#28 – Have a ‘couple’ date with people we’ve never gotten to know before
That was the item I struck off of my list on Day 15. Wow, it sounds like it was an obligation, which certainly was not the case at all!
Since moving to the city Wally and I haven’t really acquired many, strike that – any, couple friends. We have lots of helter-skelter friends (like his group of peeps from school, and for me my home church people, a friend or two at school and now the people I’m getting to know at work), but not couple friends. I’m not sure what everyone else’s experiences are but for us, not having kids has definitely put us into a whole other sect of people.
You see when we were first married meeting new couples to hang out with was pretty easy because they were all getting married too, so we all had loads in common. I’d say we had at least 3 or 4 sets of couples that we could hang out and have fun with. And then it happened … The one thing that no one could seem to avoid. They all had kids. This wouldn’t have been a problem for us as we were really expecting to be in their situation soon too. However, time kept passing by and our ‘situation’ never turned into their ‘situation’.
You see we had every intention of joining the parenting ranks soon after we married, I think I’ve mentioned how that changed, the thing is our friends’ lives didn’t – they all kept reproducing (and some still are) without regard to our needs – how dare they. Didn’t they know we needed them? Didn’t they know we no longer related to their lives? Didn’t they get that we weren’t really interested in having segmented conversations, interrupted game nights and evenings that only further enlightened us on how we weren’t going to parent? No, they were oblivious. And we were selfish.
Now, let me clarify something. Wally and I still have friends that have kids, we would never actually cut people off for this reason (well … no we wouldn’t), but in the past 2 ½ years it has become glaringly obvious that we are living very different lives than our friends with kids. Initially I was NOT ok with this fact. When our friends that got married after us began their little families I really struggled watching them get to experience the miracle of life, mom’s staying home raising their children while I was out scrubbing other people toilets to make ends meet. Our friends were picking out baby names, taking kiddos to preschool and setting up education savings plans while Wally and I were applying to College. Something seemed very wrong with this picture.
It took me a couple of years to truly accept (and now completely LOVE) the place our life was going and now that I do I wouldn’t change a thing. Well maybe one thing … where do you find good friends that you mesh with, who understand where you’re at and can stand with you rather than watch you? Well, to be honest I don’t’ have the answer for this, all I can say is that you have to be open and sometimes step out and make the first move – kind of like dating.
This is where #28 comes in. As I mentioned before finding a couple to ‘date’ isn’t easy. In fact it’s twice as difficult than regular dating, as there are twice as many personalities involved, not to mention the fact that each has to tolerate the mix of 3 other people at the same time – it’s very complex. Generally it’s the ladies who get along and chat, while the gents go do something (or watch something) together. However for #28 I stepped out a bit and took a risk. The people we invited over for a ‘couple’ date I knew but Wally didn’t, and really I didn’t know the gallie very much at all. I invited Bro from work and his wife Smiles. At first I wasn’t sure if I could do it. I find crossing work and personal life weird, who wants to make work awkward with whatever info you’ve accidentally let out the night before? (And I have to admit this I do often). Also, Smiles had interviewed me for my current job and as far as I knew she would be doing it again in the future for whatever contracts that arose, isn’t it weird to be yourself with someone you wouldn’t be yourself with later? I’m just not that kind of a person. Once you get to know me there’s no going back, no faking it, no lying about how you are – I’m me, like it or leave it.
However this time I made the exception. In part because, as I mentioned in Day 12, I had felt that our work team had a ‘family feel’ with no need to fake things and I was accepted. Also because I’d heard rumors that Smiles was a genuinely smiley person, not the fake kind - I like that. Those two things made it ok for me to safely pursue this possible friendship. (It also didn’t hurt that Bro and Smiles had been married for 6 years, were kidless and in a similar situation as Wally and I – wanting kids, yet glad for how things have turned out. Oh, and Bro had a PS3 like Wally).
Once I’d made my list I couldn’t wait to make the invite (actually I think we talked about getting together sooner but it just hadn’t happened). We made a date and last night was it. They came over for dinner and some games. As always the beginning was a bit quiet and awkward (I never let that go on for long), but as we hung in there we chatted along and shared more of each of our own stories. It was going very and I was thinking ‘Yay!! kidless friends with our kind of take on life – does it get any better?!’
I soon found out that it does. How you ask? Well about halfway through our evening we were chatting and Smiles looks at me rather anxiously (probably after I’d remarked about how great it was to have new friends that ‘got it’) and said something about having to tell us something. I’m thinking ‘This is weird. This is only our first date, how could she possibly have anything to tell us that she’d be nervous to share?’ I knew it had to be something big. To be honest I was sure it was going to be ‘We’re pregnant!’ then I would have had to hate them and act all happy on the outside – I hate acting.
Smiles knew this was what I was thinking, as she and Bro had experienced the same anticipation from people as Wally and I had when sharing any exciting news with others (that never was about babies). She quickly spit it out, ‘We’re moving at the end of the month. I got an awesome job as a nanny …’ I’m not really sure of her exact words as I tuned them out after a while. I was stunned, shocked and seriously trying not to cry – my reaction actually surprised myself. ‘What?!!’ I thought. ‘You can’t, it’s our first date. We like you; you are the perfect people for us, there aren’t any others out there you know?! Do you realize how hard it is to find fun kidless people who actually like kids but don’t go to them to fill their every inner need? Seriously, the job cannot be that perfect!’
