I might blog tomorrow ... we'll see.
Trying to figure out life's mysteries with little success.
Hmmmmm.....
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Accomplishments and Realizations
Well it's been a while.
I've found that writing seems to come in waves and once the wave has passed I am knocked out and ready to just float for a while.
However, I have some exciting stuff to share (well exciting to me!).
As you may remember last Saturday was my 5K fundraiser for Compasio AND my first official 5K run.
In total we had 9 adults, 2 kids, 2 dogs and one baby (still in the womb).
Of those there we had 3 runners, 5 walkers, 1 biker, 2 stollers (well, 2 in one) and 2 panters (on leash), and 1 just riding the wave.
Altogether we raised $705!!! Which takes us to at least $4220 or higher (still unsure of cheques sent in) of my $10 000 goal! I'm pretty happy with that as we now just have a garage sale to go before I take a little break for a while and I'm hoping that will get us to the half way point.
I have to say on the day of the run I was super nervous. I had just completed my first 5K run on my own the previous Tuesday, but I knew this would be a bit different as there were a couple of serious hills in the route and I had never even run a hill before let alone in the longest run I'd done.
I also had only gotten 6 hrs of sleep the night before and not slept much the night before that. In addition my body had decided it would remind me of my femaleness which could not have been worse timing. (I had always avoided running during these lovely little reminders as I often feel as though my death is impending).
But, God gave me an incredible running partner who knew exactly how to encourage me and cheer me on.
As Glo and I topped our first hill very soon into the run I looked at her as if I might as well give up right then .... but she just gave me the ever 'You can do it!' expression she's always carrying.
I'm pretty sure there wasn't a second during the 5K that I didn't question myself. Not one step of it felt comfortable, enjoyable or .... good. I told myself over and over 'You can do this. YOu can do this. YOu can do this.' I even reminded myself of the facebook status that I would post when I was done, just to give me incentive.
When the 5K were finally done and we reached the invisable finish line by ourselves we hugged (as I eyed up the closest bench to sit on) and verbalized our success (well mine, Glo's a pro).
I noticed that it was only just over the 30 minute mark, far better than the last time by several minutes (Glo later told me we had done it in 31 minutes and 30 secs!!). I was very impressed considering how much work it felt like.
You know what the funny thing is about a challenge like this? I've learned that it's not completing the challenge that gives you the rush really ... it's going for the challenge, daring to believe you can do it (I know I sound like a cheese bag).
Seriously. I think I got more of a high out of deciding to do teh 5 K in the first place, out of telling people what my goal was, out of working on it over time.
Of course accomplishing it was amazing and it felt great to say I completed a goal but most of the excitement was really in the decision to go for the challenge.
Pretty cool actually. The process WAS the real show!
I've now of course decided that I want to try to run a 10 K. What would be really cool would be to do one with Glo at the end of June when she does one with her dad on a huge bridge near where she grew up (its a sort of famous bridge). We'll see.
I googled a training program for a 10 K and though it says anyone that does a 5K can do a 10 K with little issue or training I like the idea of preparing. My training program includes weight training. So of course I decided to start yesterday. I did the weight training and 'streching' (which was a yoga class at the gym with Glo) and can now barely walk, sit down or stand up without a lot of grumbling. In fact the young lady I was supporting heard my moans and groans today several times when getting in and out of the car and she asked if I was ok. Finally she said 'YOu need to go to doctor'.
I forgot how mentallyl tough training was and how physically painful the first couple weeks are. Yikes. Needless to say my pain has casued me to skip the 2 mile run that I was scheduled for today. Maybe I'll get ot my cross training tomorrow .... maybe. My focus is to get back to the weights over the next week or two.
Work has been crazy lately. Conferences last week and this, next week too. Shuffling of scheduling, training new staff and being trained and doing what I love most I think: advocating and trying to see how best to be a voice for those I support.
I find that my favourite shifts are definitely with those I feel that I getan opportunity to be a voice for. It may be in a small way like 'Is it the person I support who wants to spend their money that way or is it their staff?' or in a bigger way: making the call when I seriously wonder if some form of abuse could be happening. Ultimately I'm learning that my gut instict really needs to be heard and often acted upon.
I'm learning that when you really love an aspect of your job you don't pay a whole lot of attention to how long you work, when or the legistics, when you are passionate and care you do what needs to be done. I have felt that lately (at my job!!) It's very reassuring to me that I may not have completely struck out when choosing to work in this field and that maybe, just maybe I do have something to offer the people I support. This excites me.
A few things I wish right now ...
* that I could soak in a nice hot bath and relax my muscles (I can't for 2 reasons: We don't have a plug for our tub right now, and honestly I have no idea how I would ever get out of the tub once in - I'm in that much pain!)
* that my passion and possibly giftings didn't require me to be the bee in people's bonnets (oh well)
* I knew the answers to a few 'gut' feelings I've been having in my personal life lately
* that my parents hadn't seen the prenatal vitamins on our dining room table and now likely assume we'll be sharing news any day when that may never be a reality.
