#39 - Answer any 5 questions you have of me

This is your chance.

As I mentioned before, I will only answer questions that will not invade another person's privacy. Feel free to ask whatever you want and I'll use my discernment.

Don't be shy. I'm a pretty open book.

Revealing #36-40

Yeah so I haven't told you what I've planned for each of my last 5 items on my list. Probably because I don't know what they should be.

I'm going to start naming them off and see if I get inspired as I list ...

#36 - Have my first poached egg (I am doing this tomorrow!!)

#37 - Workout on my own at the gym doing weight training (I go all the time doing cardio but am super intimidated to do it by myself)

#38 - Decide what I am planning regarding my blog on doing after this list is complete

#39 - Answer any 5 questions you have of me ... no matter what they are (providing they don't invade anyone else's privacy).

#40 - I will leave to a vote ...

A) Go camping

B) Cook an authentic Chinese meal

C) Let my hair dresser do whatever she wants to my hair

Also mentioned in one of the comments left was to try growing an herb garden. I think I may be up for this next time, it would definitely be interesting for this non-green thumbed gal.

I wanted to admit something while I'm here.

Do to my recent .... hmmmmm ... how do i put this? Burn out, mental breakdown (that seems a tad strong), or whatever you want to call it. I am quite sure I won't be completing my 40 things within the 40 days.

I am a bit disappointed in myself for not staying on top of this however I know that you can't, nor should you try to, duplicate a past experience. So, I won't. The purpose overall is to step out of my 'box' and try new things, understand new people and hopefully gain more perspective, not necessarily run a race.

The reason I like deadlines for this stuff is because they make things easier to measure in a sense. They keep you accountable and a bit more focused. I already see the difference in how I approached my last adventure as opposed to this one.

No fears though. I am determined to try everything mentioned and still learn a whole bunch along the way. I do hope to check my schedule and become more diligent about completing my tasks at hand, while enjoying them all the same :)

I have lots to get to I hope you stay with me!

Cheers!

Eva :)

P.S. Don't for get to vote!

#28 - A full day of the thong

Ok so I totally almost forgot to write about this one. How could I?!

I think the only reason I've remembered is because it's 3:30am and and the part of my body that used to be housed in my more preferred underwear is currently in so much pain I cannot sleep.

In short: my mind is completely on my ass right now. 100%. Like it hurts so bad there aren't words.

Of course you know I'll scrounge some up anyway, but that's not the point. The point is .... OUCH!!

Oh, and I'm starving. This is rather inconvenient as there aren't notes in any book to tell me what to do when I wake up in the night hungry. There are a hundred other rules to tell me when what to eat but right now I'm so hungry I'm ready to hurl and have worked so hard I'm not sure what to do. (No need to leave me blog comments to tell me to go eat, I know).

BWhy the heck am I talking about being hungry when the point of this post is to tell you about wearing a thong? I guess the two are tied (ha ha ... string) together by my dual ass pain.

Ok, let me focus.

*squinting eyes*

*shaking head*

*grieving my sleep*

Ok.

Last Saturday, completely on a whim, I decided to throw on the dreaded thong. Actually I think it was Dreaded Thong's sibling as I believe I stretched Dreaded Thong to a point of no return (in so many ways).

I'm not sure what did it exactly. I think it was the fact that I figured trying to entertain this little contraption may be easier while pairing it with something of sustenance, like my jeans.

My hope was that this duo would erase all of the issues I had when I tried Dreaded Thong before.

In jeans: the triangle in the back couldn't possibly be seen through the fabric. (However if I placed it right and bent over properly I'm sure I could make it be seen in great trailer trash fashion, but that wasn'' the look I was going for either - if that was the case I'd be purchasing a black thong and be finding my most sparkling white jeans).

In jeans: my most lumpy and bumpy revelations would not (or good lord should not) be visible. As jeans are a nice and ... firm fabric. Gotta love that.

My other concern, regarding the 'food baby' issue, would also be put to rest as these particular jeans are (now that I've lost 16 pounds) a much easier fit and don't require me to be wearing restrictive garments underneath to enable the zipper to fly north.

So, on a complete and utter whim I confidently put my feet between what seemed to be an obstacle course of string and hiked them up (ok so there was definitely no hiking involved as that could have produced other grotesque injuries, but you know what I mean).

