Come run with me

I have shared with you what my training was like through one of my runs on my way to getting to 5 K. I shared what was on my mind and how my body was feeling. I was thinking about having reached 4 miles (approx. 6.5 K)and how my thoughts doing so on the treadmill were a bit different.

Join me as I step onto the treadmill ...

First things first we need to press start. Then 3 and 'ok' as to not feel like a snail. I then take a moment to gear up and start my precious ipod I barely know how to work. My play list is strategically organized to get me through approximately 42 minutes of running, for only the second time.

As I'm doing this I am remembering that I have to put the incline up to 1% as to imitate running on an outside surface. It's not the same but it is more challenging than 0 that's for sure.

I start my play list (which Wally has entitled 'Hyper Workout Action' on my little mystery machine). I get into a good pace to warm up with. I bump the speed up to 3.5 and I walk.

My new play list starts with 'Grenade' by Bruno Mars. One of those songs everyone loves to hate because it makes no sense what-so-ever...

'I'd catch a grenade for you, throw my hand on a blade for you, I'd jump in front of a train for you, you know I'd do anything for you ....'

He goes on to name a long list of things he'd do for this 'mad woman' who apparently doesn't love him back but that he'd still take a 'bullet to the brain' for. One of my favourite parts is when he says 'Tell the devil I said hey when you get back to where you're from'. The day I actually figured out what he menat I commented to Wally what a smart thing to say that was, need less to say Wally shook his head and wondered why I hadn't caught that line forever ago.

It really makes no sense BUT it has a good beat and build which gets the blood pumping which is exactly what I need. By the time the song is over I'm generally ready to punch in the numbers 5.7 (I've been adding .1 a week the past couple of weeks to get me up to a 10 minute mile mark as that's considered a ok average of speed).

I take note that I've walked a quarter of a mile already so I will need to make sure the treadmill says 4.25 when I'm done.

Then I start running. It feels good and the song does too. I'm now listening to 'Price Tag' by Jessie J. After asking Glo what her play list was like one day she mentioned this song was on it, I'd considered buying it before but wasn't sure if it would be right for my run. That day I knew it would be perfect for my running when Glo left as now it immediately remind me of her.

I don't know who Moon heads, Coconut man and P (is that even right?) are but that's how she starts the song. It's a great song and has a decent message about 'making the world dance' and how life's not about the money. (You'll soon realize why I point out the good message in this song).

I run easily through the song. I feel good.

Next comes one of my guilty pleasure singers - Katy Perry. I want to not like her because I saw one of music videos for 'California girls' and I almost died laughing. I suppose it would be fun to have a bra that squirted whipping cream but I'm not sure how that makes a good music video or any intelligent sense. And Snoop Dog was in it to boot. Honestly I just think he's an odd looking guy. I can't help wondering every time I see him how he's rich and famous when he looks so scraggly and puny. Oh well, who knows?

I listen to her latest single and feel like I'm 12 years old listening to something rated R (for my time it would've been). I hear lyrics about 'Last Friday Night' and what apparently teenagers do (my parents would have killed me). I hear the lyrics about a menage a toi and blush hoping no one else in the gym can hear what I'm listening to.

I continue to run without issue. Near the end of the song comes my least favourite part where the group who's having a great Friday night start chanting 'T.G.I.F.' over and over and I detest it to no end. Don't know why really, I just hate it. I jog through it and focus on the fact a new song will come.

It does and I am embarrassed to admit I LOVE 'Don't turn out the Lights' by NKOTBSB. It took courage for me to download that one (and admit it to any readers!) because I was never a boy band girl. I thought they were silly and inappropriate. Clearly now any standard I ever had for music has flown out the window in the name of running further.

Anyhow I LOVE this song just cause it makes me feel cute.

*giggle*

By now I'm feeling good still but consciously breathing.

It's time to get serious...

This is when I start counting. We're on song 4 of 12. I start telling myself '1/4 of the way there! Good job!' (over and over).

Katy's back with her last single 'E.T.' It's just weird and I didn't like it at first but it's single status hearkened my ordinary 'I like what everyone else likes' side of me. It's beat is strong and stable to get me through to a place where I begin saying '1/3 of the way there. 1/3 done!'

As I write I'm noticing a trend.

My next song is 'S & M' by Rihanna. Yes this should be enough to keep me out of heaven for sure.