* that I made an appointment to get a hair cut a few weeks ago
* that Glo wasn't moving far away in a couple of months
* or that my closest friend wasn't going back to her land far away tomorrow
Anyhoo, I gotta roll into bed. I mean that very literally as actually movin my limbs may kill me.
Good night.
I've found that writing seems to come in waves and once the wave has passed I am knocked out and ready to just float for a while.
However, I have some exciting stuff to share (well exciting to me!).
As you may remember last Saturday was my 5K fundraiser for Compasio AND my first official 5K run.
In total we had 9 adults, 2 kids, 2 dogs and one baby (still in the womb).
Of those there we had 3 runners, 5 walkers, 1 biker, 2 stollers (well, 2 in one) and 2 panters (on leash), and 1 just riding the wave.
Altogether we raised $705!!! Which takes us to at least $4220 or higher (still unsure of cheques sent in) of my $10 000 goal! I'm pretty happy with that as we now just have a garage sale to go before I take a little break for a while and I'm hoping that will get us to the half way point.
I have to say on the day of the run I was super nervous. I had just completed my first 5K run on my own the previous Tuesday, but I knew this would be a bit different as there were a couple of serious hills in the route and I had never even run a hill before let alone in the longest run I'd done.
I also had only gotten 6 hrs of sleep the night before and not slept much the night before that. In addition my body had decided it would remind me of my femaleness which could not have been worse timing. (I had always avoided running during these lovely little reminders as I often feel as though my death is impending).
But, God gave me an incredible running partner who knew exactly how to encourage me and cheer me on.
As Glo and I topped our first hill very soon into the run I looked at her as if I might as well give up right then .... but she just gave me the ever 'You can do it!' expression she's always carrying.
I'm pretty sure there wasn't a second during the 5K that I didn't question myself. Not one step of it felt comfortable, enjoyable or .... good. I told myself over and over 'You can do this. YOu can do this. YOu can do this.' I even reminded myself of the facebook status that I would post when I was done, just to give me incentive.
When the 5K were finally done and we reached the invisable finish line by ourselves we hugged (as I eyed up the closest bench to sit on) and verbalized our success (well mine, Glo's a pro).
I noticed that it was only just over the 30 minute mark, far better than the last time by several minutes (Glo later told me we had done it in 31 minutes and 30 secs!!). I was very impressed considering how much work it felt like.
You know what the funny thing is about a challenge like this? I've learned that it's not completing the challenge that gives you the rush really ... it's going for the challenge, daring to believe you can do it (I know I sound like a cheese bag).
Seriously. I think I got more of a high out of deciding to do teh 5 K in the first place, out of telling people what my goal was, out of working on it over time.
Of course accomplishing it was amazing and it felt great to say I completed a goal but most of the excitement was really in the decision to go for the challenge.
Pretty cool actually. The process WAS the real show!
I've now of course decided that I want to try to run a 10 K. What would be really cool would be to do one with Glo at the end of June when she does one with her dad on a huge bridge near where she grew up (its a sort of famous bridge). We'll see.
I googled a training program for a 10 K and though it says anyone that does a 5K can do a 10 K with little issue or training I like the idea of preparing. My training program includes weight training. So of course I decided to start yesterday. I did the weight training and 'streching' (which was a yoga class at the gym with Glo) and can now barely walk, sit down or stand up without a lot of grumbling. In fact the young lady I was supporting heard my moans and groans today several times when getting in and out of the car and she asked if I was ok. Finally she said 'YOu need to go to doctor'.
I forgot how mentallyl tough training was and how physically painful the first couple weeks are. Yikes. Needless to say my pain has casued me to skip the 2 mile run that I was scheduled for today. Maybe I'll get ot my cross training tomorrow .... maybe. My focus is to get back to the weights over the next week or two.
Work has been crazy lately. Conferences last week and this, next week too. Shuffling of scheduling, training new staff and being trained and doing what I love most I think: advocating and trying to see how best to be a voice for those I support.
I find that my favourite shifts are definitely with those I feel that I getan opportunity to be a voice for. It may be in a small way like 'Is it the person I support who wants to spend their money that way or is it their staff?' or in a bigger way: making the call when I seriously wonder if some form of abuse could be happening. Ultimately I'm learning that my gut instict really needs to be heard and often acted upon.
I'm learning that when you really love an aspect of your job you don't pay a whole lot of attention to how long you work, when or the legistics, when you are passionate and care you do what needs to be done. I have felt that lately (at my job!!) It's very reassuring to me that I may not have completely struck out when choosing to work in this field and that maybe, just maybe I do have something to offer the people I support. This excites me.
A few things I wish right now ...
* that I could soak in a nice hot bath and relax my muscles (I can't for 2 reasons: We don't have a plug for our tub right now, and honestly I have no idea how I would ever get out of the tub once in - I'm in that much pain!)
