My Thai

So it was 4:45am and I was so in need of going back to sleep but my lover was calling me.

The lover: my writing.

Yeah I know, my writing's not THAT special but it fills me in a strange way that nothing else will.

On my mind as of late: My Thai.

I don't think I mentioned that Wally and I are potentially going next month. This just came about over this week really and I'm not sure exactly how I coerced him into being ok with it. But I did and now we just wait upon the arrival of his passport before booking our flights.

We may even be celebrating our 10th anniversary while over there. Two wonderful dreams come true to enjoy at once for me. Words can't tell you what that feels like.

Along with the reality of this long awaited trip finally coming to fruition are the nerves, the arguments birthed from our very different personalities over traveling, and the truth of experiencing a lifelong dream.

Lastnight upon thinking about the very, very long trip Wally had a mini panic attack. He began shooting a million questions at me about getting there, even dragging me downstairs to the computer to see the distance of where our plane will land compared to how far away it will be from where we will eventually need to be.

'That's a long way Eva!' 'How are we gonna get there?!' 'We've never traveling anywhere?!' 'We're gonna die!' 'We don't know how to take a bus there!' 'We don't speak Thai!'

He google mapped out the driving directions from the airport to where we're going (from Bangkok to Mai Sot) and was overwhelmed by the 7 hour drive. I don't blame him, it's essentially and completely out of our element. Not a great cocktail for our travel virginity nor what will be two very tired and irritable people by that time.

All I could say was 'It'll be an adventure!' 'We'll figure it out as we go' 'I'm scared too but there's nothing we can do about it now' 'Ok yes I promise to talk to A-bag about the how's right away'. At which point I think I sat down and wrote an immediate please for help from my well traveled friend who happens to be in Thai Thai as we speak.

Wally has every right to be worried. It's probably good that he is a bit, seeing as I often wait til the last minute to worry and then it's a bad scene.

Admittedly I am worried about our trip too. But my worries are very different...

I am worried I will get there and not feel anything.

I'm worried I'll see the children and not feel justified in loving them.

I worry that the stench of the dump will cause me to vomit and want to go home.

I am worried that the heat that I can't stand will make me smell and they'll make me live down the street.

I worry my heart is so out of touch with spiritual things that I will be annoyed by others that are obviously in love with their God enough to be living examples of Him in every way.

My worries are a bit different.

What if I'm not enough? What if I hate it? What if I don't get anything out of it? Worse yet, what if they don't get anything out of me? (Although the intention is for me to help I know beyond a doubt my intentions are more selfish and I want them to change me).

I just wonder ... what will this trip be like?

With the business of life I feel like it could be happening so much faster than we thought and maybe we'll miss something.

Excuse me while I send up a prayer ...

God,

It's with ah humble heart I ask, even beg, you to prepare Wally and I for this experience. Soften our hearts and ready us for what we will encounter (as much as we should be or can be). Change us in some way for the betterment of all. Bring us closer together. If there's a way for you to connect us deeper with these people as so many people are, do. Make us to be fresh air to those we will be working beside and perhaps a blessing in some way. Create something wonderful out of our very flawed selves. Equip us to do wonderful things with what we learn when we come home.

One more thing .... help me not to steal any babies. I've heard prison is no fun.

Thanks. I'm super flawed (as you know) but ever thankful for the grace that is given to experience anything good in this world.

And, even though I don't say it much, I think you are great.

Talk to you later gator *smiles*

Your kiddo,

Eva

P.S. Sorry about swearing, having a short temper and throwing things when I'm impatient. Thanks for helping me not do this at work ;)