I continued the sequence with my jeans, button done up, zipper in place. Then to the mirror I went.

This time I did the back and forth, back and forth thing again, but without horror. I did my best to stick my tummy out, then in, then out. Just in case I felt the possibility of betrayal later when I had lunch. I did not.

I felt confident that I could wear my new ... hidden adornment, for at least a couple of hours.

Once I was dressed and out of the bedroom (giving Wally a clear indication that I may possibly be ready for the day). I think I bounced into the living room. Actually I'm quite confident there was a lot of bouncing on many fronts ... and backs.

Shockingly, this time I was also wearing a smile. I proudly proclaimed: 'I'm wearing a thong!'

'I'm wearing it! I'm doing it! Me ... a thong. I can't believe it!'

From what I remember I don't think Wally had words for me in response. I think it was more of a look that said: 'Oh my goodness are you seriously proud of this? You're wearing a thong, it's not like you've achieved piece in the middle east.' (To which I would reply 'No, but definitely in the south').

Wally continued on with what he was doing and I continued on with my exclamation. The entire day.

While we were in Wal-mart, in the car on the way home from Wal-Mart, during lunch, throughout the afternoon, after supper, and into the evening. When I was getting ready for bed I felt like I had completed a marathon and announced I would even wear this ... thing to bed.

You really would've thought I had solved world hunger or something. Nope. Just wore a thong for a day.

In the end, I was able to complete #28 in all it's fullness (or, well ... you know what I mean).

I am a wee bit shocked at the amount of pride I felt in doing so. I think that goes to show you how 'out of the box' this little number (do the puns over stop?!) was for me.

A few years ago, this whole thing would've been the most humiliating task in the world and I would've never thought myself worthy of using string for underwear (or perhaps felt myself too worthy of it). But now-a-days, with my incessant need to understand others and why they do what they do, coupled with some newly found confidence, (ok and the fact that these experiences seem to give me decent writing material), I was able to enter a new perspective.

I'll never be the same.

I'm sure my assets in progress will agree.

In honour of #28 I am throwing myself a long awaited 30th Birthday Party requesting a thong (or skanky outfit) from each party goer. This will double as my ice cream cake adventure. (I have to entice the guests with something other than visuals of me in their gifts).

I invited ... well way more people than I know would ever come. Lots of strays that are completely unfamiliar with what I'm doing. I'm not sure why I did this. I guess I'm just curious to see what their response is. I'm quite positive they think I'm crazy. I am so ok with that :)

I am very much looking forward to my itty bitty birthday party and sharing a few unadulterated laughs with people that will certainly appreciate my zest for life.

*giggling*

I love living.

# 2 - Book 10 consecutive days off of work

Can I just tell you something completely random? (clearly I won`t hear a response and I will anyway).

Our keyboard is completely messed up and when I try and type a question mark some French letter é or É comes out. What`s with that? How did I get the question mark, you may ask? I pressed shift and went through all of the numbers on the keyboard and found that shifted 6 is indeed a ? (question mark).

Anyhoo, on to /2. Oh wait it`s happening with the number sign too. Just a sec ... #2. There. Another random thing. I`ll have to ask Wally about it.

#2 was a challenge for me. Not only because at my job you have your own shifts that are yours permanently which you are entirely responsible for finding `coverage`for when you are away, but also because, as I`ve mentioned before, I have a seriously enormous guilt complex.

I have no fears in my job that the world won`t go on without me. I know it will. I`m new and don`t really have an unreasonable amount of responsibility, aside for the regular job stuff. I really probably could go away for a month and wouldn`t be too terribly missed. I have yet to establish strong ties to anyone person supported that are reciprocated, if that makes sense. I just haven`t been there long enough. The people we support are so used to others coming in and out of their lives that they seem quite used to seeing faces come and go.

I`m not sure if the following is my guilt complex honing in or what, but I also feel that since I am a soon-to-be 6 month employee I have no right to already take a vacation. However, after talking to a couple of other employees who have heard my feelings and where I`m at in my head a little, I was encouraged to take the time and breath again. They understood where I was coming from.

I will admit, I find it completely embarrassing that I am already in need of a break considering the length of time I`ve been at this job. I mean I see all of the other female students in school, working tons of hours and they just keep asking for more. I don`t know how they do it!! I`m nearly nutty!