* that my passion and possibly giftings didn't require me to be the bee in people's bonnets (oh well)
* I knew the answers to a few 'gut' feelings I've been having in my personal life lately
* that my parents hadn't seen the prenatal vitamins on our dining room table and now likely assume we'll be sharing news any day when that may never be a reality.
* that I made an appointment to get a hair cut a few weeks ago
* that Glo wasn't moving far away in a couple of months
* or that my closest friend wasn't going back to her land far away tomorrow
Anyhoo, I gotta roll into bed. I mean that very literally as actually movin my limbs may kill me.
Good night.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
I wish, I wish
It's 4 am and I should be heading back to bed after being up for an hour and a half already but I want to write ... apparently about nothing.
I think sometimes I'm kept up because I just think as time in the night is sacred, uninterrupted, unguilty time that I ca use however I want to.
I mean I can't really do laundry as Wally's trying to sleep. I should do dishes but again it would be too noisy. What else is there but to surf the net, write inappropriate comments on people's facebook pictures and try and solve all fo my problems.
It beats a stuffy bedroom.
I actually want a solution.
To a .... somewhat unexciting life.
I made a comment the other day on FB about not wanting a 'standard old life' and then I was asked what that was. I'm guessing I probably had people thinking I meant that life can't be exciting living the 'norm'. You know being married with kids and a regular job.
That's not what I meant at all.
If anyone has met my closest friend they'd know that she is the epitome of exciting (in my opinion) and she is essentially a stay at home air force wife.
She is not afraid to take her kids anywhere anytime to try almost anything. She doesn't allow life to hold her back from living.
Currently her husband is on a 7 month deploy to Afghanistan. They have a 4 yr old son, 2 1/2 (almost) yr old daughter and she found out just after he left that they are expecting baby number three 6 weeks after his return.
Not to mention they live in Florida, her family lives in Canada, his family live in Ohio and other parts of Florida that are still 8 hrs away.
There is never a dull moment in her life. Never.
Now my hope is not to come across all 'My life is so boring and hers is perfect and blah, blah, blah ... the grass is greener over there.' Because that's not the point.
The point is she's a bloomer. Where ever she's puts she's beautiful. She adapts to her surroundings even when there seems nary a drop of water in sight. I admire that.
I feel like I need a manual on how to dig in roots, look for water, stay clear of weeds and look my best. Flowers are supposed to know what to do already aren't they?
I'm sort of hoping much of the sort of emptiness Wally and I are feeling is the lack of our own little family. Both of us are really beginning to sense that gaping hole in our world. Not in a 'We need a baby to complete us' way, but more in a 'We want to nurture and give to someone else's life meaningfully' way.
Thank goodness we don't need biological or our own children to fill that void (at least not most of it).
Wouldn't life be easier if it all just happened?
Sometimes I struggle with how much power we have over it and how we choose to respond to it. I wish somethings we couldn't decide, but then again ... I better be careful for what I wish for.
Sometimes I think that I handle 'outside of my control circumstances' better because I know I had no part in making them happen. When I don't create the problem I feel much less obliged to have to know how to fix it and more at ease to just trust for what I need to 'handle' it. Probably much of the reason I've hesitated at the idea of 'deciding' when it was right for us to have kids. How often do we really know what's best for us?!
I think that's why I was able to become at peace so quickly with originally losing so many hours at work, because at least half of it was not my decision. Of course since then I have gained back more time and am now in the dilemma of having to decide myself what's best for me. Do I cut back somewhere else? Do I accept things as they are? How do I know what's meant to be and what I should intervene with?
Generally I'm a faith filled person that would say 'just do what your heart says' but as I get older it's a wee bit more difficult to obey the heart over the mind.
I will still try though.
I wish I prayed more. I wish I felt less distracted and more connected. I wish I could quiet myself better. I wish I didn't always feel so restless.
I wish, I wish.
Well, it's been 2 hours and I haven't solved all of the world's problems yet. Maybe one solution is to go back to bed. I think I'm gonna do that.
Nighty night.
I think sometimes I'm kept up because I just think as time in the night is sacred, uninterrupted, unguilty time that I ca use however I want to.
I mean I can't really do laundry as Wally's trying to sleep. I should do dishes but again it would be too noisy. What else is there but to surf the net, write inappropriate comments on people's facebook pictures and try and solve all fo my problems.
It beats a stuffy bedroom.
I actually want a solution.
To a .... somewhat unexciting life.
I made a comment the other day on FB about not wanting a 'standard old life' and then I was asked what that was. I'm guessing I probably had people thinking I meant that life can't be exciting living the 'norm'. You know being married with kids and a regular job.
That's not what I meant at all.
If anyone has met my closest friend they'd know that she is the epitome of exciting (in my opinion) and she is essentially a stay at home air force wife.
She is not afraid to take her kids anywhere anytime to try almost anything. She doesn't allow life to hold her back from living.
Currently her husband is on a 7 month deploy to Afghanistan. They have a 4 yr old son, 2 1/2 (almost) yr old daughter and she found out just after he left that they are expecting baby number three 6 weeks after his return.
