Considering something ....

I'm seriously considering writing a book. Upon Wally's prompting.

Yeah I don't know if I'll get it published but I may actually think about collecting some thoughts together and writing them down.

Ok so really I'd probably just collect what I've got, edit, edit, edit, and write more.

I have a feeling that I would absolutely love it, and it would give me a bigger excuse to keep writing.

Today as I was living through my day I was blogging it as I went. I had to force myself to stop and enjoy my time without the distraction of a computer and my thoughts. Not an easy task for someone who doesn't want to forget each play by play through her incredibly exciting day.

From today alone I feel like I could easily write 3 completely different posts. And here I am, instead writing about writing.

What has happened to me?

Why write a book? What would the point be for me? Would it accomplish anything? Does this even matter? Would anyone even read it?

Hmmmm ... I don't know.

But I'm going to keep it on the back burner of my mind and see what boils up.

What do you think? Would you buy my book? (You know as long as there was some new material in it).

I guess it wouldn't matter if people bought it. It'd be more for me. Just like my bloggy.

Ah, we'll see.

Fun Times with Eva and Wally

Today held some fun times.

Not Hallmark movie times. Not write a book and make millions times. Not take a picture to remember it times. But definitely worth remembering times.

It's times like today that remind me that the little things make up the important things and most times they make all the difference in the world.

These are just a few things that happened today that made me smile (or in some cases laugh until I cried).

At one point Wally looked at my and said 'You are the best thing that ever happened to me.' He does this often. I am spoiled.

Later he looked at me very seriously and said 'Eva you are really growing as a person and shrinking as a pain in the ass.' That one made me laugh.

After breakfast I had walked by the table and looked over at Wally's dirty plate and knife he used. I noticed he had eaten 3 strawberries and placed the tops symmetrically on the knife which was set decoratively across the plate. It made me chuckle.

Another time he was laying on the couch and I bent over to give him a kiss perhaps and he pulled me in so that I fell on him. I forget what we were talking about, maybe it was the Diva cup I got as one of my gifts, but then again I think maybe it was my craving for pancakes and maple syrup. Who knows? Whatever the strange conversation was, for some reason I was saying the word Vagina and it came out Aunt Vagima. We joked about it all day. (Seriously I have no idea why those two topics would get mixed up).

Another point in the day I was coming out of the office and I think Wally was playing on the floor with the dogs. I decided I would sit on his lap but with either leg on each of his sides. He joked that this could indeed be used as a new sexual position perhaps called the 'Uncomfortable Mandarin' in reference to a sex book we got as a joke for our wedding with several strange 'positions' in it with equally strange names. (The book was rather enlightening ...)

While on the floor laughing at Wally's joke, and probably the fact that I was not only not limber enough to ever imagine myself completing the 'Flying Mandarin' in any intimate setting, but I couldn't even get up off of the floor after a low key frolic of laughter. This indeed resulted in me laughing til I cried (over and over). Both of us had to use our rather jagged moves to get 'undone'. Needless to say the interesting book mentioned earlier has been used more for comic relief in our marriage than any serious research into our intimate life. We're both ok with that.

Wally told me a few times today that I was beautiful, pretty or just amazing. I barely ever tell Wally anything complimentary. My best is a very purposeful unexpected 'I love you'. I really don't deserve him, (though I'll admit that I don't feel this way enough).

As Wally and I got into bed tonight he pulled the covers off of me and exclaimed 'Is THAT what you're wearing to bed?!' as if I'd broken every fashion law bed time had (um ... I didn't know there were rules). I said 'Yes, it's the same thing I wore to bed last night'. He was shocked at my attire. It was a pair of black spandex/cotton work out pants that are waaaaay too big around my waist and end up near my knees when I do cardio, paired with my favourite turquoise t-shirt that proudly displays my sweating problem all too often when worn during the day. Wally asked why I was wearing a perfectly good t-shirt to bed, then followed up with 'how much was it?' and 'when did you buy it?' I told him it was $5 at Old Navy last summer. Apparently this was a crime. He was astounded that I would wear a perfectly good t-shirt to bed and 'ruin' it. I said 'Well I can still wash it and wear it later, it's not a big deal'. To which he replied 'You're going to wear something you've worn to bed ... out? Gross.' 'I'll wash it first!' I proclaimed. This didn't win my case or sway him at all. Have I mentioned how different we are?

