#12 - Convince 5 other girl friends to go out for a night on the town
#6 – Have a shot of Tequila
Adventure Day 33 held one of the most memorable nights I would have in a very long time – it was going to be my girls night out, and a chance to try my first taste of tequila. What a night it would be!
As I mentioned early on in my 40 Day Adventure finding 5 friends to go out with was a huge challenge, or at least I was making it into one. You know how you have different groups of friends? Like old school friends, job friends, for me home church friends, maybe neighbourhood friends. Initially when I put this item on my list I thought ‘How hard could it be to invite 5 friends out for some fun? I have lots of friends – I can do this!’ … until I started making lists of invitees. That’s when it hit me. Girls aren’t always that easy to mix up.
Come on ladies, you know what I mean. We all have, and have been, the friend that was looking forward to hanging out with specific people that we know then we come to find out they’ve invited a bunch of other people they know. All of a sudden our quaint, safe gathering has turned into a block party and we have no one left to talk to. (Ok block party is a bit extreme but in the moment that’s what it feels like). We’ve also had those friends that we invite to a group function that feel like we have to ‘babysit’ the whole time because we know full well they aren’t the social butterfly we are (I’ll admit I’ve been this person too) and in the end we wonder if it was all that wise to have them join in.
You see this is the dilemma I faced, along with something else: I wasn’t too sure if I ended up inviting friends from all different areas of my life how they would all mix together. It’s kind of like menu planning … is it ok to serve grapes on a snack buffet along side of the chips and salsa dip? Is chocolate going to be an appropriate addition (of course chocolate can liven up any buffet)? What about orange juice being offered beside red wine? Will all of these various forms of indulgence compliment each other or completely clash and ruin a potentially great evening?
After creating and sorting through several different lists of people I had considered inviting to my fun night out, I had to finally just make a decision. Since my time was indeed running out and I was forced to choose, I felt no other option but to take a risk and mix up the party. I went on facebook one day, tired of trying to create ‘the perfect group’, and just started typing random names of people that came to mind that I thought may enjoy a chance to mingle and have fun with possible strangers. I invited around 11 people hoping that there might be five that would respond with a ‘yes’. I thought to myself ‘Surely it won’t be that hard to have 5 people out of this list that would want to come – I’m a nice fun girl’. Apparently that’s up for debate because it was no easy task.
In the end I got 4 movie goers and 5 Tequila watchers – and the perfect 5 they were!
Here was my plan: we would meet at the theatre to watch the new movie “Julie & Julia” (which was recommended by Sista and I had wanted to see), then we would travel across the street to a trendy little bar and grill for some drinks and appetizers (and most likely at least a taste of dessert). My final list of movie people were Shell Bell and her friend (whom I’d never met before), Sista from work, along with her best friend Mammy (also from work), and myself. We would lose Mammy after the movie and gain Smiles and Cricket (one of my home church leaders) at the restaurant.
I waited patiently at the theatre for my posse to arrive, nervously wondering how this night would play out. Would everyone get along? Would we like the movie? What would we talk about? How awkward would it be? I wasn’t sure of any answers but at that point was so ‘in the middle of it’ that I didn’t have a chance to care too much. Before long we’d assembled into our seats for the movie and none of my ponderings mattered much. Everyone was introduced and comfortably awaiting the show.
I’m not sure how it happened but I ended up sitting at the end beside Shell Bell’s friend (who fit in well by the way!), it seemed odd to me that after all of this ‘Eva’s night out’ talk happened that I ended up beside a stranger and in the aisle – appropriate I suppose after all of my lessons on meeting new people. Miss T was good at conversation and I thought to myself how cool it was I had been able to assemble the group necessary (including someone new) before my deadline hit. On to the movie…
Sista had told me she had just seen the movie and that it totally reminded her of me and my little experiment. I decided to trust her. Wow! She was dead on. If you don’t know, the movie is about a 30 year old woman who wants to shake up her life by cooking through Julia Child’s cookbook in a year and blog about it. I don’t know how many times through out the movie that I found myself thinking ‘Oh my goodness that’s me!’ or ‘Wally has totally said that to me before!’ (Regarding my blog). It was THE perfect movie (at least in my opinion) for my night out with the girls. At one point a line was given by one of the actors and apparently 4 heads leaned over and peered all eight of their eyeballs at me – luckily I hadn’t noticed (it was the part about bloggers being narcissistic – I have no idea where they’d get that idea!).
I think it’s safe to say that everyone enjoyed the movie. We then strolled over to the restaurant for some eats and there would soon meet up with my other friends. It’s at this point I wondered if accomplishing #6 on my list would be a good idea. You see I was exhausted from doing nights that week and starving (as I hadn’t had supper). I wasn’t too sure Tequila was the answer to my problems, however Sista convinced me otherwise (I was getting the impression that perhaps it was going to be an experience not only for me, but everyone else to see my first Tequila). Sista had brought her camera and was prepared for the whole event, so I went ahead and ordered my first shot. It didn’t take long after our drinks were delivered that the camera started snapping away, we got pictures of me with everyone there (along with me drinking everyone else’s drinks), as well as a step by step picture story of me and my Tequila. (Wally saw the pictures later and was a bit stunned at what I boozer I appeared to be, I really wasn’t, I just enjoyed a tasting, that’s all!)
I have to say, I had a lot of opinions given to me about what the Tequila would taste like, how much I wouldn’t like it and where to stop at. Marshmallow didn’t even want me to try it, another friend of ours (a veteran drinker) said he couldn’t take more than 2 shots at a time of it, and yet others talked of the horrible flavour. I however didn’t understand what the fuss was about. The taste wasn’t bad (at least not compared to other stuff I’ve had), I definitely felt good after one, but I could’ve handled another without a strip show on my part, in the end I made it out of the experience no worse for the wear. (In fact, I think Tequila would be choice of beverage if ever having to live through a torturous family occasion).
Once we had our drinks and some yummy appetizers the evening seemed to sail along. I can’t say that I remember what the conversation was about. I think some was about my blog (as a few were readers), some was about past drinking experiences (or lack there of), and maybe a little about men. I find it amazing that you can put together a group of women (the right ones anyway) and simply find a common thread. Everyone I had talked to afterwards said they had a good time, and I do think that if we got together they would come out again. Though none of them expressed their fears before hand to me, most of them did confess that they wondered how things would go and what the night would be like. The part I LOVE about it all was that everyone just took a chance on their Friday night to come out and spend some time together. In some ways I wonder why some of them would risk the only free evening they would get off from their regular woman/mom/work duties to be with people they barely knew - but they did, and I am so grateful!
As I mentioned before, #12 turned out to be one of my favourite events on my ‘List’ by far. It definitely ended up feeling like MY night. How many of us get a night to celebrate ourselves? Everyone was gathered there knowing the premise of the night’s events and came out to be a part of it – I couldn’t be any more honoured to have people that would do that with and for me! (And it wasn’t even my birthday!!!)
I am one of those people that feel as though you should never wait for someone to throw you a party or give you a compliment before you realize how important you are, just know that you are. I know people that get upset that they don’t feel loved or cared for in life. They want someone to notice them and do something special for them. Of course my hope is that everyone feels special in life without these things but sometimes it’s nice to know you are valued in extra ways. I’ve had days where I sat and wondered why no one thought to do something for me or why I don’t have surprise parties planned on my birthday every year (every year does count you know). But one day I realized that if I waited around for that it may never happen – why not make your own party then? Why not throw your own party to celebrate living life? Unintentionally that’s what I felt like I did with this little outing and I LOVED it!!! I was surrounded by fun, amazing women that ‘got’ me and weren’t afraid to celebrate my crazy firsts that many of them had long past accomplished. The part I love the most is that they lived it with me and shared my excitement – does it get better than that? Someone sharing your joy – acting like it’s theirs too? Well in my humble opinion it doesn’t and for those reasons I will cherish my #12 and #6 on my list forever.
The next time you feel like giving yourself a gift, do what I did and you will find out you are loved and celebrated more than you could ever imagine … 4 friends, 1 stranger and 6 hours = amazing things!