I do try and remind myself of a couple of things: I was working 70 hours a week between school, placement and work right before I started and went into this job without a break. Not to mention the extremely traumatic situation (at least it was for me) that I was a part of last fall at my other job, that I never really got much time to get over - that is if you can `get over`something like that with your heart in tact.

So once I weigh out these facts and finally settle on giving myself earned time off, that creepy little voice that lives somewhere in the back of my mind (however recently I believe has moved to a place up front) pipes up it`s squeaky annoying little voice and says `Oh but if you take time off how are you going to pay for anything to do?`, `You`re not gonna be able to do all those things you wanted to`, `What about your facial or that hot air balloon ride you want to do? You think money grows on trees?`

Rational little bastard. I hate it.

I find it kind of funny how rational we can be when we are in an irrational state. How silly.

That`s when I talk to Wally and he says `I`d rather have a sane wife than an extra paycheck`. And I think `Geez man, why didn`t you tell me that years ago!`. It`s kinda funny because at this point in the conversation that he has almost gotten me to that point where I`m ready to accept a break but I`m wavering a little and he wants me desperately to `seal the deal`. He`s calm and holding my hands gently trying to reassure me that all is fine. But as I go back and forth his grip gets tighter, his blood pressure rises and by the end he`s the one in need of a bypass because he just wants his wife back (and perhaps wouldn`t mind the maid and the cook too). By the time I make the decision to take a break he`s on the floor exhausted.

Poor guy.

Last week when I was working out with Dee and beginning to realize that my mind felt like spaghetti and I really was having difficulty thinking through the most menial things, I knew something had to give.

When I started my job I said to myself (and Wally) that I would just give 6 months of all out work and then I would take it easy. I would take every shift offered, do overnights anywhere, get trained all over and work every evening and every weekend. I was told the more flexible I would be the faster my permanent hours MAY come. Unfortunately I thought the MAY was really a WILL. My bad.

It`s almost five months later and I actually have less permanent shifts than when I started (well we`re balancing around there) and I am strung out. There`s always another new staff ready to take your place as most `flexible`.

I applied for summer hours, this would put me at full time (which I have actually been anyway, it just has a more set schedule and a guarantee of the hours) for a couple of months without worry of scrounging up hours.

I think it was really good that I sent in my request late, because I didn`t get a contract. And though it is a bit of a blow to my ego, I know for sure that this is for the best. I know I`ll get the work I need but more so I know that I can prioritize my time the way I want to now. I could not do that with a commitment of a contract.

I chose to only work 25 hours this week, which has really felt like a holiday, however still not nearly enough to sort out my head (I`m confident heads don`t get fixed in microwave time). I`ve been able to blog a bit, try and think more on want I might want to do this summer with some extra time, focus on goals that I actually want to see come to fruition and others that really aren't worth the fight.

It`s been good.

I feel like I do have more to offer than a 44 hour work week in exchange for a paycheck. I have ideas to share, I have thoughts to express. I want more than a paycheck out of life. I want fulfillment.

Now the hard part ... how to sift through all of the things everyone else wants out of me and find out what I am meant to do.

And.

To have fun doing it.

We`ll see :)

#5 - Meet up with an old high school friend I haven't chatted with in years

As I mentioned before this was sort of already planned but I thought it might be something fun to write about and reflect upon.

I'm not sure how many of you all stay in contact with those you went to primary or high school with. I know since the development of facebook people have definitely gotten more connected. I'll admit I reconnected with this friend originally on facebook but only on a very surface level.

We met in grade 9 and quickly found ourselves in the same group of friends. We hung out in our group at lunch, for after school stuff, you know the way teenagers do. I was never really close with Sasha, we were more friends by association, however we did like eachother very much (at least I liked her).

Since I stayed in our home town for years after high school I was still connected with her family somewhat. Wally mentored her little brother a bit and I ran into her parents and sometimes even her every now and then. We'd chat a bit. Catch up on weddings, babies and jobs. That was about it.

Until she found my blog.

From what I remember from her e-mail she was kinda just browsing through a mutual friend's blog list and mine was there. She did a bit of reading before she realized the 'anonymous' blogger was me. Apparently she read through the entire thing and finally, after receiving a party invite, contacted me to tell me she'd been reading for a while. She didn't want to tell me in fear I'd feel obligated to invite her to the party. Lucky her she was invited anyway!