Not to mention they live in Florida, her family lives in Canada, his family live in Ohio and other parts of Florida that are still 8 hrs away.
There is never a dull moment in her life. Never.
Now my hope is not to come across all 'My life is so boring and hers is perfect and blah, blah, blah ... the grass is greener over there.' Because that's not the point.
The point is she's a bloomer. Where ever she's puts she's beautiful. She adapts to her surroundings even when there seems nary a drop of water in sight. I admire that.
I feel like I need a manual on how to dig in roots, look for water, stay clear of weeds and look my best. Flowers are supposed to know what to do already aren't they?
I'm sort of hoping much of the sort of emptiness Wally and I are feeling is the lack of our own little family. Both of us are really beginning to sense that gaping hole in our world. Not in a 'We need a baby to complete us' way, but more in a 'We want to nurture and give to someone else's life meaningfully' way.
Thank goodness we don't need biological or our own children to fill that void (at least not most of it).
Wouldn't life be easier if it all just happened?
Sometimes I struggle with how much power we have over it and how we choose to respond to it. I wish somethings we couldn't decide, but then again ... I better be careful for what I wish for.
Sometimes I think that I handle 'outside of my control circumstances' better because I know I had no part in making them happen. When I don't create the problem I feel much less obliged to have to know how to fix it and more at ease to just trust for what I need to 'handle' it. Probably much of the reason I've hesitated at the idea of 'deciding' when it was right for us to have kids. How often do we really know what's best for us?!
I think that's why I was able to become at peace so quickly with originally losing so many hours at work, because at least half of it was not my decision. Of course since then I have gained back more time and am now in the dilemma of having to decide myself what's best for me. Do I cut back somewhere else? Do I accept things as they are? How do I know what's meant to be and what I should intervene with?
Generally I'm a faith filled person that would say 'just do what your heart says' but as I get older it's a wee bit more difficult to obey the heart over the mind.
I will still try though.
I wish I prayed more. I wish I felt less distracted and more connected. I wish I could quiet myself better. I wish I didn't always feel so restless.
I wish, I wish.
Well, it's been 2 hours and I haven't solved all of the world's problems yet. Maybe one solution is to go back to bed. I think I'm gonna do that.
Nighty night.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
No itch to scratch
Lately I haven't really had the itch to write much.
I just finished a book and have now been watching a lot of online tv. Maybe there's a connection there (reading and the desire to write)?
Life's life.
Struggles are struggles.
Triumphs are triumphs.
Failures are .... chances to learn how to do things better next time.
I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out right now.
To abandon the idea that I failed and embrace the chance I have to do better. That's the hardest lesson ever. (Especially when people and objects, like to point them out).
What's your biggest inward struggle?
I just finished a book and have now been watching a lot of online tv. Maybe there's a connection there (reading and the desire to write)?
Life's life.
Struggles are struggles.
Triumphs are triumphs.
Failures are .... chances to learn how to do things better next time.
I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out right now.
To abandon the idea that I failed and embrace the chance I have to do better. That's the hardest lesson ever. (Especially when people and objects, like to point them out).
What's your biggest inward struggle?
Monday, April 25, 2011
Being Positive
Sometimes you've just gotta be.
The past several days have seemed to cast a serious cloud on my mood. I've spent more time than I care to admit being rather down, unmotivated, disconnected and feeling disappointed in myself.
I have never attributed the weather to my own personal mood as I tend to love rainy days and thunderstorms and am not bothered much by overcast clouds. I am wondering if a few things combined with our on and off spring have indeed contributed to a serious slow down on my part.
There's a few things at play other than the weather right now ...
Running Goal: My first 5K run is coming up on Saturday and for some reason my running (that initially was going very well) has been a great struggle. In my personal opinion I think my mood has greatly contributed to this fight, as I maintain most physical goal require even more mental determination and strength than anything else.
Though I only have 5 days to go I still maintain fierce desire to complete it and know that either way I will complete my first 5K run within the next couple of weeks (but it had better be on Saturday!!).
Thailand: Something I have had yet to acknowledge is the fact that I have completed my big dream of visiting another culture and seeing first hand people that are in a very different place than I in many ways. I don't think I ever prepared myself for the 'after shock' of this trip ending, the desire to go back, to potential for another dream (that is not contingent on us having or not having children).
Kind of like just after the party I think I have and perhaps am still experiencing some of the 'blues' of this big even being over. Being someone who thrives on both the big and small events in life it's sometimes difficult to move on after one of them is over and know what to do with what I've learned and how I can hold onto and grow whatever that is.
Work Life: As I have written since coming back from our trip I feel a sense of wanting to love what I do not only while I'm at work but when I do work. I have surrendered (at least mentally) to the idea of working less and tried to be more purposeful about giving work up that I didn't 'click' with and doing more work that I do. This is now a work in progress and something I will have to work on long term I think. I am now only down 2 hours from my original schedule (rather than the 8 hrs that was supposed to be - though unplanned).
