Be where you are

The sun is shining, the birds are singing, my fake fireplace is burning.

Life is good.

The first thing that comes to mind after saying these things is Bee and her family, then other people I know who are sick, then money scares, then relational issues, and on and on it goes until guilt creeps in and totally steals my non existent bird singing moment (it's winter in Canada, you had to know I made that up).

Hmmmmm .... I'm deciding to just enjoy the feeling I'm having right now with just the birds, the sun and the fireplace. Life hits me the rest of the day so I will deal with it when it comes.

This actually kind of reminds me of something.

One of my very closest friends, the one who surprised me at our party last April, who lives in a land far far away, her husband just got deployed to Afghanistan.

He's a doctor with the Air force (in a land far, far away, now even further away).

Anyhow, they have a 4 yr old and a 2 year old. For 7 months my friend's husband will be gone leaving her to parent and live on her own, far from family yet surrounded by friends.

It's especially at times like this that I so wish we lived close by. (Although I do plan on visiting this summer upon her request and my excitement).

Anyways, if you were to peer at her facebook page the day of and the day after he left you would've thought her husband was seriously injured or even dead. The kicker is it wasn't her who was making the huge deal out of it - it was everyone else!

Of course I think it's great that everyone was thinking of her and expressing well wishes, I did so myself. However, it was getting to the point where many of the messages were of the condolence persuasion. So much so Her husbands step brother actually had to ask if everything was ok.

After talking with my friend on the phone the past couple of nights I am so glad to hear they are doing well. I mentioned to her my annoyance and am fortunate she understood my point. She had shared with me that she had yet to feel or have the dramatic fall on the floor in tears, her life is over, spell.

I reminded her that maybe she should save that moment for when it is necessary. If, that is, she could even control it.

Though I'm so glad my friend has had so many well wishes during the departure of her husband I do hope people remember her a month from now when her 4 year old and 2 year old are fighting like arch enemies over what movie they want to watch or game they want to play with and it hits her 'I have to do this on my own for 6 more months. AAAAAAAHHHHH!!' That's when she's going to need comfort.

Obviously I realize that I'm being super picky over when and how people share their encouragement, it's really non of my business. I know that over encouragement is better than none and people have well meaning hearts and that is really what I should focus on.

I guess I was just worried in a way that people would induce grief that wasn't ripe, that wasn't needed at this time. Right now my friend needs to focus on her children, herself and keeping her marriage going while miles and oceans apart. She doesn't need 'hang in there' she's only begun! 'Hang in there' is more appropriate for near the end I think.

When I trained with Dee I had loads of energy at the beginning of my workout. If someone said something that implied I only needed to get by when I knew I could do more than that I would be irritated. I may even doubt how good I felt and then lose confidence. It's when my energy was totally sapped that I would require a 'hold on'.

I don't know. I feel as though I'm venting about someone else's problem. Probably cause I am. Oh well.

Somewhere in there my point was to be where you're at. Don't worry too early or you may bring on early labour pains. We need to enjoy the good, guilt free. because soon enough we'll be challenged and maybe if we've basked in the good long enough and absorbed it properly we'll be able to carry on even better through whatever experience that finds us.

Life is good. I'm gonna let it stay that way. At least for a little while.

:)

Thirty One and FUN!!!

Clearly I am a 31 year old without kids as I was up at 5:15am with excitement. I'm not exactly sure why I still get like this, maybe it's because I'm a kid at heart. Maybe it's because I'm not tired enough. For whatever reason, I am up and truly appreciating that I am still alive to celebrate another great day!

I am the perpetual birthday celebrator. As you may remember last year I turned thirty but didn't have any party at the time to enjoy. Probably because my priorities were out of whack and I had instead decided to work 22 of the 24 hrs on my birthday.

I then decided to have a little party in June. Only 2 other people thought this was a great idea. We had so much fun anyways. I'll never forget that night getting kicked out of a lingerie store (apparently you're not supposed to take pictures inside them), having girly drinks and appetizers watching the rain pour down like crazy, then eating the best ice cream cake ever. It was grand with even grander people to share it with.

I often get flack from all over about how incredibly self absorbed I am in these regards. I have no problem what-so-ever agreeing with this observation.

It's true I am completely self absorbed. Who isn't that throws their own party to celebrate themselves? Duh.