I was completely offended when I heard the one lyric about certain activities done in the air and how it smells (I'm so sorry for my honesty here!). Seriously, who writes this stuff?! However I am starting to wonder if this offensive crap is out there for us easily offended to get us ensnared. I have a love/hate relationship with this song. Unfortunately mostly love though as it gets me to run through song 5.

Now I'm entering the possibility of the half way point. For this I added an old song I used to love power walking to. It's by Joss Stone, 'Put Your Hands on Me'

Sounds dirty. Trend indeed.

Anyways, I LOVE it, gets me going (running!!).

I run listening to those lyrics pretending hands are being put .... on me baby (ha ha ha!!!). I love it! She's just awesome. How many people can put you from nearly done to ready to run another 2 miles (while feeling damn sexy at the same time - which is alot considering not often do I feel sexy at the gym!).

I hear a lyric regarding a screw and pretend it's regarding putting up a picture so I can avoid confession later (yeah, I'm not even Catholic but this play list makes me consider going).

Next song comes on and reminds me of why I'm doing all this crazy running. 'I'm a Survivor'. I thought the half way point was a good place to be reminded of this. I'm not really into Destiny's Child but hey these lyrics help remind me of how far I've come, in so many areas of my life. I'm proud of this.

I get to the next song, number 8 and I begin talking again 'Almost 2/3rds, almost 2/3rds.' Keep running. 'Song 8, Song 8, Song 8'.

Which is 'If I Never see Your Face Again' by Marroon 5 and Rihanna. No explanation, just like it.

By Song 9 I need to hear that I'm getting close so Lady Gaga makes her appearance at Eva's personal concert with 'The Edge of Glory'. I get mad at myself for knowing this is an over 5 minute song. Not cool considering I have 2 more songs after this, but I keep repeating 'Song 9, song 9, song 9' and 'song 3 of 3, song 3 of 3'. Over and over I say these things until the edge seems closer (which incidentally seems to take forever). The saxophone part chimes in I hate it for some reason and wish it didn't remind me of '80s music. Oh well.

Oooooo next comes one of my favourite guys. 'Felt good on my Lips' by TIm McGraw. This used to be number one on my play list for running but I thought it might trigger something in me to give me energy for the last part of my run. I listened to him on my official 5 K and he just does it. This is just a great song even though it's a random country song in the middle of some serious trash (but trash that gets me to my running goals).

I continue my self talk 'Song 10, song, 10, song 10' and 'song 1 of 3, song 1 of 3'.

Nearing the end I return to Katy Perry with 'Teenage dream'. Indeed to make me feel like one while inside I am quite confident I'm dying. Saying 'Song 11, song 11, song 11' and 'last fast one before the finale!!'

This one seems long too but I remind myself of my favourite last song to run to.

And it comes ....

'Perfect' by Pink one of my favourite singers for sure. Like I actually respect her (yeah, yeah, even though I don't know her).

The lyrics could be my anthem, sort of. 'Pretty pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel less than perfect.' Every 11 year old girl needs to memorize the lyrics to the entire song and believe them (well they should wait for the beer til they're of age). I just think they're .... perfect.

It's at this point I check my miles and see where I'm at and slow back down to 3 miles/hr and walk it out to Lady Antebellum's 'Just a Kiss'.

I then feel out of this world proud of myself (although Saturday I began feeling nauseous around song 9 and wanted to quit I hung in so by the end I really felt ill, but still so happy).

I carefully wobble off of the treadmill, clean it off and do my stretches.

I then take out my ear buds and believe I am the strong woman I was always meant to be but never believed.

I'm starting to.

Stuff

I don't have any one thing on my mind today, I suppose that's pretty normal though.

A few things that ARE buzzing around it ...

* I accomplished my second 4 mile run Saturday which I am so pleased about considering I took last week off of training. I'm looking forward to completing 4.5 miles at the end of my week (or early next).

* I finally took sweet to the vets and we got some miracle pills that prove he has allergies of sorts. They worked immediately and we are soooooo thankful. Sleep has come back!

* I started my PT course and finished studying the first unit this morning. I have two more units until I take my first quiz (hopefully this week) and then to complete the next 30 units! I have learned that this is more work than I thought but am also noticing that the first couple of units are the most challenging. I am really looking forward to applying what I learn. I LOVE learning!!!

