I'm been figuring a few things out lately. Well, sort of.
* Several times in the past few months when I've realized that I've misplaced something the first thought that I have is: 'Where's the beeper button so that I can find it?' (You know like the buttons on the base of a portable phone that make the phone beep so you can find it - I think EVERYTHING should have a system like that!)
* When I got home from work I used the washroom and noted the pjs and underwear of mine lying on the bathroom floor and I thought 'I'd better pick those up before my 'Clean Eating Students' get here. Then I walked downstairs and put something away in the bathroom down there and found another pair of underwear on the floor there. I was later in my room to put something away and saw another stray pair. I thought to myself 'Wow if a stranger saw this they'd either think I had a very fun ... intimate life or an incontinence problem'.
* More and more as new people at work seem to be diagnosed with terminal illnesses I am reminded over and over the lesson of not waiting to live out your joy. I am really frustrated that it's taking me so long to trust enough to live this out with faith. I hope I don't run out of time.
* Wally is obsessed with leaving lights on throughout the house during the night. I'm obsessed with staying in the shower until there's no more hot water. I think it's funny that our parents used to go on and on about someday when we have to pay for hydro and hot water we'll be more aware, but it doesn't phase us.
* While at work today a 2 1/2 year old little girl saw the little green squishy thingamajig in my purse and dove to get it out and play with it. I nearly tackled her to the ground before she could get to it because it is MY little green squishy thingamajig! I was successful, she was mad. I am clearly already deeply attached to the little guy. (Perhaps because I know it drives Wally nuts when I bounce it continually off of my hand a hundred times a minute).
* I am tired.
* I am selfish
* I don't care too much.
* I want so badly to sit for a day at home and be cozy and comfortable and really think about what I want out of life and how I want to give back and then figure out how to achieve some of my personal goals. Whenever I have time I feel overwhelmed at the task of organizing and understanding my thoughts so I avoid it. Hmmmmm, how could I make this fun?
* No matter what a person has they always want more (at least this is true for me!)
* Laughing makes everything better - that's why I'm excited tomorrow to be: Thirty one and FUN!!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
A trip to heaven (A.K.A. the dollar store)
I was at the dollar store yesterday with someone I was supporting. She's only allowed to 'window shop' with all but one of her staff. We had some time to kill so we 'window shopped for quite sometime ... in the dollar store.
The dollar store is an amazing place. It has EVERYTHING that you could ever want.
Seeing as we had more time than we really needed (I wish I felt that I had that problem), we went down every single aisle. It was wonderful.
I tried to spy every little trinket and item there was. I picked up something every once in a while. Sometimes to figure out what exactly it was and other times just to get the feeling that I was going to buy something (sometimes I pick something up and walk around with it as if I'm going to buy it and then just put it back at the end - just cause I like the feeling of having something).
HAlf way through our time there I spotted a mini tupperware container with a mini ice cream swirly cone, vanilla dipped and strawberry dipped donuts and a mini slice of vanilla, chocolate cake with 2 strawberries on top. They were all so cute! I held it in my hand for a moment then reprimanded myself for even thinking about using my debit card for a $1 purchase of mini treat erasers and then I put it down.
I continued on my trip around the store and saw school teacher encouragement stickers (I mean, for the students). They were like 'Way to go!' 'A+' 'Great Effort' (who ever wants that one?) and 'Excellent'. They looked like they were sketched by a kid, very cute as well.
I thought about how Glo told me once that she uses a chart with reinforcement stickers on it to help her eat well and exercise. She uses hearts for when she exercises and little farm animals for when she eats right (yes she's cute too).
I thought to myself 'Maybe I need a reinforcement calender to help me do better in those areas. Maybe I need these stickers.' So I picked them up and held them while I walked on.
Next I came to one of my new favourite inventions: dry erase markers.
I LOVE these!!!!
A few weeks ago I asked Wally for one and decided they'd be great fun to keep in our not yet decorated main bathroom to draw on the mirror with. I've since decided it's the best idea I'd had in years.
Yes I realize probably someone else has thought of this a dozen times over but it's a first thought for me. We've since added a couple of extra markers and have enjoyed getting notes from our guests that visit the loo.
