Mind Cold

It's all a battle of the mind.

When it all comes down to it I believe this statement is true.

If your mind is healthy you have the potential to be healthy. If your mind is ill you have the potential to be ill, or you already are ill.

Over the past couple of weeks I feel like I have been battling a severe mind cold. You know, like a head cold only in my mind/spirit.

I find it amazing how if you keep your attitude right, your thoughts positive and your mind clear how much more you can do in life. In your everyday.

Lately I've allowed far too many things to clutter my heart, my mind and overwhelm me. This has seemed to have weaken my immune system (spiritually speaking) and has left me prone the the mind cold that travels all seasons of the year to anyone willing to let it in.

What makes you more susceptible? Not taking care of yourself. Not feeding yourself what you need to survive. Not recognizing when others who stand to close to you have a cold (and very willing to share). Not taking the proper precautions to stay clear of the invader that will make you sick. The worst of all: thinking you are above getting sick.

When did I feel it coming on? I would definitely say after my PATH was done. I am a goal oriented person who gets overly focused on things. I put the pressure on myself to preform at my highest potential, and often higher than my potential. I can be my worst enemy in this area. It prevents me from accepting when I do well because if the well that I do is not the well that I set myself up to do then I only focus on where I have failed. Not such an entirely healthy approach - this is yet another thing I am working on and my fitness journey is helping me with.

In my PATH are several dreams, things that I would like to do this year coming up. They are not things I HAVE to do but things I want to do. They are not things I even have to do this year, but as you know, I know the value of a deadline and I like deadlines because you never know when your own is up.

Anyhoo, I began the following day and week to tackle a few things on my new 'List' and some went ok, some were more challenging but I had begun to make some headway.

In the meantime I stopped sleeping much and got wound up and overly excited. I get excited about my dreams. I'm weird like that. The adrenaline pumps at the most annoying times. Thus turning me into what I consider a crazy woman.

Crazy Woman is not too concerned with diet, exercise, moderately attaining goals, being rational or anything else that is even keel and healthy. Life seemed to snowball and the other night while Wally and I were house hunting with our real estate agent we got rear-ended pretty bad, putting chuck (my car) in the garage, hopefully to get resuscitated and not laid to rest. We were both sore but ok.

In fact ten minutes after it happened after I'd stayed in the driver's seat quietly in shock (Wally also didn't want me out looking at my injured Chuck) I popped my head out the window and asked our agent if we could still look at more houses (as we had only seen 2 of the 7 that night). He said 'We can do anything you want to my dear.' (See what I mean about being overly focused?)

I didn't stop the following couple of days as I worked. Then Sunday evening when I got home I got an e-mail from a friend which seemed to shake me to the core. Even though I completely understood the circumstances around what she had to say and why, it still shook my core and didn't mix well with the rather fragile Crazy Woman that existed at the time.

I grieved and tried to release the sadness of the previous couple of weeks. It's funny how feelings of grief and despair can visit when life does not seem to warrant these feelings. For some reason though, these are what surrounded me and I had to figure out what to do with these unwelcome visitors.

When you are in their company it's so easy to make the choice to get to know them better. It's easy to think that you should be a good host and let them get comfortable on your couch. I've always been taught to be a good host to those who walk through my door. To offer up what they need, to ask what I can do for them, to feed them cake and relax along side of them.

In some ways I think I almost had to do this for a few moments, in hopes of recognizing who was on my doorstep so I knew whether or not they had anything good for me that I needed. I worried that if I asked them to leave I would end up alone, which seemed far worse at the time than keeping company with Grief and Despair. I thought briefly that maybe I could make them into what I needed. Surely they could change right?

I have quickly learned that Grief and Despair are what they say they are: Grief and Despair. And that they are not compatible with Hope and Joy, those were the friends I really wanted to have over to stay, but I thought for some reason they didn't want to be around me anymore because I was too much for them. Too head strong.

I have learned that I have a choice about the company I keep. This choice is made with my mind and the healthier my mind is kept the healthier choices I will make.

Initially when the snowball of ill events began I put myself in the middle of the snowball and let it roll me down the hill and get worse and worse. This got me sick. (hello, anyone would in the middle of a snowball).

This made me think that with all of the people and events around me I couldn't go after my dreams, I couldn't complete my goals. I have realized that events and people don't determine my success (whether they are good influences or negative, supportive or unsupportive). I am the one who makes the choice and I can't allow Life to carry me away, to make me sick or choose my company. I can do that all on my own.

With that being said, I am feeling much better today. And I am so thankful for it.

I am also especially thankful for each of my 'PATH' supporters whom I know will keep me accountable and be excited to see my dreams come true as if they were their very own.

Thank you :)