Today, after my prolonged escapade with the earbuds (which are still in hiding as I write this), I decided to go after #20 and # 26 on my list. Welcome our new neighbours with muffins and do something nice for Bill the doorman. If you haven’t guessed, I decided to kill two birds with one stone by making a batch of yummy banana muffins to split between the two deeds. Not to be lazy, instead I know that Bill would appreciate this, as he is on his own.
I’m not sure why these items are really on my list. I am the type of person who shares baked goods with my neighbours, well if I knew them I would. You see when you grow up in a village on the same street your whole life your neighbours are your family. I also made those I worked with a part of my family too. I’d take goodies to the older folks, sometimes a meal to the ones would were sick, try to do some extras if I had time and it was needed. Doing good stuff feels good. It lets people know you care. I care. I’m not trying to sound all great and wonderful, but I am the type of person who when I hear of a need I search my mind for ways to help (of course generally ones that will fit my comfort level and time schedule – I’m not that perfect). Sometimes though I have to reign it in a bit because for some reason strangers think you are a little crazy when you want to help and they barely know you – I know, I’ve offered before.
Back to # 26. Let me tell you a little bit about Bill. He’s probably in his 80’s. He lives here alone and recently his wife passed away. Before that she lived in a nursing home for years with Alzheimer’s I think – if it wasn’t Alzheimer's I know that it was something where she couldn’t get out, do much or really contribute to their time together. He visited her often. He never complained, but always carried a smile, and still does. He often sits at the front door of our building on the bench before supper time and then later after supper too. If he sees you coming he almost always gets up to open the door for you. If he doesn’t do that, you will at least get a cheerful hello, how are you, and a quip about something he’s noticed about you.
Bill ALWAYS tries to give our dogs a pet when they are coming and going. And if they seem distracted and move away he’ll say: ‘Oh, they’re ready to go for their walk (or inside), let them go!’ He also always refers to our two as ‘the team’ (and now has others doing so), and never fails to ask where they are or what they are doing. I like Bill, he makes me smile inside (and outside too).
Today was Bill’s day; it was time for me to show (in a very small way) that he meant something to us, that we cared. So, I tightly wrapped up 6 fresh out of the oven banana muffins and taped a little card with a message from ‘the team’ so that if I chickened out handing them to him myself I could safely leave them on the floor by his door (that would be way less awkward for me). As I approached the door and looked at ground I realized it wasn’t the cleanest. At first I actually did place them on the ground and thought to myself ‘Just knock on the door and run – that way they won’t sit there long. There’s no one in the laundry room, you can always hide in there’ (I checked as I walked by). But I couldn’t do it. I knew that the whole point of this exercise was to ‘connect’ and really show people that I cared and that they meant something.
I sighed to myself and knocked on the door. I heard nothing. ‘Ooh, maybe Bill’s being a doorman right now and I’ll HAVE to leave these on the floor – yay!!’ I thought. I knocked again, just in case. After another minute I heard muffled footsteps coming to the door. ‘Rats! I feel like a weirdo’ I thought. The door opened and there stood Bill the doorman with his hair all disheveled (perhaps he was having a siesta) and his old apron on. He’s usually neat as a pin while on duty. He was surprised to see me standing there and I can’t exactly remember what he said but I told him that I’d been baking and wanted to share some with him. I quickly handed him the goods and he continued to look shocked and said he didn’t get stuff like this anymore since his wife left him (she didn’t actually leave him like that) and then he told me she had passed away a few weeks ago. I tried to play dumb and slough it off, but Bill was serious and so thankful. Bill acted like I’d given him my right arm. He said over and over that it wasn’t necessary for me to do that, and ‘all that stuff’ was too much. I told him no bother and tried to inch away. He apologetically told me how his apartment has in disarray, I excused him of worry, said no problem and to enjoy the muffins. His gratitude continued as the door closed.
I hurried to the elevator thankful that the interaction was over. Then seconds later I felt emotion creeping into my heart and then my throat, then my nose and briefly to my eyes. As I’ve mentioned before I’m not an easy crier. I don’t generally need a Kleenex box to get through a sap filled movie, but today I was feeling. All I did was take an old man some muffins, but it felt like more. It was more. I stepped out of my world and into his for a few moments and saw his heart, and showed him mine. Who knew muffins could do that?
Maybe that’s why these two numbers were challenging to me. Several times in the past year I have wanted to do something nice for Bill and others. But what do you say to someone you only know from going in and out the door everyday? It just feels awkward. Doesn’t it? Maybe it’s just me. I don’t know - how do you walk up to someone’s door, knock on it and say ‘Here are some muffins, just because’? There’s just something uncomfortable about it. It’s like we need a reason to be nice.
I suppose though it’s not the act itself that is difficult, it’s what both people know is behind the act – care, love, affection. Those three things generally come with strings and a history, and with strangers you generally have neither. Today I learned that sometimes the best way to show care, love and affection is to not think so much, just do. Sometimes our thinking takes over and prevents us from doing. ‘What are they going to think?’ ‘What am I gonna say?’ ‘What if it feels weird?’ After today, my response is: So what? Feel weird. Be awkward. Don’t say. And most of all, don’t worry about what ‘they’ think.
Instead just take a few steps and go into their world for a moment. Don’t underestimate a moment; it can change your life and maybe even theirs.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Adventure Days 5, 6, and 7 Recapped!
So, I apologize for leaving you all hanging on my virtually amazing experiences - ok maybe I’m overshooting it a bit. I’ll try to sum up the past few days for you and what’s been going on…
Day 5 – I worked a full day shift, so I’ll have to admit that I didn’t complete any part of my list that day, but I did go to the gym as scheduled. This was a great success to me, since day shifts generally seem more of a challenge for me physically than night shifts for some reason, and I wasn’t sure how I’d get to the gym after a day of work – especially without my gym buddy. However I did it and it wasn’t so bad after all!
Day 6 – I completed #32 by going to the gym for the 6th day in a row.
What did I learn from this? Well, I don’t mind going to the gym. I definitely like going in the morning more than later on, but it’s fun to go with a friend.
Having time to go is truly how big of a priority it is to you. I had made a decision to go and I was there – and that was while I working over 30 hours that week (which I realize isn’t a full work week but stay with me).