After our conversation about my bed time attire came to a close Wally had a flash of concern. 'Are you sneaking out to meet some hot guy to workout with?' I didn't dignify him with a response. Instead I snuck out to ... write this entry.

Not exactly a hot guy but definitely his competition some days.

I love you Wally.

Some truth about me

I think truth brings people together. I think we all have an idea of what truth is, you all have our own, but we don't all want to share. Or maybe we just don't want to share it all.

My pursuit, is to be as honest as I can, in hopes, that others can be as honest as they can be. (Even though honestly, I don't probably want ALL of their honesty. I'm just being honest).

Be honest. You secretly get excited when someone else 'knows' what you are talking about.

Here are some of my truths:

For the first time in my life I have several closets in my home that I pray no one opens because I know a mountain of things will come tumbling out.

The other night before my party for 3, I ran around the hour before my guests were to arrive and started whipping random items (even garbage) inside my closets. It worked.

I have something in common with 'Chandler' off of 'Friends' If you can guess I'll tell you what. But until then I won't. Good luck.

Our office literally looks like a box of paper exploded in it.

This explosion appearance the office gives off is likely because the other day when I was looking for something I got REALLY frustrated and picked up a pile of papers, (that should have been filed months ago and weren't), and threw them with all my might at the wall. I never used to allow myself to do these things. One day I did and now I love throwing stuff when I'm mad. It feels really good.

I have a spoon from someone else's house, recently used by someone else, in my purse. Yeah, that's gross.

We have to put puppy pads down in our bedroom because we realized that one of our darlings, every once in a while cant' make it (or chooses not to) through the night. At least he uses the pad (well most of the time).

I have several stacks of unopened bills around the house. I'm thankful for automatic withdrawal.

My party dress is still laying, inside out in a ball, on my night table waiting to be washed.

Did I mention I throw things when I'm mad and love it? Seriously, the best feeling in the world.

I can't live without Fiber One. Especially with iron supplements in my life now. Sorry, but it's true.

Did you know that I can't just throw out tissue paper? When I see someone open a gift bag with tons of brand new tissue paper in it and they ball it's crispy perfect ends up because they are going to throw it out, my heart goes into convulsions. I CAN'T stand it!!!!!!

When I get mad that I can't find something I'm looking for, I instantly blame Wally. I mostly know this is irrational but I do it because when I'm mad I think I'm the only one that can be right. Sorry Wally!

I told myself that I ate perfectly for 5 days last week and when I look back I have to admit that, unless 'perfect' has been redefined, I'm a liar.

I secretly like my facebook fame. Ok I'm not facebook famous but many of my non real life friends who are my facebook friends will comment on how much they enjoy my status updates and I feel famous. I swear in the past 6 weeks I've heard this probably ten times from random 'not my real friends' people. It's weird and great at the same time.

I barely ever wash my fruits and vegetables, even when they are clearly dirty. Think twice before coming to my house for dinner!

The other day I accidentally erased the message of my mom singing 'Happy Birthday' to me. I felt like I erased her. It broke my heart. I was even more mad that the 4 messages that weren't erased were all work related. Grrrrr...

I still use chopsticks, even though I get irritated every morning when I use them for my eggs. Slippery little buggars.

I secretly care what people think about what I write and worry often if I hurt their feelings. I know writing from your heart is important though and remind myself they have the option not to read if they are offended. My hope is that they will heed that voice rather than keeping reading to make their case against me. I'll be honest, if I was pissed off I might just keep reading to hate them more. I'm like that sometimes.

S-E-X. I want to write a post about it so bad but I'm quite positive Wally wouldn't appreciate that honesty. Maybe someday...

I am acutely aware of the cleanliness of certain 'areas' now that I am a thong wearer. (Not that I was a dirty girl before, I'm just sayin' ...)

Yeah. It think that's enough truth for one day.

Nearly empty hourglass

So much to tell, so much to tell...

Last night I completed whatever number was my marble slab cake number and had it coincide with my late '30 and flirty' birthday party. Then today Wally and I went to our high school reunion, sort of.

I believe these are both separate posts, along with the egg post I have yet to write as well as my experience with Gelato I have not shared. So much to tell, so little time.

It's funny that I mention time. The thought just blazed through my mind as I typed the second last paragraph that maybe I should wish for more time. (Because apparently in my little mind there's a little wish fairy ready and waiting to grant my every whim and want).

Then I remembered all I've learned from the fact that my time is limited AND the amount left in my life and yours is a secret.