However, I'm ok with this because I know that by being excited about myself I can be excited about other people (not that I do this perfectly but I try to be aware). I like to consider myself someone that gets excited and displays it fairly openly, so when other people have exciting news I can be someone that has the 'party' with them. Even though it may not literally be a party, hopefully they can feel even more joy from whatever it is they are happy about because someone else is happy too.

I'm not above screaming or shouting with joy. Hitting them on the back (or anywhere else), grabbing their shirt and saying 'Holy crap that's GREAT!!'. Essentially I guess I assault them with excitement. I try anyways. This is something I want to do more of, well, for those who can take it.

I also remember many a birthdays coming and going and I felt so sad when my 'big day' was over. It felt like something didn't live up to the hoopla that was supposed to be. I got tired of feeling sorry for myself because 'nobody remembered'. (I have to say though, facebook really helps with this now).

I decided one day I was tired of relying on the mood of others to give me what I so much wanted - love, joy, and excitement that I was around. When I realized that no matter how much I wanted to will them to be as excited as I was about me being around I couldn't. I had to let go of that expectation and just be excited for myself.

Now, at 31 years of age, I am the person that is over the top excited to get a year older. (Who am I kidding? I am excited to get a day older!) I am someone who will never be afraid to throw their own party (although obviously it's way better if someone else does it for you, I don't want to die disappointed that no one cared enough to do so). I will enjoy myself, myself. There's not time to be wasted on pity.

As I say all of these very conceited and selfish things that will no doubt give fuel to the fire for those who aren't my fans already. I must acknowledge that I would like this year to work on doing better celebrating others.

I think I've been working up to this. Surely it must be true that to honestly be excited about someone else and their life you must first be able to appreciate your own. OR. Maybe that's just what I tell myself to feel better.

Either way I hope to have some great times of enjoying those I love and honouring them in someway or another throughout the year. I already know of one person in particular I'd like to celebrate. I'm looking forward to their party (which isn't a birthday party per se). Actually I can think of two gatherings already.

Hmmmmmm .... I guess I am saying this will be the year of celebrating others! How exciting, this should be fun! (And it totally falls in line with my new number: 31 and FUN!!)

Realizations ...

I'm been figuring a few things out lately. Well, sort of.

* Several times in the past few months when I've realized that I've misplaced something the first thought that I have is: 'Where's the beeper button so that I can find it?' (You know like the buttons on the base of a portable phone that make the phone beep so you can find it - I think EVERYTHING should have a system like that!)

* When I got home from work I used the washroom and noted the pjs and underwear of mine lying on the bathroom floor and I thought 'I'd better pick those up before my 'Clean Eating Students' get here. Then I walked downstairs and put something away in the bathroom down there and found another pair of underwear on the floor there. I was later in my room to put something away and saw another stray pair. I thought to myself 'Wow if a stranger saw this they'd either think I had a very fun ... intimate life or an incontinence problem'.

* More and more as new people at work seem to be diagnosed with terminal illnesses I am reminded over and over the lesson of not waiting to live out your joy. I am really frustrated that it's taking me so long to trust enough to live this out with faith. I hope I don't run out of time.

* Wally is obsessed with leaving lights on throughout the house during the night. I'm obsessed with staying in the shower until there's no more hot water. I think it's funny that our parents used to go on and on about someday when we have to pay for hydro and hot water we'll be more aware, but it doesn't phase us.

* While at work today a 2 1/2 year old little girl saw the little green squishy thingamajig in my purse and dove to get it out and play with it. I nearly tackled her to the ground before she could get to it because it is MY little green squishy thingamajig! I was successful, she was mad. I am clearly already deeply attached to the little guy. (Perhaps because I know it drives Wally nuts when I bounce it continually off of my hand a hundred times a minute).

* I am tired.

* I am selfish

* I don't care too much.

* I want so badly to sit for a day at home and be cozy and comfortable and really think about what I want out of life and how I want to give back and then figure out how to achieve some of my personal goals. Whenever I have time I feel overwhelmed at the task of organizing and understanding my thoughts so I avoid it. Hmmmmm, how could I make this fun?

* No matter what a person has they always want more (at least this is true for me!)

* Laughing makes everything better - that's why I'm excited tomorrow to be: Thirty one and FUN!!

A trip to heaven (A.K.A. the dollar store)

I was at the dollar store yesterday with someone I was supporting. She's only allowed to 'window shop' with all but one of her staff. We had some time to kill so we 'window shopped for quite sometime ... in the dollar store.