I definitely believe the strength you have to work out is less about your body physically and more about how strong you feel mentally. When I first started my job this summer I didn’t have much ambition or desire to go to the gym at all and I think a lot of that was because I was exhausted (in every way) from all of the new learning I was doing.
Overall it felt good to keep my resolution and I feel it has reminded me why I started to go in the first place – it just feels good: mentally, emotionally, and physically, to get all that energy out.
Another first I discovered on Day 6 was at a wedding Wally and I attended. There was an open bar – which used to be a total turn off. You know drunken people and the like. Now I get excited at an open bar because it means I can enjoy a drink on someone else’s tab – selfless of me eh? Anyways, I had remembered that I wished I’d put ‘try my first beer’ on the list but didn’t want to overdo the alcohol quotient. But since it was free I thought what the heck! Why not give it a try?
So, Marshmallow was around and I asked him for his – he wouldn’t give it up for me and seemed strangely concerned for me to be experimenting (which is interesting considering he’s experimented, and still does, a lot). I bugged a bit more and he gave in and filled his cup to about a half an inch. I gave him a look that said ‘You’re kidding me right?’ He protested that I may not like it. I told him to fill it up more. He added another half inch of liquid. *Sigh* ‘I want more’ I said. So eventually he filled it nearly half way and I gave up. I tried a bit. Wasn’t as bad as I remembered thinking it would be.
Anyhow I drank the rest and called it history. The status of my beer days: I’d have one to feel ‘cool’ but as Wally would put it ‘I wouldn’t order it in a restaurant’. Besides at the wedding I discovered some orangey Bacardi drink that tasted waaaay to good to be alcoholic. Mmmmm. Let’s just say it was probably a good thing I had to do an overnight shift that night – it put a stop to too much trouble.
Day 7 – This lucky number lent itself to Wally and me working on #2 on my list – only trying new restaurants. Let me preface this with the fact that I worked a ten hour night shift that I was supposed to be sleeping during (at least 7 hours of them). I never sleep well at work because you never know when someone may wake up, (and there’s a ringing monitor on that doesn’t help). That night I forced myself to keep the lights off and at least try to rest. By 2am I did finally fall asleep for 45 minute intervals – that is until 4am on the nose when my little suppose-ed sleeper was wide awake and peering through the little window of my door. I’ll spare you all of the next 5 hours of details, let’s just say that I didn’t get any more sleep (nor did he).
When I arrived home I was feeling ok but knowing that that feeling wouldn’t last long. I always try to come home and catch a 2 hour cat nap for good measure – Sunday was no different. None the less I was still in a ‘be careful not to say something that could make me kill you’ mood when I woke up. Generally I’m ok, but it’s bad when Wally says virtually nothing wrong at all and I act like he should be burned at the stake for it – that’s really what I’m like. Why am I telling you this? Because I want to let you know how daring it was for us to attempt #2 while I was in this fragile state.
You see the one reason Wally and I never step out and try new things is because we are both scared of disappointment, of making mistakes, of having a fight over what we should do – that’s why we usually end up doing what we always do, going where we always go and keeping safe. It’s just plain easier that way (not to mention more peaceful). So this day, in my rather crazy disposition it was definitely a risk to go somewhere new, even if it was just a restaurant. But we did it anyway – and no one died.
We have been talking for months about wishing we could find some restaurants that weren’t chains (because really their food is way cheaper and yummier). But the only way to find out what was good would be to either hear about it from someone or just try it, and since we didn’t know many people (at least not ones that like to frequent restaurants) we just hadn’t found any yet.
So after much discussion and some wandering around a bit, we went past a family restaurant we’d noticed several times but had never been too. We drove in and nervously walked up to the door and entered. When we opened the door much to our surprise the place was packed! It was a family diner. They had an all day breakfast and then everything else under the sun on the menu and with good prices too! We were quite excited and hoped it would be good eats too.
Now since this was a fairly ordinary diner I had a difficult time deciding what ‘new’ food I would try. I settled on a hotdog with ‘the works’ (I’ve only ever had ketchup on my dog and have never ordered one while out to eat before) and some onion rings (I usually only order these when I know the place is good). Wally ordered a full breakfast and we waited…the waitress soon came back to tell me that they were out of hotdogs (of course) and gave me back a menu. Now I had some thinking to do…I settled on a Beef Dip sandwich to accompany my hopefully delightful onion rings. We got our food a while later and … we loved our meal! I couldn’t believe how much I enjoyed mine – it wasn’t even poultry!! Wow! This whole trying new things thing is workin’ out … so far.
We are looking forward to trying a few more great restaurants in the future.
(I know it wasn’t all that entertaining or deep but that’s life sometimes)
Day 5 – I worked a full day shift, so I’ll have to admit that I didn’t complete any part of my list that day, but I did go to the gym as scheduled. This was a great success to me, since day shifts generally seem more of a challenge for me physically than night shifts for some reason, and I wasn’t sure how I’d get to the gym after a day of work – especially without my gym buddy. However I did it and it wasn’t so bad after all!
Day 6 – I completed #32 by going to the gym for the 6th day in a row.
What did I learn from this? Well, I don’t mind going to the gym. I definitely like going in the morning more than later on, but it’s fun to go with a friend.
Having time to go is truly how big of a priority it is to you. I had made a decision to go and I was there – and that was while I working over 30 hours that week (which I realize isn’t a full work week but stay with me).
I definitely believe the strength you have to work out is less about your body physically and more about how strong you feel mentally. When I first started my job this summer I didn’t have much ambition or desire to go to the gym at all and I think a lot of that was because I was exhausted (in every way) from all of the new learning I was doing.
Overall it felt good to keep my resolution and I feel it has reminded me why I started to go in the first place – it just feels good: mentally, emotionally, and physically, to get all that energy out.
Another first I discovered on Day 6 was at a wedding Wally and I attended. There was an open bar – which used to be a total turn off. You know drunken people and the like. Now I get excited at an open bar because it means I can enjoy a drink on someone else’s tab – selfless of me eh? Anyways, I had remembered that I wished I’d put ‘try my first beer’ on the list but didn’t want to overdo the alcohol quotient. But since it was free I thought what the heck! Why not give it a try?