Do you ever think about that? I know if we spent all day wondering about how much sand was left in the hour glass of our life we'd go completely batty.

I've heard many times people comment or ask 'If this was the last day you would have left to be alive what would you do?' Then the other person answers with: 'I'd spend it with my love, my family and closest friends. We'd have a picnic on clouds. We'd tell each other how much we meant to one another, eat all the food we've avoided for years. Maybe let a snowflake melt on my tongue and treasure the sunlight on my skin' (you know 'cause apparently if you were given one more day you'd have a time machine to travel to and fro with).

You know what I think most of us would do if we were told today was the last day we had? Stay in bed hiding under a pillow shaking in our skin and ask whoever was with us 'Is it true? Am I gonna die tomorrow? I'm so scared! I'm so scared! I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do!' I don't care if you have the peace of Jesus or not, you're still human.

That's what I'd think we'd do because we certainly couldn't digest the information fast enough to let it take effect. Which I think is why no matter where technology and science take us, I believe, we will never really know the exact time we have on earth.

My biggest lesson on time I've shared through my stories of grief within my family. Losing my aunt and several other family members taught me more than I could ever learn from a book. I am so thankful to have been given the chance to learn them first hand.

These lessons have taught me that wishing for more of most things is a very foolish mistake.

Time for example. If I wished for more of it with my aunt I'd never really have a chance to appreciate what we did have. Think about people in your life you love (or loved). They may have passed on or moved away. If you had them around every single day and talked deep and wide about all of life every minute, would you truly appreciate them and grow from them the way you do without them beside you?

Wally asked me last week when I was getting a little weepy over having to say goodbye to my aunt when I did, 'Would you trade in all that you've learned to have her back in your life like nothing ever happened?'

I knew the answer to that right away. It was a big fat selfish 'No'. I don't think I would trade anything in to have her back. I couldn't even dream of what or where my life would be had I not been taught that lesson right then and there. I am not someone that thinks 'It was God's plan to take her', I believe God is a bigger genius than we think He is and can do incredible things with our brokenness. So incredible we think He had it all planned out in the first place. He's cool that way - in my opinion.

Anyhow, what I was saying is that I learned that we each have a time line. We each come with an expiration date, if you will. We never know when, where or how life as we know it will end, we just really know we have this minute.

I often get caught romanticizing life. It's not abnormal for me to spend time thinking about if this is my last day, if I've said my piece to those I love, if I've lived true to who I feel I've been called to be. I think about if I am living full of life, full of gratitude, full of awareness of the gift we have in waking up everyday (especially in this country). Most times I'm at peace with things. Most times I sit and know that I've done my best to live loudly my lessons learned (even though there are always more to receive).

But there are times I am challenged to look deeper and check myself, my heart, a bit further. Times that challenge my inaction.

That's when I stop and really try to keep tabs on the random thoughts that go through my head telling me to ask that person out for coffee or spend $15 on cards just to put a smile on someone's face. Time's when I decide it's not ridiculous to save the message on my answering machine of my mom singing happy birthday to me on my 30th birthday and telling me she 'loves me lots' because we know it but rarely say it.

These times have made me e-mail people I only know through facebook and ask for a coffee date because maybe we'll hit it off, or maybe we won't and we'll just stay great internet friends. These times make me buy myself a great card and address it with an encouraging note because why the heck not.

Ultimately I've learned that really sometimes the less you have of something the better what you do have can be.

I really kind of love feeling and wondering if my time line may be coming to an end tomorrow (though I could never say I live everyday as if it were my last per se because if I knew it was I'd be running rampant like a chicken with my head cut off).

It makes me think harder about the things I plan on doing, the goals I set, the places I see, and of course how I spend my time.

If today was it for me (Lord willing it's not) I would be ecstatic about every painful minute I spent in the gym. I'd be proud of myself for going back to school. I'd be happy with the fact that I have been faithful to my husband, though with definite struggle to stay married at times. I would know that each person I love knows that I love them and that I did my best to live without too much concern for what people thought of my crazy parties and such.

I don't live perfectly but I do try my best to live within my time. Whatever that may be.

If you can, try and live today enjoying that you are. Even in the moments you maybe wish you weren't. Because at some point you won't.



I feel like someone needs a hug ... *hug*

By the way, try not to look at things you are forced to let go of as losses. Really try to find the gain.

I lost my aunt, but feel like I gained my life.