Beside the markers was an actual white board. Hmmmmm .... I thought. Maybe I should buy one of those - it is only a dollar (actually 2 - inflation sucks).
I picked up the white board feeling for some reason that this 8 1/2 by 11 piece of material would somehow change my life significantly and off I went to now feel justified in buying the mini eraser set that was too cute to leave behind. (I also grabbed a weird squishy bright green spiky thingamajig that I've wanted to get for years but would never justify, just because he's silly and fun).
I'm sitting beside my empty white board and new markers with handy erasers on the ends. I have my stickers all ready for me to do something worth the words 'Great Job!'.
I have the tools.
Now I just need to do something with them.
Isn't that often the challenge. You think 'If only I had ___________, I'd be able to do great things, or accomplish my goal' If only.
I think more often than not we have everything we need we just aren't sure how to get started.
I feel that way right now.
Ya know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna play with the silly green thingamajig and write something barely profound on my white board in hopes that inspiration strikes.
Or at least something funny. I do like a laugh.
Moral of the story: go to the dollar store and buy 5 things for no reason that make you happy. Maybe it's farting putting, or green goo. Maybe it's the cigarette smoke sucker that you've wondered if it really worked (even though you don't smoke). Perhaps you just want a place mat with the human skeleton on it to learn all the fancy names of bones.
Whatever it is... splurg. It's only a dollar (or two depending on how badly that dollar store has been hit by the economy).
The dollar store is an amazing place. It has EVERYTHING that you could ever want.
Seeing as we had more time than we really needed (I wish I felt that I had that problem), we went down every single aisle. It was wonderful.
I tried to spy every little trinket and item there was. I picked up something every once in a while. Sometimes to figure out what exactly it was and other times just to get the feeling that I was going to buy something (sometimes I pick something up and walk around with it as if I'm going to buy it and then just put it back at the end - just cause I like the feeling of having something).
HAlf way through our time there I spotted a mini tupperware container with a mini ice cream swirly cone, vanilla dipped and strawberry dipped donuts and a mini slice of vanilla, chocolate cake with 2 strawberries on top. They were all so cute! I held it in my hand for a moment then reprimanded myself for even thinking about using my debit card for a $1 purchase of mini treat erasers and then I put it down.
I continued on my trip around the store and saw school teacher encouragement stickers (I mean, for the students). They were like 'Way to go!' 'A+' 'Great Effort' (who ever wants that one?) and 'Excellent'. They looked like they were sketched by a kid, very cute as well.
I thought about how Glo told me once that she uses a chart with reinforcement stickers on it to help her eat well and exercise. She uses hearts for when she exercises and little farm animals for when she eats right (yes she's cute too).
I thought to myself 'Maybe I need a reinforcement calender to help me do better in those areas. Maybe I need these stickers.' So I picked them up and held them while I walked on.
Next I came to one of my new favourite inventions: dry erase markers.
I LOVE these!!!!
A few weeks ago I asked Wally for one and decided they'd be great fun to keep in our not yet decorated main bathroom to draw on the mirror with. I've since decided it's the best idea I'd had in years.
Yes I realize probably someone else has thought of this a dozen times over but it's a first thought for me. We've since added a couple of extra markers and have enjoyed getting notes from our guests that visit the loo.
Beside the markers was an actual white board. Hmmmmm .... I thought. Maybe I should buy one of those - it is only a dollar (actually 2 - inflation sucks).
I picked up the white board feeling for some reason that this 8 1/2 by 11 piece of material would somehow change my life significantly and off I went to now feel justified in buying the mini eraser set that was too cute to leave behind. (I also grabbed a weird squishy bright green spiky thingamajig that I've wanted to get for years but would never justify, just because he's silly and fun).
I'm sitting beside my empty white board and new markers with handy erasers on the ends. I have my stickers all ready for me to do something worth the words 'Great Job!'.
I have the tools.
Now I just need to do something with them.
Isn't that often the challenge. You think 'If only I had ___________, I'd be able to do great things, or accomplish my goal' If only.
