We're back!

That's right, we're finally home after a shorter 31 hour start to finish trek home from Bangkok (shorter than the 39 hr trip start to finish trip from our house to Mae Sot that is).

It's 7 am our time and we just went to bed 1 am-ish our time last night. Needless to say I'm tired still but trying to calm my stomach that is less than impressed with the intensely disgusting airplane food (and I say that with tremendous guilt considering how I saw children begging in the streets where I was and how they were delighted to eat the chicken foot when served lunch - clearly one doesn't necessarily change over night).

At the time of writing this I cannot lie about how I'm feeling.

What's that you ask?

Normal. The same. ('Same same' as the Thai would say). Unspectacularly similar to what I did two weeks ago.

However in saying this (as not to disappoint those who have closely followed our journey), I think it's an honest reaction for someone who has deliberately tried to stay 'grounded' (excuse the pun) during a rather extraordinarily over the top sort of experience.

I went from wearing a seat belt on the way to the airport in Canada to riding in the back of a tuk tuk with only my hand on a bar to hold me in, in a matter of several hours.

From peeing in a sparkling clean (yes ladies, I will now blanket statement the fact that ALL public bathrooms in North America, excluding perhaps a handful, are indeed sparkling clean comparatively), toilet paper provided for free, you can sit down and pee at leisure, you don't have to pay 3 baht to use, and you can flush with the push of a lever, to all of the opposite of these descriptions within hours.

From walking down my street with nary a person in site, to begging children with dirty faces holding snot exploding babies (to ensure they get as much as they can for their day's work - for holding the baby, not for the snot explosion).

In the wee span of 36-39 hrs I went from sharing my bathroom with only Wally to sharing it with a pet gecko (well, we made the most of it and said he was our pet and named him Gerard or something).

We went from feeling safe in the confines of strict traffic laws to saying a prayer every time we found ourselves on a main street with several other believed to be valid forms of transportation while using the opposite sides of the road than we were used to.

I could go on and on and on ...

And though it sounds like I'm describing another planet in a way (if you aren't convinced I have not doubt I could with a few more of my observations), I'm only describing the somewhat remote town we visited that is pretty much on the other side of the world. But still, the 'same same' world.

Despite experiencing these vast differences in a very short period of time, somehow I have been able to reconcile it and go mostly unscathed.

I am very unsure how I feel about my reaction.

Part of me feels that I should be home and completely inside out with grief. Upside down with determination to 'Free Burma!!', and a fireball of exhilaration at the fact that I was able to see first hand all that I did.

Instead I feel peculiarly 'normal' in every possible North American sense that I can. This admittedly startles the crap out of me and relieves me at the same time.

It startles me because I wonder where my heart and soul might be hibernating.

It relieves me because I feel as though I have a glimmer of hope that I've processed some of what I saw realistically and with some scant amount of wisdom and respect for the people I was lucky enough to see and meet.

I seem more comfortable than I believe I should in my country and my house so soon after what I experienced. Yet with it I still hold onto two (of many) of the biggest lessons Wally and I together feel as though we learned. (To be disclosed later).

Life changing lessons. One's that hopefully will meet us and teach us even as we sit on our comfortable couch, in our comfortable living room, in our comfortable house, in our extraordinarily comfortable neighbourhood.

We can hope.

And when these lessons decide to take us to the next phase of learning we pray earnestly that we will be ready for the lessons that will make us a little bit uncomfortable. Although I have other thoughts on this too...

I hope to share a few photos and more over several stories. For myself, I'd like to write a picture for you of our entire journey. I have no doubt that if you read you may get bored of some of the 'we did this and this and then this ...' that might pop up, but amongst the everyday life we lived there were many little stories, big observances and interesting interactions.

If you get a downer feeling from this post I apologize. I feel as though the experience of Thai Thai was so ripe and ready for me that what I observed shall bless me over and over daily with a more subtle long lasting effect.

It was AN experience of a life time that is a gateway to many more experiences of a lifetime. I look forward to sharing it with you and seeing where this leads ...

Khob-kun-Ka Thailand.

Khob-kun-Ka.

On our way!

Well soon, soon!!!

I really shouldn't be blogging when our plan is to leave the house in 3 hrs and we still have a list to finish. Buuuuuuuut .... you know.

Things I've done this morning...

* After telling Wally I finally have a good 7 hrs of sleep he replied 'Yeah, I know. Your nose sounded like a socket wrench all night long.' He then jumped out of bed, found a socket wrench and demonstrated how annoying I sounded.

* Even though we really had no extra time today we decided to have clean pancakes. at breakfast as I went to have a drink of water Wally raised his water glass and we toasted to our trip!

* I have taken disgusting medicine for my engine nose and now congested chest. I'm not sure whether I'm glad my ears are plugged or not.