Ok so my reaction was a little on the selfish side (ok a lot on the selfish side). And it wasn’t entirely about finding our perfect couple friends. Admittedly, just as much of it (maybe more) was to do with my newly acquired family at work, my new brotherly type. Bro is the responsible, level headed, calm one who everyone likes and respects. Our house at work supports two fellows that need good male role models, our house has (had) two and now we were going to be down to one (full time anyways). How could this happen? It really does feel like a family being tugged apart.
Don’t get me wrong I am truly happy for our new friends and their adventures. The fact that they have sold their home and almost everything in it to follow dreams and whatever else God has for them inspires me completely to keep running after life, but it’s so hard to let go at the same time. I really cannot truly rationalize why I feel so at a loss when I think of my new friends leaving, but I do. It’s funny, I always pride myself on being able to let go of people without a problem because I know God’s never going to stop moving in life and we should always be prepared to say good bye – whether it’s through death or change. Why is it that this situation seems so difficult then? Why do I feel like the creepiest person on earth for getting so attached so quickly to people many would classify as strangers?
How would you feel if you were looking for a very specific thing? Let’s say the perfect little black dress (for the ladies) or that one of a kind movie you loved but have never been able to find (for the men - I’m grasping here)? Once you find it you know it immediately. You don’t have to wear it for days to see if it’s ‘right’, or rip it out of the box immediately to make sure, you just know the second you find it that it’s what you are looking for. I guess that’s how I feel about Smiles and Bro.
It’s not that we don’t have lots of friends (especially since moving and expanding our life), but it’s rare to find couple friends that you can ‘click’ with. Now I have to stop myself and say. As couple friends we only met once and really there wasn’t this miraculous clicking or anything like I may be making it sound. But there was potential and hope. And I have to admit that as I grow older in life I’m learning that it’s rare to find people that share the same kind of take on life as I do (as Wally and I do) and sometimes that’s hard. However, I’m also learning that you have always got to leave yourself open to meeting new people too because if you constantly look for ones that fit your mold, timing and surroundings you will indeed miss out on some great travel opportunities.
We plan on visiting our new friends in their new city for sure! (They aren’t getting rid of us that easily!)
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Recap of Adventure Days 13 & 14
I have to say, sometimes keeping track of what day is what is a challenge! Oh well, I’ll keep trying to keep up.
Day 13 was a pretty average day, nothing too exciting going on. I went into work for my fifth day in a row (this is good stuff for a relief worker!). Nothing too out of the ordinary from that, but I did get a couple of good ‘funnies’ to share:
I was standing a couple of feet into Guy’s bedroom to say goodnight and stuff when he came (sort of charging) at me with his arms wide open – he wanted a hug. As I mentioned before there are policies and stuff on that kind of thing so we have to really watch stuff. Besides that I will remind you that I’m not a hugely affectionate person (physically). So I took several steps back. He quickly takes the hint and says: “Why don’t you want a hug?”
I say: “Remember, I’m not that into hugs.”
He asks: “How do you love your husband then?”
I say: “I cook for him.”
He looks confused and says: “That’s not loving.”
I say: “It is in my house.”
Another time through out the night when I was apparently being ‘too curious’, Guy reminds me of the ‘curiosity killed the cat’ saying and says: “You should be careful Eva, about being so curious. God’s not always going to save you!”
Day 14 – Did not hold all that much excitement in it. However I did complete one of my items on the list and pursued another one.
I finished up my 7 days of no t.v. (or other stuff like it). I sort of cheated though. Sunday morning (that day) I woke up and plunked down on the couch and turned the t.v. on, without any regard for my resolve. I didn’t give two hoots about 7 days of whatever. The funny thing was I didn’t even care about what I was watching. Since it was Sunday morning there were loads of televangelists on t.v. or speakers of sorts. I suppose in my mind I wasn’t breaking any commitments since I wasn’t actually enjoying what was on t.v.
I kind of think that mentality is funny. I seem to carry that around a lot with me on this 40 day adventure. If it’s not something I care about or feel in my heart drawn to do, then it doesn’t really matter if I do it and break my own rules. I wonder why I do that? It has actually caused me to totally ‘cheat’ on myself several times.
For example Friday night Wally and I went to a movie together (we do this maybe once every year or two) – um, hello, did we have to do this on my week off of media? To go along with that we also bought some snacks for the movie (Swedish berries and a huge Twix bar – did someone forget the other rule?). We did have a giant ‘reasoning’ discussion before and I honestly don’t feel I was doing it out of an internal need for it. It really just seemed wrong to do this ‘special event’ without doing it right – with snacks. That was all well and good until the next day when Wally and I were out for a nice hot beverage (to a place we’d been to before) and I was longing desperately for a baked good (like pleading for some rationale). I didn’t get one, but I did get a larger size drink to make up for it. There’s something wrong with the ‘spirit’ of that activity I think.
Later we decided to go out for lunch and indeed picked a new restaurant and I indeed picked something new to me. It was all good and we definitely felt the spirit of adventure (slight though it was). Then in the evening we had a craving to try something new (at a restaurant that of course I’d been to). It was an ice cream shake type thing. We went and tried and it really is only occurring to me now how ‘off base’ it was for us to convince ourselves this was within the ‘rules’ to do.
Let me address two things with all of these breaking of the rules. First, we don’t normally go out that often (we’re super frugal) but I had my first day off in a while and it was the most we’d seen each other in a week so outings like these seem to be how we roll. The second thing is that I sound wrapped up in my ‘rules’, yet totally unwrapped at the same time.
