Here are a few things about buttons in general:
1. Wally loves hearing me say the word buttons. The reason is because when I say it I over pronounce the t's. I also do this with the words: mittens, kitten's and Tim Horton's. I only started doing this a few years ago when one of the kids I mentored when I was a youth worker did it. Now I can't seem to stop. If I try I feel like I'm doing an English accent or something. I don't get it.
2. I bought a new coat over the holidays. It was on sale because of Boxing Day - that's how I roll ... with the sales I mean. It was on even more sale because every coat in the store had button's falling off. I started browsing and noticed right away this was the case. The sales girl saw my reluctance to commit to a coat. Mostly it was because I didn't know whether I looked better with or without a belt, but I'm assuming she thought it was the missing button epidemic that took over the store. I was thinkin' this because she immediately let me know that if I wanted I could get an additional 10% off of my coat purchase because of the missing buttons
If I wanted? Are you kidding me lady? That's the dumbest offer statement I've ever heard. Like, I'm going to say 'No thanks, I want to pay full price for this article of clothing that is falling apart at the seams. Come to think of it, can I throw in a 25% tip also, just because you are that nice? Yeah, duh! The funny part was as she was showing me how I could wear the belt this way and that (really when the belt is attached to the coat there is only one way to wear it - even I know that)she was mentioning how the coat didn't really need the 25 decorative buttons that were on the coat either. You know, in case they fell off. Well geez, way to sell the coat. Unfortunately for her I'm not 6. Fortunately for her I am a bargain hunter.
I bought the coat with the missing buttons, came home determined to re sew all of the buttons back on before I wore it out. I wore it out, forgot to remove the tag on the sleeve, forgot to snip the threads int he back 'vent area', and decided that the already missing button on the front wasn't all that necessary (who needs their coat to close up int he winter anyways?)
While I was out another button fell off. It was a decorative one. She said I didn't need it...
Ok so on to the third and final button (like my sermon?)
The anticipation button. Was that what I called it? Or was it the adrenaline button? I can't remember, it was a button of some persuasion I know that. Anyways, I don't know that I found it regarding my desire to melt my bod into ... well a bod of less proportion.
I was at work today meeting with my new supervisor, blah, blah, blah. aNd they were starting this 'Biggest Loser' thing.
*sigh*
I did this last year at my gym and failed miserably. I began to detest the little psychology analysis I got each time I weighed in and didn't lose weight, and I thought I had better never do such a thing again if I didn't want to end up in jail for homicide. However I've been looking for my 'inciting incident'. (I'm reading a book, a good book. I'll have to expand on it later. It's a me book, I'll say that much.)
Where was I?
Yeah I have been trying to find something basically I could commit to that would MAKE me succeed at my goals. I'm not sure if this is it, I guess we'll see. I really didn't want to do this. I mean I like JUST started working there, did I really want a complete stranger weighing me in? I think I'd rather streak naked in the woods. Ok so streaking naked in the woods probably wouldn't be that bad ... my point is I wasn't too keen on the whole thing. Also, we are put into teams to 'encourage' eachother. (That's a nice way of saying eagle eying every morsel of food that goes into eachother's mouths - whatever.)
However for the sake of losing my pride and humbling my self, (and a last ditch effort to look great in a party dress in April) I joined the stupid thing.
Anyways, we'll see. I think I'm going to do it and rock it just so I have something to be cranky about for the next 3 months. I'm kinda funny when I'm cranky. Well to a point, until the knives come out and well we'll hope that doesn't happen.
So today at 12:15 pm I weighed in at... well I have to admit I have absolutely no clue. I looked away from the scale and put the weigher lady in a CPI hold and told her if she breathed my weight out loud or to anyone else I'd hunt her down and put laxatives in her coffee when she wasn't looking. she promised not to tell and asked me if I was sure I didn't want to know. She didn't need her right arm.
I immediately came home and prepared for my stint in my real life 'Biggest Loser'. I went to the grocery store and bought chips to help me finish off my spinach dip, and a dozen bakery chocolate chip cookies. I came home and ate the rest of the dip, with a handful of chips (cause really there wasn't much dip left). Slugged back a giant glass of Coke, ate half of the cookies, felt boated and wondered what I would eat for supper later.