I remember reading her e-mail explaining how she felt like she knew me more now (after reading the blog) than she ever had before. She went on to say through reading my blog she understood much better why Wally and I didn't have kids (she even apologized for judging - pffst ... like she had to do that!). Sasha said she felt that through reading my thoughts she learned more about herself and was able to really think about some stuff.

That e-mail meant so much to me. So much.

Sasha was excited for the invite to the party and though circumstances did not allow for her to be there instead we made a date to catch up. See my party was about so much more than a party.

I guarded May 17th with my life and made the hour and a half drive down (or up I'm not certain) the highway to see her and meet her 2 kiddos.

I have to share that just as much of this challenge was driving to see my friend. I'm not a veteran highway driver my any means. I don't mind using it at all really, the challenges for me are all of the cut offs, ramps and basically the directions. Have I mentioned how bad I am with directions?

The drive was going well until I got to my first real 'stay left'. the problem was the GPS chick informed me of 'staying left' about 5 seconds AFTER I veered right. Bitch. It's like she was toying with my insecurities.

So I let out an expletive and followed some signs that appeared hopeful to take me where I needed to return to. They were clearly playing with my lack of directive abilities as well as they completely lied.

I listened to the ... lady for a while until I saw a sign that I thought I could trust and I soon found myself back where I was supposed to be. Phew!!

I arrived about a 1/2 hour later than planned, which for me now a days was right on time.

I knocked on the door and soon tip toed in the house to be greeted by Sasha and her very adorable baby Jakey. Wally would've loved him.

Once organizing babyness we sat and streamed easily into a comfortable conversation. We talked about so and so from high school, what's her face, and what's his name. Caught up on who was where and doing what with whom. We talked about our families a bit and hit on the in law situation (a hot topic for almost every married woman).

We even got to go a little deeper with things. Talking about challenges in marriage, having kids, not having kids. Just life.

You know what I loved? That it felt like we were close friends of old. Really we weren't that close before. It felt like no time had passed. Ten years had passed. It felt so ... comfortable.

Having gone back to school after nearly ten years of being out. Then starting a couple of new jobs after never entering a 'real' job type atmosphere. I have really gotten used to uncomfortable conversation. You know that rigid, surfacey, distant conversation that you do because that's what you do.

Obviously you can't expect to jump into personal stuff with strangers but once in a while you get lucky and you can be yourself and understood from step one. That is awesome.

I'm gonna guess that the fact that Sasha read my blog already and pretty much had a giant window into my thoughts and heart helped our time be more relaxed and easy. However it was more than that. It was that Sasha not only peaked through he window to my soul, but accepted it and decided to engage.

She didn't have to. She could easily have decided to mark me as a useless, misunderstood non kid person who knows nothing about anything. (I'll be honest if I had kids that's what I would think, because come on, really, how can someone lacking that huge responsibility know about ... well ... anything. I'm not kidding that's what I would think).

Sasha and I visited for almost three and half hours before I needed to head home. I got to meet her older kiddo too, who reminded me of a precious moments figurine - so cute.

I have so much more to share about my observations on motherhood after my visit with Sasha but I'll save them for a collectively thoughtful post.

My visit with my old high school friend was awesome. It was worth the 3 hours in the car, 2 traffic jams, 1 serious bout with construction and my interesting detour.

What did I learn?

If you open yourself up to it life can bring you many unexpected friends. Often we look at someone who was a friend in a certain way and never see them any other way but sometimes when time passes, people grow and change and you just never know who might be brought back into your life. It's really very cool.

In the past year (well probably way longer) I have been pursuing an honest life, to be my most honest self. Through that I have opened myself up to rejection, misunderstanding, judgment and people just not liking me. I haven't always been tactful, kind or thoughtful in how I present my 'true self' and let's be honest I'm not sure if it's possible or healthy to be your truest self to everyone.

I have questioned myself several times when I've allowed people inside my deepest thoughts and musings, wondering if it is wise. But if I'm going to be honest about who I am it's just got to happen.

By letting people in, like Sasha (and many of you), I have reaped the rewards of unexpected 'connections'. I am fascinated by this, by you. I am fascinated that one person could experience something that so many others can identify with even though they have not gone through it exactly. And I find it amazing that we can often feel so disconnected in this world full of billions of people.