Sometimes it's easy to feel guilty when you gain something out of a loss, don't. It could be God's way of trying to give you the best gift you could imagine. Let Him.

Momness

If you are a mom you should appreciate this post. I think.

I've been wanting to write it since I visited my old friend Sasha.

Oh where to start? Where to start?

...

Momness. Such an incredibly huge topic. Full of so many elements most of which I cannot possibly get a grip on really, you know, me being the opposite of Momness. You may wonder how I could even dream of trying to write about this topic. We'll see I guess.

The reason I wanted to write on it is because I am a woman whom, for twenty some odd years in her life lived to become a mother. Dreamed about finding Mr. Right, dreamed of having a home to call her own, dreamed for so long of feeling life grow inside of her. I can't tell you how often I prayed my birth control pills wouldn't work (when I was on them).

I never intentionally would ever skip one or delay taking one, I wasn't that kind of wife. As impatient as I felt sometimes waiting for my husband to 'give permission' for us to start .... well 'seeing what would happen' I could never ever disrespect him in that way. (I do have a friend or two that would with theirs).

I bugged him here and there the first few months at which point initially he offered getting a dog. That worked well for about 9 months or so then I bugged again. He said 'another few months and we'll talk again' and so I waited and bugged along the wait. A couple of years had passed and I once again really wanted to start 'seeing what would happen' and that's when he suggested another dog. Clearly underneath I must've known that the kid thing would be a while because I took whatever baby I could get and jumped at the chance for another little life in our home.

I believe it was a few months after dog number two that I quit taking THE pill as I was worried that the 3 years I was on it may start to affect how quickly we'd get pregnant and Wally had said (rather shakily) that we could finally 'see what would happen'.

So, for about a year or so we waited to 'see what would happen'. The view was pretty boring. There wasn't a whole heck of a lot to see. Other than Wally unhappy in his job, then out of a job, then me withholding a desire to ever have a family with this man whom I didn't think could provide for one. Actually, I guess there was a lot to see.

I'm not sure when it happened but I eventually 'saw what was happening' and I didn't like it. Wally and I had our head to head and were saddened by ourselves. Then I realized that momness wouldn't be all I hoped it would be if Husband wasn't all he could be. I thank God for that realization often. 'Seeing what would happen' totally paid off.

In the years since we gave up being completely open to having a family so very much has changed. We've discovered strengths in ourselves we didn't know existed, we've seen dreams grow where we didn't know dreams could grow, we've actually learned very well how to live without the old dreams. To a point where we don't recognize them anymore.

I have to work really hard to try and remember what it was like to long for a baby to 'complete me'. I do sometimes wish I could feel the life of my love and I developing inside of my body, but whenever I have these romantic thoughts reality soon smacks me in the face to remind me of what it's really like. For example, when I visited Sasha ...

We were sitting on the couch in deep conversation, chatting perhaps about my unromantic baby thoughts and she shared with me about (WARNING: COULD BE TMI!!!) her pregnancy and how after two children can no longer use tampons.

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!! If the lack of bladder control , the epesiotomy stories, and the fact that your boobs are no longer your boobs anymore weren't all enough, you can no longer be guaranteed to be able to use your choice of feminine protection?! Now that ladies, could be the straw that breaks the camel's back for me.

When I was under the baby spell before, I never noticed the mommy culture. Y'all know what I mean. Yesterday I turned on the tv for a few minutes before going to the gym and there was a show on, I think it was called 'Just for Mom's' or 'Only Moms'. It should have been renamed 'If you ever want to be a mom don't watch this'.

I quickly came to the conclusion that I was completely alienated from this culture. The culture where it is completely acceptable to be rudely interrupted 85 times during a conversation. Where if you want to phone a friend you'd better hide in the closet or else 'they'll' find you with problems at the exact time you are on that phone ('they' being the children).

The culture that puts 'their' needs ahead of your needs, where food being on your clothes or in your hair is a definite norm, where the bottom of the sink doesn't exist, crying all day does, where pee in the potty is cause for a serious throw down of a celebration, sleeping 6 hours straight is a marathon not often experienced. Where single letters in the alphabet no longer represent your degree, and where your degree isn't worth 2 cents, but 2 cents are.