So, Marshmallow was around and I asked him for his – he wouldn’t give it up for me and seemed strangely concerned for me to be experimenting (which is interesting considering he’s experimented, and still does, a lot). I bugged a bit more and he gave in and filled his cup to about a half an inch. I gave him a look that said ‘You’re kidding me right?’ He protested that I may not like it. I told him to fill it up more. He added another half inch of liquid. *Sigh* ‘I want more’ I said. So eventually he filled it nearly half way and I gave up. I tried a bit. Wasn’t as bad as I remembered thinking it would be.
Anyhow I drank the rest and called it history. The status of my beer days: I’d have one to feel ‘cool’ but as Wally would put it ‘I wouldn’t order it in a restaurant’. Besides at the wedding I discovered some orangey Bacardi drink that tasted waaaay to good to be alcoholic. Mmmmm. Let’s just say it was probably a good thing I had to do an overnight shift that night – it put a stop to too much trouble.
Day 7 – This lucky number lent itself to Wally and me working on #2 on my list – only trying new restaurants. Let me preface this with the fact that I worked a ten hour night shift that I was supposed to be sleeping during (at least 7 hours of them). I never sleep well at work because you never know when someone may wake up, (and there’s a ringing monitor on that doesn’t help). That night I forced myself to keep the lights off and at least try to rest. By 2am I did finally fall asleep for 45 minute intervals – that is until 4am on the nose when my little suppose-ed sleeper was wide awake and peering through the little window of my door. I’ll spare you all of the next 5 hours of details, let’s just say that I didn’t get any more sleep (nor did he).
When I arrived home I was feeling ok but knowing that that feeling wouldn’t last long. I always try to come home and catch a 2 hour cat nap for good measure – Sunday was no different. None the less I was still in a ‘be careful not to say something that could make me kill you’ mood when I woke up. Generally I’m ok, but it’s bad when Wally says virtually nothing wrong at all and I act like he should be burned at the stake for it – that’s really what I’m like. Why am I telling you this? Because I want to let you know how daring it was for us to attempt #2 while I was in this fragile state.
You see the one reason Wally and I never step out and try new things is because we are both scared of disappointment, of making mistakes, of having a fight over what we should do – that’s why we usually end up doing what we always do, going where we always go and keeping safe. It’s just plain easier that way (not to mention more peaceful). So this day, in my rather crazy disposition it was definitely a risk to go somewhere new, even if it was just a restaurant. But we did it anyway – and no one died.
We have been talking for months about wishing we could find some restaurants that weren’t chains (because really their food is way cheaper and yummier). But the only way to find out what was good would be to either hear about it from someone or just try it, and since we didn’t know many people (at least not ones that like to frequent restaurants) we just hadn’t found any yet.
So after much discussion and some wandering around a bit, we went past a family restaurant we’d noticed several times but had never been too. We drove in and nervously walked up to the door and entered. When we opened the door much to our surprise the place was packed! It was a family diner. They had an all day breakfast and then everything else under the sun on the menu and with good prices too! We were quite excited and hoped it would be good eats too.
Now since this was a fairly ordinary diner I had a difficult time deciding what ‘new’ food I would try. I settled on a hotdog with ‘the works’ (I’ve only ever had ketchup on my dog and have never ordered one while out to eat before) and some onion rings (I usually only order these when I know the place is good). Wally ordered a full breakfast and we waited…the waitress soon came back to tell me that they were out of hotdogs (of course) and gave me back a menu. Now I had some thinking to do…I settled on a Beef Dip sandwich to accompany my hopefully delightful onion rings. We got our food a while later and … we loved our meal! I couldn’t believe how much I enjoyed mine – it wasn’t even poultry!! Wow! This whole trying new things thing is workin’ out … so far.
We are looking forward to trying a few more great restaurants in the future.
(I know it wasn’t all that entertaining or deep but that’s life sometimes)
Frustrated !!!!
Right now that's me. Frustrated. Like blood boiling, want to hurl everything out the window, empty everything out the filing cabinet for no reason, not add a smiley face to the end of my name , break something, scream at the top of my lungs frustrated!!!
What is the horrible problem that I'm dealing with, you ask?
I lost my earbuds.
I know, earth shattering eh?
Well for me, right now, that's how I feel (even though there's a pinch of reason in my mind that is telling me to get over it and move on - only a pinch though, in fact it may be less than a pinch).
I have spent the last 45 minutes looking all through our apartment (and even the car) for something I haven't used in weeks, but all of a sudden has become THE most important thing in the world to me. Someone tell me there's something to learn here!!
Ok since there's no instant feedback on a blog, let me try and figure it out on my own... hmmmmmmm.
One thing I've learned since losing my earbuds this morning (or should I say, since realizing they are in hiding) is that I desperately need to do an organization overhaul on our apartment. Yikes!!! I can't find anything - except what I'm NOT looking for.
I've learned that I am currently unfathomably irritated with Wally for leaving me in such a distraught state - how dare he. (And right now I'm not even being sarcastic).
I've learned that I know how to spell unfathomably on the first try (and it's a real word), yet I can't spell irritated. Oh and that earbuds is not actually a word. (Thank you spell check).
I've learned that you should turn the music down on the MP3 player before testing the ratty old headphones your husband gives you as an alternative (it was on full blast, and I'm quite positive my spirit jumped out of my body for at least 3 seconds).
I've learned that there's at least one bill in the pile that I totally forgot about and it needs to be paid.
I've learned that in these moments I am an irrational human being that should probably be drugged.
I've learned that you can check the same spot 3 times and shouldn't expect the 4th check to cause what you are looking for to magically reappear.
I've learned that blogging can take your blood from boiling to a gentle simmer in approximately 12 minutes.
There you have it folks, I learned a lesson or few.
I suppose I could use the ratty old ear phones and go for that walk after all ... well you didn't expect me to go for a walk without my music did you?
What is the horrible problem that I'm dealing with, you ask?
I lost my earbuds.
I know, earth shattering eh?
Well for me, right now, that's how I feel (even though there's a pinch of reason in my mind that is telling me to get over it and move on - only a pinch though, in fact it may be less than a pinch).
I have spent the last 45 minutes looking all through our apartment (and even the car) for something I haven't used in weeks, but all of a sudden has become THE most important thing in the world to me. Someone tell me there's something to learn here!!
