Focus

Focus. Balance. Breathing. Doing. Feeling. Listening.

Knowing when to act. Knowing when to stop. Knowing when to run. Knowing when to rest.

I've learned a lot about these things in terms of my time at the gym these days. Respecting each of their roles in the process of bettering my physical body.

However ... I am still learning how to use these valuable tools in my daily life.

Last week I had the privilege of having my PATH done. This is something the agency I work at has began to implement for people we support and now even for the staff. What you do is gather around you people that you care about and that care about you and your dreams. They are people that will help you achieve the things that you dream up.

You get together and sit and the person getting their PATH done, with the facilitators help, puts themselves in a 'dream world' where money is no object and they think of what they would like to do, be and have.

For anyone this can be a challenge. For anyone this can be exciting. For those we support often it is the first time in their lives they get to enter the realm of the impossible, or what seems impossible to them. It can be difficult to put themselves in a place to think of doing ANYTHING when they have only known being limited by their bodies, their minds, those around them, their financial status, just to name a few. It is a beautiful chance for them to put ideas to paper then have others help them achieve these things, or at least perhaps the feeling of these things. (For example their dream may be to become an airline pilot, and due to obvious reasons that may be impossible, however taking them up in an airplane where maybe they could, with some help, control a plane or just fly in the sky, they are given the chance to at least feel those feelings and the freedom that comes with it).

Once you get your dreams out on paper the facilitator helps you go through and see where you will be with them in a year, then 6 months, and what you can do now. This helps breakdown the big goal into smaller steps to hopefully help you see how achievable it is. Then those you've invited can give input on what they can do and where they can help with you achieving these things.

I will admit I had little trouble entering my 'dream world'. I pretty much already knew what my dreams and goals were for this year to come a a wee bit beyond. It was still fun to do. By the end of the evening I was pumping with adrenaline and excitement causing me not to settle down and sleep. The next day the excitement had turned into despair as I had gotten barely any sleep which seemed to make my weekend coming look overwhelming and unbearable. Clearly sleep is an asset.

The past few days have overcome people and left my dreams feeling like weights. I know that's the opposite of the point.

As I've been thinking about my 'issues' I have realized that focus for me is a challenge.

When I worked out with Dee I generally did well because he told me what to do, I never doubted him, I did it and went about my business. Often times a joke was cracked while I was in the middle of performing a set of something or other and it would break my focus and my body would give out. For a good cause but one that interrupted what I was supposed to be doing - I would inevitably get after him to joke during my breaks (though I could absolutely break the rules at anytime).

When I began working out alone I prepped my MP3 player so that I could enjoy music while I was torturing myself alone. However I quickly realized that I need to use everything in me to focus on the task at hand in a workout. I learned that I can workout as hard and some days harder than I did with Dee. this surprised me as I thought Dee was the key to my challenging workouts. I've learned that FOCUS is my most necessary ingredient.

Now coming back to my PATH. After having a rough few days following having my PATH done I have realized that my focus can be a negative thing too.

I have tried to accomplish a years worth of work into the past three days wondering how it will get done, what I should do first, doubting myself, wanting to give up on certain things, stressing about if I can work and accomplish everything, and I could go on and on.

This morning as I have had to choose to skip the gym for my sanity (balance, balance, balance) so that I could stop and reign in my overly jumpy mind that refuses right now to focus on one step at a time.

I hope to be able to slow down my head a bit and just break these goals down a bit more into more bite sized pieces so that I don't overwhelm myself so much.

Hmmmmmmm ... I just had a thought. We'll see if it goes any where.

I think I really miss blogging a lot. Because I've been teased alot about it being narcissistic I think I subconsciously decided that I should let it go because it was unhealthy. I think I over analyzed things and I may just have to make it a priority, if for nothing else, for myself.