I think more often than not we have everything we need we just aren't sure how to get started.
I feel that way right now.
Ya know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna play with the silly green thingamajig and write something barely profound on my white board in hopes that inspiration strikes.
Or at least something funny. I do like a laugh.
Moral of the story: go to the dollar store and buy 5 things for no reason that make you happy. Maybe it's farting putting, or green goo. Maybe it's the cigarette smoke sucker that you've wondered if it really worked (even though you don't smoke). Perhaps you just want a place mat with the human skeleton on it to learn all the fancy names of bones.
Whatever it is... splurg. It's only a dollar (or two depending on how badly that dollar store has been hit by the economy).
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Our version of 'Tuesday's with Morrie'
Yesterday something cool happened.
It was one of those things that you always want to happen but never seems to make it's way in this crazy busy often stuff is more important than people type world.
I was trying to take some time to relax a bit between shifts (as I had not slept all that well the night before). I was checking some e-mail, watching some home improvement shows, having near naps interrupted by telemarketers when something struck me from seemingly out of nowhere.
Let me give you some background....
I have a friend I've written about before, Glo. I admire her, look up to her, enjoy her presence and her outlook on life. She, without even trying to, challenges me to live out my life better than I would on my own. I very much appreciate who she is and that I am so lucky to have her in my life.
Glo, as I've mentioned, is leaving in July to go to Holland for a year to do nannying. She has always wanted to travel through Europe and figured this was a great way to do it thriftily.
Yesterday I was thinking about how much I would miss having her around. She has gone to yoga with me for the first time (actually 2 first times), let me torture her with a strength training session, done an hour of cardio while chatting non stop. She came over to keep me company one night when I needed to do some painting but knew unless I had great incentive I would put it off.
She's the kind of friend that while come for coffee when I just need to share a 'bright idea' with someone or when I need help or encouragement with a ridiculous goal (like 'I should raise $10 000 for an organization no one knows about around here') she's there to give.
As I pondered her future absence I got thinking about the fact that she would be gone for a year and knowing what I know about how life works when you 'go to try something out' it could turn into more.
I began to get sad when the idea that Glo may not come back to settle here again (who know she might but I'm trying to entertain any possibility), not only that but even if she did my life may not ever lend itself again to such openess and availability to just hang out any time again. A year from now could look very different for me too.
Though I'd like to think that no matter what, this friendship will be what it is right now. However the truth is: life changes, circumstances change and it is pretty much a guarantee that a year from now it won't be the same (whether for the good or otherwise).
I know this is starting to sound like I prepping to say 'good bye', 'farewell', 'it was nice to know you!' I'm not. Actually quite the opposite.
As I got pondering on the couch about what to do with the next 5 months of 'now' we have I thought 'Why not make a long standing date with Glo? See if she'd like to prioritize making time together while we can and really grow what we have'. Of course there was always a chance that perhaps she didn't want to commit to 'Thursdays with Eva' but then again maybe she would.
Onto facebook I went and wrote an e-mail explaining what I was thinking and feeling about the situation and without over thinking it off I sent it. I made sure there was the all important 'out' included just so that she wouldn't feel bad to say 'uh .... yeah I don't think so' if she felt it necessary. It's always a bit scary to put yourself out there but sometimes you just gotta.
Sure enough within a couple of hours I got my answer ....
Not only did Glo think it was a great idea but she had also been thinking about asking for the same commitment over the next few months! She also added in that she'd kept a note I'd given her after one of our first times hanging out and read it when she was sad. The funny part is I do the same with one she gave me.
It's funny, I realize this sounds like a mini love story with hearts and arrows popping up here and there, only of course this is in the realm of friendship. I'm ok with it though.
Sometimes in life you are given the right person at the right time in your life. I am beyond spoiled as I feel as though I have the right PEOPLE in my life at the right time. There are a few I am lucky enough to feel admiration over.
What I am even more excited about is that both Glo and I have realized the time sensitivity and rarity of what we are currently sharing in friendship and are willing to make the time to keep it growing. THAT is also such a huge gift!