I am trying to take time to see where else I should cut back. Riding this wave is strange, especially in the workplace I am in but I will try to continue to be sensitive to it. I am learning the time off is not the key but DOING something that makes you feel valuable and fulfilled IS. I need to concentrate on seeing where I can give back in our community in ways that are both using my talents and time in a positive way.
Community: Wally and I have (for years) struggled with the aspect of building a family, outside of our family, within the area that we live. WE have not been a part of an organized group together in years and would like to pursue this in our faith (something that would also be necessary in many ways if we ever chose to go to Thailand to live and serve for any length of time). It became apparent this weekend when on Easter Sunday we found ourselves on our own. Having already celebrated nicely with my mom's family we had no where else to be or no one to be with (well depending on how you look at it). It would have been a great time to have had an established 'other' family to potentially share the time with. (Though we did end up having a nice impromptu visit with Wally's sister!).
In a few weeks I will be done my weekend working and we really hope to make really make a commitment to settle down and get connected to my former house church family. We not only want this but know that we need it.
Back Sliding: I hate admitting this, I don't want to even go 'there' (or here depending on how you look at it) but Wally and I have fallen back into our binge eating patterns and doing so has landed us gaining some of our lost weight back (the story of Hansel and Gretel comes to mind).
I am thankful that our work on learning and sticking with clean eating (other than our binges), I have no doubt this has helped us keep a relatively healthy diet overall. It seems to be our emotional eating that gets us into trouble, as well as the fact that since moving and trying to settle into our home we have NOT been going to a gym and weight training (a sure fire way to KEEP the weight off even while enjoying treats).
I have just received a free 1 yr membership from a friend (YAY!!!!) enabling me to go back and do classes for free that I really wanted to get into (like yoga, maybe spin and possibly more boxing). I also feel like GOING to the gym was good for me to focus and knuckle down. I am still glad we got the basics for home so Wally can (and he does) use them and when I get back at it (after the 5 K) I can try some of the new stuff I want to try at home.
I guess there is one other thing to mention ...
The Kid Thing: There's no way around it. Though I never wanted to be someone who came out and said 'We're trying!!' I can't really get around the simple and acceptable fact that we are. I guess I have a difficult time saying that we are because I don't take my temperature, write things down or time every fun *wink, wink* activity we do down to the second. It's more of a 'so we don't need these anymore ....' sort of effort.
Who knows what will happen. My main goal it to virtually not worry about it or get overly focused on it, though admittedly this is nearly impossible for someone who write lists about their lists and has goals within their goals. I don't think there's ever a moment when I don't have an idea of something I'd like to accomplish and many of the items on this list interfere (or need to be altered) if I were to be expecting.
Being 31 years old the thoughts weigh heavily on my mind on how and when Wally and I will become parents, as we may or may not conceive and are very interested and wanting to experience the road of adoption. I just feel that this is something to be considered carefully and thoughtfully and done WITHOUT my spontaneous side.
It's 4am and for some unknown reason (to me) I hear the birds chirping rather violently outside. Maybe they are excited about their day.
I for one hope to roll back into bed and catch some more sleep at some point soon praying that I wake up tomorrow on the right side of the bed and am able to see the day for the gift that it is.
Cheers to new days!
The past several days have seemed to cast a serious cloud on my mood. I've spent more time than I care to admit being rather down, unmotivated, disconnected and feeling disappointed in myself.
I have never attributed the weather to my own personal mood as I tend to love rainy days and thunderstorms and am not bothered much by overcast clouds. I am wondering if a few things combined with our on and off spring have indeed contributed to a serious slow down on my part.
There's a few things at play other than the weather right now ...
Running Goal: My first 5K run is coming up on Saturday and for some reason my running (that initially was going very well) has been a great struggle. In my personal opinion I think my mood has greatly contributed to this fight, as I maintain most physical goal require even more mental determination and strength than anything else.
Though I only have 5 days to go I still maintain fierce desire to complete it and know that either way I will complete my first 5K run within the next couple of weeks (but it had better be on Saturday!!).
Thailand: Something I have had yet to acknowledge is the fact that I have completed my big dream of visiting another culture and seeing first hand people that are in a very different place than I in many ways. I don't think I ever prepared myself for the 'after shock' of this trip ending, the desire to go back, to potential for another dream (that is not contingent on us having or not having children).
Kind of like just after the party I think I have and perhaps am still experiencing some of the 'blues' of this big even being over. Being someone who thrives on both the big and small events in life it's sometimes difficult to move on after one of them is over and know what to do with what I've learned and how I can hold onto and grow whatever that is.
Work Life: As I have written since coming back from our trip I feel a sense of wanting to love what I do not only while I'm at work but when I do work. I have surrendered (at least mentally) to the idea of working less and tried to be more purposeful about giving work up that I didn't 'click' with and doing more work that I do. This is now a work in progress and something I will have to work on long term I think. I am now only down 2 hours from my original schedule (rather than the 8 hrs that was supposed to be - though unplanned).