Here’s the deal: as I write about my ‘adventure’ I’m realizing that putting things to do in the ‘negative’ like: don’t watch t.v. for 7 days, and don’t eat blah, blah, blah, (and though I didn’t put it this way in the list) don’t go to any restaurants that aren’t new to you, we tend to look for ways around them or are naturally pulled to go against them. Even when they are worded positively, if we are not truly desiring something different we are going to find a way around it. Don’t get me wrong I really do want to change and try new things but some days are definitely easier to be in that frame of mind than others.
Even though perfection is far from me at this point I am learning more about myself and those around me by doing this experiment. I’m learning about resolve, motives, commitment, how difficult and even sometimes impossible it is to be ‘perfect’ all the time and always abide by whatever rules are laid down. I am understanding so much more about my faith (that sounds weird I know) but I’m talking more about the foundation of my Christian faith, about how following rules is just not how Jesus rolled. He was so much more about living by the Spirit and many times that meant breaking the rules. This is where things get tough though. On our own we can never really know when to ‘break the rules’, our natural desires are going to always justify the things we want. To really know when it’s better for us to ‘break the rules’ we need to truly seek direction – and that’s not easy, at all.
The world, and the religious system, is all about rules and following things by a line. There are laws to protect us, there are scientific rules by which the physical world lives, we hear all about what the moral way to do things is, but what about when those laws cannot be followed, understood or upheld? Sometimes we stick to them anyway, even if it hurts others or ourselves. Other times we do away with the whole system and live by our own school of thought. But every so often we actually stop and think about whatever it is we are struggling through and we look deeper, we ask questions we were always too afraid to ask and we leave ourselves open to debate. Do we always get the answers? No. Do we always need the answers? I don’t think so. Does it always matter if we go through this process only to find out we made the wrong decision - we trusted too much, we didn’t feel enough or we just made a stupid choice? No, and to be honest I don’t know that I really believe in the idea of making a mistake IF we learn something in the process and become better for it.
With all of that being said, I’m continuing my journey and perhaps at some point may try to truly follow the rules by the strictest of standard and write about it, but for now I’m going to continue to teach myself how to keep my resolve (re-reading them has been a big help) without constantly going from one extreme to another. We’ll see how that goes!
Day 13 was a pretty average day, nothing too exciting going on. I went into work for my fifth day in a row (this is good stuff for a relief worker!). Nothing too out of the ordinary from that, but I did get a couple of good ‘funnies’ to share:
I was standing a couple of feet into Guy’s bedroom to say goodnight and stuff when he came (sort of charging) at me with his arms wide open – he wanted a hug. As I mentioned before there are policies and stuff on that kind of thing so we have to really watch stuff. Besides that I will remind you that I’m not a hugely affectionate person (physically). So I took several steps back. He quickly takes the hint and says: “Why don’t you want a hug?”
I say: “Remember, I’m not that into hugs.”
He asks: “How do you love your husband then?”
I say: “I cook for him.”
He looks confused and says: “That’s not loving.”
I say: “It is in my house.”
Another time through out the night when I was apparently being ‘too curious’, Guy reminds me of the ‘curiosity killed the cat’ saying and says: “You should be careful Eva, about being so curious. God’s not always going to save you!”
Day 14 – Did not hold all that much excitement in it. However I did complete one of my items on the list and pursued another one.
I finished up my 7 days of no t.v. (or other stuff like it). I sort of cheated though. Sunday morning (that day) I woke up and plunked down on the couch and turned the t.v. on, without any regard for my resolve. I didn’t give two hoots about 7 days of whatever. The funny thing was I didn’t even care about what I was watching. Since it was Sunday morning there were loads of televangelists on t.v. or speakers of sorts. I suppose in my mind I wasn’t breaking any commitments since I wasn’t actually enjoying what was on t.v.
I kind of think that mentality is funny. I seem to carry that around a lot with me on this 40 day adventure. If it’s not something I care about or feel in my heart drawn to do, then it doesn’t really matter if I do it and break my own rules. I wonder why I do that? It has actually caused me to totally ‘cheat’ on myself several times.
For example Friday night Wally and I went to a movie together (we do this maybe once every year or two) – um, hello, did we have to do this on my week off of media? To go along with that we also bought some snacks for the movie (Swedish berries and a huge Twix bar – did someone forget the other rule?). We did have a giant ‘reasoning’ discussion before and I honestly don’t feel I was doing it out of an internal need for it. It really just seemed wrong to do this ‘special event’ without doing it right – with snacks. That was all well and good until the next day when Wally and I were out for a nice hot beverage (to a place we’d been to before) and I was longing desperately for a baked good (like pleading for some rationale). I didn’t get one, but I did get a larger size drink to make up for it. There’s something wrong with the ‘spirit’ of that activity I think.
Later we decided to go out for lunch and indeed picked a new restaurant and I indeed picked something new to me. It was all good and we definitely felt the spirit of adventure (slight though it was). Then in the evening we had a craving to try something new (at a restaurant that of course I’d been to). It was an ice cream shake type thing. We went and tried and it really is only occurring to me now how ‘off base’ it was for us to convince ourselves this was within the ‘rules’ to do.
Let me address two things with all of these breaking of the rules. First, we don’t normally go out that often (we’re super frugal) but I had my first day off in a while and it was the most we’d seen each other in a week so outings like these seem to be how we roll. The second thing is that I sound wrapped up in my ‘rules’, yet totally unwrapped at the same time.
Here’s the deal: as I write about my ‘adventure’ I’m realizing that putting things to do in the ‘negative’ like: don’t watch t.v. for 7 days, and don’t eat blah, blah, blah, (and though I didn’t put it this way in the list) don’t go to any restaurants that aren’t new to you, we tend to look for ways around them or are naturally pulled to go against them. Even when they are worded positively, if we are not truly desiring something different we are going to find a way around it. Don’t get me wrong I really do want to change and try new things but some days are definitely easier to be in that frame of mind than others.
