Our version of 'Tuesday's with Morrie'

Yesterday something cool happened.

It was one of those things that you always want to happen but never seems to make it's way in this crazy busy often stuff is more important than people type world.

I was trying to take some time to relax a bit between shifts (as I had not slept all that well the night before). I was checking some e-mail, watching some home improvement shows, having near naps interrupted by telemarketers when something struck me from seemingly out of nowhere.

Let me give you some background....

I have a friend I've written about before, Glo. I admire her, look up to her, enjoy her presence and her outlook on life. She, without even trying to, challenges me to live out my life better than I would on my own. I very much appreciate who she is and that I am so lucky to have her in my life.

Glo, as I've mentioned, is leaving in July to go to Holland for a year to do nannying. She has always wanted to travel through Europe and figured this was a great way to do it thriftily.

Yesterday I was thinking about how much I would miss having her around. She has gone to yoga with me for the first time (actually 2 first times), let me torture her with a strength training session, done an hour of cardio while chatting non stop. She came over to keep me company one night when I needed to do some painting but knew unless I had great incentive I would put it off.

She's the kind of friend that while come for coffee when I just need to share a 'bright idea' with someone or when I need help or encouragement with a ridiculous goal (like 'I should raise $10 000 for an organization no one knows about around here') she's there to give.

As I pondered her future absence I got thinking about the fact that she would be gone for a year and knowing what I know about how life works when you 'go to try something out' it could turn into more.

I began to get sad when the idea that Glo may not come back to settle here again (who know she might but I'm trying to entertain any possibility), not only that but even if she did my life may not ever lend itself again to such openess and availability to just hang out any time again. A year from now could look very different for me too.

Though I'd like to think that no matter what, this friendship will be what it is right now. However the truth is: life changes, circumstances change and it is pretty much a guarantee that a year from now it won't be the same (whether for the good or otherwise).

I know this is starting to sound like I prepping to say 'good bye', 'farewell', 'it was nice to know you!' I'm not. Actually quite the opposite.

As I got pondering on the couch about what to do with the next 5 months of 'now' we have I thought 'Why not make a long standing date with Glo? See if she'd like to prioritize making time together while we can and really grow what we have'. Of course there was always a chance that perhaps she didn't want to commit to 'Thursdays with Eva' but then again maybe she would.

Onto facebook I went and wrote an e-mail explaining what I was thinking and feeling about the situation and without over thinking it off I sent it. I made sure there was the all important 'out' included just so that she wouldn't feel bad to say 'uh .... yeah I don't think so' if she felt it necessary. It's always a bit scary to put yourself out there but sometimes you just gotta.

Sure enough within a couple of hours I got my answer ....

Not only did Glo think it was a great idea but she had also been thinking about asking for the same commitment over the next few months! She also added in that she'd kept a note I'd given her after one of our first times hanging out and read it when she was sad. The funny part is I do the same with one she gave me.

It's funny, I realize this sounds like a mini love story with hearts and arrows popping up here and there, only of course this is in the realm of friendship. I'm ok with it though.

Sometimes in life you are given the right person at the right time in your life. I am beyond spoiled as I feel as though I have the right PEOPLE in my life at the right time. There are a few I am lucky enough to feel admiration over.

What I am even more excited about is that both Glo and I have realized the time sensitivity and rarity of what we are currently sharing in friendship and are willing to make the time to keep it growing. THAT is also such a huge gift!

Though I am sad that things will change and Glo won't be able to physically be the same kind of friend, I am anticipating building a great foundation for perhaps the next phase of our relationship that has potential to be deeper and more profound than the one we share right now. I know this is possible as I've experienced (at least in one relationship) a depth of friendship that I know would be impossible without that friend moving across both of our countries.

I look forward to learning a lot and enjoying the company of another wonderful person in my life.

I am blessed.

Happy Heart Day

Love.

Be loved.

Show it.

See it.

Feel it.

We never have enough days on earth to adequately learn how to do this properly (in my opinion).