BTW: I totally went out with Smiles and Sista after (since I had no curfew) to another place to share a quiet beverage (mine was only hot chocolate). We did more visiting and I didn’t get home ‘til 2am – great memories. Thanks gallies!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Update
I thought I'd better check in with my bloggy peeps and let you know that I have not disappeared, in fact quite the opposite!
I am diligently working on completing my 'List' by Friday, leaving me only 2 more days (one of which I am working a full shift). I have just realized how incredibly tired I am from all of my socializing and prioritizing of this 'List' leaving it difficult for me to find time to blog. Do not despair though (ok so I realize you won't be despairing) I am going to be blogging each of the rest of my days left of my adventure, it just won't be done for a couple of days.
Looking forward to sharing my experiences with you - I have been having a blast!
Cheers!
I am diligently working on completing my 'List' by Friday, leaving me only 2 more days (one of which I am working a full shift). I have just realized how incredibly tired I am from all of my socializing and prioritizing of this 'List' leaving it difficult for me to find time to blog. Do not despair though (ok so I realize you won't be despairing) I am going to be blogging each of the rest of my days left of my adventure, it just won't be done for a couple of days.
Looking forward to sharing my experiences with you - I have been having a blast!
Cheers!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Adventure Day 33 Part 1 - #16 Eat at a Vegan Restaurant
I was excited and a little nervous about this item on my list; it was definitely something that was new to me. You see I am a meat eater all the way. I don’t tend to eat mounds and mounds of it but I do love it! However a friend and I had talked about wanting to try this vegan restaurant we’d noticed down town so we set a date (actually a few as we kept cancelling on each other) and we did it!
I hopped on the bus that I usually take that just goes down one of the main streets in the city I live in and then jumped off when I was at my desired location. I had a bit of a walk and happened to arrive a bit early so I called my friend to confirm where we were meeting and then proceeded to wait patiently for her outside of the restaurant.
I stood there for only a few minutes when I noticed a man in his forties approaching me, I instantly knew what he wanted. ‘Could you spare some change, I am in an unfortunate circumstance ma’am’ he pleaded. As he held out his hands for any possible hope he might receive I immediately saw the state of them. They were twice the size they should have been, all of the skin on them was peeling off, and his fingernails were very thick, yellow and large.
Now usually I don’t carry any change with me at all but I remembered putting some of my laundry money in my wallet for a coffee outing I ended up not having to pay for. Without a word I quickly handed him two dollars in change (about a third of what I had) and he thanked me and moved on down the street.
I remember a ‘mission’ trip I went on in high school, to a city in another close by country, where the rich and poor don’t live far from each other (do they ever really?). There people didn’t hesitate to come beg for money with tall tales to tell, only minutes after you dropped it in their hands you saw them with booze in their hand or perhaps even with some drugs. You soon learned that if you wanted to feed the hungry just offer to buy them a sandwich or some dinner. After that experience I vowed never to give money to a beggar again … until recently.
To be quite honest giving money to someone who asks (presumably in need) is really not a difficult thing to do. They ask, you give. The transaction takes maybe 20 seconds – all depending on the availability of your wallet or response. Pretty easy deal. If you give without thinking you feel a warm and fuzzy deep inside and reflect ‘Well that felt good, I’m a decent person – I hope I don’t run into anymore people like this though, I need change for my coffee run’. On the contrary you may feel: ‘Why don’t you just get out and find a job you hobo, instead of guilting me into giving you my hard earned money – sheesh!’ I’ll admit I’ve felt both on different occasions, but I am beginning to wonder if one either is an appropriate response to have.
Obviously the latter shows clearly the state of our heart and seems initially wrong, but what about the warm and fuzzy feelings – why are they ok? Is it really a good thing for us to get a wonderful feeling for giving a few cents or dollars to help someone out? Why are we so proud of ourselves for merely throwing a few drops in the bucket that in the long term will most certainly not quench the thirst of the one in need? That’s hardly something to be proud of when we are only doing it to make ourselves feel good or get someone out of our way.
As the man walked away I found myself feeling ashamed of my reaction, which was to give him the minimum. Not only that but I didn’t even talk to him!!! How horrible. To be honest I think I was a bit stunned at his forwardness; I haven’t had an experience like this in a couple of years. I have, in my mind, been trying to prepare myself for this exact scenario so that I could take the chance to not give money but instead invite the person out for a meal and hear their story. I knew the second this man left I wanted desperately to do just that, but I was meeting a friend whom I hadn’t seen in a while, not only that but I was a woman and he a stranger to me. I’m not really sure where the lines of appropriateness blur but I know Wally wouldn’t be jumping up and down at the idea of me having lunch with a homeless man – any man for that matter. But does that mean I shouldn’t do it?
Getting back to my promise to never give money, I didn’t think I should give money to someone who was going to throw it away on an addiction or something that could hurt themselves – that would be a waste and I would be enabling right? I wouldn’t want to hurt someone. Wait a minute though, after deciding this within myself I had yet to offer to buy anyone lunch; rather I would ignore their pleas and go about my day – oh yeah, that’s so much better, isn’t it? Not only that but I was totally in denial if I believed that I myself didn’t throw a large amount of my money at my own addictions: food, useless craft supplies, sales on stuff that I didn’t even need or use – how is it ok for me to waste ‘my own’ money but not let someone else? I guess we would use the fact that we earned it as a defense. However by doing that we’ve just put ourselves above those with less and decided that it’s ok for us to have ‘appropriate addictions’ but not ok for them to have what we deem as ‘inappropriate addictions’. That’s hardly fair.
Pride is an ugly thing and separates us into imaginary worlds where we decide the rules and rights of everyone in it. So delusional, I think.
With my new reformed ideas you are probably wondering what exactly I think one should do in a situation such as this. Well, ideally I think we should take the time to sit down and share a meal with someone in need. Doing so knowing that they have a story and maybe they’ll share it, maybe you’ll learn a valuable lesson from it, or just make a new friend. Or maybe they won’t share a thing, and a ‘thank you’ may inevitably get lost in the exchange of needs, you part wondering why you did what you did, but in the end remind yourself that what you get out of it doesn’t really matter. If the only thing you take away is a realization of how great your life is – that’s enough.
I remember reading a book where the pastor was talking about working with street people and on their ‘mission’ (so to speak), they were handing out cigarettes. Their mission wasn’t to ‘convert the willing’ it was to reach out and show people love, understanding and willingness, to care with a humble gesture of friendship – like the cigarettes were a gift (hello, I’d be listening if you sat beside me with the most delicious freshly baked cookies – that’s my vice). A few years ago this idea would have completely offended me but since growing up a bit I am becoming more aware of how to relate to others that are different – by no means am I claiming to be good at it but I am at least trying to be awake to possibilities of how to connect with (no, not bribe) people. If someone comes to my door with a pamphlet about the benefits and truths of their belief system I promise you I will close the door in their face and only get more annoyed with every interaction I am forced to have with them, even those whom I may agree with. However, if I run into someone while I’m doing life and they meet me where I’m at (whether it’s in the ugliest place in town or with the most unattractive flaws) and just sit beside me, I am going to be much more willing to accept their love, friendship and maybe even thoughts on things.
Meeting this man reminded me of how easy it is to stay disconnected from the brokenness that’s in our world – so easy. I need to make an effort, first in my mind, then in my actions to get over myself and meet people (of all kinds) where they are at – I have such a long way to go. But at least I’m on the road …somewhere.
Ok you are probably wondering about the Vegan restaurant … well it was alright. I’d go back again, and order something different. I had a black been burger that exploded from the instant I bit down on it. It tasted ok but wasn’t my favourite – however I tried something new. The interesting thing I learned about the Vegan restaurant was how few vegetable dishes there were. Don’t get me wrong there were vegetables on the menu but they weren’t as abundant as I thought. Instead there were out of the ordinary bean plates and one recipe with a variety of seeds made into a pate – very different from my norm. I really do love trying new things, but the outcome of doing so always ends up teaching me something completely unexpected!
Last minute confession: I wrote this post before going to have my pedicure, here’s something that happened as I was leaving the pedi place: a man was standing outside of the storefront and asked my friend for money – I was thoroughly annoyed and glad I got away without having to be guilted into giving. I thought to myself: ‘Couldn’t he see I didn’t have time for this?’ and walked straight to my car.