Even though perfection is far from me at this point I am learning more about myself and those around me by doing this experiment. I’m learning about resolve, motives, commitment, how difficult and even sometimes impossible it is to be ‘perfect’ all the time and always abide by whatever rules are laid down. I am understanding so much more about my faith (that sounds weird I know) but I’m talking more about the foundation of my Christian faith, about how following rules is just not how Jesus rolled. He was so much more about living by the Spirit and many times that meant breaking the rules. This is where things get tough though. On our own we can never really know when to ‘break the rules’, our natural desires are going to always justify the things we want. To really know when it’s better for us to ‘break the rules’ we need to truly seek direction – and that’s not easy, at all.
The world, and the religious system, is all about rules and following things by a line. There are laws to protect us, there are scientific rules by which the physical world lives, we hear all about what the moral way to do things is, but what about when those laws cannot be followed, understood or upheld? Sometimes we stick to them anyway, even if it hurts others or ourselves. Other times we do away with the whole system and live by our own school of thought. But every so often we actually stop and think about whatever it is we are struggling through and we look deeper, we ask questions we were always too afraid to ask and we leave ourselves open to debate. Do we always get the answers? No. Do we always need the answers? I don’t think so. Does it always matter if we go through this process only to find out we made the wrong decision - we trusted too much, we didn’t feel enough or we just made a stupid choice? No, and to be honest I don’t know that I really believe in the idea of making a mistake IF we learn something in the process and become better for it.
With all of that being said, I’m continuing my journey and perhaps at some point may try to truly follow the rules by the strictest of standard and write about it, but for now I’m going to continue to teach myself how to keep my resolve (re-reading them has been a big help) without constantly going from one extreme to another. We’ll see how that goes!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Adventure Day 12 - #23 Expanding my family
So Friday turned out a bit differently than it was supposed to, but in a good way. I was supposed to be going in for my fourth consecutive day in a row at the house I work at. However the night before I had been chatting with other staff about the training they were going to and I remarked how I would love to join them and get a bit of a break (since I still had two big shifts after Friday that I would be in for). Don’t get me wrong, I really do love my job (most of the time) but sometimes it’s nice to get a break from the normal stuff, and the training was specialized for the one person we support and I knew I’d enjoy getting the ‘scoop’ and learning more.
I think 5 minutes after I mentioned that I would go it was all arranged that I would be joining them (keep in mind it was 10pm and my next shift was at 9am and they covered it!). I was excited. Not just because I was going to the training (that might be kinda sad), but that I could hang out and get to know my co-workers better.
You see I started working at this home 3 months ago now and it’s only been the past couple of weeks that I really have felt ‘safe’ to (as I put it before) come out of my shell. And come out of my shell I did! In fact sometimes I think I should’ve stayed in. I’m afraid when I get to know people that make me feel accepted completely (which doesn’t happen all that often) I REALLY am myself around them. I can sometimes have quick wit and a sharp tongue that some people don’t appreciate. So far at work I’ve been called a bitch twice, a spicy meatball, a firecracker, a peppercorn and I’m sure there are a few others I cann’t remember. I love it! I love that I can let go and just be and laugh and argue without really constantly being worried about what every one thinks. Can it get any better than that?
Onto my Friday. I went with the 3 full time staff – 2 guys and a gal (without my boss’ approval – oops!) to the training session. Well, I guess it was training. The guy in charge seemed less than my ideal, had an annoying laugh and was a tad on the arrogant side. More than once he wouldn’t let my co-workers and I finish our thoughts, and at one point he blatantly came out and dissed my program at College and said that DSWs didn’t come out of school with any real skills or at least didn’t use them or know how to. Well, he walked over the wrong chick’s feet – I didn’t really hold back my opinions and facts of what I had learned in school and as he challenged me (or tried to shut me down) I just spoke louder. Sometimes I don’t let things go – this was one of those times. Needless to say we had a lot to talk about during lunch and we did (over some Thai food at a new to me restaurant might I add).
As we ate, talked, laughed and hissed I looked around the table and realized that though I haven’t known the people I was sitting with for very long they indeed were beginning to feel like my family. What makes them feel more like a family than my home church or other friends I have? Well, like a family, this group has a lot in common: we all share the same boss (Big Mama), we joke painfully with each other, we disagree sometimes and argue others (I haven’t done a lot of this but I’m sure I will and I’m sure that it’ll be ok), only we could understand the dysfunctional house we live in too much of the time, we are all in relatively the same income bracket, we try to help each other out when we can, we cover for each other and we annoy each other – sounds like a family to me.
Now after listing all of these things I’m afraid I’ve made myself out to be more ‘in the family’ than perhaps I really am, I do realize my place. I just want to point out that I FEEL like I’m a part of the family there and I love it. I couldn’t imagine working with any other team. When I started out here it was more for the experience, but in a very short time it has turned into a place to live rather than visit.
When I wrote #23 down on my list I really and truly had no idea how I was going to do this, I just knew that I wanted a bigger family. I don’t think you can strategize how to actually ‘expand your family’. However I do think that you can have an idea of what you want out of life, the kind of person you want to be, and the people you want to be surrounded by. If you are open to the possibilities of what the definition of something could be, you may actually already have (or be in the process of getting what you are looking for) and not even realize it.