That's why I think it's so important to be brutally honest. We think we are alone, but we're not. When we aren't connected to others we easily begin to feel sorry for ourselves, we lose perspective and we fall into despair. But if we can only be honest about things we could maybe, just maybe hold on to a little something, a little someone that might be able to help up back to reality (what ever the hell that is).

I could go on and on but I don't want to bore you, I'm really just rambling.

Bottom line = sometimes being honest about who you are and sharing it with others hurts, but sometimes it's the best gift you could receive.

Updates on #3 & #6

3. Eat with only chopsticks for one month (like the month of May)

Ok so I have been using chopsticks now for 17 days. I will say that I've forgotten to take them out with me (do to a lack of dish washing) maybe 3 times. Of course there are some meals you would not need chopsticks for. Example: a sandwich or sub, soup, and I have opted out of using them for yogurt (as I do have to work and live and stuff). I have decided to use them for my cottage cheese and have had no issues with this.

Overall I have actually loved this challenge. I still have meals when I just don't seem to have the knack and I get frustrated and want to spear them through the food or skip eating all together (or the obvious option - break them into bitty pieces). But for the most part I love them. I definitely slow down while eating (especially in the case of eating peas or brown rice), but there's something about using them that makes the food taste better. I don't know what it is but I like it.

I do still need to attack the noodles though, as they aren't really in our diet right now. I saw a lady eating some Thai noodle dish at the mall the other day and I was embarrassed for her in regards to her chopstick noodle eating skills. She looked like a barbarian. No judgment though.

I will press on and continue to perfect the art of eating with these long thin objects. I told Wally tonight that I thought that I would continue to use them even after my month is up. I guess we'll see. I think at the end of my forty days I should go out for Thai and get something with noodles just for fun.

Well ... maybe I'll order in.


6. 40 days (which I hope to turn into a lifetime) of super clean eating.

Yeah, so I haven't been perfect at the super clean eating thing but overall have done well. I've joked that flavoured rice cakes and chocolate protein shakes have become my binge foods. Never thought that would happen.

I have actually only really 'fallen off the wagon' once. It was last week during my serious case of the 'sads' and I actually went and bought a dozen bakery cookies at the grocery store and brought them home with me to melt my sorrows.

It was the first time in probably two and a half months, as Wally and I have been eating really well since we started training. That in itself is AMAZING for me. I used to binge (and I do mean binge, not merely enjoy) every single day on something sweet.

Anyways, I brought my cookies home and nestled into the couch before having to go back to work. I looked at them. Smelled them. Touched them. Then finally ate them. 1. 2. 3. 4. Then I decided that I was making a mistake - a huge mistake. I quickly crumbled the other 8 cookies into the garbage to be touched by all the grossities that lived there. (Yes, I had to do this because if I'd left them in the package I would have gone back and fished them off later and enjoyed every one. I am that sick).

For once rather than feeling guilty I felt proud of myself. Because a few months ago I would've told the little voice in my head to shut up (or other things) and I would've forged on with the gorging. It would not have been a big deal for me to have eaten 8 or 10, heck maybe even all twelve in one sitting - or at least during the evening.

Of course when I confessed to Dee the next day he was not so excited about my 'overcoming' of anything. He was mad. We started our time together with 100 jump squats on a very low lying bench, with weights. Which indeed took forever.

He followed it up by saying 'Now we'll start your workout' (rather sternly might I add).

That hour was the quietest I've ever been in a very long time, as obviously the silent treatment was in order for Dee. I refused to speak to him or let him 'analyze' me as he asked why I ate the cookies and if they helped me feel better. He continued to go on about him caring about my progress and blah, blah, blah. However I was a mess inside (as I was plagued with the 'sads'). I refused to talk to him and be at risk of letting the dam break. I knew that if I started to talk I'd burst into weeping tears and I didn't want to give him the satisfaction (however I so wanted to cry and just let it out).

I have since texted him and all is fine, however I know a serious talk is in order for us come Wednesday when I see him. I know he does care and it's only fair that I do my part to do my best. Sometimes I hate that.

So, though perfection is yet to find me I will keep trying to do my best. I continue to examine and re-examine what my long term goals are in this area of my life. But I'll have more on that later.

I still have lots more to update on but I think I will have to call it a night.

Hopefully more tomorrow!

Where to start ... ?

Wow. I don't even know where to start.

Seriously. Where?

I have completed a few more numbers on my list and look forward to writing about them this week. I also want to give an update on a couple of the ongoing numbers, and I will but I feel like I have a whole other conversation to have first.