Though I am sad that things will change and Glo won't be able to physically be the same kind of friend, I am anticipating building a great foundation for perhaps the next phase of our relationship that has potential to be deeper and more profound than the one we share right now. I know this is possible as I've experienced (at least in one relationship) a depth of friendship that I know would be impossible without that friend moving across both of our countries.
I look forward to learning a lot and enjoying the company of another wonderful person in my life.
I am blessed.
It was one of those things that you always want to happen but never seems to make it's way in this crazy busy often stuff is more important than people type world.
I was trying to take some time to relax a bit between shifts (as I had not slept all that well the night before). I was checking some e-mail, watching some home improvement shows, having near naps interrupted by telemarketers when something struck me from seemingly out of nowhere.
Let me give you some background....
I have a friend I've written about before, Glo. I admire her, look up to her, enjoy her presence and her outlook on life. She, without even trying to, challenges me to live out my life better than I would on my own. I very much appreciate who she is and that I am so lucky to have her in my life.
Glo, as I've mentioned, is leaving in July to go to Holland for a year to do nannying. She has always wanted to travel through Europe and figured this was a great way to do it thriftily.
Yesterday I was thinking about how much I would miss having her around. She has gone to yoga with me for the first time (actually 2 first times), let me torture her with a strength training session, done an hour of cardio while chatting non stop. She came over to keep me company one night when I needed to do some painting but knew unless I had great incentive I would put it off.
She's the kind of friend that while come for coffee when I just need to share a 'bright idea' with someone or when I need help or encouragement with a ridiculous goal (like 'I should raise $10 000 for an organization no one knows about around here') she's there to give.
As I pondered her future absence I got thinking about the fact that she would be gone for a year and knowing what I know about how life works when you 'go to try something out' it could turn into more.
I began to get sad when the idea that Glo may not come back to settle here again (who know she might but I'm trying to entertain any possibility), not only that but even if she did my life may not ever lend itself again to such openess and availability to just hang out any time again. A year from now could look very different for me too.
Though I'd like to think that no matter what, this friendship will be what it is right now. However the truth is: life changes, circumstances change and it is pretty much a guarantee that a year from now it won't be the same (whether for the good or otherwise).
I know this is starting to sound like I prepping to say 'good bye', 'farewell', 'it was nice to know you!' I'm not. Actually quite the opposite.
As I got pondering on the couch about what to do with the next 5 months of 'now' we have I thought 'Why not make a long standing date with Glo? See if she'd like to prioritize making time together while we can and really grow what we have'. Of course there was always a chance that perhaps she didn't want to commit to 'Thursdays with Eva' but then again maybe she would.
Onto facebook I went and wrote an e-mail explaining what I was thinking and feeling about the situation and without over thinking it off I sent it. I made sure there was the all important 'out' included just so that she wouldn't feel bad to say 'uh .... yeah I don't think so' if she felt it necessary. It's always a bit scary to put yourself out there but sometimes you just gotta.
Sure enough within a couple of hours I got my answer ....
Not only did Glo think it was a great idea but she had also been thinking about asking for the same commitment over the next few months! She also added in that she'd kept a note I'd given her after one of our first times hanging out and read it when she was sad. The funny part is I do the same with one she gave me.
It's funny, I realize this sounds like a mini love story with hearts and arrows popping up here and there, only of course this is in the realm of friendship. I'm ok with it though.
Sometimes in life you are given the right person at the right time in your life. I am beyond spoiled as I feel as though I have the right PEOPLE in my life at the right time. There are a few I am lucky enough to feel admiration over.
What I am even more excited about is that both Glo and I have realized the time sensitivity and rarity of what we are currently sharing in friendship and are willing to make the time to keep it growing. THAT is also such a huge gift!
Though I am sad that things will change and Glo won't be able to physically be the same kind of friend, I am anticipating building a great foundation for perhaps the next phase of our relationship that has potential to be deeper and more profound than the one we share right now. I know this is possible as I've experienced (at least in one relationship) a depth of friendship that I know would be impossible without that friend moving across both of our countries.
I look forward to learning a lot and enjoying the company of another wonderful person in my life.