A lot of people complain about their families (I am one of these) and even get to a point where they feel sorry for themselves because they don’t have supportive, involved, and functional parents and/or siblings in their lives. But the thing is: family is whoever you let in. Family is who you are surrounded by in the hard times. They are the ones who have your back, annoy the hell out of you, make you laugh, believe in you, appreciate who you are and need you too.
By my definition anyone can be your family, you just have to let them. I have my welcome mat out and can’t wait to see who’s coming for Christmas!
I think 5 minutes after I mentioned that I would go it was all arranged that I would be joining them (keep in mind it was 10pm and my next shift was at 9am and they covered it!). I was excited. Not just because I was going to the training (that might be kinda sad), but that I could hang out and get to know my co-workers better.
You see I started working at this home 3 months ago now and it’s only been the past couple of weeks that I really have felt ‘safe’ to (as I put it before) come out of my shell. And come out of my shell I did! In fact sometimes I think I should’ve stayed in. I’m afraid when I get to know people that make me feel accepted completely (which doesn’t happen all that often) I REALLY am myself around them. I can sometimes have quick wit and a sharp tongue that some people don’t appreciate. So far at work I’ve been called a bitch twice, a spicy meatball, a firecracker, a peppercorn and I’m sure there are a few others I cann’t remember. I love it! I love that I can let go and just be and laugh and argue without really constantly being worried about what every one thinks. Can it get any better than that?
Onto my Friday. I went with the 3 full time staff – 2 guys and a gal (without my boss’ approval – oops!) to the training session. Well, I guess it was training. The guy in charge seemed less than my ideal, had an annoying laugh and was a tad on the arrogant side. More than once he wouldn’t let my co-workers and I finish our thoughts, and at one point he blatantly came out and dissed my program at College and said that DSWs didn’t come out of school with any real skills or at least didn’t use them or know how to. Well, he walked over the wrong chick’s feet – I didn’t really hold back my opinions and facts of what I had learned in school and as he challenged me (or tried to shut me down) I just spoke louder. Sometimes I don’t let things go – this was one of those times. Needless to say we had a lot to talk about during lunch and we did (over some Thai food at a new to me restaurant might I add).
As we ate, talked, laughed and hissed I looked around the table and realized that though I haven’t known the people I was sitting with for very long they indeed were beginning to feel like my family. What makes them feel more like a family than my home church or other friends I have? Well, like a family, this group has a lot in common: we all share the same boss (Big Mama), we joke painfully with each other, we disagree sometimes and argue others (I haven’t done a lot of this but I’m sure I will and I’m sure that it’ll be ok), only we could understand the dysfunctional house we live in too much of the time, we are all in relatively the same income bracket, we try to help each other out when we can, we cover for each other and we annoy each other – sounds like a family to me.
Now after listing all of these things I’m afraid I’ve made myself out to be more ‘in the family’ than perhaps I really am, I do realize my place. I just want to point out that I FEEL like I’m a part of the family there and I love it. I couldn’t imagine working with any other team. When I started out here it was more for the experience, but in a very short time it has turned into a place to live rather than visit.
When I wrote #23 down on my list I really and truly had no idea how I was going to do this, I just knew that I wanted a bigger family. I don’t think you can strategize how to actually ‘expand your family’. However I do think that you can have an idea of what you want out of life, the kind of person you want to be, and the people you want to be surrounded by. If you are open to the possibilities of what the definition of something could be, you may actually already have (or be in the process of getting what you are looking for) and not even realize it.
A lot of people complain about their families (I am one of these) and even get to a point where they feel sorry for themselves because they don’t have supportive, involved, and functional parents and/or siblings in their lives. But the thing is: family is whoever you let in. Family is who you are surrounded by in the hard times. They are the ones who have your back, annoy the hell out of you, make you laugh, believe in you, appreciate who you are and need you too.
By my definition anyone can be your family, you just have to let them. I have my welcome mat out and can’t wait to see who’s coming for Christmas!
Saturday, August 1, 2009
More stuff you didn’t know about me …
I read my own blog a lot – I mean a lot. I don’t know what it is that attracts me so much but I love reading it. Maybe I’m a narcissist.
I worry that when new people start reading the blog they'll start with a post that isn't that good and never read it again - I don't know why I care.
I love being regular (I’ll let you take that where ever you’d like)
I believe if you are a man that is a Massage Therapist it doesn’t matter whether you have a job, a car, money, a good personality, or if you are ugly – honey if you got the hands, you got it all.
I’ve only recently learned what grace is and how we are supposed to live it out – I’m trying to do better.
I love the smell of tobacco, but hate the smell of cigars
I’m a total morning person
I’m over punctual
I had what I thought was a birthmark on my chest since I was born, when I was 22 my doctor told me otherwise – it got removed. (My parents always told me they dropped a box of Pampers on me when I was an infant – the doc thought that was funny, I didn’t when I found out what it really was).
I have absolutely no problem walking around our apartment half naked. We’re 7 floors up and face a field – could life get any better?
The only men I’ve ever had hit on me were post middle aged married men – not that I need to be hit on but why the demographic?
My mother in law thinks I remind her of Uma Thurman. Wally thinks I remind him of Joan Cusack. I’ll take my mother in law’s opinion over my husband’s this time.
I love Sandra Bullock. I like Hugh Grant. I can’t stand Bette Midler.
Wally tells me I dance like a white person – that’s ok with me. I am a white person.
I’ve literally lived through a tornado – maybe I’ll tell you about it sometime.
I’ve only ever broken one bone in my body – it was my toe, someone stepped on it while playing ‘Fruit basket’. It’s a fierce game.
