Still in love ... with lists

Why is it that Weekdays always seem so much easier to be productive in?

That's probably why I want more time off work during the week now too (it doesn't seem to matter when I just don't want ot work ... just be productive).

Last night Wally and I tried to help take a couple of baking items off of my to do list for today.

Neither worked ... at all.

You see I rarely follow a recipe exactly. Usually when I bake it's much closer than when I cook but not always.

I thought I'd found this miracle recipe for 'clean' brownie cookies. Until we make them last night and they were nothing like the ones I made before.

Instead of the perfect chewy consistency they were crumbly. Oh yeah, and we forgot the brown sugar. Oops.

Then came my first try at a zucchini muffin recipe. How can they go wrong?

They did. Very wrong. I think it was less me this time and more the recipe.

Either way I was getting a bit frustrated with my baking tries becoming baking failures. And considering that was the main productivity of the day I was a bit disappointed.

I've mentioned before that I like lists. It's likely tied to my love of productivity. Which is probably closely tied to my dissatisfaction at my job (as you more often than not lack the feeling of accomplishing anything beyond giving medication, writing notes and all of the generally mundane stuff of life).

Sometimes if I'm on a productive roll and have accomplished more than I planned to I will ADD things that I've already done to my to do list just so that I can cross them off.

It feels good. Try it sometime.

It's not quite 1 pm and I've been rather productive (as is generally the case on Mondays).

I've cooked sweet potatoes and fish for dinners on the go. New oatmeal cookies (that seem to be pretty good), gave another try at the brownie cookies omitting 3 ingredients and adding the all important brown sugar. They were good but there's now something textural missing. I'll get it next week.

I just finished my upper body workout and have noodle limbs. And my incredibly bloated runners tummy (that grew after my 5 mile for the first time run yesterday) has improved somewhat.

I've emailed a couple friends, done 2 loads of laundry, 2 loads of dishes in the sink.

I've kept up with my Tiny Tower (which I'm getting close to giving up on), texted all morning with Wally.

I've yelled in frustration over slow technology, gotten annoyed with our new Scratchasouraus dog and am now sharing all of this mundane information with you.

I love the list I tell you.

Writing it, accomplishing it, scratching it off and telling you about it.

Seriously, I LOVE lists.

Side note

I just clicked on 'Next Blog' and found a blog entirely about prostates.

Who knew?!

A blog all about a gland.

There's gotta be hope for me and my new site.

Remember, if you have any thoughts or ideas send them in, anything at all!!

I'm brainstorming as we speak (or type, or read, you know what I mean!).

Things I ask myself

Why does my stomach creak like an old hardwood floor?

Why don't I pursue writing (even if it's just for myself)?

Why do I not spend more time with people I like?

Why don't I go out of my way to help people more?

Why do I feel sick to my stomach after drinking water early in the morning?

Why do I thrive off of a list of challenges?

How did I get so fortunate to find Wally?

Why has Sour been chewing his butt so much lately?

What should my next post be about?

Will I be a a good trainer?

Will I ever actually be a trainer?

How old will I be when I die?

Will I ever develop a debilitating disease?

Will I ever write a book?

Will I ever get paid to write?

Will my writing ever change a life?

Will my kids be respectful people?

Will they be ok?

Where will we live next?

When will Wally wake up this morning?

Aside from Wally who will be the next person to tell me that love me?

Who will the next person be that I will say 'I love you' to?

That was just the last 2 minutes.

A List

Once again I feel like I have a hundred things in my head I want to write about but none that I really want to come clean with.

Maybe I'll do a list post just to keep it simple...

* After 8 days I am STILL addicted to Tiny Tower (this is not good)

* Wally and I just found out that we may have to prove our infertility as we move on with our adoption (this is one giant, fiery post in itself)

* I am continuing to brainstorm about my new blog/site idea and think it could potentially be a great idea

* I finished the Kite Runner finally last night. I highly recommend it's harsh look at reality in Afghanistan (it's not light on the soul)

* I'm thinking I should make my training course my next reading choice (although it seems a little dry)

* I've decided overall I'm officially dissatisfied with my job (this has barely anything to do with those I support and almost everything to so with how management is working - both agency and 'the system')

* Having my new trainer friend show me so many new exercises has totally made me fall in love with working out (since I do it for health and not weight loss anymore (though i could still use to loose - yes, I just bracketed inside of a bracket) I'm not worried that I don't feel like I'm dying)

* Speaking of my trainer friend ... we are considering creating a small business together next spring when she's out of school and I'm done my course and ready to train.

* I've noticed by focusing on my health and lifestyle and omitting the scale I've felt so much better physically, mentally and emotionally, no more guilt or tries at a quick fix

* I know a lot of cool people with cool stories (chances are YOU are probably one of them)

* I thrive on deep relationships, I enjoy discovering and working on new ones but at the same time I still miss ones that seem to have grown out.

* I got to see two little brown babies sleeping in their car seats in the past 2 days. I melt just after having the desire to eat them (please don't report me).