So ....

Let's just keep trying.

I'm always into learning, do you know of a person, story or a book by/of someone that displays this well? (Other than the Bible). Share it with me.

Happy Heart Day!

Clear the air ....

To answer a great question for a blog reader who may be newer to reading about our Thai Thai adventures.
The question was asked 'Will you still go if you don't reach your $10 000 goal?'

To which I have to answer: YES!!

My $10 000 goal is not actually related to our trip directly.

I decided early on that since Wally and I would be paying for the trip out of our pockets that when people asked about our trip we could share info about Compasio and offer an outlet for them to give if they wanted (and there have been many who have asked).

I figured since many people raise money to go on mission trips like this we could sort of do the same idea only all of the money raised would go directly towards Compasio's needs rather than our trip.

I also had wanted to develop a relationship with Compasio and a deeper connection with them before coming for a rather short (in the grand scheme of things)trip. I want this trip to be a stop in the road of hopefully a long relationship with a great organization. One that maybe someday we can share with our children too.

I also knew beyond a doubt last fall when I set the $10 000 goal that it wouldn't be met before going on our trip and that has never really been a factor. My goal was to have it raised by the end of June however it may be extended to the fall as our biggest fundraiser will be then.

We have several things coming up this spring and it should be great! In the mean time I am getting really excited for this step in our journey with Compasio and actually getting to meet the workers, volunteers and children there. No doubt it will give me a 'shot in the arm'(or heart) for my personal fund raising efforts on their behalf.

I hope this explains things a bit better. We've had many questions and no doubt it can get confusing.

Cheers!

My Thai

So it was 4:45am and I was so in need of going back to sleep but my lover was calling me.

The lover: my writing.

Yeah I know, my writing's not THAT special but it fills me in a strange way that nothing else will.

On my mind as of late: My Thai.

I don't think I mentioned that Wally and I are potentially going next month. This just came about over this week really and I'm not sure exactly how I coerced him into being ok with it. But I did and now we just wait upon the arrival of his passport before booking our flights.

We may even be celebrating our 10th anniversary while over there. Two wonderful dreams come true to enjoy at once for me. Words can't tell you what that feels like.

Along with the reality of this long awaited trip finally coming to fruition are the nerves, the arguments birthed from our very different personalities over traveling, and the truth of experiencing a lifelong dream.

Lastnight upon thinking about the very, very long trip Wally had a mini panic attack. He began shooting a million questions at me about getting there, even dragging me downstairs to the computer to see the distance of where our plane will land compared to how far away it will be from where we will eventually need to be.

'That's a long way Eva!' 'How are we gonna get there?!' 'We've never traveling anywhere?!' 'We're gonna die!' 'We don't know how to take a bus there!' 'We don't speak Thai!'

He google mapped out the driving directions from the airport to where we're going (from Bangkok to Mai Sot) and was overwhelmed by the 7 hour drive. I don't blame him, it's essentially and completely out of our element. Not a great cocktail for our travel virginity nor what will be two very tired and irritable people by that time.

All I could say was 'It'll be an adventure!' 'We'll figure it out as we go' 'I'm scared too but there's nothing we can do about it now' 'Ok yes I promise to talk to A-bag about the how's right away'. At which point I think I sat down and wrote an immediate please for help from my well traveled friend who happens to be in Thai Thai as we speak.

Wally has every right to be worried. It's probably good that he is a bit, seeing as I often wait til the last minute to worry and then it's a bad scene.

Admittedly I am worried about our trip too. But my worries are very different...

I am worried I will get there and not feel anything.

I'm worried I'll see the children and not feel justified in loving them.

I worry that the stench of the dump will cause me to vomit and want to go home.

I am worried that the heat that I can't stand will make me smell and they'll make me live down the street.

I worry my heart is so out of touch with spiritual things that I will be annoyed by others that are obviously in love with their God enough to be living examples of Him in every way.

My worries are a bit different.