I am trying to take time to see where else I should cut back. Riding this wave is strange, especially in the workplace I am in but I will try to continue to be sensitive to it. I am learning the time off is not the key but DOING something that makes you feel valuable and fulfilled IS. I need to concentrate on seeing where I can give back in our community in ways that are both using my talents and time in a positive way.
Community: Wally and I have (for years) struggled with the aspect of building a family, outside of our family, within the area that we live. WE have not been a part of an organized group together in years and would like to pursue this in our faith (something that would also be necessary in many ways if we ever chose to go to Thailand to live and serve for any length of time). It became apparent this weekend when on Easter Sunday we found ourselves on our own. Having already celebrated nicely with my mom's family we had no where else to be or no one to be with (well depending on how you look at it). It would have been a great time to have had an established 'other' family to potentially share the time with. (Though we did end up having a nice impromptu visit with Wally's sister!).
In a few weeks I will be done my weekend working and we really hope to make really make a commitment to settle down and get connected to my former house church family. We not only want this but know that we need it.
Back Sliding: I hate admitting this, I don't want to even go 'there' (or here depending on how you look at it) but Wally and I have fallen back into our binge eating patterns and doing so has landed us gaining some of our lost weight back (the story of Hansel and Gretel comes to mind).
I am thankful that our work on learning and sticking with clean eating (other than our binges), I have no doubt this has helped us keep a relatively healthy diet overall. It seems to be our emotional eating that gets us into trouble, as well as the fact that since moving and trying to settle into our home we have NOT been going to a gym and weight training (a sure fire way to KEEP the weight off even while enjoying treats).
I have just received a free 1 yr membership from a friend (YAY!!!!) enabling me to go back and do classes for free that I really wanted to get into (like yoga, maybe spin and possibly more boxing). I also feel like GOING to the gym was good for me to focus and knuckle down. I am still glad we got the basics for home so Wally can (and he does) use them and when I get back at it (after the 5 K) I can try some of the new stuff I want to try at home.
I guess there is one other thing to mention ...
The Kid Thing: There's no way around it. Though I never wanted to be someone who came out and said 'We're trying!!' I can't really get around the simple and acceptable fact that we are. I guess I have a difficult time saying that we are because I don't take my temperature, write things down or time every fun *wink, wink* activity we do down to the second. It's more of a 'so we don't need these anymore ....' sort of effort.
Who knows what will happen. My main goal it to virtually not worry about it or get overly focused on it, though admittedly this is nearly impossible for someone who write lists about their lists and has goals within their goals. I don't think there's ever a moment when I don't have an idea of something I'd like to accomplish and many of the items on this list interfere (or need to be altered) if I were to be expecting.
Being 31 years old the thoughts weigh heavily on my mind on how and when Wally and I will become parents, as we may or may not conceive and are very interested and wanting to experience the road of adoption. I just feel that this is something to be considered carefully and thoughtfully and done WITHOUT my spontaneous side.
It's 4am and for some unknown reason (to me) I hear the birds chirping rather violently outside. Maybe they are excited about their day.
I for one hope to roll back into bed and catch some more sleep at some point soon praying that I wake up tomorrow on the right side of the bed and am able to see the day for the gift that it is.
Cheers to new days!
Friday, April 22, 2011
Anti-Anti-bacterial soap
One day while we were still in Thailand, Wally and I met Steph (our new friend from compasio) for coffee. We actulaly ran into her and one of her friends (that we also met) for breakfast.
It was the Saturday at the end of the week we'd been visiting so there'd been lots rummaging through our minds.
AS we were heading from the breakfast place over to the coffee place we ran into a couple of the street kids that we'd met and Steph knew well from the Drop Inn Centre. THey were out begging for food.
It's a different picture than you might think.
THere was a little boy around 9 or 10 with a baby in a wrap on his back and a little girl around 9 maybe with personality oozing from her pores. She was actually one I hung around quite a bit at the Drop Inn the day we were there. Spunky she was!
Steph broke through the language barrier quite successfully, as was the practise, to let them know she'd buy them lunch from 7/11. She took the little girl inside the store to help her pick out food for her and the little boy. We sat outside with the little boy and waited.
Soon enough they emerged from the store with the popular Roma noodles in a bowl filled with hot water and a couple of bottles of milk.
The little girl and boy situated themselves on the pavement with the three of us adults surrounding them.
The baby was around 5 or 6 months old with a dirt covered face and snot pulsing from it's nose. (I may have shared a bit about this before already).
THe boy took the baby out of the wrap and set her on the pavement. She had no diaper on and was wearing a dress. She sat up perfectly fine on her own, happy to play with any wrappers from the food she could find.
The kids ate carefully as the water was hot. They didn't gorge themselves but took their time enjoying their 'catch of the day'.
As I sat there I said to Steph:
'The baby is NOT wearing a diaper.' (pause)
'She's wearing a DRESS', I add.
'She's sitting DIRECTLY on the pavement.'
'Oh. My. Goodness. How does she not get an infection?!' I finally spit out.