Speaking of games, I’m not really competitive at all. And I hate, I mean HATE, when people read me the rules before playing the game. I’d rather read them each one at a time as we play – or just make them up.
I love good surprises, but I’m always on to them – I’m turning 30 next year, I’ll leave it at that.
I LOVE having birthdays. I think people that get all uptight about getting older are clearly stupid – I hope they get weeded out at the pearly gates for not appreciating life.
I LOVE the smell of the doggy poop bags we have – a mixture of marshmallows and vanilla – mmmmm.
I worry that when new people start reading the blog they'll start with a post that isn't that good and never read it again - I don't know why I care.
I love being regular (I’ll let you take that where ever you’d like)
I believe if you are a man that is a Massage Therapist it doesn’t matter whether you have a job, a car, money, a good personality, or if you are ugly – honey if you got the hands, you got it all.
I’ve only recently learned what grace is and how we are supposed to live it out – I’m trying to do better.
I love the smell of tobacco, but hate the smell of cigars
I’m a total morning person
I’m over punctual
I had what I thought was a birthmark on my chest since I was born, when I was 22 my doctor told me otherwise – it got removed. (My parents always told me they dropped a box of Pampers on me when I was an infant – the doc thought that was funny, I didn’t when I found out what it really was).
I have absolutely no problem walking around our apartment half naked. We’re 7 floors up and face a field – could life get any better?
The only men I’ve ever had hit on me were post middle aged married men – not that I need to be hit on but why the demographic?
My mother in law thinks I remind her of Uma Thurman. Wally thinks I remind him of Joan Cusack. I’ll take my mother in law’s opinion over my husband’s this time.
I love Sandra Bullock. I like Hugh Grant. I can’t stand Bette Midler.
Wally tells me I dance like a white person – that’s ok with me. I am a white person.
I’ve literally lived through a tornado – maybe I’ll tell you about it sometime.
I’ve only ever broken one bone in my body – it was my toe, someone stepped on it while playing ‘Fruit basket’. It’s a fierce game.
Speaking of games, I’m not really competitive at all. And I hate, I mean HATE, when people read me the rules before playing the game. I’d rather read them each one at a time as we play – or just make them up.
I love good surprises, but I’m always on to them – I’m turning 30 next year, I’ll leave it at that.
I LOVE having birthdays. I think people that get all uptight about getting older are clearly stupid – I hope they get weeded out at the pearly gates for not appreciating life.
I LOVE the smell of the doggy poop bags we have – a mixture of marshmallows and vanilla – mmmmm.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Adventure Day 11 - Observations at the park today
I saw a woman that was with her kids (boy and girl, probably around 10, 8), doing push ups together on a park bench - that's strange.
I saw not one but two caterpillars hanging between a tree and the ground spinning their cocoons – very cool.
I got a few minutes into my walk and thought: ‘I have to go pee. Oh it’s probably a false alarm’. I didn’t go.
I noticed peoples’ bums. There are all kinds out there. Floppy ones, jiggly ones, flat ones, bumpy ones, stiff ones, sculpted ones, oddly shaped ones, and I wondered … what is mine? And then I thought again … I probably don’t want to know.
I nearly had a head on collision with an older couple that, for some reason, were walking on the wrong side of the path and wouldn’t move – neither would I.
I got passed by a tall, blond, thin yet muscular, tanned chick on roller blades - I sent her hate vibes.
I noticed a man at the park intentionally walking backwards – why I ask? I’m not sure but it was no fluke, I saw him there doing the same thing last time I went.
I decided I hate ‘passing’ people on the trail – it seems rude, and takes a while to do. The whole time I’m wondering if they’re analyzing my butt like I was analyzing theirs.
It occurred to me that I drove 10 minutes to get exercise walking through the park – that doesn’t’ really seem to make sense.
Some one passed me who smelled great. I wondered how and was jealous, considering I was melting in sweat.
I never know when to turn around on the path and go back to my car. I always look at my watch and see that 20 minutes have gone by and think I should return, but never do because time goes by so fast. 5 minutes after I finally do turn around to go back, I wonder if I’m going to make it home.
By the time I got halfway through my walk I realized my ‘false alarm’ wasn’t false at all – dang!
I realized today that as much as I love being with people, I love being alone too.
I like the park.
I saw not one but two caterpillars hanging between a tree and the ground spinning their cocoons – very cool.
I got a few minutes into my walk and thought: ‘I have to go pee. Oh it’s probably a false alarm’. I didn’t go.
I noticed peoples’ bums. There are all kinds out there. Floppy ones, jiggly ones, flat ones, bumpy ones, stiff ones, sculpted ones, oddly shaped ones, and I wondered … what is mine? And then I thought again … I probably don’t want to know.
I nearly had a head on collision with an older couple that, for some reason, were walking on the wrong side of the path and wouldn’t move – neither would I.
I got passed by a tall, blond, thin yet muscular, tanned chick on roller blades - I sent her hate vibes.
I noticed a man at the park intentionally walking backwards – why I ask? I’m not sure but it was no fluke, I saw him there doing the same thing last time I went.
I decided I hate ‘passing’ people on the trail – it seems rude, and takes a while to do. The whole time I’m wondering if they’re analyzing my butt like I was analyzing theirs.
It occurred to me that I drove 10 minutes to get exercise walking through the park – that doesn’t’ really seem to make sense.
Some one passed me who smelled great. I wondered how and was jealous, considering I was melting in sweat.