I am blessed.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy Heart Day
Love.
Be loved.
Show it.
See it.
Feel it.
We never have enough days on earth to adequately learn how to do this properly (in my opinion).
So ....
Let's just keep trying.
I'm always into learning, do you know of a person, story or a book by/of someone that displays this well? (Other than the Bible). Share it with me.
Happy Heart Day!
Be loved.
Show it.
See it.
Feel it.
We never have enough days on earth to adequately learn how to do this properly (in my opinion).
So ....
Let's just keep trying.
I'm always into learning, do you know of a person, story or a book by/of someone that displays this well? (Other than the Bible). Share it with me.
Happy Heart Day!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Clear the air ....
To answer a great question for a blog reader who may be newer to reading about our Thai Thai adventures.
The question was asked 'Will you still go if you don't reach your $10 000 goal?'
To which I have to answer: YES!!
My $10 000 goal is not actually related to our trip directly.
I decided early on that since Wally and I would be paying for the trip out of our pockets that when people asked about our trip we could share info about Compasio and offer an outlet for them to give if they wanted (and there have been many who have asked).
I figured since many people raise money to go on mission trips like this we could sort of do the same idea only all of the money raised would go directly towards Compasio's needs rather than our trip.
I also had wanted to develop a relationship with Compasio and a deeper connection with them before coming for a rather short (in the grand scheme of things)trip. I want this trip to be a stop in the road of hopefully a long relationship with a great organization. One that maybe someday we can share with our children too.
I also knew beyond a doubt last fall when I set the $10 000 goal that it wouldn't be met before going on our trip and that has never really been a factor. My goal was to have it raised by the end of June however it may be extended to the fall as our biggest fundraiser will be then.
We have several things coming up this spring and it should be great! In the mean time I am getting really excited for this step in our journey with Compasio and actually getting to meet the workers, volunteers and children there. No doubt it will give me a 'shot in the arm'(or heart) for my personal fund raising efforts on their behalf.
I hope this explains things a bit better. We've had many questions and no doubt it can get confusing.
Cheers!
The question was asked 'Will you still go if you don't reach your $10 000 goal?'
To which I have to answer: YES!!
My $10 000 goal is not actually related to our trip directly.
I decided early on that since Wally and I would be paying for the trip out of our pockets that when people asked about our trip we could share info about Compasio and offer an outlet for them to give if they wanted (and there have been many who have asked).
I figured since many people raise money to go on mission trips like this we could sort of do the same idea only all of the money raised would go directly towards Compasio's needs rather than our trip.
I also had wanted to develop a relationship with Compasio and a deeper connection with them before coming for a rather short (in the grand scheme of things)trip. I want this trip to be a stop in the road of hopefully a long relationship with a great organization. One that maybe someday we can share with our children too.
I also knew beyond a doubt last fall when I set the $10 000 goal that it wouldn't be met before going on our trip and that has never really been a factor. My goal was to have it raised by the end of June however it may be extended to the fall as our biggest fundraiser will be then.
We have several things coming up this spring and it should be great! In the mean time I am getting really excited for this step in our journey with Compasio and actually getting to meet the workers, volunteers and children there. No doubt it will give me a 'shot in the arm'(or heart) for my personal fund raising efforts on their behalf.
I hope this explains things a bit better. We've had many questions and no doubt it can get confusing.
Cheers!
My Thai
So it was 4:45am and I was so in need of going back to sleep but my lover was calling me.
The lover: my writing.
Yeah I know, my writing's not THAT special but it fills me in a strange way that nothing else will.
On my mind as of late: My Thai.
I don't think I mentioned that Wally and I are potentially going next month. This just came about over this week really and I'm not sure exactly how I coerced him into being ok with it. But I did and now we just wait upon the arrival of his passport before booking our flights.
We may even be celebrating our 10th anniversary while over there. Two wonderful dreams come true to enjoy at once for me. Words can't tell you what that feels like.
Along with the reality of this long awaited trip finally coming to fruition are the nerves, the arguments birthed from our very different personalities over traveling, and the truth of experiencing a lifelong dream.