* My parents came and picked up our doglets. Wally was sad he didn't get a chance to pet them good bye.

* I did a mountain of dishes. Folded laundry. Collected garbage and recycling. Cleaned out the fridge. And sorted coins for deposit to Compasio

* I played 'Don't you dare eat your poo' with Sweet, who seemed to LOVE me yelling at him and standing in front of his 'treat'.

* Wrote out instructions for dog sitters

What we still need to do....

* finish packing

* change my purse

* make the final donation deposit at the bank then do it online.

* Get traveler's cheques

* shower and get rid of the VERY entertaining nest on my head

* print out all of our hotel info. and a couple of informative e-mails

* e-mail dog sitters

* pray my cold goes away.

And ... likely another dozen things. Soooooo, I'd better get going!

To anyone that has made a donation towards my goal of $10 000 for Compasio, THANK YOU!!! We are nearly a third of the way there (including cheques that don't come up on my link)!!!

I will enjoy for you seeing where it is actually going and the people that are benefiting from it. God Bless you for giving of yourself!

Well, this is it for a while. Pray, pray, pray for safety, healing, fun and positive outcomes!

Cheers!

Eva :)

A roller coaster ride.

I'm going to warn you in advance that the following MAY or MAY NOT sound like a bitchfest. Feel free to quit reading now if you'd like.

Though I must keep in perspective all things that are happening in the world like tsunamis, hunger, disease, displacement, and a myriad of other horrible things that I'm not experiencing, at the same time I will selfishly go on to vent about my ultimately NOT big problems (in the grand scheme of the world) but what have accumulated to being a snowball of strife in my life this week.

The best way I can describe it in one word is: roller coaster.

Basically about 4 or 5 small to medium stressors have joined their forces to try and push me over the edge. Essentially, they have been successfull.

I struggle often with knowing what to share, with knowing how much I want people whom I know but don't necessarily know are reading, to know. At 3:30am I don't care, so here she goes...

The 'Bank Fiasco' ensued. A continued cat and mouse game of back and forth calls, getting 'You're taxes are late!!' notices (after dealing with it already once a month ago - AND being promised all would be fine). Combined with improper mortgage payments. Combined with what I will further elaborate on...

The 'Nasal Conundrum'. I woke up Tuesday morning with a steam engine coming out of my left nostril (as mentioned before), paired with a constant drip out of the same fore mentioned nostril, causing me to have to blow my nose 45 000 times a day. Now my ears are plugged, my throat has gone from sore to scratchy and I seem to be choking on everything. I don't know what that's about.

The 'Sleep Deprivation From Hell' Episodes (the 'it's not from having a newborn' variety). I think it's been 6 of the last 7 days of disturbed sleep for reasons mentioned above and ones still to come. I believe this one is the root of most evil that binds the rest of the problems together and turns me into the scariest human on earth. Or at least one with questionable sanity.

The 'The Trip's Off!!' saga. Due to vast differences in beliefs in what is safe Wally and I have had numerous disputes resulting in psychotic episodes of crazy cry-yelling (on my part) and moments of absolute despair on both of our parts, each wondering 'WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING?! YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS?!'. I think 3 different issues have arisen where the trip (yes even AFTER purchasing the tickets) has almost been vetoed.

The 'Oh My Goodness We're Pregnant!!!' drama. Something that has contributed to each of the other series in some manner, making them more dramatic and intense than they normally would have been. Only to find out that we are NOT pregnant. There are many mixed emotions surrounding this. Ultimately we see how it is the best thing by far right now (especially with the trip), and it was not 'in the plan' (but really, what great things are ever 'in the plan'). Needless to say this was the bumpiest part of the ride.

The 'Just-in-case-I-won't-take-drugs-for-anything' Dilemma. I think this is self explanatory.

And finally, the 'Traveling Across the World!' situation. Foreign experience, foreign language, foreign money, foreign everything which then equals two edgy people. Although I will admit I seem far more relaxed than I probably should be. (Wally asks me at least a couple times a day: 'Aren't you scared?' to which I say 'If I stop and really think about it yes. So I don't stop and really think about it. We'll be fine.') He shouldn't be worried, he's thought of everything from registering us with the government for traveling, to money belts (thank God he gave up on the fanny pack!), to printing out and handing me a 'what to do if you get incarcerated' form. I believe the last thing was just for me.

Each of these things on their own would likely be manageable and not that big of a deal (except the sleep, it always turns things bad), but together they have been a mini nightmare.

I said to Wally last night 'I've never had to fight so hard for something before'. It seems the more you want something the harder it is to get.