I never know when to turn around on the path and go back to my car. I always look at my watch and see that 20 minutes have gone by and think I should return, but never do because time goes by so fast. 5 minutes after I finally do turn around to go back, I wonder if I’m going to make it home.
By the time I got halfway through my walk I realized my ‘false alarm’ wasn’t false at all – dang!
I realized today that as much as I love being with people, I love being alone too.
I like the park.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Adventure Day 10 – Crossing the line
Yesterday was Day10 (and I’ve decided that depending on how I feel I may post my days the next day but when I write it will be about that specific day. Oh I’m confused, oh well).
Though the weather was not very co-operative yesterday I had something to look forward to, a lunch date with a longtime friend and a new blog friend. I have to say right away that it feels weird to write something about people that I know will read this, but I will carry on.
My long time friend from a far away land (now) was in the country for a visit with family and she was kind enough to make time for lunch with me. She was the first person that I invited to read my blog and has diligently followed it and been an encouragement to me through out. During this time she has also done me the favor of sharing the blog (with my permission and prodding) with a couple of her friends. Though this blog is anonymous I thought that was fine because who she told wouldn’t really know who was writing and I wouldn’t have to worry about anything. Anyway, one of the people she invited, her sis-in-law, caught on who the author was and I was discovered. This ended up becoming a good thing because she actually has enjoyed the blog. So when my long time friend came for her visit she asked if I wanted to share our lunch date also with her sis-in-law (or perhaps they were sharing their date with me, it’s doesn’t really matter).
I generally look forward to meeting new people (although I have met her, I didn’t really know her), I love connecting and all that stuff, but I have to admit, it was a little scary to cross the borders of anonymity with this. Not at all because of who this person was, just because I do try to write very honestly, sometimes deeper, some times just light and funny, but all of it is from my heart. It’s weird to realize (for real) that someone you don’t really know knows you, like the deep down honest part of you, only from reading your thoughts. It’s kind of a strange feeling. It was even kind of weird when I met my close friend at first. She even said herself: ‘This is kind of weird, I feel like you are a totally different person’. Though there was no disclaimers afterwards I am trusting it’s an ok different.
Now as these two ladies are reading this I don’t want to freak them out. I had an awesome time with them and so enjoyed getting to know my new friend (and yes, I believe we will be friends – we’re even going for coffee next week), but I thought it was interesting to interact with blog followers outside of blog world, even the ones I already knew. It makes me realize how different writing your thoughts and reactions to life can be over just experiencing them or talking about them with someone.
I think I have already mentioned that I have completed #8 – inviting 5 friends to read my blog. This of course totally destroys the idea of anonymity I try to keep. I chose carefully and I even have invited a couple of extra people to read too. This may make you wonder why I am even trying to be anonymous. Well for a few reasons. First, it’s kind of fun having made up names for myself and others - there is meaning behind almost every name I give to people, I love that. Second, by me thinking no one knows me I am left completely vulnerable and honest, this is something I feel the world needs more of, even if it means people seeing my unending list of flaws. I know that when I meet someone who lives honestly I feel an immediate connection and sense of friendship, even if I only chat for a few minutes and never again, I feel filled – what a gift. I also change names and stuff out of respect for those I mention (my family and friends), I will end up sharing more of my story as time passes and in that there are other stories. I want to be careful to tell both with some sense of dignity, I know right now that I won’t do this well all of the time but I will at least try.
There you have it! I didn’t strike anything off of my list technically but I think that crossing the borders of anonymity of this blog should count. As I invited another very new friend and co-worker last night I told her that she should only read it if she wanted to see me naked – of course I meant it metaphorically.
Hmmmm … maybe I should rename the blog to ‘A Nude Dimension’
Too cheesy?
Don’t answer that.
Though the weather was not very co-operative yesterday I had something to look forward to, a lunch date with a longtime friend and a new blog friend. I have to say right away that it feels weird to write something about people that I know will read this, but I will carry on.
My long time friend from a far away land (now) was in the country for a visit with family and she was kind enough to make time for lunch with me. She was the first person that I invited to read my blog and has diligently followed it and been an encouragement to me through out. During this time she has also done me the favor of sharing the blog (with my permission and prodding) with a couple of her friends. Though this blog is anonymous I thought that was fine because who she told wouldn’t really know who was writing and I wouldn’t have to worry about anything. Anyway, one of the people she invited, her sis-in-law, caught on who the author was and I was discovered. This ended up becoming a good thing because she actually has enjoyed the blog. So when my long time friend came for her visit she asked if I wanted to share our lunch date also with her sis-in-law (or perhaps they were sharing their date with me, it’s doesn’t really matter).
I generally look forward to meeting new people (although I have met her, I didn’t really know her), I love connecting and all that stuff, but I have to admit, it was a little scary to cross the borders of anonymity with this. Not at all because of who this person was, just because I do try to write very honestly, sometimes deeper, some times just light and funny, but all of it is from my heart. It’s weird to realize (for real) that someone you don’t really know knows you, like the deep down honest part of you, only from reading your thoughts. It’s kind of a strange feeling. It was even kind of weird when I met my close friend at first. She even said herself: ‘This is kind of weird, I feel like you are a totally different person’. Though there was no disclaimers afterwards I am trusting it’s an ok different.
Now as these two ladies are reading this I don’t want to freak them out. I had an awesome time with them and so enjoyed getting to know my new friend (and yes, I believe we will be friends – we’re even going for coffee next week), but I thought it was interesting to interact with blog followers outside of blog world, even the ones I already knew. It makes me realize how different writing your thoughts and reactions to life can be over just experiencing them or talking about them with someone.