Lastnight upon thinking about the very, very long trip Wally had a mini panic attack. He began shooting a million questions at me about getting there, even dragging me downstairs to the computer to see the distance of where our plane will land compared to how far away it will be from where we will eventually need to be.
'That's a long way Eva!' 'How are we gonna get there?!' 'We've never traveling anywhere?!' 'We're gonna die!' 'We don't know how to take a bus there!' 'We don't speak Thai!'
He google mapped out the driving directions from the airport to where we're going (from Bangkok to Mai Sot) and was overwhelmed by the 7 hour drive. I don't blame him, it's essentially and completely out of our element. Not a great cocktail for our travel virginity nor what will be two very tired and irritable people by that time.
All I could say was 'It'll be an adventure!' 'We'll figure it out as we go' 'I'm scared too but there's nothing we can do about it now' 'Ok yes I promise to talk to A-bag about the how's right away'. At which point I think I sat down and wrote an immediate please for help from my well traveled friend who happens to be in Thai Thai as we speak.
Wally has every right to be worried. It's probably good that he is a bit, seeing as I often wait til the last minute to worry and then it's a bad scene.
Admittedly I am worried about our trip too. But my worries are very different...
I am worried I will get there and not feel anything.
I'm worried I'll see the children and not feel justified in loving them.
I worry that the stench of the dump will cause me to vomit and want to go home.
I am worried that the heat that I can't stand will make me smell and they'll make me live down the street.
I worry my heart is so out of touch with spiritual things that I will be annoyed by others that are obviously in love with their God enough to be living examples of Him in every way.
My worries are a bit different.
What if I'm not enough? What if I hate it? What if I don't get anything out of it? Worse yet, what if they don't get anything out of me? (Although the intention is for me to help I know beyond a doubt my intentions are more selfish and I want them to change me).
I just wonder ... what will this trip be like?
With the business of life I feel like it could be happening so much faster than we thought and maybe we'll miss something.
Excuse me while I send up a prayer ...
God,
It's with ah humble heart I ask, even beg, you to prepare Wally and I for this experience. Soften our hearts and ready us for what we will encounter (as much as we should be or can be). Change us in some way for the betterment of all. Bring us closer together. If there's a way for you to connect us deeper with these people as so many people are, do. Make us to be fresh air to those we will be working beside and perhaps a blessing in some way. Create something wonderful out of our very flawed selves. Equip us to do wonderful things with what we learn when we come home.
One more thing .... help me not to steal any babies. I've heard prison is no fun.
Thanks. I'm super flawed (as you know) but ever thankful for the grace that is given to experience anything good in this world.
And, even though I don't say it much, I think you are great.
Talk to you later gator *smiles*
Your kiddo,
Eva
P.S. Sorry about swearing, having a short temper and throwing things when I'm impatient. Thanks for helping me not do this at work ;)
The lover: my writing.
Yeah I know, my writing's not THAT special but it fills me in a strange way that nothing else will.
On my mind as of late: My Thai.
I don't think I mentioned that Wally and I are potentially going next month. This just came about over this week really and I'm not sure exactly how I coerced him into being ok with it. But I did and now we just wait upon the arrival of his passport before booking our flights.
We may even be celebrating our 10th anniversary while over there. Two wonderful dreams come true to enjoy at once for me. Words can't tell you what that feels like.
Along with the reality of this long awaited trip finally coming to fruition are the nerves, the arguments birthed from our very different personalities over traveling, and the truth of experiencing a lifelong dream.
Lastnight upon thinking about the very, very long trip Wally had a mini panic attack. He began shooting a million questions at me about getting there, even dragging me downstairs to the computer to see the distance of where our plane will land compared to how far away it will be from where we will eventually need to be.
'That's a long way Eva!' 'How are we gonna get there?!' 'We've never traveling anywhere?!' 'We're gonna die!' 'We don't know how to take a bus there!' 'We don't speak Thai!'
He google mapped out the driving directions from the airport to where we're going (from Bangkok to Mai Sot) and was overwhelmed by the 7 hour drive. I don't blame him, it's essentially and completely out of our element. Not a great cocktail for our travel virginity nor what will be two very tired and irritable people by that time.