* I have decided to enlist the help of a couple of friends and my journal (which I've never really done) in my efforts to abandon binging on sugar and work through the emotional parts of it. There's much more I'd be willing to share on this but I don't want to sound like a broken record or overly focus on something that others may not care much about or understand.

I will say I have chosen to make very small changes and to do so over time. It's about a lifestyle and balance more than anything else. I have such a tendency to rely on food for happiness, comfort, excitement and so many other things that it's amazing to see these things once you try and get it under control. Needless to say I'm learning a lot in this area.

* I've been a reading machine lately. I just started reading 'The Kite Runner' and ALREADY highly recommend it for anyone (no it's not a chick book). Within the first two chapters the author's style had me completely hooked.

* I would love to start a site between people I know who are readers where we could use each other as libraries. You sign up, we keep a log and borrow each others books. I know, I know, it's called 'The Public Library'. It's just not the same.

* Wally and I have decided that we are going to pursue to be more social. We've realized that with school done and my weekends officially (most of the time) free of work it's time to prioritize hanging out together with other couples or people. Otherwise we're bored out of our minds (even though we have a thousand and one home improvements to work on ... life's about people more than things).

* Yesterday I said another good bye to a couple that hosted the home church that I went to several months after moving here. They are an awesome couple that Wally liked as well. They came out to our big party last year and had a blast! I enjoyed coffee with the wife several times and enjoyed her perspective. They have a 3 year old son with flaming red hair and 5 month old twin girls. By the way, they (the parents) are both doctors and now are on their way to begin new careers. I will miss them greatly!

* Speaking of home church, Wally and I have decided to go back together in the fall. I may have mentioned this already. I'm so excited to get back and to be doing so with my husband. I love the teaching and pray that we can build a community of family around us especially as we enter this new phase of our lives.

* Another this I don't remember if I mentioned or not: apparently my dad has been telling everyone and anyone that will listen that we are adopting. Yay!!

I should go weight train.

Slaying dragons

Relapse.

Yes, when that word came to my mind this morning I realized that's exactly how I feel when I think about what has happened in the past few months.

I've had a relapse.

I know generally that word is saved for instances that involve drugs or drinking and their addict. Or perhaps an illness that endangers a life.

Though I know most wouldn't agree that's the case for me (and maybe it's not to that extent) I would say it is definitely what I've experienced and it's time I admit it to myself and to others.

If you've read this blog over the past couple of years you already know the 'issues' I have had with both food and my body image from the time I was 5 years old until this very day.

I have been having little flashbacks recently of the first time a kids called me fat. Possibly the first time I ever even KNEW that I was fat.

I was standing outside of my kindergarten room putting my shoes on to go home for the day, waiting for that bell to ring. When this first grader (who failed going through it the first time might I add), came up to me wearing the ugliest face in the world and said with the ugliest tone in the world 'You are so fat! You know that?!'

I'm pretty sure her face contorted all weird too when she said it. Like there was nothing worse than looking at me. Like my existence offended the world.

Little did I know that was only the beginning of would be the defining struggle of my life (at least thus far, and there have been plenty of seemingly worse things to have struggled with along the way - seriously, I struggled less with being molested!)

To people who grew up physically average, or just not picked on about being fat (I realize kids are cruel and they easily find other things to pick apart and I'm not the only one who was ever bullied in history), dealing with body issues is a much different challenge.

I've had friends who've gained weight later on in life that have said it was harder for them than for someone like me who grew up with it (being fat). In this moment I can't even figure out what their reasoning's were. I can't even try. It may have been the idea that they didn't know how to deal with gaining weight (because when you're fat from childhood you're a pro). They say it's more difficult because they don't realize what they've become in gaining the weight. Perhaps they don't believe they've actually gained it.

I think a friend told me once that it was hard to look back and see themselves skinny. I thought 'Wow, it must be nice to be able to see that in yourself. I could never say that'.

Even as I write these things the truth is right in front of my face but there's a clear disconnect between the truth and my brain.

All of the struggles that my formerly thin friends have I do too, only in the opposite form. They have a hard time accepting their new fat body the same as I have a hard time accepting my new fit body.

I know that they have looked at me different times through out my life when I've lost weight and said 'You have no idea what it feels like to be trapped in this body. You USED to be fat. I AM fat.'

My response is 'You have no idea what it feels like to be trapped in this mind. No matter how much progress I make towards a healthy life I can't seem to convince myself it's real. That it's me.'

Everyone thinks their struggle is the bigger one. I'm no different.