The dollar store is an amazing place. It has EVERYTHING that you could ever want.

Seeing as we had more time than we really needed (I wish I felt that I had that problem), we went down every single aisle. It was wonderful.

I tried to spy every little trinket and item there was. I picked up something every once in a while. Sometimes to figure out what exactly it was and other times just to get the feeling that I was going to buy something (sometimes I pick something up and walk around with it as if I'm going to buy it and then just put it back at the end - just cause I like the feeling of having something).

HAlf way through our time there I spotted a mini tupperware container with a mini ice cream swirly cone, vanilla dipped and strawberry dipped donuts and a mini slice of vanilla, chocolate cake with 2 strawberries on top. They were all so cute! I held it in my hand for a moment then reprimanded myself for even thinking about using my debit card for a $1 purchase of mini treat erasers and then I put it down.

I continued on my trip around the store and saw school teacher encouragement stickers (I mean, for the students). They were like 'Way to go!' 'A+' 'Great Effort' (who ever wants that one?) and 'Excellent'. They looked like they were sketched by a kid, very cute as well.

I thought about how Glo told me once that she uses a chart with reinforcement stickers on it to help her eat well and exercise. She uses hearts for when she exercises and little farm animals for when she eats right (yes she's cute too).

I thought to myself 'Maybe I need a reinforcement calender to help me do better in those areas. Maybe I need these stickers.' So I picked them up and held them while I walked on.

Next I came to one of my new favourite inventions: dry erase markers.

I LOVE these!!!!

A few weeks ago I asked Wally for one and decided they'd be great fun to keep in our not yet decorated main bathroom to draw on the mirror with. I've since decided it's the best idea I'd had in years.

Yes I realize probably someone else has thought of this a dozen times over but it's a first thought for me. We've since added a couple of extra markers and have enjoyed getting notes from our guests that visit the loo.

Beside the markers was an actual white board. Hmmmmm .... I thought. Maybe I should buy one of those - it is only a dollar (actually 2 - inflation sucks).

I picked up the white board feeling for some reason that this 8 1/2 by 11 piece of material would somehow change my life significantly and off I went to now feel justified in buying the mini eraser set that was too cute to leave behind. (I also grabbed a weird squishy bright green spiky thingamajig that I've wanted to get for years but would never justify, just because he's silly and fun).

I'm sitting beside my empty white board and new markers with handy erasers on the ends. I have my stickers all ready for me to do something worth the words 'Great Job!'.

I have the tools.

Now I just need to do something with them.

Isn't that often the challenge. You think 'If only I had ___________, I'd be able to do great things, or accomplish my goal' If only.

I think more often than not we have everything we need we just aren't sure how to get started.

I feel that way right now.

Ya know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna play with the silly green thingamajig and write something barely profound on my white board in hopes that inspiration strikes.

Or at least something funny. I do like a laugh.

Moral of the story: go to the dollar store and buy 5 things for no reason that make you happy. Maybe it's farting putting, or green goo. Maybe it's the cigarette smoke sucker that you've wondered if it really worked (even though you don't smoke). Perhaps you just want a place mat with the human skeleton on it to learn all the fancy names of bones.

Whatever it is... splurg. It's only a dollar (or two depending on how badly that dollar store has been hit by the economy).

Our version of 'Tuesday's with Morrie'

Yesterday something cool happened.

It was one of those things that you always want to happen but never seems to make it's way in this crazy busy often stuff is more important than people type world.

I was trying to take some time to relax a bit between shifts (as I had not slept all that well the night before). I was checking some e-mail, watching some home improvement shows, having near naps interrupted by telemarketers when something struck me from seemingly out of nowhere.

Let me give you some background....

I have a friend I've written about before, Glo. I admire her, look up to her, enjoy her presence and her outlook on life. She, without even trying to, challenges me to live out my life better than I would on my own. I very much appreciate who she is and that I am so lucky to have her in my life.

Glo, as I've mentioned, is leaving in July to go to Holland for a year to do nannying. She has always wanted to travel through Europe and figured this was a great way to do it thriftily.

Yesterday I was thinking about how much I would miss having her around. She has gone to yoga with me for the first time (actually 2 first times), let me torture her with a strength training session, done an hour of cardio while chatting non stop. She came over to keep me company one night when I needed to do some painting but knew unless I had great incentive I would put it off.