All I could say was 'It'll be an adventure!' 'We'll figure it out as we go' 'I'm scared too but there's nothing we can do about it now' 'Ok yes I promise to talk to A-bag about the how's right away'. At which point I think I sat down and wrote an immediate please for help from my well traveled friend who happens to be in Thai Thai as we speak.
Wally has every right to be worried. It's probably good that he is a bit, seeing as I often wait til the last minute to worry and then it's a bad scene.
Admittedly I am worried about our trip too. But my worries are very different...
I am worried I will get there and not feel anything.
I'm worried I'll see the children and not feel justified in loving them.
I worry that the stench of the dump will cause me to vomit and want to go home.
I am worried that the heat that I can't stand will make me smell and they'll make me live down the street.
I worry my heart is so out of touch with spiritual things that I will be annoyed by others that are obviously in love with their God enough to be living examples of Him in every way.
My worries are a bit different.
What if I'm not enough? What if I hate it? What if I don't get anything out of it? Worse yet, what if they don't get anything out of me? (Although the intention is for me to help I know beyond a doubt my intentions are more selfish and I want them to change me).
I just wonder ... what will this trip be like?
With the business of life I feel like it could be happening so much faster than we thought and maybe we'll miss something.
Excuse me while I send up a prayer ...
God,
It's with ah humble heart I ask, even beg, you to prepare Wally and I for this experience. Soften our hearts and ready us for what we will encounter (as much as we should be or can be). Change us in some way for the betterment of all. Bring us closer together. If there's a way for you to connect us deeper with these people as so many people are, do. Make us to be fresh air to those we will be working beside and perhaps a blessing in some way. Create something wonderful out of our very flawed selves. Equip us to do wonderful things with what we learn when we come home.
One more thing .... help me not to steal any babies. I've heard prison is no fun.
Thanks. I'm super flawed (as you know) but ever thankful for the grace that is given to experience anything good in this world.
And, even though I don't say it much, I think you are great.
Talk to you later gator *smiles*
Your kiddo,
Eva
P.S. Sorry about swearing, having a short temper and throwing things when I'm impatient. Thanks for helping me not do this at work ;)
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Adventure Awaits
I was chatting with a new soon to be friend today and was sharing with her about my little retreat last summer. I began to reminisce...
I was thinking of what it was like to go away and be completely alone at a bed and breakfast with myself for two days and two nights.
*closes eyes*
*takes a breath*
It was amazing.
For the first time doing something new was not scary. I was not bored without television or the internet, in fact it was fabulous.
I loved being secluded in my room apart from pretty much everything. Swimming in a sea of bed coverings, enjoying the beautiful red roses I took with me from my graduation the day before (yes I put 12 individual water thingies on the ends and took them too!).
I read. I watched movies. I walked. I admired nature. I listened to music. And God. I found out that I was already a mother within.
It was magical really.
I have to say that I was sorta wishin' I could go back to what seemed like an incredible place.
Wow. Memories are amazing.
You know what is frustrating? We live for these experiences. We wait through the troubles of life all year for a couple of days of reflection and relaxation.
We trudge through the mud of the 'every day' often unhappy and discontented so that for a bundle of hours we can breathe without fears of being interrupted, of needing an inhaler, or of being knocked off of our feet by someone we come across.
It saddens me when we live like this because we really only get one life on this earth. And though this earth isn't really the climax of our on going lives it is a gift full of sensations to experience. Why so often do we settle for less?
I'm guessing it's because of the unknown, because of the fear that grips us, because of the comfort we want to feel.
I think of selling our house for us to go back to school and how scary it looked but also how exciting it felt. We were on an adventure. We honestly didn't know what was at the end of it for us. To be honest .... we still don't. I love this.
What I don't love is falling into ordinary life in a way that seems to cloud my vigor for the world I've been given to live in.
I want always to keep my senses alive to the possibilities around me. I am so blessed to have 'livers' (not the organs) all around me. People who step out of the ordinary and into the extraordinary.