* I used Skype for the first time last night. I'm in love.

* In a flash of thinking I may never get to motherhood yesterday, I realized I would be ok if no one ever called me 'mama' and I was only 'mama' in spirit. It's all the same job. The bottom line in giving of yourself.

* Though there always seem to be a hundred things going on around here I have really had a sense of boredom lately that I cant' seem to shake. Wally says I raised myself into a higher 'life bracket' (Like when you go to a nicer coffee shop one time and discover it's totally worth spending $5 on a drink that will give you a taste gasm so you can't go back to the cheap coffee place any more).

He says I've raised the bar on my own life and now I can't settle for anything normal.

I haven't' decided whether that's good or not.

I will keep pursuing the good things anyways.

Feedback appreciated!!!!

Hey bloggowers!!

Ok so I just wrote an entire blog post featuring what my ideas for my possible website are and Wally just told me I should not share them.

So in my ponderings of where I want to go with a potential website or blog I am asking for your help.

I already have ideas of topics and things I would love to include but since I have an audience (though potentially small) in front of me I would love to know topics that interest YOU.

What peaks your interests??

I want to know what deep, surfacey, funny, thoughtful ideas you may have. (Did I just cover them?)

I'm excited about this little endevour but I really would love to hear about what you think. What gets you going? Hearing a story about a pink skunk siting? Reading about how differently someone else thinks? Or, just hearing that you are always right? (Personally I like the last one the best!)

Share! Share! Share!

Be annonymous if you like but do ..... SHARE!!

Thanks!

Eva :)

Benefits or burdens?

I can't believe I haven't posted since last Thursday!!

Time goes by so fast!

Things that I've been preoccupied with:

* helping Wally finish up the basement rec room (looks pretty good, at least compared to the panelling before

* getting reacquainted with an old friend who I believe has been placed in my life at the perfect time

* my Tiny Tower (Wally did end up getting me a different refurbished ipod touch and now I can't go anywhere without my Tiny Tower .... it's a problem).

* dreaming - about a potential future business in the fitness/nutrition field

* how to try once more at cutting back my hours at work (have yet to be successful at it)

* brainstorming about a potential new blog/website that I'd love to start welcoming the views and experiences of other people (possibly focused on the needs of women but not sure)

* having old friends and their ultra adorable, yet sometimes loud (normal kid loud) children visit. (Incidentally I was told by their 7 year old daughter, after she kissed my hand, that I was as beautiful as a princess, I entered a euphoric state).

* baking LOTS of new 'clean' treats that are AMAZING!!!! This Christmas I will bake again!!!

* taking a little break from training (does 6 days count?)

* being challenged by the idea of living 'outside of the box'

It seems that as my mind gets a chance to dream it goes crazy with new ideas and thoughts of what I could do to enjoy life a little more.

I'm once again at a turning point I feel. I honestly think I'd quit my job today if I could to pursue something that I would love now. I;m sure I seem flaky and non committal at my job but I don't regret my decision at all to go into this field. I've learned more than any book on life could teach me. I have learned how to respect those that are different AND see how NOT different from me they are.

Sometimes I wonder if we get so caught up in the expectations of those around us that we forget to listen to our hearts on the of our own lives. It's so easy to do as sometimes all we hope to do is survive another day.

After just recently earning (after 1 1/2 yrs) benefits at my work I now have no desire what so ever to continue on. In my head I know much of my desire to get benefits was to prove that I could do it. I've never had them on my own before, I've always relied on Wally and over half of our marriage was empty of them anyway (we're healthy people so it wasn't a big deal).

Now that I know I've done it and that if I ever wanted to I could again, I have no other desire but to say 'Cut back my hours please, I don't really care about the benefits!' Let me tell you if the shock wasn't already there that I had no desire to get full time benefits while working full time, would they be surprised at the fact I could work part time and still say 'no thanks' to part time benefits (which are actually really good).

I don't want to live me life tied to a post. A post that may not even benefit me (even though everyone says it will).

I have to say too that I am VERY, VERY fortunate that I am blessed with perfect health right now and I have no reason to worry about ditching the 'post', some people aren't so lucky. They would require a great deal more faith than I to ditch their post.

Notice I did not say I believed they had to stay tied to the post?

I believe (I know, easy for me to believe), that the only difference stopping one person in a more challenging position than another to go after their passion is their faith. We all have to have some, but a few of us need what seems to be a hell of a lot more.

So .... if you see someone tied to a post. Do them a favour and teach them how to cut themselves free, encourage them to, be there for them and cheer them on.

If you're the one tied to a post dont' let anyone convince you that what you see as a burden is your benefit. Only you can decide that.

To risk or not to risk ... that is the question.

I want to take a risk.

I'm thinking about it.

Really, really thinking about it.

I need more guts .... with less gas.

But definitely more guts.

We'll see.

I just know that there's a better me out there to be had.

Waiting for me to be had.

Just need to take a risk.