What if I'm not enough? What if I hate it? What if I don't get anything out of it? Worse yet, what if they don't get anything out of me? (Although the intention is for me to help I know beyond a doubt my intentions are more selfish and I want them to change me).

I just wonder ... what will this trip be like?

With the business of life I feel like it could be happening so much faster than we thought and maybe we'll miss something.

Excuse me while I send up a prayer ...

God,

It's with ah humble heart I ask, even beg, you to prepare Wally and I for this experience. Soften our hearts and ready us for what we will encounter (as much as we should be or can be). Change us in some way for the betterment of all. Bring us closer together. If there's a way for you to connect us deeper with these people as so many people are, do. Make us to be fresh air to those we will be working beside and perhaps a blessing in some way. Create something wonderful out of our very flawed selves. Equip us to do wonderful things with what we learn when we come home.

One more thing .... help me not to steal any babies. I've heard prison is no fun.

Thanks. I'm super flawed (as you know) but ever thankful for the grace that is given to experience anything good in this world.

And, even though I don't say it much, I think you are great.

Talk to you later gator *smiles*

Your kiddo,

Eva

P.S. Sorry about swearing, having a short temper and throwing things when I'm impatient. Thanks for helping me not do this at work ;)

Adventure Awaits

I was chatting with a new soon to be friend today and was sharing with her about my little retreat last summer. I began to reminisce...

I was thinking of what it was like to go away and be completely alone at a bed and breakfast with myself for two days and two nights.

*closes eyes*

*takes a breath*

It was amazing.

For the first time doing something new was not scary. I was not bored without television or the internet, in fact it was fabulous.

I loved being secluded in my room apart from pretty much everything. Swimming in a sea of bed coverings, enjoying the beautiful red roses I took with me from my graduation the day before (yes I put 12 individual water thingies on the ends and took them too!).

I read. I watched movies. I walked. I admired nature. I listened to music. And God. I found out that I was already a mother within.

It was magical really.

I have to say that I was sorta wishin' I could go back to what seemed like an incredible place.

Wow. Memories are amazing.

You know what is frustrating? We live for these experiences. We wait through the troubles of life all year for a couple of days of reflection and relaxation.

We trudge through the mud of the 'every day' often unhappy and discontented so that for a bundle of hours we can breathe without fears of being interrupted, of needing an inhaler, or of being knocked off of our feet by someone we come across.

It saddens me when we live like this because we really only get one life on this earth. And though this earth isn't really the climax of our on going lives it is a gift full of sensations to experience. Why so often do we settle for less?

I'm guessing it's because of the unknown, because of the fear that grips us, because of the comfort we want to feel.

I think of selling our house for us to go back to school and how scary it looked but also how exciting it felt. We were on an adventure. We honestly didn't know what was at the end of it for us. To be honest .... we still don't. I love this.

What I don't love is falling into ordinary life in a way that seems to cloud my vigor for the world I've been given to live in.

I want always to keep my senses alive to the possibilities around me. I am so blessed to have 'livers' (not the organs) all around me. People who step out of the ordinary and into the extraordinary.

I have a friend Glo, she just recently decided to not go back to school in the fall to do her Masters but rather go to Holland for a year to be a nanny. She's so excited!!!

Someone else I look up to is my friend Chi Chi. She graduated from the same program as myself over 8 years ago and after pouring her heart and soul into her work (and being the best support worker I know) have decided to return to school full time this fall to pursue horticulture - her true passion.

I also have another admirable friend who has lived in Taiwan teaching English as a second language for the past couple of years and plans to return to Canada to study law a newly discovered love.

There's also my priest friend that sort of got thrown (gently) out of the country he was serving the poor (in money) and is now spending a year going where ever the Spirit leads while his paper work is figured out. What an adventure!

Though my life doesn't burst with the appearance of excitement I do look at it as such. I will get to have a brief and undoubtedly life changing visit to a country my heart melted over the second I saw pictures of it. This is small but wonderful for me.

Hmmmmmmmm....