I have a friend Glo, she just recently decided to not go back to school in the fall to do her Masters but rather go to Holland for a year to be a nanny. She's so excited!!!
Someone else I look up to is my friend Chi Chi. She graduated from the same program as myself over 8 years ago and after pouring her heart and soul into her work (and being the best support worker I know) have decided to return to school full time this fall to pursue horticulture - her true passion.
I also have another admirable friend who has lived in Taiwan teaching English as a second language for the past couple of years and plans to return to Canada to study law a newly discovered love.
There's also my priest friend that sort of got thrown (gently) out of the country he was serving the poor (in money) and is now spending a year going where ever the Spirit leads while his paper work is figured out. What an adventure!
Though my life doesn't burst with the appearance of excitement I do look at it as such. I will get to have a brief and undoubtedly life changing visit to a country my heart melted over the second I saw pictures of it. This is small but wonderful for me.
Hmmmmmmmm....
Perhaps I ought to consider ways I can add more excitement to my life (a smile is developing). Something that I will remember and be changed by like my original 40 Day adventure.
I am so flawed. So imperfect. So ordinary.
But, I am me and the only one there is.
I shall find adventure in whatever way I can. For I believe, it is out there waiting for us
;)
I was thinking of what it was like to go away and be completely alone at a bed and breakfast with myself for two days and two nights.
*closes eyes*
*takes a breath*
It was amazing.
For the first time doing something new was not scary. I was not bored without television or the internet, in fact it was fabulous.
I loved being secluded in my room apart from pretty much everything. Swimming in a sea of bed coverings, enjoying the beautiful red roses I took with me from my graduation the day before (yes I put 12 individual water thingies on the ends and took them too!).
I read. I watched movies. I walked. I admired nature. I listened to music. And God. I found out that I was already a mother within.
It was magical really.
I have to say that I was sorta wishin' I could go back to what seemed like an incredible place.
Wow. Memories are amazing.
You know what is frustrating? We live for these experiences. We wait through the troubles of life all year for a couple of days of reflection and relaxation.
We trudge through the mud of the 'every day' often unhappy and discontented so that for a bundle of hours we can breathe without fears of being interrupted, of needing an inhaler, or of being knocked off of our feet by someone we come across.
It saddens me when we live like this because we really only get one life on this earth. And though this earth isn't really the climax of our on going lives it is a gift full of sensations to experience. Why so often do we settle for less?
I'm guessing it's because of the unknown, because of the fear that grips us, because of the comfort we want to feel.
I think of selling our house for us to go back to school and how scary it looked but also how exciting it felt. We were on an adventure. We honestly didn't know what was at the end of it for us. To be honest .... we still don't. I love this.
What I don't love is falling into ordinary life in a way that seems to cloud my vigor for the world I've been given to live in.
I want always to keep my senses alive to the possibilities around me. I am so blessed to have 'livers' (not the organs) all around me. People who step out of the ordinary and into the extraordinary.
I have a friend Glo, she just recently decided to not go back to school in the fall to do her Masters but rather go to Holland for a year to be a nanny. She's so excited!!!
Someone else I look up to is my friend Chi Chi. She graduated from the same program as myself over 8 years ago and after pouring her heart and soul into her work (and being the best support worker I know) have decided to return to school full time this fall to pursue horticulture - her true passion.
I also have another admirable friend who has lived in Taiwan teaching English as a second language for the past couple of years and plans to return to Canada to study law a newly discovered love.
There's also my priest friend that sort of got thrown (gently) out of the country he was serving the poor (in money) and is now spending a year going where ever the Spirit leads while his paper work is figured out. What an adventure!
Though my life doesn't burst with the appearance of excitement I do look at it as such. I will get to have a brief and undoubtedly life changing visit to a country my heart melted over the second I saw pictures of it. This is small but wonderful for me.
Hmmmmmmmm....
Perhaps I ought to consider ways I can add more excitement to my life (a smile is developing). Something that I will remember and be changed by like my original 40 Day adventure.
I am so flawed. So imperfect. So ordinary.
But, I am me and the only one there is.
I shall find adventure in whatever way I can. For I believe, it is out there waiting for us
;)
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