I didn't really want to write this post. To admit failure (in my brain I know it's just part of the journey, part of how I am getting to true success, that I really am getting closer to a healthier me - my mind is what keeps telling me I'm failing).

It's so incredibly humiliating to say 'I've messed up', 'I'm not there yet', 'I am seriously struggling so don't look at me as an example anymore!'

There was a time in the past year I honestly felt free, or pretty damn close to free. I felt good about my choices, definitely about my lifestyle and the healthy well rounded non restrictive way I was going about being balanced and healthy.

Although I will say that I never felt 'there'. I remember texting Dee on the anniversary of when I started with him and said 'I'm getting there!' and he responded with 'You already ARE there!!' I couldn't grasp that thought.

But after many changes through out the past year: going at completing the slaying of the dragon alone (once I was done with Dee), moving away from where my armour was kept, falling back into the thinking that a healthy life was a pant size rather than an ongoing positive lifestyle (and getting away with it for a while), all of these things have brought me back to a whole new dragon to slay.

In a way realizing that it's at least a different dragon is really very comforting. It means I've gone somewhere. When you journey somewhere new there are always new challenges but it means you've also learned a few more things along the way that will help you fight better.

You can never use the exact same techniques on one dragon as you did on the other. The principals are the same but there are always new things to learn to help you do better.

Though parts of me (ok most all of me) wants desperately to dig a hole and hide in my humiliation and embarrassment, there is a tiny piece of me that knows the Truth and will not let Eva roll over in defeat.

There's a dragon to slay damn it!

And a princess to be saved!

Excuse me while I suit up.

Things that make me feel amazing...

* Raindrops on roses

* Whiskers on kittens

(ok just kidding)

* Finishing a bottle of any cleaning supply, from laundry detergent to hand soap, from shampoo to body wash. It all feels amazing to finish. I don't know why it just does.

* A random e-mail of 'hello', 'congrats', 'you're so great', 'wanna get together'. Usually I'm the connector and the one that loves to get in touch with people but when they beat me to it, it's like Christmas!

* Finishing the longest run I've ever done (this one changes every time I pass my best). I feel like I can conquer the world (even though conquering the world take more than running 4 miles).

* The first bite of peanut butter chocolate cheesecake from the Cheesecake factory

* Getting a hug from someone who knows how

* Getting a minute to hold a new baby and marvel at it's miraculousness.

* Giving someone a pep talk and having them say 'Thank you so much, I feel better' and knowing they mean it.

* Watching real food grow in my garden (I can't say how excited I was when I saw my first zucchini!!!)

* Taking a few minutes to stand in the rain and smile with someone.

* Having someone 'get' me (especially my sense of humour).

* Catching up the laundry.

* Using up food in the freezer or fridge.

* Looking at pictures where I know people are so happy.

* Remembering our party. (I'm finally feeling the nostalgia out of it - more on that later maybe).

* A warm breeze while I'm sitting in a comfortable chair with my feet up and no where to go.

* Soft socks

* Hearing 'You are good at your job' from someone who means it.

* Having some one's face light up when I enter a room

* Hearing genuinely happy children play freely

* Having a clean kitchen

* Seeing 'No misspelled words' on the spellcheck.

* Time to think.

* A great sleep.

Sometimes I forget

Sometimes I forget.

I don't mean just where my keys are (usually in the door), or my running jacket (somewhere running jackets usually don't live), or how to get to a friend's place somewhere in this city I live in (even after I've been there several times).

I mean sometimes I forget who I am. How far I've come. Who I've forgiven. How beautiful God made me (and others).

I forget that I am not who everyone told me I was when I was young. I'm not ugly. I'm not fat. I don't lack confidence and shy away from challenges.

I forget that I am able. I am fit. I make good choices and I love deeply.

I forget that I've overcome things that always seemed unbelievable to myself growing up or even just a year ago.

I forget that I'm a fighter, yet soft hearted inside.

I sometimes forget that I have intentionally created my life in most ways the way I want it to be. And ... that I love it (for the most part).

I forget that I have people that believe in me, that I'm not stupid or a failure.

I forget that I have the power to change my life like I've done many times before.

I forget that I can .... do anything I set my mind to.

I'm trying to remember.

I am beautiful. I am strong. I am more than able. I am a success. I am God's little girl.