Ok since there's no instant feedback on a blog, let me try and figure it out on my own... hmmmmmmm.
One thing I've learned since losing my earbuds this morning (or should I say, since realizing they are in hiding) is that I desperately need to do an organization overhaul on our apartment. Yikes!!! I can't find anything - except what I'm NOT looking for.
I've learned that I am currently unfathomably irritated with Wally for leaving me in such a distraught state - how dare he. (And right now I'm not even being sarcastic).
I've learned that I know how to spell unfathomably on the first try (and it's a real word), yet I can't spell irritated. Oh and that earbuds is not actually a word. (Thank you spell check).
I've learned that you should turn the music down on the MP3 player before testing the ratty old headphones your husband gives you as an alternative (it was on full blast, and I'm quite positive my spirit jumped out of my body for at least 3 seconds).
I've learned that there's at least one bill in the pile that I totally forgot about and it needs to be paid.
I've learned that in these moments I am an irrational human being that should probably be drugged.
I've learned that you can check the same spot 3 times and shouldn't expect the 4th check to cause what you are looking for to magically reappear.
I've learned that blogging can take your blood from boiling to a gentle simmer in approximately 12 minutes.
There you have it folks, I learned a lesson or few.
I suppose I could use the ratty old ear phones and go for that walk after all ... well you didn't expect me to go for a walk without my music did you?
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Adventure Day 4 – Wowsers, I can’t believe I did it without the Tequila!
Yes people, you heard right. Today was one to write down in the record books! July 23rd, 2009 I purchased a bikini (which for the record I will NEVER wear in public) – the point is I bought one.
The scenario: I went to Wal-mart to pick up a few things. I am just merely walking by a rack of clearance skimpies (my own word) on my way to practice looking at purses that I would never, on my own, buy. I saw the bright yellow clearance sign and the number 5 on each piece and I thought to myself ‘I am deciding it is not wrong for me to NOT try this thing on, or actually go to a real store to buy one since I will NEVER be wearing it out in public. This is as close as we’re going to get without the Tequila already in me to do this.’
So I casually looked at the very picked over remains on the rack and did my best to quickly find my sizes in both the top and bottom (which did not necessarily have to match in size *smile*). Hmmmm I wondered, should these two pieces actually co-ordinate? This would take up at least an extra five minutes to figure out – did I want to risk someone walking by and seeing me intensely involved in trying to match this absurd outfit I couldn’t believe myself that I was purchasing? I might as well if I was going through with it. So there I stood for a good 5-10 minutes trying to see what would match and what wouldn’t, praying the entire time that the fact that I was there at 8:45am would somehow help me out.
I learned something while on my search: there are lots of extra large bikini bottoms out there to buy, as there should be. I am a firm believer that ‘they’ (whoever ‘they’ are) shouldn’t make certain styles of clothing past a certain size because no one needs to see it. For example short shorts are only ok on twelve year old girls who haven’t grown past their stick legs – after that they should be off the shelves. Anyways, I seemed to manage to find some bright orange bottoms along with a wonderful stringy brightly coloured floral top. After I avoided some hyperventilating, I hid the little outfit under some of my other purchases – what the heck was I doing? And how could buying this little number actually help me ‘expand my horizons’? I had no idea at that point but I did it anyway. I have to admit that while I was going through the self check out, the whole time I was praying that I’d have no problems with the purchase – that last thing I wanted was some lady coming over and seeing what I was getting and dying of hilarious laughter at what she saw ME buying. It worked – there were no deaths.
*Phew!*
I’m not sure if I ate courage for breakfast today or what, but I was on a roll and decided if I could buy a bikini, I could go and try to buy a purse. So off to Winner’s I went. (Seeing as Wal-mart only had the kind of purses I would normally buy, I thought purchasing one there would be cheating – I’m no cheater). I walk into the store and quickly spotted the purse area. I took a deep breath in, and then slowly let it out. ‘I could do this’ I thought, ‘I’m on a roll, remember?’. I had to remind myself right away what I normally looked for: anything that was brown, black and small, with nothing fancy. Ok so I knew I had to look for the opposite of that description – those were the rules.
I was a bit overwhelmed, there were so many. Big ones, bigger ones, animal prints (hmmm….that would definitely be different), bright ones, ones that could be used as luggage, ones that had big price tags; others that had bigger price tags. After much perusing I picked up one that was certainly bigger than any purse I’d ever been given, it had long straps (I could still through it around my arm and hold on to it), it was a deep burgundy colour, and it was like a snake type skin – shiny yet soft. I took another huge inhalation and let it out. I looked at the price tag - $39.99. I took another breath in and out. I carried it around the store with me for a while to see if it ‘felt right’. It did. I was shocked. Who knew? Other than the ridiculous price, it was ok (you know … for something I’d never buy on my own).
I decided I would take it. In part because I liked it and in part because I wanted to get this over with – I had no idea how challenging it would be for me to buy a purse, completely draining. So I took my new found friend with me to the register to pay and the lady behind the counter remarked immediately: ‘Oh, time for a new one?’
I said nervously ‘Uh, yeah, I guess so, I don’t really buy stuff like this’. (Acting like I was at a porn shop for the first time).
She said ‘Will it go with your fall coat?’
I stared at her blankly thinking ‘What? Now I need to buy a fall coat? Are you kidding me lady? I’m wearing my fall coat’ (which doubles as my spring coat, which is a delightful neon green sporty jacket – I don’t think the purse matched it).
After I didn’t really reply she asked ‘Will it go with your winter coat?’
I quickly did inventory in my head, hmmmm…probably wouldn’t go with my sporty, everyday winter jacket either – think Eva, think…
I was obviously not too quick because she simply said ‘It’ll go with black’.
I concurred and thanked her for the transaction and quickly high tailed it out of there – man who knew so much thought had to go into buying a bag, man!
Apparently I hadn’t tortured myself enough to this point, because after walking out of Winner’s I decided I would go to the lingerie store and try to also strike #19 off of my list. I walk in. Oh the fun of seeing myriads of underwear everywhere. This was just too much for one day. I plunged forward.
I went straight to the back of the store where I knew all of the skanky stuff would be that I never buy. I had to pass by all of the cute, comfy pjs and housecoats on the way.