When I got home from a short 2 hour shift I thought I'd top off my night (along with my Wally), by taking it easy and SPLITTING a slice of pizza at the old people mall beside us. Of course we tripped over the dollar store on the way home and picked up some Swedish Berries and peanut butter cups, you know, to make my commitment real.
I just checked my e-mail. Saw who was on my team. Shouldn't you have something to lose in order to be a part of 'The biggest loser'? Whatever. Skinny bitches. Stupid buttons.
Sorry I'm getting a little cranky.
Eating ... peanut ... butter ... cups.
Later.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Gramma's in love - Part duex
The other day I called my Gramma to finally tell her that Wally got a job (after my mama had asked me on the two previous phone calls if I had yet I figured it was time).
Not far into the conversation she shared that her and Boyfriend Grampa exchanged Christmas gifts. I'm not sure why they had already. I was three days or so before Christmas, they live like in side by side buildings, they see eachother every day. Maybe it's a near death thing.
She told me that Boyfriend Grampa bought her beautiful earrings. They were shaped like hearts - have gold, half silver. THere was a pause after she gave the details. I was supposed to comment ... alot. I did.
I said 'Maybe next time it'll be jewelery for your hand' (hee hee).
She didn't 'hee hee'.
Instead she got all serious like I offended her, which surprised me because her and Boyfriend Grampa were very obviously smitten with each other. I felt bad that I hit a nerve. and was all ready to apologize. She didn't give me a chance.
'No' she said with a brand new tone, 'That won't be happening.' (Slight pause). 'I'll tell you something though, that I haven't told many. We've talked about that.'
Apparently 'that' is a secret word.
She continued ... 'I looked into things and we found out that if we *cough cough* got married, I would lose a thousand dollars a month of your grandfather's pension. IT just wouldn't be worth it'.
I simply replied 'Oh' - since I was really only trying to lighten the conversation (not deplete it from all joy). We finished our conversation and I hung up the phone.
My 'living self' began to go on a tangent. It was all in a tither. 'How could anyone think money is more important than love. Especially at their age.' Keep in mind I'm not a romantic -ey thinker. I kept on.
'They are old. They found love again. They should forget about the money and just get hitched already. If that's what they want they need to go for it! How ridiculous! They must not be that serious. They can't love eachother THAT much. Silly. How silly.'
Then as I was retelling the conversation to Wally I realized something. Gramma's 75. Boyfriend Grampa's 84. (Apparently some of her friends didn't approve ... because of the 'age difference' ... I thought old was old. I guess I was wrong.) He, Boyfriend Grampa, constantly teases that he's living on borrowed time, that he will go any day now so he's going to enjoy havin' a lady. Gramma is full of life. Never been truly sick in her life (other than when everyone else was sick that she was caring for - even that wasn't for long). Gramma could live for another 20 years easy. Statistically she will likely outlive Boyfriend Grampa. If she married him she'd lose virtually 2/3's of her income. If he died, sorry I mean when he dies, she's basically screwed.
I then was very impressed at their forethought on the matter and realized how serious they were about one another. My mother later said that Boyfriend Grampa didn't want Gramma to be put in a situation that could possibly do her financial harm for the future. My heart softened.
As I mentioned before I'm not a romantic-ey person. The only thing I romanticize is life really. You know nothing big. Not like relationships and stuff.
But when I heard about my 75 year old Gramma not feeling freedom to be able to marry her love, I felt romantic. I felt like I was witnessing a real Romeo and Juliet. Except they were 60 years older. And their families approved. Ok so maybe that's a bad comparison. But you know. Love that couldn't fully Blossom, couldn't fully be realized.
It made me sad a little.
Then Gramma said something that made me less sad. She said very practically 'It's ok. He comes over around 3 in the afternoon everyday and stays for supper. We see eachother everyday.' Gramma seemed completely satisfied with the solution.
I got to thinking. Maybe the government with all of it's pension rules knows what it's doing after all.
Keeping love young. Keeping love on fire. Keeping love waiting for the next time it will be encountered.
Well sometimes it's nice to pretend.
Not far into the conversation she shared that her and Boyfriend Grampa exchanged Christmas gifts. I'm not sure why they had already. I was three days or so before Christmas, they live like in side by side buildings, they see eachother every day. Maybe it's a near death thing.
She told me that Boyfriend Grampa bought her beautiful earrings. They were shaped like hearts - have gold, half silver. THere was a pause after she gave the details. I was supposed to comment ... alot. I did.