One thing I love about being God's kid is that He is the perfect parent. He never punishes me inappropriately. He never tells me to stop crying because I'm fine. He never tells me 'sticks and stones ... blah, blah, blah'. He always listens, always hears, always loves and .... always remembers.

I'm working on remembering too.

I finally did it!

Well after a year of thinking about it I finally did it!

With Wally's support and encouragement, despite my mental struggles as of late surrounding fluctuating numbers I have enrolled to become a Certified Personal Trainer!!

There are many factors surrounding why I've waited so long to do this ...

* Would I look like a fraud trying to motivate others while continuing to struggle with food and body issues myself?

I decided for one thing I am just on a journey and there will be times I will go through smoothly and there will be times I will struggle and learn. Just because I'm struggling doesn't mean I am not supposed to continue on and follow the urge in my heart to do something.

I know that through learning more on a topic that interests me not only for my own health and fitness but very much for other women that may need a motivator that understands exactly where they are coming from and can hopefully encourage and be an example of how a real woman can overcome and build confidence to go after her dreams.

* Is this just a phase?

To be honest there have been times when I've doubted the idea of being a fitness trainer because it does seem rather vain on many levels and very much a cultural fad.

When I came back from Thailand especially I thought 'Seriously, what value would I be to the world teaching people about doing things that should already be naturally a part of their lives but aren't because of this crazy, lazy culture we live in.'

After a few months of contemplation I've come to the conclusion that for now Wally and I will be living in this North American culture where the reality is people don't know how to take care of themselves well, due to the industrialization of the food industry and the culture of getting everywhere five minutes ago (meaning driving cars instead of walking or biking). This is really just the way our culture works right now and rather than abandon an idea because in an ideal world it shouldn't be necessary I feel excitement at trying to work with it (along with my own story) to make things better in some way. Kind of like meeting people where they are at.

* Is it financially worth it?

As Wally and I begin to look more closely at our stewardship as of late and the idea of doing our best to live on one income I had to really think about whether doing this coursewould make any financial sense.

It's not a super expensive course, though more than a night course at a college and it is something that I will have to keep up every two years by doing additional courses of the same cost (but can be on different health related topics which REALLY excites me - Noutrition is next on my list!!).

However in saying this the certification is recognized around the world and highly esteemed. I asked my trainer for a referral for a noutrition course and this is what he recommended (I wasn't about to say I was thinking about becoming a trainer!)

In the end I will absolutely be able to train others in my home and likely even in theirs. This could be the extra income we want coming from me doing something I am passionate about. This also excited me greatly!

All in all I feel great about this decision (it really helps that Wally pushed me over the edge to do it with his support and mutual excitement) and look forward to continuing my journey of fitness.

Dee always said it was all about acceptance. Something I've struggled SO much doing.

Accepting myself, my failures and especially my successes. Also though, accepting a possible 'calling' to be healed through helping others.

This could be the greatest gift of all.

My hope is that by 2012 or sooner I will be a Certifies Personal Trainer.

I may not be the made up, perfect hair, cellulite free, ideal proportioned one that you have a difficult time relating to.

But hopefully that works in my favour.

:)

PRN - 5 minutes to sit down and shut up

I'm pretty sure I've written on this topic before but it's in my head reteaching me something again so I'll let the thoughts come out ...

Thursday night was not great. We went to bed and I tried to settle into some much desired sleep. Unfortunately Sweet's little Itchfest (2011) had just decided to start up. Included in the performances were: 'Thump, thump, thump, thump' played on the hardwood floor, 'Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch' behind the ears at his sides and under his chin, not to be outdone by the serenade of the notorious high pitched cry of the 'Howwwwwwwwwwwwwwwl' that liked play on repeat.

By midnight Wally and I had gotten after him (which seemed entirely unfair but we'd had enough, didn't he know that he's an animal and he should be able to control himself?).

I got up and was in a state of Mad Ladyness. I raised my voice (ok so I yelled) at him asked if he realized I just needed to sleep. Also wondering, in my distraught state, if he could just stop scratching? I got out of bed and picked him up hoping to mildly shake the scratchies out (no I didn't hurt him or anything, we were just having a heart to heart).

Wally and I put the light on to discuss the matter.

Though we were both perturbed about the inconvenient Itchfest occurring in our room at ungodly hours (for us), we still both felt bad for Sweet's own pain.

I decided to take Sweet to the basement tv room and try and have us get some sleep (or at least muffle his thumping on the carpet down there).