I have further to go than I thought …
I hopped on the bus that I usually take that just goes down one of the main streets in the city I live in and then jumped off when I was at my desired location. I had a bit of a walk and happened to arrive a bit early so I called my friend to confirm where we were meeting and then proceeded to wait patiently for her outside of the restaurant.
I stood there for only a few minutes when I noticed a man in his forties approaching me, I instantly knew what he wanted. ‘Could you spare some change, I am in an unfortunate circumstance ma’am’ he pleaded. As he held out his hands for any possible hope he might receive I immediately saw the state of them. They were twice the size they should have been, all of the skin on them was peeling off, and his fingernails were very thick, yellow and large.
Now usually I don’t carry any change with me at all but I remembered putting some of my laundry money in my wallet for a coffee outing I ended up not having to pay for. Without a word I quickly handed him two dollars in change (about a third of what I had) and he thanked me and moved on down the street.
I remember a ‘mission’ trip I went on in high school, to a city in another close by country, where the rich and poor don’t live far from each other (do they ever really?). There people didn’t hesitate to come beg for money with tall tales to tell, only minutes after you dropped it in their hands you saw them with booze in their hand or perhaps even with some drugs. You soon learned that if you wanted to feed the hungry just offer to buy them a sandwich or some dinner. After that experience I vowed never to give money to a beggar again … until recently.
To be quite honest giving money to someone who asks (presumably in need) is really not a difficult thing to do. They ask, you give. The transaction takes maybe 20 seconds – all depending on the availability of your wallet or response. Pretty easy deal. If you give without thinking you feel a warm and fuzzy deep inside and reflect ‘Well that felt good, I’m a decent person – I hope I don’t run into anymore people like this though, I need change for my coffee run’. On the contrary you may feel: ‘Why don’t you just get out and find a job you hobo, instead of guilting me into giving you my hard earned money – sheesh!’ I’ll admit I’ve felt both on different occasions, but I am beginning to wonder if one either is an appropriate response to have.
Obviously the latter shows clearly the state of our heart and seems initially wrong, but what about the warm and fuzzy feelings – why are they ok? Is it really a good thing for us to get a wonderful feeling for giving a few cents or dollars to help someone out? Why are we so proud of ourselves for merely throwing a few drops in the bucket that in the long term will most certainly not quench the thirst of the one in need? That’s hardly something to be proud of when we are only doing it to make ourselves feel good or get someone out of our way.
As the man walked away I found myself feeling ashamed of my reaction, which was to give him the minimum. Not only that but I didn’t even talk to him!!! How horrible. To be honest I think I was a bit stunned at his forwardness; I haven’t had an experience like this in a couple of years. I have, in my mind, been trying to prepare myself for this exact scenario so that I could take the chance to not give money but instead invite the person out for a meal and hear their story. I knew the second this man left I wanted desperately to do just that, but I was meeting a friend whom I hadn’t seen in a while, not only that but I was a woman and he a stranger to me. I’m not really sure where the lines of appropriateness blur but I know Wally wouldn’t be jumping up and down at the idea of me having lunch with a homeless man – any man for that matter. But does that mean I shouldn’t do it?
Getting back to my promise to never give money, I didn’t think I should give money to someone who was going to throw it away on an addiction or something that could hurt themselves – that would be a waste and I would be enabling right? I wouldn’t want to hurt someone. Wait a minute though, after deciding this within myself I had yet to offer to buy anyone lunch; rather I would ignore their pleas and go about my day – oh yeah, that’s so much better, isn’t it? Not only that but I was totally in denial if I believed that I myself didn’t throw a large amount of my money at my own addictions: food, useless craft supplies, sales on stuff that I didn’t even need or use – how is it ok for me to waste ‘my own’ money but not let someone else? I guess we would use the fact that we earned it as a defense. However by doing that we’ve just put ourselves above those with less and decided that it’s ok for us to have ‘appropriate addictions’ but not ok for them to have what we deem as ‘inappropriate addictions’. That’s hardly fair.
Pride is an ugly thing and separates us into imaginary worlds where we decide the rules and rights of everyone in it. So delusional, I think.
With my new reformed ideas you are probably wondering what exactly I think one should do in a situation such as this. Well, ideally I think we should take the time to sit down and share a meal with someone in need. Doing so knowing that they have a story and maybe they’ll share it, maybe you’ll learn a valuable lesson from it, or just make a new friend. Or maybe they won’t share a thing, and a ‘thank you’ may inevitably get lost in the exchange of needs, you part wondering why you did what you did, but in the end remind yourself that what you get out of it doesn’t really matter. If the only thing you take away is a realization of how great your life is – that’s enough.
I remember reading a book where the pastor was talking about working with street people and on their ‘mission’ (so to speak), they were handing out cigarettes. Their mission wasn’t to ‘convert the willing’ it was to reach out and show people love, understanding and willingness, to care with a humble gesture of friendship – like the cigarettes were a gift (hello, I’d be listening if you sat beside me with the most delicious freshly baked cookies – that’s my vice). A few years ago this idea would have completely offended me but since growing up a bit I am becoming more aware of how to relate to others that are different – by no means am I claiming to be good at it but I am at least trying to be awake to possibilities of how to connect with (no, not bribe) people. If someone comes to my door with a pamphlet about the benefits and truths of their belief system I promise you I will close the door in their face and only get more annoyed with every interaction I am forced to have with them, even those whom I may agree with. However, if I run into someone while I’m doing life and they meet me where I’m at (whether it’s in the ugliest place in town or with the most unattractive flaws) and just sit beside me, I am going to be much more willing to accept their love, friendship and maybe even thoughts on things.
Meeting this man reminded me of how easy it is to stay disconnected from the brokenness that’s in our world – so easy. I need to make an effort, first in my mind, then in my actions to get over myself and meet people (of all kinds) where they are at – I have such a long way to go. But at least I’m on the road …somewhere.
Ok you are probably wondering about the Vegan restaurant … well it was alright. I’d go back again, and order something different. I had a black been burger that exploded from the instant I bit down on it. It tasted ok but wasn’t my favourite – however I tried something new. The interesting thing I learned about the Vegan restaurant was how few vegetable dishes there were. Don’t get me wrong there were vegetables on the menu but they weren’t as abundant as I thought. Instead there were out of the ordinary bean plates and one recipe with a variety of seeds made into a pate – very different from my norm. I really do love trying new things, but the outcome of doing so always ends up teaching me something completely unexpected!
Last minute confession: I wrote this post before going to have my pedicure, here’s something that happened as I was leaving the pedi place: a man was standing outside of the storefront and asked my friend for money – I was thoroughly annoyed and glad I got away without having to be guilted into giving. I thought to myself: ‘Couldn’t he see I didn’t have time for this?’ and walked straight to my car.
I have further to go than I thought …
Adventure Day 32 – #37 – Write down all of the compliments I get in a week
I will admit this item was very narcissistic on my part to put on my list but I did think there would be another interesting lesson to be learned somewhere in it.
I quickly realized that people don’t give out compliments very much. And honestly, I’m quite sure I am among the norm on this one but what a great thing to be brought to my attention.
Here are the compliments I remembered to write down over the past week:
From my boss:
‘You are someone that I can trust and a person with integrity that will do what she says’
(I’m paraphrasing a bit but that is the gist of what she said). This compliment was given during a one on one meeting with her about how things at work were going.
From Wally:
‘You’re eyes light up when you smile!’
‘You get funnier everyday.’
‘You are like a one person comedy extravaganza.’
‘You are like a shooting star – uncatchable, and I’m like the tortoise who can’t keep up.’ (This one hurt a little because he put himself down, but I’ll admit I liked being a shooting star).
From Shell Bell:
‘You are a strong woman’ given as a comment on the blog.
Those are my one week’s worth of compliments, however I am sure there were some that I didn’t catch or notice as we tend to sluff many off. In my opinion, we do this because we are taught not to be able to accept when someone compliments us. I’m not sure why this is. I suppose the fear is that we will grow a large head from it and become arrogant, but really if you are truly worthy of a compliment than I doubt this will happen. At least not from the compliment you are being given. Chances are someone is not going to be telling you how thoughtful you are if you are the type of person that will turn around and talk about how much you agree with them.