I said 'Maybe next time it'll be jewelery for your hand' (hee hee).
She didn't 'hee hee'.
Instead she got all serious like I offended her, which surprised me because her and Boyfriend Grampa were very obviously smitten with each other. I felt bad that I hit a nerve. and was all ready to apologize. She didn't give me a chance.
'No' she said with a brand new tone, 'That won't be happening.' (Slight pause). 'I'll tell you something though, that I haven't told many. We've talked about that.'
Apparently 'that' is a secret word.
She continued ... 'I looked into things and we found out that if we *cough cough* got married, I would lose a thousand dollars a month of your grandfather's pension. IT just wouldn't be worth it'.
I simply replied 'Oh' - since I was really only trying to lighten the conversation (not deplete it from all joy). We finished our conversation and I hung up the phone.
My 'living self' began to go on a tangent. It was all in a tither. 'How could anyone think money is more important than love. Especially at their age.' Keep in mind I'm not a romantic -ey thinker. I kept on.
'They are old. They found love again. They should forget about the money and just get hitched already. If that's what they want they need to go for it! How ridiculous! They must not be that serious. They can't love eachother THAT much. Silly. How silly.'
Then as I was retelling the conversation to Wally I realized something. Gramma's 75. Boyfriend Grampa's 84. (Apparently some of her friends didn't approve ... because of the 'age difference' ... I thought old was old. I guess I was wrong.) He, Boyfriend Grampa, constantly teases that he's living on borrowed time, that he will go any day now so he's going to enjoy havin' a lady. Gramma is full of life. Never been truly sick in her life (other than when everyone else was sick that she was caring for - even that wasn't for long). Gramma could live for another 20 years easy. Statistically she will likely outlive Boyfriend Grampa. If she married him she'd lose virtually 2/3's of her income. If he died, sorry I mean when he dies, she's basically screwed.
I then was very impressed at their forethought on the matter and realized how serious they were about one another. My mother later said that Boyfriend Grampa didn't want Gramma to be put in a situation that could possibly do her financial harm for the future. My heart softened.
As I mentioned before I'm not a romantic-ey person. The only thing I romanticize is life really. You know nothing big. Not like relationships and stuff.
But when I heard about my 75 year old Gramma not feeling freedom to be able to marry her love, I felt romantic. I felt like I was witnessing a real Romeo and Juliet. Except they were 60 years older. And their families approved. Ok so maybe that's a bad comparison. But you know. Love that couldn't fully Blossom, couldn't fully be realized.
It made me sad a little.
Then Gramma said something that made me less sad. She said very practically 'It's ok. He comes over around 3 in the afternoon everyday and stays for supper. We see eachother everyday.' Gramma seemed completely satisfied with the solution.
I got to thinking. Maybe the government with all of it's pension rules knows what it's doing after all.
Keeping love young. Keeping love on fire. Keeping love waiting for the next time it will be encountered.
Well sometimes it's nice to pretend.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Gamma's in love.
I have one Gramma. She's 75. Once upon a time she was married to the same man for all of her life. She had 3 girls who each got married and gave her 6 grandchildren. My Gramma was a church organist for ... lots of years and taught piano for lots of years. Since she was 15 years old. A lot of things in her life stayed the same since she was fifteen. Her job (though it expanded into a family), who she was with (my Grampa) and the area she lived.
Her life went along pretty much the same for 50 plus years. Then almost 8 years ago her middle daughter died. Her daughter was only 44. Gramma lived on, she had to, to take care of my Grampa, my broken hearted Grampa. A few months later Grampa had a stroke and lived in the hospital for 2 months until he had a heart attack and died.
While he was in the hospital Gramma's one son in law had a kidney transplant - that was scary but he made it.
Also while Gramma visited Grampa in the hospital her brother tried to commit suicide. He was unsuccessful. So he was then in the hospital too. She had to take care of her brother's business because no one else would - his wife left him.
During this time Gramma got sick from being tired and working so hard. She went to the hospital too. She got better quick, though the doctor said nothing was wrong, her family knew she was plain worn out.
Finally everyone died (except for her son in law). Gramma could rest. And cry. and live.
The first thing Gramma did was buy pants. She never wore pants before - only in the garden. She bought lots of pants. And wore then, all of the time. Even to church.
Then Gramma, on her 72nd birthday got her ears pierced. She bought lots of earings and wears them.