The mom culture is one where throwing a birthday party could become your worst nightmare, but every year you hope you have another to celebrate. One where you aren't concerned so much about your non existent paycheck but rather how much you can save on the winter boots your kids will be lucky not to grow out of in a couple of months. A culture that excites itself with the discovery of edible crafts, no bake cookies, and 5 minute meals. It's one where when you see 'them' sleeping after hours of dealing with a cold or illness you have more peace than you ever thought possible. Where when 'they' remember their manner at someone else's house and another parent says what an angel they were during their visit you think your job is complete and they are there (or you wonder what creature has possessed your child and if they may indeed overtake the world). Where the success of their first two steps, to you, equal and deserve the same amount of attention as the winner of the Boston Marathon.

The culture of Momness seems to be one that is the absolute most self sacrificing, celebratory, challenging, creative, dirty, enlightening, horrifying, heartbreaking, fulfilling, exhaustifying, funny, miracle filled culture there is.

I say all this because as I watch my friends, and complete strangers take on this culture I sit amazed. For a few reasons. I'm amazed that so many get wooed into this culture by visions of a sleeping baby, even though those visions are few compared to all the others you see. (STU-PID). I'm amazed that they don't go certifiably crazy (as I don't' have any children and I definitely feel on the verge most of the time). I'm amazed that though many times people get pulled into this culture by surprise, they are often able to embrace it wholeheartedly. I'm amazed that, for the most part, they come out of it alive.

One of the biggest things that amaze me is when someone from the Mom culture will accept someone from the Not-Mom culture into their world. That amazes me. The fact that I have friends that have the enormous burden (or gift) of raising small human beings to be grown human beings, will even talk to me, listen to me, read me, care about me. That, to me, is amazing.

Clearly I'm in the Not-Mom culture as this amazing observation is indeed ... all about me.

You see I'm quite sure if I was a mom I would never care about anyone who didn't understand where I was at. I'm sure that the minute I am responsible for another life I will automatically decide that anyone not in my position is clearly ignorant and, well, stupid, about all things in life. It's true, I'll be rude like that.

It was a few months ago now that I realized that becoming a mom is really essential in some ways (or at least having the responsibilities of a mom) to understanding well ... everything.

I pursue in my life to be open minded and understanding of as much as I can. I try to always put myself in others' positions so I can do my best to understand where they are coming from, learning something they could teach me.

Sometimes being open minded is not enough. Sometimes you have to try something yourself to actually know and learn the depths of what an experience has to teach you. I am positive that Momness can only be fully learned in Momness.

So, what am I saying?

If you are a mom, you amaze me. Someday I hope to understand you more (admittedly at this point mostly because I know the best way to understand you is to stand in the same place as you).

If you are not a mom, thank you for keeping me company. Only you could understand where I am in this moment. It never feels good to be alone.

Momness: an adventure so far beyond any 40 day experience.

Moms, I respect you.

Sparkle in the dirt

Yesterday I was getting into my car Chuck and I noticed something.

The interior is dark like. Therefore all of the dirt shows up.

But along with all of the dirt, I noticed a sparkle.

It was a sequin that had fallen off of my party dress. (You know, THE dress, from THE night).

I'm now consciously avoiding vacuuming my car. Because I don't want to lose the sparkle.

I seem to I appreciate the sparkle more in the dirt than I would in a clean car (because you know I'd save it and put it back. It wouldn't be the same though. If I put it back).

Now, every time I get into my car, I look for that one little sparkle.

It makes me smile inside and reminds me that you can celebrate whenever you damn well want to. And ... I do.

Celebrating today,

Eva :)

Letting Go ...

I have to tell you a secret.

I always get scared writing about things I know I don't have all the answers to. My last big post 'Faith Stuff' was a step out for me. I don't like talking religion, definitely not into politics, and often terrified to share my angle on things. It's because I know my angle changes as my experience changes. Know that I am so very open to hear your thoughts.

I'll be honest. I could probably write another 45 posts trying to more fully explain where I stand in regards to the 'Christian' thing and spirituality and all that stuff, but it would be written out of defensiveness and perhaps turn into a forum of debate. I never really want to write out of those places.

I'd much rather share my story, my thoughts throughout my story and what I've learned. I know some people would and do read into my relaxed views on certain things and assume what I may mean, but my hope is that as I live and write I can display myself, my faith and well ... my stuff, in an honest light.

I guess part of me doesn't want to seem like I'm embarrassed about my faith or my belief in Christianity. I'm not. I just don't want people to assume the other way either. I want my life to be my testimony more than anything. It's very imperfect but it's mine.