Sometimes I will go over and over in my head and out loud a certain compliment I have been given. I will recite it to Wally; I may write it down, anything to keep the memory of the little words of life from being taken away. I have gotten over not being able to take compliments (for the most part). I now often think to myself, when I get a compliment, ‘Yeah, you know I do look good in this dress’ or ‘I am funny sometimes’. This is not to say that I am completely self involved and think I am the best thing to hit life since Adam, but I do make an effort to accept kind words and sort of filter them to see where they are coming from and how those words can benefit me.
For example, when someone says you look steamin’ hot in that new dress you bought (the one you weren’t sure if it was too ‘over the top’ or not), you can do one of two things. You can accept it, think about it and decide ‘Yeah, I do look good and now it feels good to know that someone else thinks so too’. After this you go about your night with a bit more confidence, you come out of any existing shell you may carry around and perhaps reveal a tiny bit more of the ‘real you’. OR you could respond with ‘Oh, I just got it on sale and I’m not too sure about it myself – you’re just being nice, but thanks’. You know what I mean. You even say it in a little weak voice almost apologizing for making someone notice you. The rest of the night you continue to wonder if your dress is indeed ‘over the top’ and you bury yourself in the corner with the chips and dip.
I don’t know about anyone out there but I LOVE hearing people say good things about me (as long as I know they mean it, and even if they don’t sometimes I humor myself and pretend they did). I think learning how to accept a compliment has enabled me to build confidence within a once very timid and insecure girl. Another benefit to learning how to take compliments is that once you are able to receive them you are able to feel free to give them out, and meaningfully too.
I realized one day how amazing it felt when someone noticed something they liked about me and actually shared it with me and I thought ‘Why don’t I try to make more of an effort to let other people know when I admire something about them?’ The catch is to share things you appreciate with not only those you know but strangers as well. I know that there have been times when I’ve been at the grocery store or Wal-Mart and have commented on someone’s clothes or hair or something and I haven’t known them. Their reaction is so funny. They first look surprised, then sometimes they look a bit weirded out or shocked that a complete stranger is looking at them long enough to notice anything, finally they seem delighted at the comment. Then a magically instant bond occurs and you make a friend out of a stranger – what’s better than that!
Though the initial idea of this item on my list sounded very self centered I have relearned a very important lesson: it feels GREAT to hear the good things other people are thinking about you, when you chose to write them down they seem to come to a halt, it’s more than ok to accept a compliment, and it’s even better if you can break out and learn how to give them. On my next list I am going to challenge myself with this one more!!
I quickly realized that people don’t give out compliments very much. And honestly, I’m quite sure I am among the norm on this one but what a great thing to be brought to my attention.
Here are the compliments I remembered to write down over the past week:
From my boss:
‘You are someone that I can trust and a person with integrity that will do what she says’
(I’m paraphrasing a bit but that is the gist of what she said). This compliment was given during a one on one meeting with her about how things at work were going.
From Wally:
‘You’re eyes light up when you smile!’
‘You get funnier everyday.’
‘You are like a one person comedy extravaganza.’
‘You are like a shooting star – uncatchable, and I’m like the tortoise who can’t keep up.’ (This one hurt a little because he put himself down, but I’ll admit I liked being a shooting star).
From Shell Bell:
‘You are a strong woman’ given as a comment on the blog.
Those are my one week’s worth of compliments, however I am sure there were some that I didn’t catch or notice as we tend to sluff many off. In my opinion, we do this because we are taught not to be able to accept when someone compliments us. I’m not sure why this is. I suppose the fear is that we will grow a large head from it and become arrogant, but really if you are truly worthy of a compliment than I doubt this will happen. At least not from the compliment you are being given. Chances are someone is not going to be telling you how thoughtful you are if you are the type of person that will turn around and talk about how much you agree with them.
Sometimes I will go over and over in my head and out loud a certain compliment I have been given. I will recite it to Wally; I may write it down, anything to keep the memory of the little words of life from being taken away. I have gotten over not being able to take compliments (for the most part). I now often think to myself, when I get a compliment, ‘Yeah, you know I do look good in this dress’ or ‘I am funny sometimes’. This is not to say that I am completely self involved and think I am the best thing to hit life since Adam, but I do make an effort to accept kind words and sort of filter them to see where they are coming from and how those words can benefit me.
For example, when someone says you look steamin’ hot in that new dress you bought (the one you weren’t sure if it was too ‘over the top’ or not), you can do one of two things. You can accept it, think about it and decide ‘Yeah, I do look good and now it feels good to know that someone else thinks so too’. After this you go about your night with a bit more confidence, you come out of any existing shell you may carry around and perhaps reveal a tiny bit more of the ‘real you’. OR you could respond with ‘Oh, I just got it on sale and I’m not too sure about it myself – you’re just being nice, but thanks’. You know what I mean. You even say it in a little weak voice almost apologizing for making someone notice you. The rest of the night you continue to wonder if your dress is indeed ‘over the top’ and you bury yourself in the corner with the chips and dip.
I don’t know about anyone out there but I LOVE hearing people say good things about me (as long as I know they mean it, and even if they don’t sometimes I humor myself and pretend they did). I think learning how to accept a compliment has enabled me to build confidence within a once very timid and insecure girl. Another benefit to learning how to take compliments is that once you are able to receive them you are able to feel free to give them out, and meaningfully too.
I realized one day how amazing it felt when someone noticed something they liked about me and actually shared it with me and I thought ‘Why don’t I try to make more of an effort to let other people know when I admire something about them?’ The catch is to share things you appreciate with not only those you know but strangers as well. I know that there have been times when I’ve been at the grocery store or Wal-Mart and have commented on someone’s clothes or hair or something and I haven’t known them. Their reaction is so funny. They first look surprised, then sometimes they look a bit weirded out or shocked that a complete stranger is looking at them long enough to notice anything, finally they seem delighted at the comment. Then a magically instant bond occurs and you make a friend out of a stranger – what’s better than that!
Though the initial idea of this item on my list sounded very self centered I have relearned a very important lesson: it feels GREAT to hear the good things other people are thinking about you, when you chose to write them down they seem to come to a halt, it’s more than ok to accept a compliment, and it’s even better if you can break out and learn how to give them. On my next list I am going to challenge myself with this one more!!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Adventure Day 31 – Second Attempt at #19 Buy a piece of lingerie and wear it
Ok so I woke up yesterday and was absolutely determined to complete this task – determined. This item really was not that difficult, or was it?
I came home from my second night shift in a row in a great mood. I had gotten the most sleep I ever had before and I was fairly certain I could go about my day nap free. It doesn’t get much better than that (not that I mind a good nap but days that require them to tolerate myself are a bit irritating – since I am up writing this at 4 am I am left to wonder if tomorrow might be one of them).
Anyways, I came home, caught up on some e-mail and showered up. I was energized and ready to do something fun for the day. It’s at this point I wonder how in the world I decided that lingerie shopping would help with my great day, I guess I felt THAT good. I had also decided that I would treat myself to a mini shopping spree. You see since Wally went back to school I haven’t been able to just spend some money on myself (aside from my current 40 day experiment). I honestly only have three decent tops to wear in the summer (other than my work ones) and I just wanted something new.
You must understand something (if you haven’t figured this out by now), I am not much into fashion. I don’t like tight stuff, uncomfortable clothes or really anything that has a remote sense of style – it just doesn’t seem to fit my personality. I don’t collect purses, shoes or ever buy anything ‘different’. In fact over the past several years I have been only allowing myself to buy clothes in the size I was 4 years ago after I lost 26 pounds, determined that that would help me stay thin – clearly that wasn’t helping, only making me feel worse for my failures. I just started reading a book (recommended by one of my blogger friends) that is slowing transforming the way I think, thus giving me permission to buy clothes that fit and feel good. Yesterday was the day I would indulge a bit and help me feel better about myself, I couldn’t wait!