Perhaps I ought to consider ways I can add more excitement to my life (a smile is developing). Something that I will remember and be changed by like my original 40 Day adventure.

I am so flawed. So imperfect. So ordinary.

But, I am me and the only one there is.

I shall find adventure in whatever way I can. For I believe, it is out there waiting for us

;)

I'm a Twit

I clearly don't have enough to do in my life.

I just started a Twitter account.

I know crazy eh?

I think I'm at the epitome of my narcissism. I'm at peace with it though.

I opened it as Eva, Queenoftowels. It makes me laugh a little.

I think it may be in efforts to get my blog out there. I'm not so sure as to why since I'd made it slightly anonymous. (Well, very slightly).

Part of me really wants to get rid of the veil and just write everything from my heart and not be ashamed or worried about the possible outcomes that may arise. But, I've been reminded by those from many different areas of my life that having my thoughts for the world to read may not be a great idea as I cannot control how they perceive what I write and can easily take things out of context.

Oh well.

I went to a little writing seminar on Saturday teaching how to write the story of your life or those of others. The entire topic is of great interest to be as that's pretty much all I blog about. My experiences and the experiences I share with others and sometimes their own experiences.

I love doing this.

I learned a few key tricks and pointers on how I should be writing and that I am doing many things 'right' already. This made me very happy to hear.

I learned that I often write personal essays (a short story with a greater amount of time dedicated to reflection on the story).

I learned that I should be funny, likable, not bitter (ha ha) and that I should break the rules of grammar when appropriate. (Funny, no mention of breaking the rules when it's not appropriate, I'm good at that!).

I would love to write a book or two someday. To take the posts that I've already written and somehow thread them together into a book. There are also people's stories I'd like to hear more about and be able to share with others who may not normally get to hear them.

Writing excites me. Being heard excites me. That's probably why I like posting facebook status' and now Twitterness.

Actually, Wally told me to tweet. He thought I should get a phone with internet access and tweet all day long. He thinks it'd be entertaining. I have no doubt.

I'm not getting a phone with internet access unless someone buys it for me and pays the monthly bill. In that case I would do it.

I was told Saturday that when I write I should write. Period. With no worries in mind about who's reading or how things may come out to offend. I'm guessing the best work is from within.

I was also told that you should put aside a certain amount of time everyday to write, because that's how books are written.

This got me thinking....

Often I write when I have something on my mind. I wait until the 'spirit' hits me.

I wonder what would come out if I determined to always write. Everyday.

I may try it. I think it could be interesting. And not. But, that's ok.

Sometimes I get frustrated because there's so much in my head waiting to be written I feel like I just might not make it to the computer in time. It's like mental diarrhea ( holy crap I spelled that right the first time!!).

Yesterday I didn't make it to a computer in time and I lost it all. I was so sad. I'm sure it was good. Ok so maybe it wasn't really any good but it would've felt great to get it off my mind ... whatever it was.

So maybe I will try and write everyday. Maybe it'd be fun. I'm not sure how much time I should carve out. The dude that was tell us to do this wrote for 2 hrs a day. Yeah, trust me, you don't want me to do that. Maybe I'll start with a half hour and then on days that I have more time an hour. We'll see.

If you're a twit find me on twitter: queenoftowels

We'll see how this goes....

Non sense

Somedays I blog.

I blog and blog.

Only problem is: it's all in my head.

I blogged a great post today, actually two.

One random one about showering and the other about the writing seminar I attended on the weekend.

They were good posts.

In fact so good someone read them and got in touch with me asking if I'd write in their newspaper. Every week!

They even promised to glue glitter around my name, on the paper.

'Wow!' I thought 'That'd be amazing! Of course I'll do it!'

(I mean between you and me who gets glitter around their name on the newspaper? Yeah, that's right, no one).

Don't worry I'm going to keep blogging even with my imaginary newspaper glitterdom. I mean I don't want to abandon my humble beginnings and all.

Hope to return soon.