Gramma came out of her shell. She started hosting Bible Studies, going to every social function there was and became a little much for some of her grandchildren. But she was happy, so they were happy.
A few months ago Gramma got a boyfriend. Her first boyfriend (other than Grampa). He cuddles her, sits close to her, smiles and shares inside jokes with her. He even serenades her - or so she says.
I think he loves her. I think she loves him.
She's happy a lot again.
I'm happy too.
Her life went along pretty much the same for 50 plus years. Then almost 8 years ago her middle daughter died. Her daughter was only 44. Gramma lived on, she had to, to take care of my Grampa, my broken hearted Grampa. A few months later Grampa had a stroke and lived in the hospital for 2 months until he had a heart attack and died.
While he was in the hospital Gramma's one son in law had a kidney transplant - that was scary but he made it.
Also while Gramma visited Grampa in the hospital her brother tried to commit suicide. He was unsuccessful. So he was then in the hospital too. She had to take care of her brother's business because no one else would - his wife left him.
During this time Gramma got sick from being tired and working so hard. She went to the hospital too. She got better quick, though the doctor said nothing was wrong, her family knew she was plain worn out.
Finally everyone died (except for her son in law). Gramma could rest. And cry. and live.
The first thing Gramma did was buy pants. She never wore pants before - only in the garden. She bought lots of pants. And wore then, all of the time. Even to church.
Then Gramma, on her 72nd birthday got her ears pierced. She bought lots of earings and wears them.
Gramma came out of her shell. She started hosting Bible Studies, going to every social function there was and became a little much for some of her grandchildren. But she was happy, so they were happy.
A few months ago Gramma got a boyfriend. Her first boyfriend (other than Grampa). He cuddles her, sits close to her, smiles and shares inside jokes with her. He even serenades her - or so she says.
I think he loves her. I think she loves him.
She's happy a lot again.
I'm happy too.
Monday, January 4, 2010
I was thinkin'
Today while I was visiting a friend and using their washroom for a brief minute I had a thought fly threw my head. Actually a few.
I thought: I should have a baby. Like maybe grow one in my womb or something. That's what women my age do. Women with husband's with jobs.
Maybe then I would feel like I was 'on track' with everyone else. Maybe then I would relate better to my friends with babies. Especially the ones that grow them. you know, in their wombs and stuff.
But then I was thinking... The last time I wanted to do that it didn't work out the way I thought it would. Life didn't work out the way I thought it would. It worked out differently. It worked out better.
Then I thought maybe I should just go get a baby. You know from a different country or something. That might be fun. That would be fulfilling a dream for sure. I've always wanted to adopt an adorable little brown baby with big brown eyes. I've dreamed of it since I was fifteen.
But then I thought: that's what infertile people do and I don't know if I qualify yet. That's also what rich people do when they are infertile. Not sure if I qualify for that either. Maybe I'll wait on the brown baby.
Then I reminded myself of something: I don't actually want a baby right now. I reminded myself that babies aren't as romantic as thoughts of babies. I still have some ground to cover and exploring to do before I commit to yet another human being.
So I got thinking ... there's nothing wrong with day dreamin' about my babies. Day dreams are fun. Daydreams are safe. Day dreams don't poop, puke or cry. I can day dream while I journey through the life I have right now. And maybe, just maybe, my day dreams will turn into some sort of reality when I'm not payin' attention. It's happened before.
The detour was worth it too.
Wow. My thoughts were abundant while emptying my bladder.
Who knew?
I thought: I should have a baby. Like maybe grow one in my womb or something. That's what women my age do. Women with husband's with jobs.
Maybe then I would feel like I was 'on track' with everyone else. Maybe then I would relate better to my friends with babies. Especially the ones that grow them. you know, in their wombs and stuff.
But then I was thinking... The last time I wanted to do that it didn't work out the way I thought it would. Life didn't work out the way I thought it would. It worked out differently. It worked out better.
Then I thought maybe I should just go get a baby. You know from a different country or something. That might be fun. That would be fulfilling a dream for sure. I've always wanted to adopt an adorable little brown baby with big brown eyes. I've dreamed of it since I was fifteen.
But then I thought: that's what infertile people do and I don't know if I qualify yet. That's also what rich people do when they are infertile. Not sure if I qualify for that either. Maybe I'll wait on the brown baby.