I chose to begin my day with the lingerie store I had visited a few weeks ago, having my mind set on purchasing something (maybe I’d even try something on - gasp!) I walked confidently into the store, charged right to the back once again and began to look over the potential buys. I quickly grabbed 5 items I would try on, things I’d never considered before, I went into a change room. That’s when it happened …
I was half naked and wrestling with this crazy contraption that I seriously wondered how one could put on without the help of at least two other people, and then how the heck you’d get it off in the ‘heat of the moment’ – I’ll never understand how some articles of clothing came to be. That’s when I began to over hear a conversation between two women outside of my little cubicle. Here’s how it went:
‘I lost a lot of weight in the past few months so I’m looking for a new bra.’
Sales lady: ‘Oh that’s wonderful, let’s measure you up!’
Sound of measuring tape.
It’s at this point in the conversation I had been able to maneuver my body most of the way into one of the ‘articles’ I had brought with me, and I was rather dissatisfied with what I see. Not because I there’s bulging where there shouldn’t be bulging or anything (although that did come to my attention), actually quite the opposite. I looked in the mirror and noticed that the apparatus fit around my body ok but the ‘cups’ were not overflowing, in fact the cups weren’t even partially full, creating an interesting look with my possible new attire.
The conversation outside my door continued…
Sales lady: ‘Hmmmmm … it looks like you are a 40 with a double D cup’
Woman whom I now despise: ‘Do you have anything here for me?’
‘Well various styles fit differently on different people so it’s best to try on several types and see what might work, however generally we only go up to (some size I’ve never had to pay attention to).’
‘Oh’ says the despised with some disappointment (that’s when I felt a pang of discontent for her) ‘I guess I’ll try back hear again later, when I’ve lost more weight’.
Off the lady went.
I’ll admit it was hard for me to feel too bad for the lady since I had just spent 15 pointless minutes getting my hair caught in hooks and breaking out in a sweat only to find out it was all in vain. She would find what she was looking for at another store that may not give her the pride she would have felt had she bought something at this particular place, but she would find it. I however, was a different story.
I’m not sure how these stores make money, is everyone the perfect proportion? I’m sure I’m not the only one out there whose boobs aren’t as voluptuous as her hips. Whose thighs are more endowed than … well anything else on her body. I’m pretty certain I’m not alone. It was with this truth that I decided to accept defeat for another day regarding the lingerie. I am determined that I will buy something somewhere that is ‘out of my element’ in this area of my life, it just may not be as ‘spicy’ as I first wanted to challenge myself with – oh well it’s accepting the challenge that’s the main thing right?
I made a choice after this little adventure, I would not let this reign on my good mood. In fact I was more ready to take on my clothes shopping than ever! Off I went in a pursuit for the perfect jeans.
Now ladies out there, you know that this is mostly a pipe dream of all of us to find the ‘dream jeans’ right? (Especially if we are not wanting to spend more than $25 bucks). Well, I was hopeful so I entered a store across the parking lot with purpose.
After scanning the store for an unmeasured period of time I collected 8 pairs of pants, I was leaving no stone unturned, somewhere in this store there would have to be a pair of jeans that I would LOVE. As I went through my selections and created the ‘definitely not’s’ and the ‘maybe’ piles I learned that my goal was not as simply as I thought. I tried on my final two ‘possibles’ a few times to compare and chose the pair that happened to be on clearance. It wasn’t my ‘perfect pair’ but they were new and comfy and that was enough for me (even though I had mentally set out to only buy pants that I loved). I tried on a few other pairs of pants and found a winner; quickly I decided to go home with those as well. It was then I figured would be a good time to carry on to another store. To the check out line I went.
As I waited for the person in front of me to finish my eye got caught on something … more jeans. Hmmmm … I wondered. Is it possible that the perfect pair is still out there? Maybe. Should I try one more time and see? Yes, I should. Over I went, once again, to examine the options. This time I just grabbed one more pair to try. They were a style I never would be drawn to at all but in the back of my mind remembered was recommended for people with my body type. I thought ‘Yeah, but I never agree with fashion people – they’re way too out there for me. What the heck, it doesn’t hurt to try.’ I quickly got into a change room to see what the outcome would be.
Before my very eyes were my perfect jeans. (I’m certain I heard choirs of angels singing – for real, they were there!). I changed back into my clothes and practically ran up to the counter to pay, like the jeans were going to disappear if I didn’t pay for them instantly. I was so rejuvenated that I marched across the parking lot and walked into a bunch of stores I never usually go into. That’s when it continued … a new openness for style. I sought out only clothes I wouldn’t normally buy. Buy the end of my 4 hour excursion I ended up with a pair of perfect jeans, a pair of great pants, Capri pants, a casual dress, two tops that were waaaaay not me, and one of those scarves the ladies are wearing now a days as accessories – all for $125!! I thought that was pretty good. Not only that, I even walked into not one but two shoe stores and didn’t leave the second I saw shoes for more than twenty dollars (I even almost bought a red pair to match my new purse from a former adventure day, but they were horribly uncomfortable).
When Wally got home I modeled some of my finds, most of which he loved (all except for one sweater that made him ask what happened to the sleeves – it was the style, he wasn’t entirely convinced).
Adventure Day 31 was amazing for me. It was a day that was completely impromptu and full of application. Application of what I’ve been learning through some of my little self challenges. I realized it felt good to experiment with my appearance and see what all was out there for me to choose from rather than go to what I was used to. I can’t believe how much little things can change how you practically live your life. This lesson keeps tracking me down somehow, but I’m glad, because I’m starting to really have fun with it.
I wonder what’s next?
I came home from my second night shift in a row in a great mood. I had gotten the most sleep I ever had before and I was fairly certain I could go about my day nap free. It doesn’t get much better than that (not that I mind a good nap but days that require them to tolerate myself are a bit irritating – since I am up writing this at 4 am I am left to wonder if tomorrow might be one of them).
Anyways, I came home, caught up on some e-mail and showered up. I was energized and ready to do something fun for the day. It’s at this point I wonder how in the world I decided that lingerie shopping would help with my great day, I guess I felt THAT good. I had also decided that I would treat myself to a mini shopping spree. You see since Wally went back to school I haven’t been able to just spend some money on myself (aside from my current 40 day experiment). I honestly only have three decent tops to wear in the summer (other than my work ones) and I just wanted something new.
You must understand something (if you haven’t figured this out by now), I am not much into fashion. I don’t like tight stuff, uncomfortable clothes or really anything that has a remote sense of style – it just doesn’t seem to fit my personality. I don’t collect purses, shoes or ever buy anything ‘different’. In fact over the past several years I have been only allowing myself to buy clothes in the size I was 4 years ago after I lost 26 pounds, determined that that would help me stay thin – clearly that wasn’t helping, only making me feel worse for my failures. I just started reading a book (recommended by one of my blogger friends) that is slowing transforming the way I think, thus giving me permission to buy clothes that fit and feel good. Yesterday was the day I would indulge a bit and help me feel better about myself, I couldn’t wait!
I chose to begin my day with the lingerie store I had visited a few weeks ago, having my mind set on purchasing something (maybe I’d even try something on - gasp!) I walked confidently into the store, charged right to the back once again and began to look over the potential buys. I quickly grabbed 5 items I would try on, things I’d never considered before, I went into a change room. That’s when it happened …
I was half naked and wrestling with this crazy contraption that I seriously wondered how one could put on without the help of at least two other people, and then how the heck you’d get it off in the ‘heat of the moment’ – I’ll never understand how some articles of clothing came to be. That’s when I began to over hear a conversation between two women outside of my little cubicle. Here’s how it went:
‘I lost a lot of weight in the past few months so I’m looking for a new bra.’
Sales lady: ‘Oh that’s wonderful, let’s measure you up!’
Sound of measuring tape.
It’s at this point in the conversation I had been able to maneuver my body most of the way into one of the ‘articles’ I had brought with me, and I was rather dissatisfied with what I see. Not because I there’s bulging where there shouldn’t be bulging or anything (although that did come to my attention), actually quite the opposite. I looked in the mirror and noticed that the apparatus fit around my body ok but the ‘cups’ were not overflowing, in fact the cups weren’t even partially full, creating an interesting look with my possible new attire.