Steph nods and braces her smile muscles and says 'I know' in a way that explains that I am in the first person to ever say those four sentences with the emphasis that I through in.
A conversation ensued surrounding the incredible immune systems of the people there (particularly the poor who live in more dire, dirty circumstance).
I refer again to those that live at the dump and how any one in North America would have a hissy fit to just have the kind of dirt they fashioned on them for moments would sent out fits of the Willies all around. There would be pleas for soap, a clean cloth and not to mention anti-bacterial cleanser STAT!!
I thought of friends that Wally and I have who have shares in the anti-bacterial franchise. Shopping mall food court tables, grocery carts and any surface tht could have been touched by .... anything would be vigilently scrubbed before being touched or used.
Now I confess I'm not generally this clean (anti-bacterial wise). I wash my hadns after using the bathroom, touching rough meat or getting something sticky or truly dirty on my hands but honestly my house, car and life are NOT anti-bacterial tested.
I barely ever wash my fruit or veggies, you'd be hard pressed not to find something rotting in my car, and my house is lucky to getting thoroughly cleaned once a month. I don't live in a sty but it's hardly germ free.
After seeing what many of these people lived in and probably survived BECAUSE they lived in it, I felt much better about my less than stellar housework habits.
I chatted with Steph about the over clenliness of North Americans and how anti-bacterial soaps and such have infiltrated our culture. We have a heart attack at the thought of something having germs on it and forget that there is a degree of germs we were designed to live with for our our protection and immunity.
As I thought on this topic I pondered how our society has done it's best to omit any form of foreign matter from it's radius. How it tries so hard to clear away all perceived impurities from it's world.
Are you dirty? Let's clean you. Are your clothes old? Let's get you new ones. Is that furnature damaged (or just outdated)? Better look at new stuff. Do you live below the poverty line? Let's boost you up.
We never think about the benefits of HAVING these perceived impurities.
A better immune system, less care about acceptable fashion and more use of what we have (perhaps learning how to do something like SEWING the ripped seem in your pants), enjoying a simpler life (assuming you have the essentials like food, clothing and place to live).
Though I'm sure I'm coming across as a crazed hippy that is willing to give up her need to shop, her soap, and her economic status I will assure you right now that I'm not.
But, I am willing to entertain the thought that we North American could stand to learn something from what we would normally consider a 'poor and pitiful people'.
We think we have it all going on with fighting diseases (guess what we weren't meant to live forever!!!!) and climbing up the proverbial ladder of 'success' to assume a greater facade of 'Life's better when you have more'.
I won't deny that since Wally has found a job he loves our life feels better. Most would assume because we are financially feeling more secure. I would argue we are happier more because HE is happier and fulfilled in his work than because of money but there's no way to prove that (well, unless we sold everything I guess and lived simpler ... without fancy and possibly ugly lamps).
I suppose the point of my rambling is this: is a world with less impurities better, more fulfilling and easier than one full of them? Or does it just impose more hidden, yet possibly more deadly illnesses and challenges than we care to admit to having?
Here we get flustered about the house being clean when the family comes over, there they worry about having a house. Here, when food costs go up, we MAY have to consider not putting our 3 kids in soccer (and are devestated that we aren't giving them an adequate childhood), there they worry about feeding their kids at all and kids worry if they should go home at night when they haven't earned enough money begging that day (having a 'childhood' is not pressing on the to do list). Here we fret about our RRSP contributions and there they wonder ....
Anti-bacterial soap taught me a lot on this trip.
A lot.
My mom gave me a bunch of travel sized anti-bacterial gels for Christmas because they came from a store I like that sells wonderfully smelling soaps, lotions and the like.
I've never liked anti-bacterial gels. They are sticky and unnatural.
I use them once a week when I visit Dolly in the nusing home and I'm gaurunteed to have touched something urine or saliva covered. They also smell deliscious in a place that doesn't.
Otherwise, I prefer water. Pure and natural.
I wonder in what other areas of my life I could be more natural? More pure.
There are many, no doubt.
Most people would look at the dirty children/people begging in Thailand as dirty and impure. But they had something I don't...
Natural immunity to the simplest things.
There's something to be said for that.
Steph taking the little girl in to get the food.
It was the Saturday at the end of the week we'd been visiting so there'd been lots rummaging through our minds.
AS we were heading from the breakfast place over to the coffee place we ran into a couple of the street kids that we'd met and Steph knew well from the Drop Inn Centre. THey were out begging for food.
It's a different picture than you might think.
THere was a little boy around 9 or 10 with a baby in a wrap on his back and a little girl around 9 maybe with personality oozing from her pores. She was actually one I hung around quite a bit at the Drop Inn the day we were there. Spunky she was!
Steph broke through the language barrier quite successfully, as was the practise, to let them know she'd buy them lunch from 7/11. She took the little girl inside the store to help her pick out food for her and the little boy. We sat outside with the little boy and waited.
Soon enough they emerged from the store with the popular Roma noodles in a bowl filled with hot water and a couple of bottles of milk.