Then I reminded myself of something: I don't actually want a baby right now. I reminded myself that babies aren't as romantic as thoughts of babies. I still have some ground to cover and exploring to do before I commit to yet another human being.
So I got thinking ... there's nothing wrong with day dreamin' about my babies. Day dreams are fun. Daydreams are safe. Day dreams don't poop, puke or cry. I can day dream while I journey through the life I have right now. And maybe, just maybe, my day dreams will turn into some sort of reality when I'm not payin' attention. It's happened before.
The detour was worth it too.
Wow. My thoughts were abundant while emptying my bladder.
Who knew?
Sunday, January 3, 2010
21 Questions...
1. Who first discovered snow angels?
2. Why does 21 degrees Celsius seem too hot in the summer (in the house) and not quite warm enough (in the house) in the winter?
3. Why is it that some people seem to live to complain?
4. Why is it that I don't notice when I'm the one complaining?
5. Who made up the word 'teal' ?
6. Who made up words?
7. Why do I get so much joy out of watching my dogs leap through the deep snow and snag mouthfulls of it while they are in the middle of their walk, when neither one of those activities appeal to me?
8. Why is it we allow ourselves to miss old friends who are still alive and living in civilization? (I've heard of this great invention: the telephone)
9. Why is it that alcohol makes some people so much more tolerable and others so much more annoying?
10. How can I feel so sentimental about my family one minute and be ready to strangle the group of them the next?
11. Why don't we make our Christmas cards?
12. How is it possible for people to think it's 'ok' to mail me a Christmas card and not at least write my name at the top of the card - let alone not writing me a personal message? (The nerve!)
13. Why are there glasses for martini's and separate one's for Margarita's?
14. Why don't we reach out to other's more?
15. Why are there so many stinking calories in dip?
16. Why does it seem so crazy to people to throw a gigantic party for no reason?
17. Why doesn't everyone just 'click'?
18. Why do great ideas take so much perseverance to put into action and bad ideas seem so easy?
19. How do they make Ferraro Rochet - the chocolate(sp?)?
20. Why is gaining weight so much easier than losing it?
21. Why I am craving a hot dog with 'the works' right now when I've never had a hot dog with 'the works'?
Something unimportant to think about...
Later.
2. Why does 21 degrees Celsius seem too hot in the summer (in the house) and not quite warm enough (in the house) in the winter?
3. Why is it that some people seem to live to complain?
4. Why is it that I don't notice when I'm the one complaining?
5. Who made up the word 'teal' ?
6. Who made up words?
7. Why do I get so much joy out of watching my dogs leap through the deep snow and snag mouthfulls of it while they are in the middle of their walk, when neither one of those activities appeal to me?
8. Why is it we allow ourselves to miss old friends who are still alive and living in civilization? (I've heard of this great invention: the telephone)
9. Why is it that alcohol makes some people so much more tolerable and others so much more annoying?
10. How can I feel so sentimental about my family one minute and be ready to strangle the group of them the next?
11. Why don't we make our Christmas cards?
12. How is it possible for people to think it's 'ok' to mail me a Christmas card and not at least write my name at the top of the card - let alone not writing me a personal message? (The nerve!)
13. Why are there glasses for martini's and separate one's for Margarita's?
14. Why don't we reach out to other's more?
15. Why are there so many stinking calories in dip?
16. Why does it seem so crazy to people to throw a gigantic party for no reason?
17. Why doesn't everyone just 'click'?
18. Why do great ideas take so much perseverance to put into action and bad ideas seem so easy?
19. How do they make Ferraro Rochet - the chocolate(sp?)?
20. Why is gaining weight so much easier than losing it?
21. Why I am craving a hot dog with 'the works' right now when I've never had a hot dog with 'the works'?
Something unimportant to think about...
Later.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Over the Edge
Push me.
Please.
Just a little nudge is all that it will take. Ok that may be a lie, I'm not sure. It could require a big heave ho (hmmmm spelling heave ho was weird).
So you'd think that beginning my journey to a healthier new year would have started on New Year's Day. It would've made sense but well I like to be different. I like to be valiant and noticeable ... I still had chocolate in the house.
Oh well it's not the end of the world. Something else that has made it a tad difficult to get myself going is trying to figure it all out in my head, that seems to be the thing that really makes the difference in how successful I am at my endeavors.