Only thing is ... I don't know where to start.

Maybe I'll pick up where I was last week with my case of the 'sads'. First of all I want to say thank you for the encouraging comments left. They really did help me think and scrap my way through. Actually I need to be honest here. I'm not really through with the 'sads' but I'm at least squirming my way .... well somewhere. Hopefully somewhere else.

I am just beginning to realize and recognize my need for time. Time for me. Time to think. Time to breathe. Time to do what makes me feel 'alive'.

One of my bloggowers had a fantastic quote in their stati the other day that was a great reminder: "Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive" - Howard Thurman.

I have so many conflicting thoughts and feelings regarding me and time.

First of all there's my guilt complex. Guilt is my biggest enemy and it is so very good at it's job. Guilt makes me think I need to work the maximum hours allowed at work. Guilt makes me believe I have to make as much money as possible. Guilt makes me think that taking time to think and recover is selfish and a waste of time.

I hate Guilt.

Wally hates Guilt.

I'm glad we both feel the same way about my Guilt.

I never really recognized my incredible battle before now. I mean, when we got married I worked and we had a pretty equal income. Then Wally became unemployed for a while, had jobs that didn't pay that well and then was off to school. All of these things left me feeling the need to provide and make sure we had everything we needed.

The thing is that the plan was for me to do that for a while, until Wally had a decent job, so that I could then raise our family, because that's what I always dreamed of.

Well, Wally has a decent job with definite potential for a comfortable income (all things being relative to our old life). He loves what he is doing, which is the sole reason I pushed him so hard to go to school. I wanted him happy. Mostly 'cause I'm selfish and I wanted me happy.

There's been a snag.

While waiting 9 excruciatingly long years to start a family, I learned how to be happy where ever I was.

That's a blessing really. A huge incredible lesson. A gift.

BUT. Now that it's time for the 'family thing' I'm eager to do other things. To explore more education. To fulfill life long fitness goals. To be creative at my job and bring something new to the table.

I've also begun to dream about writing. I don't even know why, it's not like I have anything to write about. But I like it. I feel connected to others through it. I learn from other people's perspectives. I get to meet new and interesting people. I LOVE that.

I still think of being a mom. Mostly because I think there would be great writing material with it. But then again, mom's don't have time to write.

Wally is finally thinking of having a family. I'm about ready to kill him. As I have reminded him that I hounded for a near decade about it and now that I'm on to other things he's ready. (Seriously, he melts at the sight of a newborn and then starts to campaign with baby noises).

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know...

I was at a baby shower yesterday for my friend whom I wrote about a couple of months ago. I've decided that baby showers are going on my list of most unenjoyable events there are. At least the traditional ones.

You sit in a circle, as if at a seance (sp?), watching the mommy open up baby gifts ('Surprise!!! It's a sleeper!! Oh wow!!' - Actually I got a singing potty for her. It was on the registry. I need to do a whole other post on registries). During this time there is the passing of the baby, who is clearly on a mission to make every childless woman feel one of three things: deep longing to have her own - 'Awwww, I want one!', sincere embarrassment over the fact she has no idea what to do - 'Crap! Where does the head go?', or complete guilt over the fact she doesn't care two hoots about the kid 'Yeah, you're sleeping now, but I know what you do at 3am'.

Then you play ridiculous games and eat iffy food. (I actually won the 'draw a baby on a paper plate while it's on your head and you can't see it' game, oh yeah best baby drawing out of the 30 that were there - Booyah!).

I told Wally yesterday that if or when we ever have a living creature of the child-type persuasion join our home there will be no traditional showers filled with women sharing stories of leaky body parts. There'll be a ...party. 'nough said.

Anyhoo, where to end?

I'm sorting through some stuff in my head. Trying desperately to prioritize my life, my goals and myself. Feeling guilt over the fact that I'm burnt out after only a year in a new field. Even more guilt that I could even say I'm burnt out and have no children yet (I guess I figure children are a pretty good excuse for burn out). And perhaps a tad more guilt for not being brave enough to go after the reason I think one should feel justified for being burnt out.

Yeah. Clearly I've only started sorting the 'laundry' in my head. Oh well, at least I've started.

By the way, I'm actually considering going to 'talk to someone' about my laundry.

Well ... only the clean stuff.