*sigh*
I begin to look through what was there. My goal was to buy something I’d never normally buy; once again I had to make a list of what I would rather buy and look for everything that was opposite to it. So I did, and I looked. I was in shock when I saw how much money some of the pieces were. I can’t figure out why someone would spend so much money on something they would only be wearing for but a few moments – none of this made sense to me, but that wasn’t the point of the exercise was it? After several minutes of looking around, having 2 ladies ask if I needed help and almost settling on a couple of things that were out of my element, I was nearly ready to make my purchase. Then a new lady comes up to me and asks if I needed help with anything, I said no and waited for her to leave. She didn’t leave. Instead she stood too close to me and had her eagle eye out and waiting. ‘Um, did I say I wanted you to stare at me for the next 10 minutes?’ I thought. She didn’t move, so I did – #19 would have to wait for another exhaustifying day.
**Side notes: I will do a special post on the experience of actually putting on the bikini (I plan on having the Tequila out that day – or something). I did try a new kind of cheese today – Blue cheese … I have a big wedge of it here if anyone is interested. I invited a few more people to read this blog, so I have completed #8 and I am nervously awaiting any response – I have to say, it is rather nerve wracking putting yourself out there. Being anonymous is way more comfortable.
The scenario: I went to Wal-mart to pick up a few things. I am just merely walking by a rack of clearance skimpies (my own word) on my way to practice looking at purses that I would never, on my own, buy. I saw the bright yellow clearance sign and the number 5 on each piece and I thought to myself ‘I am deciding it is not wrong for me to NOT try this thing on, or actually go to a real store to buy one since I will NEVER be wearing it out in public. This is as close as we’re going to get without the Tequila already in me to do this.’
So I casually looked at the very picked over remains on the rack and did my best to quickly find my sizes in both the top and bottom (which did not necessarily have to match in size *smile*). Hmmmm I wondered, should these two pieces actually co-ordinate? This would take up at least an extra five minutes to figure out – did I want to risk someone walking by and seeing me intensely involved in trying to match this absurd outfit I couldn’t believe myself that I was purchasing? I might as well if I was going through with it. So there I stood for a good 5-10 minutes trying to see what would match and what wouldn’t, praying the entire time that the fact that I was there at 8:45am would somehow help me out.
I learned something while on my search: there are lots of extra large bikini bottoms out there to buy, as there should be. I am a firm believer that ‘they’ (whoever ‘they’ are) shouldn’t make certain styles of clothing past a certain size because no one needs to see it. For example short shorts are only ok on twelve year old girls who haven’t grown past their stick legs – after that they should be off the shelves. Anyways, I seemed to manage to find some bright orange bottoms along with a wonderful stringy brightly coloured floral top. After I avoided some hyperventilating, I hid the little outfit under some of my other purchases – what the heck was I doing? And how could buying this little number actually help me ‘expand my horizons’? I had no idea at that point but I did it anyway. I have to admit that while I was going through the self check out, the whole time I was praying that I’d have no problems with the purchase – that last thing I wanted was some lady coming over and seeing what I was getting and dying of hilarious laughter at what she saw ME buying. It worked – there were no deaths.
*Phew!*
I’m not sure if I ate courage for breakfast today or what, but I was on a roll and decided if I could buy a bikini, I could go and try to buy a purse. So off to Winner’s I went. (Seeing as Wal-mart only had the kind of purses I would normally buy, I thought purchasing one there would be cheating – I’m no cheater). I walk into the store and quickly spotted the purse area. I took a deep breath in, and then slowly let it out. ‘I could do this’ I thought, ‘I’m on a roll, remember?’. I had to remind myself right away what I normally looked for: anything that was brown, black and small, with nothing fancy. Ok so I knew I had to look for the opposite of that description – those were the rules.
I was a bit overwhelmed, there were so many. Big ones, bigger ones, animal prints (hmmm….that would definitely be different), bright ones, ones that could be used as luggage, ones that had big price tags; others that had bigger price tags. After much perusing I picked up one that was certainly bigger than any purse I’d ever been given, it had long straps (I could still through it around my arm and hold on to it), it was a deep burgundy colour, and it was like a snake type skin – shiny yet soft. I took another huge inhalation and let it out. I looked at the price tag - $39.99. I took another breath in and out. I carried it around the store with me for a while to see if it ‘felt right’. It did. I was shocked. Who knew? Other than the ridiculous price, it was ok (you know … for something I’d never buy on my own).
I decided I would take it. In part because I liked it and in part because I wanted to get this over with – I had no idea how challenging it would be for me to buy a purse, completely draining. So I took my new found friend with me to the register to pay and the lady behind the counter remarked immediately: ‘Oh, time for a new one?’
I said nervously ‘Uh, yeah, I guess so, I don’t really buy stuff like this’. (Acting like I was at a porn shop for the first time).
She said ‘Will it go with your fall coat?’
I stared at her blankly thinking ‘What? Now I need to buy a fall coat? Are you kidding me lady? I’m wearing my fall coat’ (which doubles as my spring coat, which is a delightful neon green sporty jacket – I don’t think the purse matched it).
After I didn’t really reply she asked ‘Will it go with your winter coat?’
I quickly did inventory in my head, hmmmm…probably wouldn’t go with my sporty, everyday winter jacket either – think Eva, think…
I was obviously not too quick because she simply said ‘It’ll go with black’.
I concurred and thanked her for the transaction and quickly high tailed it out of there – man who knew so much thought had to go into buying a bag, man!
Apparently I hadn’t tortured myself enough to this point, because after walking out of Winner’s I decided I would go to the lingerie store and try to also strike #19 off of my list. I walk in. Oh the fun of seeing myriads of underwear everywhere. This was just too much for one day. I plunged forward.
I went straight to the back of the store where I knew all of the skanky stuff would be that I never buy. I had to pass by all of the cute, comfy pjs and housecoats on the way.