The conversation outside my door continued…
Sales lady: ‘Hmmmmm … it looks like you are a 40 with a double D cup’
Woman whom I now despise: ‘Do you have anything here for me?’
‘Well various styles fit differently on different people so it’s best to try on several types and see what might work, however generally we only go up to (some size I’ve never had to pay attention to).’
‘Oh’ says the despised with some disappointment (that’s when I felt a pang of discontent for her) ‘I guess I’ll try back hear again later, when I’ve lost more weight’.
Off the lady went.
I’ll admit it was hard for me to feel too bad for the lady since I had just spent 15 pointless minutes getting my hair caught in hooks and breaking out in a sweat only to find out it was all in vain. She would find what she was looking for at another store that may not give her the pride she would have felt had she bought something at this particular place, but she would find it. I however, was a different story.
I’m not sure how these stores make money, is everyone the perfect proportion? I’m sure I’m not the only one out there whose boobs aren’t as voluptuous as her hips. Whose thighs are more endowed than … well anything else on her body. I’m pretty certain I’m not alone. It was with this truth that I decided to accept defeat for another day regarding the lingerie. I am determined that I will buy something somewhere that is ‘out of my element’ in this area of my life, it just may not be as ‘spicy’ as I first wanted to challenge myself with – oh well it’s accepting the challenge that’s the main thing right?
I made a choice after this little adventure, I would not let this reign on my good mood. In fact I was more ready to take on my clothes shopping than ever! Off I went in a pursuit for the perfect jeans.
Now ladies out there, you know that this is mostly a pipe dream of all of us to find the ‘dream jeans’ right? (Especially if we are not wanting to spend more than $25 bucks). Well, I was hopeful so I entered a store across the parking lot with purpose.
After scanning the store for an unmeasured period of time I collected 8 pairs of pants, I was leaving no stone unturned, somewhere in this store there would have to be a pair of jeans that I would LOVE. As I went through my selections and created the ‘definitely not’s’ and the ‘maybe’ piles I learned that my goal was not as simply as I thought. I tried on my final two ‘possibles’ a few times to compare and chose the pair that happened to be on clearance. It wasn’t my ‘perfect pair’ but they were new and comfy and that was enough for me (even though I had mentally set out to only buy pants that I loved). I tried on a few other pairs of pants and found a winner; quickly I decided to go home with those as well. It was then I figured would be a good time to carry on to another store. To the check out line I went.
As I waited for the person in front of me to finish my eye got caught on something … more jeans. Hmmmm … I wondered. Is it possible that the perfect pair is still out there? Maybe. Should I try one more time and see? Yes, I should. Over I went, once again, to examine the options. This time I just grabbed one more pair to try. They were a style I never would be drawn to at all but in the back of my mind remembered was recommended for people with my body type. I thought ‘Yeah, but I never agree with fashion people – they’re way too out there for me. What the heck, it doesn’t hurt to try.’ I quickly got into a change room to see what the outcome would be.
Before my very eyes were my perfect jeans. (I’m certain I heard choirs of angels singing – for real, they were there!). I changed back into my clothes and practically ran up to the counter to pay, like the jeans were going to disappear if I didn’t pay for them instantly. I was so rejuvenated that I marched across the parking lot and walked into a bunch of stores I never usually go into. That’s when it continued … a new openness for style. I sought out only clothes I wouldn’t normally buy. Buy the end of my 4 hour excursion I ended up with a pair of perfect jeans, a pair of great pants, Capri pants, a casual dress, two tops that were waaaaay not me, and one of those scarves the ladies are wearing now a days as accessories – all for $125!! I thought that was pretty good. Not only that, I even walked into not one but two shoe stores and didn’t leave the second I saw shoes for more than twenty dollars (I even almost bought a red pair to match my new purse from a former adventure day, but they were horribly uncomfortable).
When Wally got home I modeled some of my finds, most of which he loved (all except for one sweater that made him ask what happened to the sleeves – it was the style, he wasn’t entirely convinced).
Adventure Day 31 was amazing for me. It was a day that was completely impromptu and full of application. Application of what I’ve been learning through some of my little self challenges. I realized it felt good to experiment with my appearance and see what all was out there for me to choose from rather than go to what I was used to. I can’t believe how much little things can change how you practically live your life. This lesson keeps tracking me down somehow, but I’m glad, because I’m starting to really have fun with it.
I wonder what’s next?
Adventure Day 30 - #39 Plan my next vacation
This item was a suggestion for my list by one of my readers. It was a good one but I have to say I had no idea how challenging it would be for me.
I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before (I think I have), that Wally and I each grew up in families that didn’t travel much at all – they couldn’t really, neither one had much money at all. My family did a lot of day trips to places, some camping and lots of visits to a certain lake. Wally’s family didn’t do that much. A couple of trips up north to visit family and that was about the end of it. Needless to say this has affected our courage to travel, in a couple of different ways. For one, putting two of us in a car with a map and an objective is just dangerous. Wally has a decent sense of direction, I have absolutely none. Wally can navigate a map, my skills are again lacking in this area. Wally likes to get it right the first time, stay on track and find where we are going. I do too, for the most part, but when our two personalities combine in a vehicle for a long ride we don’t generally have a blast – things just get too tense when we are unsure about what we are doing.
This is a huge theme in our life overall (if you hadn’t noticed), that is one big reason for my 40 day experiment. Vacation planning was another big challenge. I have to say though when I initially put this on the list I was thinking that it would be more of me planning a vacation for the distant future. Wally and I both realize that when school is done we won’t be able to say to our new employers ‘we’re just going to start our jobs off with 2 weeks away – we’ll send a post card!’ However, with me getting this new position starting in September, we realized that the week before we go back to school may be our last chance for a good year to year and a half before we could indulge in travel. The debate began.
Where would we go? How long would we stay? How much did we want to spend? What would we like to do? All questions that we gave differing answers on. You see because of my motto of ‘Don’t wait to experience life – do it now!’ I wanted to go on a great vacation with gusto, to explore new things now. We’d never gone on a vacation that didn’t include staying with friends or family (not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I wanted to see what we could do on our own). Especially after this 40 day adventure I wanted to see new places, do new things and really appreciate something completely different. I was set on it. In my mind I had it all planned out. I just needed to purchase our plane tickets, book some accommodations and plan some excursions. I was so excited.
During the discussions Wally was much more conservative in his thinking. I hadn’t worked full time yet (though there was money in the bank for our trip), we only had a week and we still had to get our lives ready for the whirlwind that would begin with school, my job and the changes that would have to happen for all of that to work out. He wanted us to be able to go with peace and a sense of enjoyment rather than worry that we weren’t going to have enough money, time or sense that we needed to relax. That was the point right?
At one point we had even agreed upon going to my desired destination, the deal was we would just go for one less day, and cover less area than we had originally planned. We went to book our tickets and that’s when we realized it likely wouldn’t be worth the trip to spend so much money on flights when we couldn’t stay all that long. I was crushed (to say the least). I laid in bed with tears running down my cheeks trying to explain to Wally why this was so important to me, I know it didn’t make that much sense – we still planned to go in a year or so, but that was my problem.
Since my aunt died, I have tried to live apart from saying ‘someday this’ and ‘maybe later we’ll do that’, a sense of urgency has grown in my heart about life. If something is truly important for me to do I plan on doing it. If it’s something I think could change my life and help me grow I plan on it sooner than later. Anything that takes longer than a year to get to I don’t concentrate too much on. It’s not that I think it won’t happen I just feel a peace that it doesn’t need to happen now, meaning if it’s not important to happen now, I’m ok if it doesn’t happen at all. These are things I’ve had to deal with regarding having our family. I’ve gotten to a place where I’m ok if I never have a family and I have contentment about it – it doesn’t mean I don’t want to grow a family, it just means that I’m not currently pursuing one, which means if it doesn’t happen I’ll be ok. If I die tomorrow I have no regrets about what I have or haven’t gotten to.