The little girl and boy situated themselves on the pavement with the three of us adults surrounding them.
The baby was around 5 or 6 months old with a dirt covered face and snot pulsing from it's nose. (I may have shared a bit about this before already).
THe boy took the baby out of the wrap and set her on the pavement. She had no diaper on and was wearing a dress. She sat up perfectly fine on her own, happy to play with any wrappers from the food she could find.
The kids ate carefully as the water was hot. They didn't gorge themselves but took their time enjoying their 'catch of the day'.
As I sat there I said to Steph:
'The baby is NOT wearing a diaper.' (pause)
'She's wearing a DRESS', I add.
'She's sitting DIRECTLY on the pavement.'
'Oh. My. Goodness. How does she not get an infection?!' I finally spit out.
Steph nods and braces her smile muscles and says 'I know' in a way that explains that I am in the first person to ever say those four sentences with the emphasis that I through in.
A conversation ensued surrounding the incredible immune systems of the people there (particularly the poor who live in more dire, dirty circumstance).
I refer again to those that live at the dump and how any one in North America would have a hissy fit to just have the kind of dirt they fashioned on them for moments would sent out fits of the Willies all around. There would be pleas for soap, a clean cloth and not to mention anti-bacterial cleanser STAT!!
I thought of friends that Wally and I have who have shares in the anti-bacterial franchise. Shopping mall food court tables, grocery carts and any surface tht could have been touched by .... anything would be vigilently scrubbed before being touched or used.
Now I confess I'm not generally this clean (anti-bacterial wise). I wash my hadns after using the bathroom, touching rough meat or getting something sticky or truly dirty on my hands but honestly my house, car and life are NOT anti-bacterial tested.
I barely ever wash my fruit or veggies, you'd be hard pressed not to find something rotting in my car, and my house is lucky to getting thoroughly cleaned once a month. I don't live in a sty but it's hardly germ free.
After seeing what many of these people lived in and probably survived BECAUSE they lived in it, I felt much better about my less than stellar housework habits.
I chatted with Steph about the over clenliness of North Americans and how anti-bacterial soaps and such have infiltrated our culture. We have a heart attack at the thought of something having germs on it and forget that there is a degree of germs we were designed to live with for our our protection and immunity.
As I thought on this topic I pondered how our society has done it's best to omit any form of foreign matter from it's radius. How it tries so hard to clear away all perceived impurities from it's world.
Are you dirty? Let's clean you. Are your clothes old? Let's get you new ones. Is that furnature damaged (or just outdated)? Better look at new stuff. Do you live below the poverty line? Let's boost you up.
We never think about the benefits of HAVING these perceived impurities.
A better immune system, less care about acceptable fashion and more use of what we have (perhaps learning how to do something like SEWING the ripped seem in your pants), enjoying a simpler life (assuming you have the essentials like food, clothing and place to live).
Though I'm sure I'm coming across as a crazed hippy that is willing to give up her need to shop, her soap, and her economic status I will assure you right now that I'm not.
But, I am willing to entertain the thought that we North American could stand to learn something from what we would normally consider a 'poor and pitiful people'.
We think we have it all going on with fighting diseases (guess what we weren't meant to live forever!!!!) and climbing up the proverbial ladder of 'success' to assume a greater facade of 'Life's better when you have more'.
I won't deny that since Wally has found a job he loves our life feels better. Most would assume because we are financially feeling more secure. I would argue we are happier more because HE is happier and fulfilled in his work than because of money but there's no way to prove that (well, unless we sold everything I guess and lived simpler ... without fancy and possibly ugly lamps).
I suppose the point of my rambling is this: is a world with less impurities better, more fulfilling and easier than one full of them? Or does it just impose more hidden, yet possibly more deadly illnesses and challenges than we care to admit to having?
Here we get flustered about the house being clean when the family comes over, there they worry about having a house. Here, when food costs go up, we MAY have to consider not putting our 3 kids in soccer (and are devestated that we aren't giving them an adequate childhood), there they worry about feeding their kids at all and kids worry if they should go home at night when they haven't earned enough money begging that day (having a 'childhood' is not pressing on the to do list). Here we fret about our RRSP contributions and there they wonder ....
Anti-bacterial soap taught me a lot on this trip.
A lot.
My mom gave me a bunch of travel sized anti-bacterial gels for Christmas because they came from a store I like that sells wonderfully smelling soaps, lotions and the like.
I've never liked anti-bacterial gels. They are sticky and unnatural.
I use them once a week when I visit Dolly in the nusing home and I'm gaurunteed to have touched something urine or saliva covered. They also smell deliscious in a place that doesn't.
Otherwise, I prefer water. Pure and natural.
I wonder in what other areas of my life I could be more natural? More pure.
There are many, no doubt.
Most people would look at the dirty children/people begging in Thailand as dirty and impure. But they had something I don't...
Natural immunity to the simplest things.
There's something to be said for that.
Steph taking the little girl in to get the food.
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