*sigh*
I begin to look through what was there. My goal was to buy something I’d never normally buy; once again I had to make a list of what I would rather buy and look for everything that was opposite to it. So I did, and I looked. I was in shock when I saw how much money some of the pieces were. I can’t figure out why someone would spend so much money on something they would only be wearing for but a few moments – none of this made sense to me, but that wasn’t the point of the exercise was it? After several minutes of looking around, having 2 ladies ask if I needed help and almost settling on a couple of things that were out of my element, I was nearly ready to make my purchase. Then a new lady comes up to me and asks if I needed help with anything, I said no and waited for her to leave. She didn’t leave. Instead she stood too close to me and had her eagle eye out and waiting. ‘Um, did I say I wanted you to stare at me for the next 10 minutes?’ I thought. She didn’t move, so I did – #19 would have to wait for another exhaustifying day.
**Side notes: I will do a special post on the experience of actually putting on the bikini (I plan on having the Tequila out that day – or something). I did try a new kind of cheese today – Blue cheese … I have a big wedge of it here if anyone is interested. I invited a few more people to read this blog, so I have completed #8 and I am nervously awaiting any response – I have to say, it is rather nerve wracking putting yourself out there. Being anonymous is way more comfortable.
Enough about you already, here’s more about me….
I don’t have the slightest clue how to wear jewelry. So generally I don’t wear much at all.
I genuinely believe that I can feel when my hair is turning grey – this happens a lot, especially lately.
I have had the honour of caring for someone that was dying – this is an odd activity to recommend, but I do.
I generally never spend more than $30 on anything I wear, no matter what it is. I have a guilt complex that kicks in if I even pay full price for something that is under $30.
The one thing I will pay more than $30 on is a pair of Sketchers – I am in LOVE with them. However, I wouldn’t buy them in my own country when I can get a deal in another one.
When I go to the library I always take out more books than I will actually read. If I take out 2, I’ll read one. If I take out 3 I’ll read half of one, a few pages in another and only the back of third one. Once I took a book out for 6 weeks (by itself) never read it, then took it out again 6 months later with another one and read it all the way through.
If you haven’t guessed by some of the things said here on the blog, it takes a loooooooong time (usually) for me to let people get to know me and my sense of humour. I often will let people get to know the ‘serious’ side of me but never the funny side – for years (and maybe still) my in laws thought I had no sense of humour at all.
I like peanut over plain.
Toffifee (sp?) are my friends.
I LOVE thunderstorms and even rainy days – they make me feel peaceful.
I can only drink white milk when it’s accompanied by cereal, chocolate, or some kind of yummy baked good.
I would be shocked if we got out of Wrinkleville without getting stuck in an elevator at least once.
I LOVE the people I work with, even though I barely know them. Actually, maybe that’s why I love them.
I’m totally ok with people missing me when I’m dead. Totally NOT ok with people looking at me when I’m dead – I’ve heard too many people talk about how bad a job the funeral guy did on Uncle Fred or Aunt Mavis. I’d rather someone photo-shop me into some awesome picture and blow it up. That way all the people that didn’t come visit me when I was alive can feel guilty and wonder about not seeing me at my best.
*chuckle, chuckle*
I wear lip gloss not lipstick
Perfect people leave me suspicious.
The high school bully nick named me ‘Grandma’ because she thought my demeanor reminded me of her grandma – ‘quiet and sweet’. Ironic part is that I later ended up housekeeping for her grandma, and she wasn’t that sweet (but she did make me laugh).
I still feel and think that I am 17 – I find it sad that I was just as boring at 17 as I am at 29, I’m workin’ on it.
I have a friend that used to be protestant but now is Catholic and considering the priesthood – I think that’s cool.
I want drinking buddies – less for the drink and more for the buddies.
When my weight gets to a certain low point (I’ve only been there once before), my boobs acquire a nick name – I don’t think I’ll share it … right now.
There you have it. I guess it always seems to come down to my boobs (or lack there of) – ha!
(No, I don’t have a boob complex I’m just jokin’ around – I’’ll quit now. Wally take a deep breath)
I genuinely believe that I can feel when my hair is turning grey – this happens a lot, especially lately.
I have had the honour of caring for someone that was dying – this is an odd activity to recommend, but I do.
I generally never spend more than $30 on anything I wear, no matter what it is. I have a guilt complex that kicks in if I even pay full price for something that is under $30.
The one thing I will pay more than $30 on is a pair of Sketchers – I am in LOVE with them. However, I wouldn’t buy them in my own country when I can get a deal in another one.
When I go to the library I always take out more books than I will actually read. If I take out 2, I’ll read one. If I take out 3 I’ll read half of one, a few pages in another and only the back of third one. Once I took a book out for 6 weeks (by itself) never read it, then took it out again 6 months later with another one and read it all the way through.
If you haven’t guessed by some of the things said here on the blog, it takes a loooooooong time (usually) for me to let people get to know me and my sense of humour. I often will let people get to know the ‘serious’ side of me but never the funny side – for years (and maybe still) my in laws thought I had no sense of humour at all.
I like peanut over plain.
Toffifee (sp?) are my friends.
I LOVE thunderstorms and even rainy days – they make me feel peaceful.
I can only drink white milk when it’s accompanied by cereal, chocolate, or some kind of yummy baked good.
I would be shocked if we got out of Wrinkleville without getting stuck in an elevator at least once.
I LOVE the people I work with, even though I barely know them. Actually, maybe that’s why I love them.
I’m totally ok with people missing me when I’m dead. Totally NOT ok with people looking at me when I’m dead – I’ve heard too many people talk about how bad a job the funeral guy did on Uncle Fred or Aunt Mavis. I’d rather someone photo-shop me into some awesome picture and blow it up. That way all the people that didn’t come visit me when I was alive can feel guilty and wonder about not seeing me at my best.
*chuckle, chuckle*
I wear lip gloss not lipstick
Perfect people leave me suspicious.
The high school bully nick named me ‘Grandma’ because she thought my demeanor reminded me of her grandma – ‘quiet and sweet’. Ironic part is that I later ended up housekeeping for her grandma, and she wasn’t that sweet (but she did make me laugh).
I still feel and think that I am 17 – I find it sad that I was just as boring at 17 as I am at 29, I’m workin’ on it.
I have a friend that used to be protestant but now is Catholic and considering the priesthood – I think that’s cool.
I want drinking buddies – less for the drink and more for the buddies.
When my weight gets to a certain low point (I’ve only been there once before), my boobs acquire a nick name – I don’t think I’ll share it … right now.