This trip meant something to me; I felt that I needed it in some way. I’m not sure if it was the excitement of seeing someplace new, doing something different or the idea of overcoming a challenge we’d never had nerve to try before – but I felt a sincere urgency to do it. When I say urgent, I mean urgent – bordering on hyperventilating urgent, almost fearful that if I didn’t do it now, I’d never get the chance. In many ways it seems like a very juvenile reaction, perhaps it was. However it is this need, to do things now, that I am able to live a fuller, more determined life. I honestly think, most of the time, in the realm of ‘if today was it for me or you, what would I choose to do or say’. I’m not kidding I really think it. I won’t lie, I don’t always choose the right thing to say or do, but the reality of life is very present in my choices. I don’t know of many people that are important to me right now that don’t know how I feel about them in some way – bad or good I guess.
This trip was obviously no different. After some time and deep thought I let go of it and accepted some new possibilities. I looked into a destination we could drive to a few hours away. A place we could both relax at and try a bunch of new things, something that was within our budget, yet still out of the ordinary for us to spend money on. Within a day I had booked a place then cancelled and found another one more within our price range and way nicer for one less day. I have to say that planning a vacation is not really my idea of a good time. It’s a lot of trouble shooting if you have nothing to build on. There’s a lot of risk involved. What if the place you go to is terrible, the service is bad, and there’s nothing to do? What about the money, is it worth putting out so much and not knowing if you are indeed at the right place?
I know I’m probably over thinking it all, I need to relax and just get excited, but these are things our parents never taught us: that it’s ok to spend the money to travel, relax and enjoy some time away. My parents are only beginning to do this. For years we felt guilty about doing these things because we were supposed to be ‘poor little us’ who couldn’t afford to do stuff while everyone else did. We were supposed to be mad at others for prioritizing travel and rest times in their lives. A few years ago I put a stop to that ridiculous school of thought and determined to not be like that. People earned their money and with that earned the right to do with it what they wanted. Now I had that same choice. To be honest I think some people are irresponsible by not taking time to go away and rejuvenate themselves, or challenge themselves to discover new places and activities. It’s disguised as being poor, when many times it’s being scared.
All of that ranting to say, I planned a wonderful 5 days and 4 nights away at a beautiful bed and breakfast a few hours north of us. We’ve got a room that sits over a river with a wonderful view. We will be able to try canoeing (we’ve done this once and I was rather terrified – my new desire to experience things should help with this one), kayaking (never done this), and paddle boating (it’s been forever). There’s also hiking trails and other fun stuff too. I am so looking forward to trying these new things and spending some time with my Wally. I can’t wait to tell all of the fun stories that I’m sure will find us!
I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before (I think I have), that Wally and I each grew up in families that didn’t travel much at all – they couldn’t really, neither one had much money at all. My family did a lot of day trips to places, some camping and lots of visits to a certain lake. Wally’s family didn’t do that much. A couple of trips up north to visit family and that was about the end of it. Needless to say this has affected our courage to travel, in a couple of different ways. For one, putting two of us in a car with a map and an objective is just dangerous. Wally has a decent sense of direction, I have absolutely none. Wally can navigate a map, my skills are again lacking in this area. Wally likes to get it right the first time, stay on track and find where we are going. I do too, for the most part, but when our two personalities combine in a vehicle for a long ride we don’t generally have a blast – things just get too tense when we are unsure about what we are doing.
This is a huge theme in our life overall (if you hadn’t noticed), that is one big reason for my 40 day experiment. Vacation planning was another big challenge. I have to say though when I initially put this on the list I was thinking that it would be more of me planning a vacation for the distant future. Wally and I both realize that when school is done we won’t be able to say to our new employers ‘we’re just going to start our jobs off with 2 weeks away – we’ll send a post card!’ However, with me getting this new position starting in September, we realized that the week before we go back to school may be our last chance for a good year to year and a half before we could indulge in travel. The debate began.
Where would we go? How long would we stay? How much did we want to spend? What would we like to do? All questions that we gave differing answers on. You see because of my motto of ‘Don’t wait to experience life – do it now!’ I wanted to go on a great vacation with gusto, to explore new things now. We’d never gone on a vacation that didn’t include staying with friends or family (not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I wanted to see what we could do on our own). Especially after this 40 day adventure I wanted to see new places, do new things and really appreciate something completely different. I was set on it. In my mind I had it all planned out. I just needed to purchase our plane tickets, book some accommodations and plan some excursions. I was so excited.
During the discussions Wally was much more conservative in his thinking. I hadn’t worked full time yet (though there was money in the bank for our trip), we only had a week and we still had to get our lives ready for the whirlwind that would begin with school, my job and the changes that would have to happen for all of that to work out. He wanted us to be able to go with peace and a sense of enjoyment rather than worry that we weren’t going to have enough money, time or sense that we needed to relax. That was the point right?
At one point we had even agreed upon going to my desired destination, the deal was we would just go for one less day, and cover less area than we had originally planned. We went to book our tickets and that’s when we realized it likely wouldn’t be worth the trip to spend so much money on flights when we couldn’t stay all that long. I was crushed (to say the least). I laid in bed with tears running down my cheeks trying to explain to Wally why this was so important to me, I know it didn’t make that much sense – we still planned to go in a year or so, but that was my problem.
Since my aunt died, I have tried to live apart from saying ‘someday this’ and ‘maybe later we’ll do that’, a sense of urgency has grown in my heart about life. If something is truly important for me to do I plan on doing it. If it’s something I think could change my life and help me grow I plan on it sooner than later. Anything that takes longer than a year to get to I don’t concentrate too much on. It’s not that I think it won’t happen I just feel a peace that it doesn’t need to happen now, meaning if it’s not important to happen now, I’m ok if it doesn’t happen at all. These are things I’ve had to deal with regarding having our family. I’ve gotten to a place where I’m ok if I never have a family and I have contentment about it – it doesn’t mean I don’t want to grow a family, it just means that I’m not currently pursuing one, which means if it doesn’t happen I’ll be ok. If I die tomorrow I have no regrets about what I have or haven’t gotten to.
This trip meant something to me; I felt that I needed it in some way. I’m not sure if it was the excitement of seeing someplace new, doing something different or the idea of overcoming a challenge we’d never had nerve to try before – but I felt a sincere urgency to do it. When I say urgent, I mean urgent – bordering on hyperventilating urgent, almost fearful that if I didn’t do it now, I’d never get the chance. In many ways it seems like a very juvenile reaction, perhaps it was. However it is this need, to do things now, that I am able to live a fuller, more determined life. I honestly think, most of the time, in the realm of ‘if today was it for me or you, what would I choose to do or say’. I’m not kidding I really think it. I won’t lie, I don’t always choose the right thing to say or do, but the reality of life is very present in my choices. I don’t know of many people that are important to me right now that don’t know how I feel about them in some way – bad or good I guess.
This trip was obviously no different. After some time and deep thought I let go of it and accepted some new possibilities. I looked into a destination we could drive to a few hours away. A place we could both relax at and try a bunch of new things, something that was within our budget, yet still out of the ordinary for us to spend money on. Within a day I had booked a place then cancelled and found another one more within our price range and way nicer for one less day. I have to say that planning a vacation is not really my idea of a good time. It’s a lot of trouble shooting if you have nothing to build on. There’s a lot of risk involved. What if the place you go to is terrible, the service is bad, and there’s nothing to do? What about the money, is it worth putting out so much and not knowing if you are indeed at the right place?
I know I’m probably over thinking it all, I need to relax and just get excited, but these are things our parents never taught us: that it’s ok to spend the money to travel, relax and enjoy some time away. My parents are only beginning to do this. For years we felt guilty about doing these things because we were supposed to be ‘poor little us’ who couldn’t afford to do stuff while everyone else did. We were supposed to be mad at others for prioritizing travel and rest times in their lives. A few years ago I put a stop to that ridiculous school of thought and determined to not be like that. People earned their money and with that earned the right to do with it what they wanted. Now I had that same choice. To be honest I think some people are irresponsible by not taking time to go away and rejuvenate themselves, or challenge themselves to discover new places and activities. It’s disguised as being poor, when many times it’s being scared.