All that to say ... I'm trying to let go.

Not just on this blog with different topics, but in my life too. I am doing my best to let go of worrying about judgments that may come from revealing my heart.

It's kind of like free falling. Daring, scary, freeing, risky and yet amazing.

You've journeyed with me a bit regarding my job lately. How much of a beast my schedule had become. How much I was judging others based on their lack of schedule (according to me - the judge). And you've read how much I was judging myself as well in this area.

I have learned that the only way (at least that I have found) to stop all of this judgment on everyone, is to let go.

For me specifically, it means letting go of worry about money. Letting go of being concerned about building a good reputation at work. It means letting go of the enormous amount of pride I've been carrying around telling everyone how many hours I work every week and then collecting up all of the pity I get(and carrying it around too). I've had to let go of control over all of these things (I really thought I had control - how ridiculous!).

Ultimately I have found myself having to let go of my judgments on others.

These are just a few things I've had to loosen my grip with and then eventually ... let go of.

I'm not saying I have let go of all of these things but I am definitely in the process of doing so. I'm sure all of the parents out there could write a post or ten about letting go of their growing children. It doesn't happen over night.

I found it amazing as the first thing I have consciously been trying to let go of has been my work schedule. It's kind of weird because somethings you just let go of and you let things just fall as they might. In terms of work I haven't been able to just let go, I've had to instead let go of one thing and hold onto another.

I am doing my best to let go of all of the things that have created worry regarding work, but specifically with my schedule I've had to hold onto my off time (like with an immortal grip). Sometimes we let go of things but don't recognize that there might be something out there that will help us hold on to want we actually need.

If I want a better body (as I do) I make the decision to eat better and move more. I decide that I'm going to exercise 3 times a week and cut out chocolate. The first week is easy, then it gets more difficult. I have a meeting one night when I was going to exercise, then I feel guilty because I've told myself what a failure I am for breaking my commitment. I head to the store because chocolate will make me feel better (it always has, at least for a few minutes). After I eat a couple of bars I feel ten times worse. Why? Because I see my one or two mistakes as complete failures rather than bumps in the road.

In this scenario my judgment is skewed. I've given myself a death sentence for doing the only thing I know how to do. I tried letting go of my old lifestyle without learning new things to hold onto to keep me 'safe' from going back to the old habits I knew.

How does this relate to my letting go of my old scheduling nightmares? Well, it would be crazy for my to think I could just say no. Unless you absolutely don't care what yourself or anyone thinks (great for you!) or you just dont' care to work, you will not logically understand why you should say no. At least this is the case for me. You look at all the 'free time' in your day timer and think 'Well, there's no reason to say no, I'm not doing anything else'. But I should be doing anything else!! I should be writing my name in a blank spot, or my friend's name, or my mom's name, or time's name, or MY NAME (again a great choice).

In letting go of my hours at work I have learned the hard way that I have to replace that time with something to hold on to. It's not romantic and it does take practice but once I get the hang of it I know it'll be worth while.

I think this letting go thing works for anyone that is over stressed and over worked. I know we all hold onto things that do us no good. I want to challenge you to thing of something you are holding onto that isn't good for you.

Is it a display for others that you have it all together? Is it pride over your home, or how it looks when people pop over? Is it the fact that you make sure to have all of the answers at work? Are you holding onto the position of favourite volunteer at church or another program you're involved in? Maybe its' your appearance, are you uptight about people seeing the real you? Maybe it's your heart's appearance that you are trying to hide.

I don't know what you may struggle with holding on to but I want to dare you all to do it with me. It's a wee bit scary at first, to jump. But honestly it's the best feeling in the world. You may need to close your eyes for the first little while before you get the courage to open them up, but do it anyway. Jump and then stretch out your soul and enjoy.

I'm not going to lie to you. Some jumps are short and just necessary for the short term and you may not have the choice to be completely free forever. Some jumps we need to make to just keep us sane for the long term (you know , like skipping cooking supper and ordering in and NOT judging yourself for it!!! OR skipping the gym to just rest. Or hiring a cleaning lady to do your spring cleaning just because right now you need to ... jump).

But I believe under the short jumps we need to make to stay afloat there are bigger, higher, harder jumps we need to take that will actually appear more subtle than they really are. It's amazing how sometimes small changes hurt the most.

Please come with me. I'll hold your hand. Let's jump together!

P.S. Don't worry, we have awesome parachutes!!!