She's the kind of friend that while come for coffee when I just need to share a 'bright idea' with someone or when I need help or encouragement with a ridiculous goal (like 'I should raise $10 000 for an organization no one knows about around here') she's there to give.

As I pondered her future absence I got thinking about the fact that she would be gone for a year and knowing what I know about how life works when you 'go to try something out' it could turn into more.

I began to get sad when the idea that Glo may not come back to settle here again (who know she might but I'm trying to entertain any possibility), not only that but even if she did my life may not ever lend itself again to such openess and availability to just hang out any time again. A year from now could look very different for me too.

Though I'd like to think that no matter what, this friendship will be what it is right now. However the truth is: life changes, circumstances change and it is pretty much a guarantee that a year from now it won't be the same (whether for the good or otherwise).

I know this is starting to sound like I prepping to say 'good bye', 'farewell', 'it was nice to know you!' I'm not. Actually quite the opposite.

As I got pondering on the couch about what to do with the next 5 months of 'now' we have I thought 'Why not make a long standing date with Glo? See if she'd like to prioritize making time together while we can and really grow what we have'. Of course there was always a chance that perhaps she didn't want to commit to 'Thursdays with Eva' but then again maybe she would.

Onto facebook I went and wrote an e-mail explaining what I was thinking and feeling about the situation and without over thinking it off I sent it. I made sure there was the all important 'out' included just so that she wouldn't feel bad to say 'uh .... yeah I don't think so' if she felt it necessary. It's always a bit scary to put yourself out there but sometimes you just gotta.

Sure enough within a couple of hours I got my answer ....

Not only did Glo think it was a great idea but she had also been thinking about asking for the same commitment over the next few months! She also added in that she'd kept a note I'd given her after one of our first times hanging out and read it when she was sad. The funny part is I do the same with one she gave me.

It's funny, I realize this sounds like a mini love story with hearts and arrows popping up here and there, only of course this is in the realm of friendship. I'm ok with it though.

Sometimes in life you are given the right person at the right time in your life. I am beyond spoiled as I feel as though I have the right PEOPLE in my life at the right time. There are a few I am lucky enough to feel admiration over.

What I am even more excited about is that both Glo and I have realized the time sensitivity and rarity of what we are currently sharing in friendship and are willing to make the time to keep it growing. THAT is also such a huge gift!

Though I am sad that things will change and Glo won't be able to physically be the same kind of friend, I am anticipating building a great foundation for perhaps the next phase of our relationship that has potential to be deeper and more profound than the one we share right now. I know this is possible as I've experienced (at least in one relationship) a depth of friendship that I know would be impossible without that friend moving across both of our countries.

I look forward to learning a lot and enjoying the company of another wonderful person in my life.

I am blessed.

Happy Heart Day

Love.

Be loved.

Show it.

See it.

Feel it.

We never have enough days on earth to adequately learn how to do this properly (in my opinion).

So ....

Let's just keep trying.

I'm always into learning, do you know of a person, story or a book by/of someone that displays this well? (Other than the Bible). Share it with me.

Happy Heart Day!

Clear the air ....

To answer a great question for a blog reader who may be newer to reading about our Thai Thai adventures.
The question was asked 'Will you still go if you don't reach your $10 000 goal?'

To which I have to answer: YES!!

My $10 000 goal is not actually related to our trip directly.

I decided early on that since Wally and I would be paying for the trip out of our pockets that when people asked about our trip we could share info about Compasio and offer an outlet for them to give if they wanted (and there have been many who have asked).

I figured since many people raise money to go on mission trips like this we could sort of do the same idea only all of the money raised would go directly towards Compasio's needs rather than our trip.

I also had wanted to develop a relationship with Compasio and a deeper connection with them before coming for a rather short (in the grand scheme of things)trip. I want this trip to be a stop in the road of hopefully a long relationship with a great organization. One that maybe someday we can share with our children too.

I also knew beyond a doubt last fall when I set the $10 000 goal that it wouldn't be met before going on our trip and that has never really been a factor. My goal was to have it raised by the end of June however it may be extended to the fall as our biggest fundraiser will be then.

We have several things coming up this spring and it should be great! In the mean time I am getting really excited for this step in our journey with Compasio and actually getting to meet the workers, volunteers and children there. No doubt it will give me a 'shot in the arm'(or heart) for my personal fund raising efforts on their behalf.

I hope this explains things a bit better. We've had many questions and no doubt it can get confusing.

Cheers!