All of that ranting to say, I planned a wonderful 5 days and 4 nights away at a beautiful bed and breakfast a few hours north of us. We’ve got a room that sits over a river with a wonderful view. We will be able to try canoeing (we’ve done this once and I was rather terrified – my new desire to experience things should help with this one), kayaking (never done this), and paddle boating (it’s been forever). There’s also hiking trails and other fun stuff too. I am so looking forward to trying these new things and spending some time with my Wally. I can’t wait to tell all of the fun stories that I’m sure will find us!
Adventure Day 29 Part 2 - #38 – Go out for coffee with Pumpkin
Yes this day was a full one for me – I jumped from one sibling in my family to another in Wally’s family, but I was all a go and ready to switch gears. I say that because it is much different going from one person to another in a matter of minutes - especially considering the kind of conversation I had with my brother.
Here’s some background … Pumpkin is Wally’s younger sister. She is 6 years younger than me and seven years younger than Wally. She’s the baby of the family, just like me. She is creative, talented in many things, strong willed and loyal to those she loves dearly – I’d like to think we are similar in those things too (nothing like building yourself up). Pumpkin and I have had our ups and downs. When I came on the scene she was just turning 12, a scary time for every one that age, (along with everyone around them). It was not an easy adjustment to have her brother fall for and become enthralled with another girl – I was the competition and to be honest I was winning. That is by no means to say Wally loved me more than her, obviously it’s totally different, but his time and thoughts were all about his new love and that wasn’t easy for Pumpkin.
Wally and Pumpkin, in my opinion, were/are quite close. I think she looked up to him (both literally and figuratively) and it wasn’t easy to watch his attention stray from home. I probably would have felt the same if I had that kind of relationship with my brother. Needless to say we had a strained relationship at the beginning, we’ve tried through the years to work on it and there have been good times and some rough times. We have just not clicked naturally – some people just don’t and that’s ok, but I want to at least be able to figure out something that will work out for both of us, because once again I think there’s potential. Thus the reason I put time with Pumpkin on my list.
Let me be honest, sometimes Pumpkin scares me – she’s not someone I would whip my opinions around freely with, mostly because with every opinion I have she has one too (as does everyone really). When ever you have two people with strong ideas you have a potential brawl. I like to avoid brawls if I can, so I do try to be careful of how much I say my true thoughts around her. I don’t want to intentionally offend her or unintentionally offend her. I care for her a lot and I want a good relationship with her. Whenever you try to be safe guarded like that (with anyone) it does produce a sort of wall between you. Sometimes that’s the best for everyone and sometimes it just plain sucks. By intentionally taking time to hang out and talk my hope was that we could continue to build on something.
I picked her up around 11am and she was ready for lunch (as she hadn’t eaten yet and had already worked the morning). We headed off to a fast food restaurant and I was saddened to miss out on some yummy grease, however the smells were quite fulfilling. I knew we wouldn’t have a lot of time to ‘connect’ in that restaurant or get conversation going so I offered to take her for some yummy ice cream, she was game.
After sitting we began talking about her pending marriage in October, the challenges that pre wedding stress produces, as well as regular relationship stuff. It was nice to have something in common to chat about and share together, I don’t know about her but I really enjoyed connecting. I’m not sure how it came up exactly but my blog was mentioned, as well as some of the items on my list. She started asking some questions like where I got the idea to do it, what had happened to change my outlook on life, what were some things on my secretive list? It was kind of weird, for the first time I feel like we were really talking and listening to each other – even though we’ve known one another for over 11 years.
Pumpkin never came out and asked me for the address to my blog but I knew deep down she wanted it. I didn’t blame her – with the secrets it holds and all (ok I’m just kidding). The whole thought of her being privy to my inward thoughts is scary because I know we don’t agree on everything and to be honest I don’t want to offend or hurt her with my honesty, or for her to take anything the wrong way (it’s easy to do when you can’t give tone to your voice). My first temptation is to sugar coat what I think so I won’t ‘get into trouble’, but I have promised myself to be honest and real on this blog and I am trying hard to do the same in life, and knowing that she’d be reading my deepest thoughts though intimidating it is freeing as well. At least then I wouldn’t be hiding, even though so often I’d like to hide what I think from others.
I knew I had a choice to make: either ignore the possibility of opening up my world to her, or just dive in and allow her the opportunity to hear my true thoughts in a safe venue for both of us - if nothing else unlock the possibility of her understanding me a little more.
I dove … welcome to my head Pumpkin. No matter what my thoughts are – know that this blog is my place to think things through, and challenge myself as well as others.
Most of all: always know that I love you.
Here’s some background … Pumpkin is Wally’s younger sister. She is 6 years younger than me and seven years younger than Wally. She’s the baby of the family, just like me. She is creative, talented in many things, strong willed and loyal to those she loves dearly – I’d like to think we are similar in those things too (nothing like building yourself up). Pumpkin and I have had our ups and downs. When I came on the scene she was just turning 12, a scary time for every one that age, (along with everyone around them). It was not an easy adjustment to have her brother fall for and become enthralled with another girl – I was the competition and to be honest I was winning. That is by no means to say Wally loved me more than her, obviously it’s totally different, but his time and thoughts were all about his new love and that wasn’t easy for Pumpkin.
Wally and Pumpkin, in my opinion, were/are quite close. I think she looked up to him (both literally and figuratively) and it wasn’t easy to watch his attention stray from home. I probably would have felt the same if I had that kind of relationship with my brother. Needless to say we had a strained relationship at the beginning, we’ve tried through the years to work on it and there have been good times and some rough times. We have just not clicked naturally – some people just don’t and that’s ok, but I want to at least be able to figure out something that will work out for both of us, because once again I think there’s potential. Thus the reason I put time with Pumpkin on my list.
Let me be honest, sometimes Pumpkin scares me – she’s not someone I would whip my opinions around freely with, mostly because with every opinion I have she has one too (as does everyone really). When ever you have two people with strong ideas you have a potential brawl. I like to avoid brawls if I can, so I do try to be careful of how much I say my true thoughts around her. I don’t want to intentionally offend her or unintentionally offend her. I care for her a lot and I want a good relationship with her. Whenever you try to be safe guarded like that (with anyone) it does produce a sort of wall between you. Sometimes that’s the best for everyone and sometimes it just plain sucks. By intentionally taking time to hang out and talk my hope was that we could continue to build on something.
I picked her up around 11am and she was ready for lunch (as she hadn’t eaten yet and had already worked the morning). We headed off to a fast food restaurant and I was saddened to miss out on some yummy grease, however the smells were quite fulfilling. I knew we wouldn’t have a lot of time to ‘connect’ in that restaurant or get conversation going so I offered to take her for some yummy ice cream, she was game.
After sitting we began talking about her pending marriage in October, the challenges that pre wedding stress produces, as well as regular relationship stuff. It was nice to have something in common to chat about and share together, I don’t know about her but I really enjoyed connecting. I’m not sure how it came up exactly but my blog was mentioned, as well as some of the items on my list. She started asking some questions like where I got the idea to do it, what had happened to change my outlook on life, what were some things on my secretive list? It was kind of weird, for the first time I feel like we were really talking and listening to each other – even though we’ve known one another for over 11 years.
Pumpkin never came out and asked me for the address to my blog but I knew deep down she wanted it. I didn’t blame her – with the secrets it holds and all (ok I’m just kidding). The whole thought of her being privy to my inward thoughts is scary because I know we don’t agree on everything and to be honest I don’t want to offend or hurt her with my honesty, or for her to take anything the wrong way (it’s easy to do when you can’t give tone to your voice). My first temptation is to sugar coat what I think so I won’t ‘get into trouble’, but I have promised myself to be honest and real on this blog and I am trying hard to do the same in life, and knowing that she’d be reading my deepest thoughts though intimidating it is freeing as well. At least then I wouldn’t be hiding, even though so often I’d like to hide what I think from others.
I knew I had a choice to make: either ignore the possibility of opening up my world to her, or just dive in and allow her the opportunity to hear my true thoughts in a safe venue for both of us - if nothing else unlock the possibility of her understanding me a little more.
I dove … welcome to my head Pumpkin. No matter what my thoughts are – know that this blog is my place to think things through, and challenge myself as well as others.
Most of all: always know that I love you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)