Up and Down

That's me. But if you read my blog very often you know that already.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm mentally ill or something (not that there's anything wrong with that) but I do think it's a case of over zealousness.

The other day I had a little panic attack at the thought of my goals. I was thinking 'Oh my goodness!!! What did I do? Who commits to raising $10 000 for a place in only a few months?' I then thought of my trainer goal and pondered 'Why did I say I wanted this? It's not really me, people would only laugh at the thought. I'm not committed enough or good enough to do this!' I kept thinking .... 'Bikini goal - why would I ever be that superficial? I don't even really believe women should wear bikinis in public, why would I ever say that?'

Upon my first thought of panic grew many more. With each one they got more negative and disbelieving.

Shame on me.

After getting excited yesterday morning at the my current '$100 Jar' Fundraiser that I'm starting over the weekend, I had shared with a couple of people at work my plan and they looked at me like I was nuts. I came home deflated and in doubt. I declared to Wally: 'I can't do it. I can't raise $10 000!!'.

However the second those words came out of my mouth I knew it was a lie. So the second that followed the first I renounced it with 'That's I lie. I know I can'. At which time I proceeded to slump over on the couch with depression.

Ok so I'll admit it, I thought fund raising was going to start out a wee bit easier. I knew the money would exactly fly in but I thought it was at least take a gondola or something.

Last night I planned to have the first fund raising meeting to begin looking at different ideas and ways we could look at reaching the goal. Initially there was a group of us, then by the time the night came we were down to two. At first I was going to cancel, but then I realized the power of two. The importance of the other very willing person who wanted to be a part of this project with me. That's when I decided that though I hope next time we meet there will be more people to bounce ideas off of (and delegate jobs to!), whether there is or not I've committed myself and if we're it, we're it! I am so thankful for the excitement of Glo (her name says it all!!) and how she has encouraged me in this endeavor.

I have learned fast that when YOU commit to do something YOU are committing to it, not everyone around you. You cannot blame them for not seeing your vision or carrying your burden. They have their own visions and their own burdens. If they join yours that's great, if not, that's more than ok too.

In light of this reality I have begun my first fund raising project within my grand $10 000 goal.

As I mentioned it has to do with jars. What I've done is collected 20 jars and will be labeling them with information about Compasio, their website and where the money from the jars will be going (the 2-3 motorcycles for them to go out and do first aid, feed the hungry, find orphaned babies in the dump - I'm not kidding!!). People have from when they get their jar until January 1st to collect as much money as they can, the minimum goal being $100. The person who has collected the most money over $100 will win a gift certificate of $100 to a place of their choosing!

I have just posted a note on facebook so I guess I'll see. I need to step back and NOT look at the response as I am admittedly fearful it will get completely ignored. As I said though, no one said this would be easy and for me to learn the most out of this experience I know it shouldn't be easy. I am decidedly looking forward to the challenge.

I MUST mention the amazing encouragement I've already received while pursuing this goal. I posted the link to my 'Seeds of Promise Campaign' and 3 people had donated $130!! Last night I checked again and see that another person has donated $50!!

The frustrating part is I don't have access to know who has given - however in the same light I am sort of glad. It ultimately doesn't matter who gave what - it's that they heard a message and were willing to help.

Not everyone can necessarily give money. I can't really give Compasio $10 000. Well, I could but I might need to find a new place to live. I CAN help spread the word about the work that they do and the children's lives they literally save everyday.

Maybe you can't give $100 but maybe you could get a jar and let me know so I can send you a label and we together can changes some lives. Better yet, let's save them!

P.S. I realize I myself can't raise $10 000. But I know the One who has placed this in my heart can give me what I need to make it happen. He's pretty cool that way.

If you gave: Thank you
If you are grabbing a jar: Thank you
If you are cheering me on quietly: Thank you
If you are a part of something other than this to give back: Thank you
If you are reading: Thank you

A million times: Thank you