(Side note: I am getting sooooo frustrated with my typing. One paragraph so far and I've had to edit ti like 10 times. Perhaps some typing lessons should be on my horizon. Grrrrr, there it is again - do I not know how to use a space bar? I think on one post I will leave it unedited just to show how much help I need!)
Anyhoo, moving on.
Going back to 'getting started'. It's interesting when I look back to whenever I have actually succeeded at something seemingly big (at least big for me)- like genuinely encouraging Wally to go back to school, deciding to go back myself, selling the house we had readied for our four children (paint, beds and all) like really life changing things. Every single one of those things just started with a teenie tiny thought. Kind of like a little spark. Some took several months to ignite (well really only the ones that really depending on Wally to agree - ie him quitting his job and going back to school), and others took literally a couple of days (ie me deciding to go to school).
My 40 Day thing happened without any thought really. It was really late at night, I was bloated and binging when I realized I wanted to do something really different and fun for a while.
There's this serge of adrenaline I get just with the thought of doing something new, challenging and unexpected. It's like a rush of joy and anticipation. I got that when I thought of putting on the party. Not because parties are fun, but because parties like the one we're having are out of character for Wally and I. And to be honest in our culture you only have parties like the one we're planning, for a few reasons: you're getting married, you've been married for a long time, you're getting old and if you are REALLY cool you've thought ahead and planned the coolest wake ever with great food and lots of fun (but I've never actually been to one of these , really I was just throwing the idea out there). Wally and I actually thought of adding the line 'This is your get out of funeral free pass' at the bottom of our party invites so that people would take it seriously and come. Let's be real I don't give a rip if you come to my funeral.
Give me a sec I just got lost...
Mmmmmm, ok rush of excitement pushing me over the edge to complete my 'healthy 'goals. Right.
SO I've been trying and trying to figure out where my adrenaline button is for this goal. For some reason there is no part of me (thus far) that has given me excitement beyond reason to push me through. Of course this makes me question my motives and wonder if I truly care. Is this goal completely selfish and vain.
The practical side of me says it's a completely rational goal. I have a closet FULL of clothes that are pleading with me to get with the program.
Funny when I think back to all of the things that have gotten me excited to complete a goal or dream, not one of them had practicality in mind. Practicality I am addicted to and pride myself in, but it has essentially been the one thing I've been breaking free from while doing so many of my 'adventures'. In fact maybe practicality is some thing I should stay away from and leave for another day.
Hmmmm... so if practicality won't motivate me, and the adrenaline button seems to be vacant when it comes to this challenge, what will work?
One thing that really helped me complete (well almost everything) my list of 40 new things was indeed the accountability that this blog lent. I knew I had at least 10 people that followed my journey and were excited to see what was next. With getting healthy though ... well everyone struggles with that. I especially fall short. Do I really want to write about falling short all of the time? Who really wants to hear about the same boring struggle everyday?
I really just need to keep thinking. There is something within every challenge that can bring that adrenaline rush, don't you think. I need to keep brainstorming and see how I can get the rush.
Let me try and sum up what gets me motivated:
* Doing something that people don't expect I would ever do
* Telling people about the unexpected activity
* Giving an account of what doing the activity is like
(Can I just say at this point I am so glad I'm not into weird kinky things ...*giggling*)
* Having a deadline
* Having a defined destination
* Has to be fun and at some point make me laugh
* The more relational to more effective...
Ok Well I now have my thinking cap on and can't wait to figure out where the adrenaline button is hidden. Will listen to any thoughts anyone has.
I'm smiling right now. That's a good thing.
:)
Please.
Just a little nudge is all that it will take. Ok that may be a lie, I'm not sure. It could require a big heave ho (hmmmm spelling heave ho was weird).
So you'd think that beginning my journey to a healthier new year would have started on New Year's Day. It would've made sense but well I like to be different. I like to be valiant and noticeable ... I still had chocolate in the house.
Oh well it's not the end of the world. Something else that has made it a tad difficult to get myself going is trying to figure it all out in my head, that seems to be the thing that really makes the difference in how successful I am at my endeavors.
(Side note: I am getting sooooo frustrated with my typing. One paragraph so far and I've had to edit ti like 10 times. Perhaps some typing lessons should be on my horizon. Grrrrr, there it is again - do I not know how to use a space bar? I think on one post I will leave it unedited just to show how much help I need!)
Anyhoo, moving on.
