Long term stuff

As usual it never rains but when it pours with my blogging and well I think it's pouring right now...

There are a few things whirling about in my mind right now and not I just need to pick what thing I watch to catch and get it out. Give me a second ...

*snatches a thought*

Hmmmm, definitely appropriate for today. Ok so this I would or should be putting on my other blog but seeing as I've abandoned it for now it's going to end up here.

Today I am going to my third last training session with Dee. I have to say how surprised I am about how ready (in most ways) I feel about going at this alone.

I mean don't get me wrong I will miss him tons and tons. However he has ensured me that he will be around anytime I need him to answer any questions I have and help me out. That is definitely good to know and I believe him when he says this 100%.

More recently I have hurled myself from becoming educated about eating clean into the world of learning about different exercise, weight training, stretching, core strength and anything else I can get my hands onto.

I know, you'd think after 6 months with a trainer I should know everything I need to know. Dee would say I do, I would say I know the basics. I know that the basics are a good foundation but I have a very inquisitive mind that has a need to know why and how, how much and where things needs to be done. I have been watching a tv show incessantly that is keeping me sharp and alert to what I want and how I can get it.

It's amazing how much more you absorb when you are forced to figure things out on your own, and how much more of the 'why' that gets answered when you do this.

When I started out I did what I was told because I trusted Dee knew what he was doing. I never really questioned him or cared about why we did anything the way we did. Now that I know I will soon be by myself I cannot get enough answers. My research has proven very helpful (Dee was definitely a great source and has embraced my millions of questions the past several sessions).

This researching has certainly sparked an interest in the realm of fitness that I've always known was there. In fact I remember years ago telling one of my closest friends (whom I knew wouldn't laugh at me) that I felt deep inside there was an athlete inside of me. Someone who craved health and activity and who could be great at it. I actually told her that I honestly felt that I would love doing all the things I was too scared to try but that I didn't know how.

I realized the other day ... I know how. I am finally becoming what I knew was always buried deep inside.

Unfortunately it took my years to take a risk ad be vulnerable with someone to learn. And while learning over the past several moths it has taken me the entire time to realize that my focus about weight loss and fitness has been flawed all along. (I am thankful I realized this at 30 years of age and not 60!).

I used to look at exercise as a means to an end. For me that was always weight loss and smaller clothes. Now I look at exercise in many other ways...

The obvious is to enhance my health, to be fit, and take care of what I've been given. So many people I work with, due to brain damage, cannot make their bodies do what mine can do without a problem (theoretically at least). I get reminded of this everyday and I plan and hope to take advantage of this gift as often as I can.

When I began working out with Dee often to get through the workouts I'd just think of Vivvie and how she couldn't dance, feel the feeling of a good walk, run up the stairs or even go into half the stores at the mall because let me tell you they are anything but wheelchair accessible.

In my studies I've also learned about muscle memory and how if I was in a car accident tomorrow and was laid up in bed for a long time and lost what I have gained it is much easier to get back than if I'd never weight trained at all. Now I consider my training like an insurance policy.

Another thing I know is how great working out is for me mentally and emotionally. It is such a great stress reliever! (Especially box class).

Now, I won't lie to you I still stand in front of the mirror and check out my exceptionally (at least in my head) wide hips and wonder why I bother. The great part is I am getting to the point where I almost don't care about the aesthetic benefits (I said almost).

My focus has shifted dramatically from looking at a scale (I actually stopped weighing myself weeks ago) and my reflection, to seeing what challenge I can overcome at the gym or with my clean eating (and no I don't mean starving myself).

I asked Dee to give me a challenge to work on by myself. He did. Right now it seems impossible but I know I can do it and while I'm doing it and focusing on the right things the rest will come.

I'm actually thinking about someday becoming a trainer (well getting the paperwork, I really don't care if I ever do the job at this point). It would be a challenge to get in great physical condition (although, once again I know they aren't all in great shape, even though they look like it). And this is something I have learned happens over the long term not the short term.

I need long term goals, my short term list seems to be completely filled up!