in tune with most of humanity - or at least most of North America. Something I'm worked the past few years to get away from.

Oh well right now my pursuit in life is to survive mentally sound, then indulge in philosophy and living after. Not recommended but sometimes necessary.

Here's a brief list of the things I have learned in the past 13 weeks of my crazy life:

* I will never, ever have issues with changing a baby's dirty diaper
* nursing homes are generally (in my opinion) cruel punishments
* a good co-worker is invaluable
* no your limits and play within them
* you can function with only 5 hours of sleep on a continuous basis but not forever
* your boss can indeed be that insensitive
* there are amazing places to work that knock your socks off and you are allowed to be selfish and take those jobs
* call the 1-800 counseling hotline - the first step is the hardest but the most necessary
* my husband can learn how manage the house completely on his own
* I like the lady I support with dementia, she makes me smile (in a nice way)
* you can forgive someone when they don't know better, but it's hard to forgive those who do
* the system is broken and it grieves me
* I still have the ability to grieve
* human services can be the most inhumane system there is sometimes
* there are places that put philosophy into practice
* I am strong even when I'm broken
* no one understands a traumatic event you've been through as well as the one who goes through it with you
* I miss cooking
* Just because a place has a wheelchair ramp by no means makes it wheelchair accessible
* I miss working out, even though it does little for my waistline
* I picked the right job
* I miss my blog family :(

Well I've used up more than my ten minutes. I look forward to returning regularly soon!!

Not that many people read this now but whoever does, may I ask for your prayers (in whatever form they may come)?

Eva :)


Zoe said...

Eva!!!!! So good to have you back in blogger land! Missed you soo much!

I can't even believe you're still on your feet, much less retaining some semblance of sanity after the last few months of this crazy work schedule - you amaze me...

Wow, the countdown is on and Short!! Woohoo! =0)

Anonymous said...


I've missed you! I was checking your blog a LOT knowing that someday soon we would hear from you...
You're requesting prayer that you'll do well on your exam and make it through the last month? For sure.
I'm glad you're back and hope we can get together sometime soon.

Love Bex

Sophie said...

You're always in my prayers Eva!!!! And my goody list

Midge said...

Well, now that the countdown is OVER I hope you are back to 'enjoying the moment!' I agree with you: there is so much to be learned during those intense, intense times when it feels like we may have bitten off more than we can chew. But,I knew you could do it =) I hope you had a lovely Christmas.