I always think of couples involved in hard core fertility treatments and wonder 'Wow, I could never do that. I just don't want my own biological baby bad enough. Why put yourself through it? Just give up and adopt one.' But, the same could be said for me 'Why do you have to have to go across the world to learn from the needy? (As I say that I MUST add that I use that term in reference to how the world as a whole looks at financially poor people not necessarily how I view their value). Why not learn from the ones in your own city?

I don't know. I just feel like stepping out of the culture hits you differently. I want to be hit differently. In a way maybe I couldn't learn on my own here and now, but maybe could better on and after the trip. (Who knows, I'm just guessing).

I honestly didn't really realize how deeply the desire was for this trip until after I thought I was pregnant and realized risks that would be associated IF I acquired some disease like Malaria. I didn't care. Not one bit. I still wanted to go with faith that I'd be just fine. Not caring that I could have a baby physically less able (although this is a risk anytime, anywhere) if I went and did catch something. (Not that it would mean the end of the world but why do something that you know affects more than yourself and puts someone at risk when they don't need to be).

I didn't care. I could only see my dream. My goal. Of experiencing something that will hopefully change my life, throughout the rest of my life.

I know it's good to have faith, it's also good to have sense. I'm not sure which would have won.

Luckily, in my opinion I don't have to worry about this issue now and I can go freely and hopefully with joy.

I'm a little sad that this week has been so negative and full of ups and downs. Wally said to me last night that maybe it was so that by the time we got on the plane I'd love every minute of the very long flights because it was away from those things that stressed me out and it would finally give me a chance to be excited. 2 days traveling is a long time to have just be excited.

My prayer is that my nose engine dies and that tomorrow night and the night after I sleep like a baby and wake up rejuvenated and ready to make the trip.

It's funny, at this point I don't even know what to expect from it. I don't even really know why we're going. I'm not sure we'll be of much use. People assume we are going to serve and of course we really hope that we can at any capacity. However, to be honest, I'm going for me. Just me.

I'm going to be changed (I hope). I'm going to learn. I'm going to experience. I'm going to see. I'm going to hopefully be jolted into reality and reminded of what life is all about. I'm going to get more than give. I have no doubt the people there have far more to offer me than the other way around. I have no assumptions of the contrary.

I ask you again to pray (or whatever you do). For healing of my body and of my soul. For perspective and joy. For Wally and I to remember again why we chose each other 10 years ago next week. For renewed love for the One that gave me this dream.

I'm one work day away.

Let it be filled with wonder just as a reminder that the trip is extra not essential to my learning.

You know, so I come back.

At least for a while.

Razor blades and drool

Well, we only have 4 more sleeps until out flight and only 3 more until we leave to begin our trip!

I have not slept well at all three out of four of the past nights. And as I suspected yesterday I have a sore throat, stuffy/runny nose and crazy emotions due to sleep deprivation.

Once I finally drifted off around 3ish I went in and out of sleep at different points noticing the constant changing state of affairs going on in my head.

I tried laying on my stomach only to drool on my pillow and wake myself up. I'd flip over and begin breathing out of my mouth only to nearly choke on the dryness of it.

Early on I was relieved that I could at least breathe, until later when I tried to stop mouth breathing and felt suffocated by whatever was blocking my nasal passage. Not to mention the razor blades in my throat.

After talking (whining) to Wally early on I almost burst into tears at the thought of working the next three days feeling so yucky (clearly I feel like I'm psychic to think I will feel terrible for the rest of the week). How in the world was I going to do a bajillion hour trip with such a long first flight. The thought overwhelmed me.

However, at some point after breakfast, after Wally left for the day I decided to just swallow my feelings and decide to be as positive as I could possibly muster. Being depressed doesn't help anyone.

So here I sit in the sun light, in my favourite chair preparing to go out to pick up a couple things, get the last load of laundry done for our trip and make a couple of phone calls. I have a couple of hours to get stuff done and maybe squeeze in 'relax' time before my nine hour day (that I'm praying goes off without a hitch).

If you are a prayer, please do. Regarding both my health, Wally's too and for a safe and easy travels.

There is a whole other prayer request for when we finally get there. That we might have our eyes opened and hearts changed in great ways.

Cheers!

Gettin' Ready

Well a week from now Wally and I will likely be over an ocean somewhere just about in Thailand.

We can hardly believe it.

Yesterday was the day to get things done including booking our park, SLEEP, and fly hotel room for Friday, looking into yet STILL not committed to our 3 night stay in Bangkok on our way back, picking up Wally some sandals since we thought he had thrown his old ones out last year (then we found out they were still in the closet!!). We went to Home Depot to get some house stuff for my dad to install, returned some pants that I should've never thought I could wear, getting some money exchanged into Thai currency and a stop for frozen yogurt.

We learned in our travels ...