There you have it. I guess it always seems to come down to my boobs (or lack there of) – ha!
(No, I don’t have a boob complex I’m just jokin’ around – I’’ll quit now. Wally take a deep breath)
What kind of egg are you?
That's my question of the day for you!
There's lots to choose from: fried, sunny side up, poached, soft boiled, hard boiled, raw, rotten, running yolk, and maybe there are others I am unaware of. Pick one and explain, let me get to know you.
I am a hard boiled egg for sure. I am sometimes difficult to peel, only certain people really enjoy me on my own, and I'm great mixed in with a few other ingredients. Oh, and timing is everything with me!
Cheers!
There's lots to choose from: fried, sunny side up, poached, soft boiled, hard boiled, raw, rotten, running yolk, and maybe there are others I am unaware of. Pick one and explain, let me get to know you.
I am a hard boiled egg for sure. I am sometimes difficult to peel, only certain people really enjoy me on my own, and I'm great mixed in with a few other ingredients. Oh, and timing is everything with me!
Cheers!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Adventure Day 3 – I tried something new!!!
Ok so today began to play out like an ordinary day. I wasn’t sure how much adventure I would end up experiencing, but little did I know the craziness that would ensue.
Mama and Pop were up to visit today and they offered to take me out for a quick lunch. I couldn’t really go to a new restaurant as it wasn’t in the plans, but I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to try something new. Now, looking back I would’ve done things a bit differently as I was a bit rushed (we walked in right after they opened and there were literally 5 sets of eyes eagerly awaiting our order). We were at a fast food restaurant and I so badly wanted to get what I always got but knew I’d made a commitment to try new things so I did. I ordered a hamburger combo, with iced tea instead of pop. Wow!! Epic, eh?!
Sounds ordinary doesn’t it? Well if you only knew that I NEVER order hamburgers, like ever, you’d know that it was indeed a big deal. The only thing I was disappointed with was that I ordered it how I always had my hamburgers at home (just ketchup). I was immediately mad at myself and my non-living-dangerously (ok I realize that ordering a hamburger with the works isn’t exactly living dangerously but stay with me here). However, I do realize that I did this only because I hadn’t had enough time to think it through. Oh well, as Wally reminded me earlier, there will likely be another chance to try something new and I will definitely do better – but at least I took a baby step.
The consensus? I liked it and it was way cheaper than chicken – I ALWAYS order chicken. In fact I almost cheated and got a different kind of chicken because it would have been new, but I didn’t. And I learned that I like Wendy’s hamburgers. And iced tea is great if you just want something to sip and not feel like a balloon afterwards. I’m can’t wait to see what I’ll try next. Not every experience has to be deep.
Ok so I have another interesting story about Mama and Pop’s visit today. With them they brought some of Wally and mine’s favourite chocolate – a lot actually. I knew they were bringing me something, but I was not aware of the two other items for Wally. EEK!!! What was I going to do with 3 assortments of chocolate on my 40 day fast from the drug? Well, I was saved in a way, because I had a staff meeting right after our visit and I had already decided I would take mine there and so I called Wally up to check with him. I knew he would say to keep two of each kind out for him and take the rest – so I did. I also made a decision that many would say was ‘breaking the rules’ of my 40 day adventure. I took one of each chocolate (3 in total) and saved them for myself for later.
Now I mentioned before that I knew these were coming. I had decided that I couldn’t just give the whole batch away without at least a taste, and this is for reasons that may surprise you. It wasn’t because I couldn’t live without the chocolate, but because I felt guilty giving away a gift meant for me without even enjoying a bit of it. I knew doing that would make me feel guiltier than not having any at all. The cool part was that by doing this I felt free to enjoy an appropriate amount of it AND give the rest away without hesitation of either.
This brings me to something I’ve been thinking about a lot in the past week and I think I need to bring up now. It’s about living by the Spirit versus living by the Law. (I’m sorry for anyone that feels ‘out of the loop’ but I’ll try my best to explain). In Biblical terms, to live by the Law means you basically just follow the rules and that’s it, just keep behind the line. To follow the Spirit of the Law means understanding why the Law is there (for our best, as well as others’) and living it out because you want to honour God, yourself and others in how you live. When you are living the Spirit of the Law there really are no more laws to worry about, in it we are given the freedom to discern what we should do and what we shouldn’t, in whatever situations we face. This often makes things far more difficult because you are then responsible to decide what ‘too far’ is. There are no longer any lines to cross; instead you are left to rely on the Spirit to reveal truth and conviction.
This is not to say that we cannot still use laws or rules to help direct us in the grand scheme but we are now given the opportunity to perhaps experience things that were ‘absolutely nots’ before. For example: I was raised that drinking was wrong – all of it, there was no room at all for any kind of alcohol. So, as I grew up and saw people with a beer or a glass of wine I immediately thought they were drunk people. I am assuming this ‘rule’ came from a verse in the Bible that says ‘do not become drunk on wine but instead be filled with the Spirit’. Unfortunately this verse was taken to the extreme and a rule was created because someone thought that no amount of alcohol would be safe since there were some who abused it. However that was never said at all. We are told not to be DRUNK, that’s all - in other words don’t be a boozer.
If we take this scenario and apply it to living by the Spirit of the Law we are more than welcome to enjoy alcohol (in fact Jesus had his fair share and used His gifts to liven the party at least once), we just need to watch ourselves with how much we consume. However I have to say it is much easier to know you are doing the right thing if you just don’t do anything. Couldn’t you apply this to many things? Dancing, drinking, giving to the poor (heaven forbid if we give MORE than we are asked), swearing (what classifies swearing?), friendships with the opposite sex when you are married (are they allowed?), eating (what’s good and what’s bad?) and the list could go on and on and on.
The reason I bring this up is that for once I have decided that I want to complete this list of 40 things in 40 days not as an obligation, not as a to do list to be done, not just so that I can say I succeeded at what I set out to do. I began this list because I want to teach myself to expand my horizons a little bit. I want to re-learn how to make decisions, even the littlest ones. The ones that seem insignificant, but when you change how you make them you realize you may like something different than you thought. If you always do the same things you’ve always done, but can’t remember why, you’ll never know what you could be missing out on. It would be easy for me to say: ‘No chocolate for 40 days, period’, but that’s not the point. The spirit behind it is for me to have my other senses heightened, not to condemn myself to alienation from what I enjoy or what others are enjoying – that would be contrary to the point of this exercise. I hope you understand that I am still pursuing my #1 but it is with some discretion. I want to go with the flow and really allow the Spirit to convict and draw me closer to where God would have me be (ok I’m laughing a little at myself and how deep I got with the chocolate issue here).