Going back to 'getting started'. It's interesting when I look back to whenever I have actually succeeded at something seemingly big (at least big for me)- like genuinely encouraging Wally to go back to school, deciding to go back myself, selling the house we had readied for our four children (paint, beds and all) like really life changing things. Every single one of those things just started with a teenie tiny thought. Kind of like a little spark. Some took several months to ignite (well really only the ones that really depending on Wally to agree - ie him quitting his job and going back to school), and others took literally a couple of days (ie me deciding to go to school).
My 40 Day thing happened without any thought really. It was really late at night, I was bloated and binging when I realized I wanted to do something really different and fun for a while.
There's this serge of adrenaline I get just with the thought of doing something new, challenging and unexpected. It's like a rush of joy and anticipation. I got that when I thought of putting on the party. Not because parties are fun, but because parties like the one we're having are out of character for Wally and I. And to be honest in our culture you only have parties like the one we're planning, for a few reasons: you're getting married, you've been married for a long time, you're getting old and if you are REALLY cool you've thought ahead and planned the coolest wake ever with great food and lots of fun (but I've never actually been to one of these , really I was just throwing the idea out there). Wally and I actually thought of adding the line 'This is your get out of funeral free pass' at the bottom of our party invites so that people would take it seriously and come. Let's be real I don't give a rip if you come to my funeral.
Give me a sec I just got lost...
Mmmmmm, ok rush of excitement pushing me over the edge to complete my 'healthy 'goals. Right.
SO I've been trying and trying to figure out where my adrenaline button is for this goal. For some reason there is no part of me (thus far) that has given me excitement beyond reason to push me through. Of course this makes me question my motives and wonder if I truly care. Is this goal completely selfish and vain.
The practical side of me says it's a completely rational goal. I have a closet FULL of clothes that are pleading with me to get with the program.
Funny when I think back to all of the things that have gotten me excited to complete a goal or dream, not one of them had practicality in mind. Practicality I am addicted to and pride myself in, but it has essentially been the one thing I've been breaking free from while doing so many of my 'adventures'. In fact maybe practicality is some thing I should stay away from and leave for another day.
Hmmmm... so if practicality won't motivate me, and the adrenaline button seems to be vacant when it comes to this challenge, what will work?
One thing that really helped me complete (well almost everything) my list of 40 new things was indeed the accountability that this blog lent. I knew I had at least 10 people that followed my journey and were excited to see what was next. With getting healthy though ... well everyone struggles with that. I especially fall short. Do I really want to write about falling short all of the time? Who really wants to hear about the same boring struggle everyday?
I really just need to keep thinking. There is something within every challenge that can bring that adrenaline rush, don't you think. I need to keep brainstorming and see how I can get the rush.
Let me try and sum up what gets me motivated:
* Doing something that people don't expect I would ever do
* Telling people about the unexpected activity
* Giving an account of what doing the activity is like
(Can I just say at this point I am so glad I'm not into weird kinky things ...*giggling*)
* Having a deadline
* Having a defined destination
* Has to be fun and at some point make me laugh
* The more relational to more effective...
Ok Well I now have my thinking cap on and can't wait to figure out where the adrenaline button is hidden. Will listen to any thoughts anyone has.
I'm smiling right now. That's a good thing.
:)
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Good Bye 2009!
Well now it the time to say farewell to what has been a packed year of learning and friendship building for me personally - overall it has been an awesome year.
Here are some highlights of 2009 for me:
* In January I started going to my now home church and established a great group of friends. The first time in my life to go to church with so many people my own age. It's been cool to be a part of something from the beginning as I went to my home church the very first week it started in my city (it branched out from another).
* I also began doing my school placements in January which were tremendously eye opening for me as they were my first direct experiences working with people with various disabilities. At first I wasn't so sure I'd make it, but I stuck with it and found my niche and now couldn't imagine doing anything else!
* March gave Wally and I our 8th wedding anniversary.
* In the spring I learned that I have AB- blood and was a perfect candidate for plasma donation and I have since become a regular donor (at least when my body is well rested).
* In May I got my very first job that required essentially 3 interviews and was a real agency in the field of my choice.
* June marked our one year anniversary in Wrinkleville and the big city - we still weren't feeling an itch to move!
* In July I challenged myself to my '40 Things to try in 40 Days' which proved to be a wonderful adventure with lots of fun, growth and deepening of friendships.
* In August Wally and I went an our first summer vacation in the north and had the best time ever!