* travel agencies are useless
* don't expect your bank to exchange money for you even if their website tell you they can
* don't trust scanners at the shoe store
* buying your favourite snacks for travel is best done within minutes before locking your luggage up
* planning is exhausting
* we are more ready than we've ever been to go on this trip even though we honestly have no idea what we are doing or what to expect

While with friends today at lunch we were speaking of the trip and I commented how I couldn't have ever imagined ten years ago when we were married that we'd be spending our diamond anniversary doing this trip.

It's a dream come true in so many ways.

It's really only been in the past few months that I can imagine us actually being able to do this. I finally feel fairly confident that we will not only survive this trip still married at the end but we may actually BOTH enjoy it and be brought closer together. I can hope anyways.

This morning I did lots of packing and planning. We initially thought that maybe we wouldn't need our two large suitcases but once we actually put our clothes into them we realized indeed they were both needed. I'm just glad I'm not as high maintainance (sp?) as many other women.

Right now I am exhausted (I've been complaining about that a lot lately) and now finally feeling allowed to be more excited than worried. I trust that the end of our trip will fall into place.

I won't likely be blogging while away as we're not taking our laptop and I like privacy when writing. Instead I'll be journaling lots and will post when we arrive home. Maybe, just maybe I'll share some pictures.

For not I have to go. Pray for us.

YAY!!

I'm sitting here in my favourite chair after work. I'm done for the weekend.

I should be tidying up and making something for dinner. We have a money man friend coming to help us figure out some stuff tonight.

Some observances...

I'm so exhausted (an observation not a complaint).

I feel nauseous.

*interrupted by phone*

GOOD NEWS!!!!!

Wally just called to tell me our income tax is done!!!! AAAANNNNNNDDDDD ....

We will have enough to pay for our trip AND purchase a few extras for our home!!!!

Now I don't care about the other stuff!!

Ahhhhhhh.

I feel so much better. Much because I was just having faith that the money would come to pay our way but I had no guarantees and if it hadn't have worked out yet another 'discussion' would ensue.

Oh my goodness I feel so much better.

I think I need to go and enjoy this feeling while accomplishing something.

Later!

P.S. I was going to share that we found a dogsitter for the second half o four time away AND .... hmmmmm there was something else good that happened. Oh yeah! we figured out why our bank account was in the negatives. We only keep the amount we need in it and put what is extra into our savings account. So when the bank made the mistake the past couple of months of taking out only 1 mortgage payment rather than every other week it left us in not such a fabulous place. Now I need to visit the bank to straighten this out.

I shall remain excited for the good!!

My favourite ugly chair

Ok so my last post seemed kind of like a downer so I thought I'd throw in a more positive one to balance it out.

I have this chair.

I got it when my grandmother passed away (the one I've written about in the past that my family and myself cared for until she died).

It is a large, deep, brown tweed sitting chair that just sits.

I'm guessing it was bought in the sixties and was part of a set. (I had the couch but when we moved to the apartment we had to get rid of it). I kept the chair because it is just so comfortable.

In our new house, after first moving in, it sat near the fireplace at the far end of the room away from the window.

We have our living room painted a rather dark colour so without the light from the window some areas aren't conducive to great reading. I love the chair for reading.

Well last week the matching love seat that goes with our couch got dropped off. I was really excited because I hate it when things are left 'in the air'. I worry that the company is going to rip us off, that when it comes it'll be damaged, or that the colours won't match (wow I sound like such a priss, I probly am).

Any woo I was glad when the waiting was over and for the first time ever we would have new matching furniture to sit on.

My favourite chair (by the way, NOT it's appearance) was moved to a spot right in front of the window.

Let me tell you, I had no idea how much my perspective on the room, the chair and my life could change JUST by moving my favourite chair.

Since the big move I have enjoyed, what seems to be a new oasis just for me.

Monday, as the sun came up, I enjoyed reading with a cup of tea. I noticed the beautiful light, the fact that I felt warm (physically and emotionally) and just hugged my everything.

I have since began to use this space (with the help of Wally's old laptop) as my blogging spot, e-mail area, and information absorbing centre.

When I want to get away from the media I just flip down the laptop lid and put it out of sight. It's amazing!!

It helps that Wally and I have never been ones to like having our tv and stuff in our main living room. Even in our former little home that did not have an unfinished basement we used one of our spares as a little tv room.

We have been fortunate to have the extra spaces, though even when we didn't we had specifically bought a GIANT tv armoire to hide our media when company was over.

I could totally write an essay on perspective changing, how simple it can be, how freeing and life changing as well, in regards to moving my favourite, rather unattractive, chair around. But I'm not in the mood.

I just wanted to share my excitement over a little thing that is making a big difference.

I love my tweed, brown, ugly-to-the-eye chair.

It hugs me every time I sit in it.

For some reason I don't mind it's hugs :)