I set up my makeshift bed on the couch and put the tv on and watched 'Cupcake Wars'. Obviously that's what you do when you are exhausted and need sleep.

Obviously.

Sweet continued to scratch off and on but seemed to settle a bit. I finally shut the tv off between 3 and 4 am. I tried to settle as well.

Then the thumping returned.

And continued.

I lost it.

I lept off of the couch and crawled to Sweet (who had moved over to the door to satisfy an itch) to plead for him to stop and once again give all the reasons why sleep was so detrimental to my sanity.

He needed no convincing.

It was there in the middle of our tv room I stayed just out of reach from my little Sweet. It was there on the floor I gave up the idea of a comfy re cooperating sleep that night while Sweet revealed a new rendition of 'Thump, thump, thump, thump' played now on the door that wasn't closed tightly.

Wally walked in and found me in this precarious position at 6:30am sleeping. He tried to rustle me awake but I refused. He came back 40 minutes later to say goodbye and remind me of my workday that was awaiting me. I told him if I could have I totally would have called in sick because madness caused by sleep deprivation had settled in. I could barely handle the thought of dealing with what I knew would be magnified annoyances.

I managed to get myself up to the kitchen when I remembered we were having company for supper after work and I needed to do some clean up before I left for work, yet I wasn't exactly displaying my speediness yet that morning. As I went to throw something in the garbage in my efforts to clean up I slipped and barely caught my balance in my sleepy stupor while noticing the pool of dog pee that caused a near fatal accident (fatal for someone).

As I grabbed tea towel after tea towel to through on the gigantic mass of liquid I notice I knocked over a cup full of dog food that has sprayed all over the kitchen floor as well.

I think at that point I may have had another meltdown and perhaps voiced my madness to the universe, perhaps in an inappropriately loud voice.

Then I went and had my shower and got ready.

By the time I returned tot he kitchen I gave up every ambition I had for the day and decided my main priority was to live through as quietly as possible.

I moved slowly and somewhat hazily through the next several minutes.

I made a shake, I gave up hopes of taking my usual healthy lunch and snacks and gave myself permission to eat whatever crap that landed in my mouth that day (and it did land very well).

Then I finally took sweet and Sour out for what seemed to be pointless morning constitutional just in the yard as I had taken too much time up already.

Then I decided that the next 5 minutes might be best used sitting in the lawn chair on our less than impressive patio in the quiet of the morning. So I did.

I listened to the birds, I closed my eyes, and I surrendered my madness to the day.

I may have threw up a few prayers as well but as I was pretty out of it at that point I don't remember.

It was there while sitting completely still and realizing and accepting those 5 minutes of nothingness as my pill of salvation for the day that I recharged.

Well, sort of.

I didn't hop out of the chair with any more energy than I displayed before but I did get up with a little more faith that I would make it to the other side of the clock that day.

I felt a peace about the imperfections that may continue to occur and that seemed like enough.

And ... it was.

When I arrived at my first shift at 9am perfectly on time (after 1/2 hr of driving through the city) I noticed that the door to the house I was going was shut and locked tight. I knocked. No answer. Yet their car was there.

I knew no one was awake and any further knocking was pointless. I vaguely remember possibly promising to call about something else before that day's visit. I never called so likely they never expected me. My bad.

I prayed they indeed didn't expect me and I went on to do some important paperwork that I'd taken on for that person so as not to waste any time.

As I left I thought about how I could've been sick and it wouldn't have mattered but what could I do now.

Instead I spent 1 1/2 hours alone in Walmart creating a sheet of estimations for some one's new apartment writing down items, UPC codes and price tags. I then was thankful for my mistake as it was a calm and quiet time that I would've had to do with the person I was with (who would've complained and sighed for the entire time). At least I was accomplishing something.

My day continued on to get better even though I was exhausted (and thought 'Oh my goodness how do young moms survive????!!!').

By the end of our day we had enjoyed a nice meal with a great couple despite my honest madness.

I'm pretty sure what got me through though were those 5 minutes that didn't seem all that affordable at the beginning of the day.

5 minutes that I would sit down and shut up.

Moral of the story: when you are having one of those days where nothing's going right, time is evaporating, and you find yourself in a near fatal accident caused by dog pee and over tiredness ... take 5 minutes to sit down and shut up.

To be taken as needed, with eyes closed, outside if possible.

Sometimes they can save your life, or at least your day.