* In September I applied and was offered a 30 hour a week contract at my job, while also beginning my final placement and semester of school.
* October held the wedding of my sister in law Pumpkin to her now husband Gourd - wally and I had an absolute blast at the reception. (This was a first for us at a wedding).
* November marked a turning point at my job and a realization that I would not continue to build my career at that particular place of employment. (I experienced an incredibly traumatic few events one evening which I will write about soon).
* December was a month of relief. Wally and I both completed our programs - both of us making the Dean's List each semester we were there. Wally was offered a job before exams were even finished and my placement also offered me a job there, bringing me the gift of resigning from my contract.
If I were to sum up 2009 into one word I would have to say it is: RELATIONSHIPS. That is what I feel like the year has been all about. Establishing, growing, weeding out and the evolving of relationships with new and old friends alike. It has been incredibly cool to start this blog and feel connected to people near and far. To help actually made friends through strangers - what a gift.
My hope is that 2010 holds adventure, excitement, love, growth, healing and even more building of relationship in new and different ways.
Every year I look ahead and wonder what the year to come will look like. Will it be full of change? Will I be living where I am now? Will those closest to me still be alive and well? Will I still have my health? Will I have children in the coming year? Where will I travel to, if at all? Who will I laugh with and build fun memories with? What will those memories hold? How can I make this year even better than the last? That is a question I really wonder about. I honestly feel so blessed (sorry for the cliche) at the fact that I truly feel like I am living my life that I can't possibly have a better year than I just had. But I will because I am determined to live connected and open to seeing whatever God is up to.
At least that is my goal.
Happy New Year everyone!!
Live great this year.
Live great right now!
Love,
Eva :)
Here are some highlights of 2009 for me:
* In January I started going to my now home church and established a great group of friends. The first time in my life to go to church with so many people my own age. It's been cool to be a part of something from the beginning as I went to my home church the very first week it started in my city (it branched out from another).
* I also began doing my school placements in January which were tremendously eye opening for me as they were my first direct experiences working with people with various disabilities. At first I wasn't so sure I'd make it, but I stuck with it and found my niche and now couldn't imagine doing anything else!
* March gave Wally and I our 8th wedding anniversary.
* In the spring I learned that I have AB- blood and was a perfect candidate for plasma donation and I have since become a regular donor (at least when my body is well rested).
* In May I got my very first job that required essentially 3 interviews and was a real agency in the field of my choice.
* June marked our one year anniversary in Wrinkleville and the big city - we still weren't feeling an itch to move!
* In July I challenged myself to my '40 Things to try in 40 Days' which proved to be a wonderful adventure with lots of fun, growth and deepening of friendships.
* In August Wally and I went an our first summer vacation in the north and had the best time ever!
* In September I applied and was offered a 30 hour a week contract at my job, while also beginning my final placement and semester of school.
* October held the wedding of my sister in law Pumpkin to her now husband Gourd - wally and I had an absolute blast at the reception. (This was a first for us at a wedding).
* November marked a turning point at my job and a realization that I would not continue to build my career at that particular place of employment. (I experienced an incredibly traumatic few events one evening which I will write about soon).
* December was a month of relief. Wally and I both completed our programs - both of us making the Dean's List each semester we were there. Wally was offered a job before exams were even finished and my placement also offered me a job there, bringing me the gift of resigning from my contract.
If I were to sum up 2009 into one word I would have to say it is: RELATIONSHIPS. That is what I feel like the year has been all about. Establishing, growing, weeding out and the evolving of relationships with new and old friends alike. It has been incredibly cool to start this blog and feel connected to people near and far. To help actually made friends through strangers - what a gift.
My hope is that 2010 holds adventure, excitement, love, growth, healing and even more building of relationship in new and different ways.
Every year I look ahead and wonder what the year to come will look like. Will it be full of change? Will I be living where I am now? Will those closest to me still be alive and well? Will I still have my health? Will I have children in the coming year? Where will I travel to, if at all? Who will I laugh with and build fun memories with? What will those memories hold? How can I make this year even better than the last? That is a question I really wonder about. I honestly feel so blessed (sorry for the cliche) at the fact that I truly feel like I am living my life that I can't possibly have a better year than I just had. But I will because I am determined to live connected and open to seeing whatever God is up to.
At least that is my goal.
Happy New Year everyone!!
Live great this year.
Live great right now!
Love,
Eva :)
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