I think I have already mentioned that I have completed #8 – inviting 5 friends to read my blog. This of course totally destroys the idea of anonymity I try to keep. I chose carefully and I even have invited a couple of extra people to read too. This may make you wonder why I am even trying to be anonymous. Well for a few reasons. First, it’s kind of fun having made up names for myself and others - there is meaning behind almost every name I give to people, I love that. Second, by me thinking no one knows me I am left completely vulnerable and honest, this is something I feel the world needs more of, even if it means people seeing my unending list of flaws. I know that when I meet someone who lives honestly I feel an immediate connection and sense of friendship, even if I only chat for a few minutes and never again, I feel filled – what a gift. I also change names and stuff out of respect for those I mention (my family and friends), I will end up sharing more of my story as time passes and in that there are other stories. I want to be careful to tell both with some sense of dignity, I know right now that I won’t do this well all of the time but I will at least try.
There you have it! I didn’t strike anything off of my list technically but I think that crossing the borders of anonymity of this blog should count. As I invited another very new friend and co-worker last night I told her that she should only read it if she wanted to see me naked – of course I meant it metaphorically.
Hmmmm … maybe I should rename the blog to ‘A Nude Dimension’
Too cheesy?
Don’t answer that.
More fun times at work…
Guy got a new bed today and this is the conversation we shared right after we got into it for the first time to sleep:
“Oh, I love my new bed. It’s so soft and comfy. Eva touch it – it’s soft.”
I go to the farthest place from him and quickly bounce my body off of the edge of the bed and say: “ Yup, it’s a pretty soft bed.”
“Oh I love my bed, I’m so glad I got it. It’s so great; I wish you could lay down right beside me Eva.” (I’m quite positive he wasn’t being inappropriate though)
I say: “Uh, yeah … let’s pray … good night Guy.”
Guy and I are watching a movie. He notices a female on screen and says: “That girl is hot, don’t you think Eva?”
“Um, I’m not really into chicks Guy”
“That’s because you’re a girl right?”
“Right.”
We’re on a van ride, with me driving, another newer (but older) staff is in the passenger seat and Guy is sitting behind her. Guy begins to massage her neck (something we should stop him from doing), she doesn’t seem to know this. She says how much she enjoys it. Guy remarks snidely with “Eva doesn’t like touchy” then stares me down with an evil eye.
A minute or so into the massage (from above) Lil t (the staff) continues to enjoy the massage and Guy says “I knew you’d like this Lil t”
Lil t says “Oh really, how did you know that?”
Guy says “Because you are that kind of woman.”
The other day at work before the for mentioned van ride, I am sitting in the drivers’ seat waiting for the other staff to come, the music is on. Guy says “Hey Eva, do you want to learn how to ‘rock the van’?”
My mind is clearly not where his is and I am thinking ‘huh?’
He quickly cranks the Abba that’s playing, puts on the four ways and then literally gets out and rocks the van.
One day Guy and I were outside shooting hoops. A teenage girl dressed in tight fitting summer apparel walks by us. Guy’s eyes practically hit the drive way and serious drooling begins to pour out of his mouth and he starts to loudly say “Mama Cita” (I’m not sure the spelling but I think it’s Spanish) over and over and is directly looking at her. Guy has been told that this means hot or pretty lady. I had to hit a gong to knock him back to reality and remind him that is was ok to think these things in his head but it wasn’t appropriate to slather them all over the drive way – the girl could have drowned in his drool man!
I love my job!
“Oh, I love my new bed. It’s so soft and comfy. Eva touch it – it’s soft.”
I go to the farthest place from him and quickly bounce my body off of the edge of the bed and say: “ Yup, it’s a pretty soft bed.”
“Oh I love my bed, I’m so glad I got it. It’s so great; I wish you could lay down right beside me Eva.” (I’m quite positive he wasn’t being inappropriate though)
I say: “Uh, yeah … let’s pray … good night Guy.”
Guy and I are watching a movie. He notices a female on screen and says: “That girl is hot, don’t you think Eva?”
“Um, I’m not really into chicks Guy”
“That’s because you’re a girl right?”
“Right.”
We’re on a van ride, with me driving, another newer (but older) staff is in the passenger seat and Guy is sitting behind her. Guy begins to massage her neck (something we should stop him from doing), she doesn’t seem to know this. She says how much she enjoys it. Guy remarks snidely with “Eva doesn’t like touchy” then stares me down with an evil eye.
A minute or so into the massage (from above) Lil t (the staff) continues to enjoy the massage and Guy says “I knew you’d like this Lil t”
Lil t says “Oh really, how did you know that?”
Guy says “Because you are that kind of woman.”
The other day at work before the for mentioned van ride, I am sitting in the drivers’ seat waiting for the other staff to come, the music is on. Guy says “Hey Eva, do you want to learn how to ‘rock the van’?”
My mind is clearly not where his is and I am thinking ‘huh?’
He quickly cranks the Abba that’s playing, puts on the four ways and then literally gets out and rocks the van.
One day Guy and I were outside shooting hoops. A teenage girl dressed in tight fitting summer apparel walks by us. Guy’s eyes practically hit the drive way and serious drooling begins to pour out of his mouth and he starts to loudly say “Mama Cita” (I’m not sure the spelling but I think it’s Spanish) over and over and is directly looking at her. Guy has been told that this means hot or pretty lady. I had to hit a gong to knock him back to reality and remind him that is was ok to think these things in his head but it wasn’t appropriate to slather them all over the drive way – the girl could have drowned in his drool man!
I love my job!
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