It would be far easier for me, truly, to just go with the rule in this case, but that won’t teach me how to live …. And that’s exactly what I am trying to do here …learn how to live. No wait, I mean …… LIVE!
Mama and Pop were up to visit today and they offered to take me out for a quick lunch. I couldn’t really go to a new restaurant as it wasn’t in the plans, but I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to try something new. Now, looking back I would’ve done things a bit differently as I was a bit rushed (we walked in right after they opened and there were literally 5 sets of eyes eagerly awaiting our order). We were at a fast food restaurant and I so badly wanted to get what I always got but knew I’d made a commitment to try new things so I did. I ordered a hamburger combo, with iced tea instead of pop. Wow!! Epic, eh?!
Sounds ordinary doesn’t it? Well if you only knew that I NEVER order hamburgers, like ever, you’d know that it was indeed a big deal. The only thing I was disappointed with was that I ordered it how I always had my hamburgers at home (just ketchup). I was immediately mad at myself and my non-living-dangerously (ok I realize that ordering a hamburger with the works isn’t exactly living dangerously but stay with me here). However, I do realize that I did this only because I hadn’t had enough time to think it through. Oh well, as Wally reminded me earlier, there will likely be another chance to try something new and I will definitely do better – but at least I took a baby step.
The consensus? I liked it and it was way cheaper than chicken – I ALWAYS order chicken. In fact I almost cheated and got a different kind of chicken because it would have been new, but I didn’t. And I learned that I like Wendy’s hamburgers. And iced tea is great if you just want something to sip and not feel like a balloon afterwards. I’m can’t wait to see what I’ll try next. Not every experience has to be deep.
Ok so I have another interesting story about Mama and Pop’s visit today. With them they brought some of Wally and mine’s favourite chocolate – a lot actually. I knew they were bringing me something, but I was not aware of the two other items for Wally. EEK!!! What was I going to do with 3 assortments of chocolate on my 40 day fast from the drug? Well, I was saved in a way, because I had a staff meeting right after our visit and I had already decided I would take mine there and so I called Wally up to check with him. I knew he would say to keep two of each kind out for him and take the rest – so I did. I also made a decision that many would say was ‘breaking the rules’ of my 40 day adventure. I took one of each chocolate (3 in total) and saved them for myself for later.
Now I mentioned before that I knew these were coming. I had decided that I couldn’t just give the whole batch away without at least a taste, and this is for reasons that may surprise you. It wasn’t because I couldn’t live without the chocolate, but because I felt guilty giving away a gift meant for me without even enjoying a bit of it. I knew doing that would make me feel guiltier than not having any at all. The cool part was that by doing this I felt free to enjoy an appropriate amount of it AND give the rest away without hesitation of either.
This brings me to something I’ve been thinking about a lot in the past week and I think I need to bring up now. It’s about living by the Spirit versus living by the Law. (I’m sorry for anyone that feels ‘out of the loop’ but I’ll try my best to explain). In Biblical terms, to live by the Law means you basically just follow the rules and that’s it, just keep behind the line. To follow the Spirit of the Law means understanding why the Law is there (for our best, as well as others’) and living it out because you want to honour God, yourself and others in how you live. When you are living the Spirit of the Law there really are no more laws to worry about, in it we are given the freedom to discern what we should do and what we shouldn’t, in whatever situations we face. This often makes things far more difficult because you are then responsible to decide what ‘too far’ is. There are no longer any lines to cross; instead you are left to rely on the Spirit to reveal truth and conviction.
This is not to say that we cannot still use laws or rules to help direct us in the grand scheme but we are now given the opportunity to perhaps experience things that were ‘absolutely nots’ before. For example: I was raised that drinking was wrong – all of it, there was no room at all for any kind of alcohol. So, as I grew up and saw people with a beer or a glass of wine I immediately thought they were drunk people. I am assuming this ‘rule’ came from a verse in the Bible that says ‘do not become drunk on wine but instead be filled with the Spirit’. Unfortunately this verse was taken to the extreme and a rule was created because someone thought that no amount of alcohol would be safe since there were some who abused it. However that was never said at all. We are told not to be DRUNK, that’s all - in other words don’t be a boozer.
If we take this scenario and apply it to living by the Spirit of the Law we are more than welcome to enjoy alcohol (in fact Jesus had his fair share and used His gifts to liven the party at least once), we just need to watch ourselves with how much we consume. However I have to say it is much easier to know you are doing the right thing if you just don’t do anything. Couldn’t you apply this to many things? Dancing, drinking, giving to the poor (heaven forbid if we give MORE than we are asked), swearing (what classifies swearing?), friendships with the opposite sex when you are married (are they allowed?), eating (what’s good and what’s bad?) and the list could go on and on and on.
The reason I bring this up is that for once I have decided that I want to complete this list of 40 things in 40 days not as an obligation, not as a to do list to be done, not just so that I can say I succeeded at what I set out to do. I began this list because I want to teach myself to expand my horizons a little bit. I want to re-learn how to make decisions, even the littlest ones. The ones that seem insignificant, but when you change how you make them you realize you may like something different than you thought. If you always do the same things you’ve always done, but can’t remember why, you’ll never know what you could be missing out on. It would be easy for me to say: ‘No chocolate for 40 days, period’, but that’s not the point. The spirit behind it is for me to have my other senses heightened, not to condemn myself to alienation from what I enjoy or what others are enjoying – that would be contrary to the point of this exercise. I hope you understand that I am still pursuing my #1 but it is with some discretion. I want to go with the flow and really allow the Spirit to convict and draw me closer to where God would have me be (ok I’m laughing a little at myself and how deep I got with the chocolate issue here).
It would be far easier for me, truly, to just go with the rule in this case, but that won’t teach me how to live …. And that’s exactly what I am trying to do here …learn how to live. No wait, I mean …… LIVE!
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