Tick tock ....

Early next week.

That's when I'll be free to write. If I get the notion before hand I will do so but I have a feeling I will be anxiously awaiting my opportunity to be free to share.

Stay with me!

Soon

Today was one of those days.

It was a good day and an 'it could have been better' day all rolled into one.

Work was a tad frazzled but worked out fine, but when I arrived home I opened the door to an aweful soured smell of dog vomit, clear urine and the other end kinda vomit all over the main floor of our house. I spent 45 mins wiping, sweeping, steaming and carpet cleaning (yes they finally hit the shag carpet I've been protecting!).

Sweet had not been feeling well .... at all.

I still smell it, even though Wally says it couldn't notice and my friend Chi Chi was over and she couldn't either. It's still in my nose.

I then didn't feel well after the work BBQ, thought how great it would feel to take the day off tomorrow due to my tummy upset butrealized that was nearly impossible at such short notice. Makes me wonder why we even get sick days.

Tonight Wally and I were also having a party of sorts, but not the kind you enjoy. We have some papers we are working on and we've noticed how incredibly disorganized we've been since moving. Yikes!! It's so bad. I think we'll need to resume the party on another night.

I would love to write more. I have a lot more to write. So much actually but I can't do it now. Soon I will and I can't wait. But until then you get to hear my idle complaints.

But you already got those ... so I think, for tonight, I'm done.

Soon.

A Quick Note

I'm not here for long today but long enough to fill you in on my life as of late...

* my knees are killing me - I'm guessing due to the increased running and the unusually cool weather that has suddenly come for a few days.

* I'm tired - I'm only beginning ot grab a bit of sleep as last week I missed out on lots (not as much as a mother but lots for me)

* Wally and I have a nagging task that we both hope to complete tomorrow night - it's a secret... so far.

* I love my life without facebook so far but I miss having no way to contact many people whom I'm only connected with through facebook.

* Sweet has an issue with one of his eyes - boo!

*Glo gave me a new recipe for 'clean' cookie dough balls that have zero sugar or flour of any kind AND they are awesome!!! YAY!!

* I have successfully completed week 1 of training for my 10 K!!! (Did I mention that already in my last post? I can't remember).

* I need to go to bed.

* Before I do, i have to tell you that I finished 'The Birth House' and am next going to start the book 'The Help'. Looking forward to it!

Later!

What's happening ...

It's been a while!

I think I've been pouring my extra time into reading. I'm nearing the end of a book my friend lent me called 'The Birth House' by Ami McKay. I've found that it really pulled me in and this past week I've hardly been able to put it down. In fact on days that I've gone to the gym early and had time before my work shift (after showering and getting ready at the gym), I've taken my book to a park and read for 1/2 and hour. I feel spoiled that my life is that carefree. It won't be forever though.

Hmmmmm what's been on the go this week?

Today I was finally supposed to have the garage sale for Compasio but it was supposed to thunderstorm (90%). Now I'm sitting at the window looking at dry pavement and a threatening sky. This is the second cancellation I've done in 2 weeks. Clearly I'm not a die hard garage sale buff. Oh well, we'll get it done.

In other fund raising news. We are now at $4415,00 raised plus a jar full of money. I'm going to say $4500. I was hoping the garage sale would push us to the half way point and I'm confident it will when it finally happens. I am kind of in awe that we've raised nearly $5000. That's a lot of money in Thailand and for a charity (at least I think). I won't lie. I'm very proud of the vision I've had and the work so many have put into it supporting me. It's really cool. Way cooler than if we'd just raised to pay our way there. I am so glad that we chose to fund it ourselves - it felt and feels so right.

10 K stuff: Well I've done well to stick fairly closely to the training plan only switching up rest days. I'm choosing to go in an hour and do my long run of the week a day early and praying it goes well. Other than that I have actually enjoyed the training and not felt overwhelmed. Of course I could be speaking too soon!

I have learned that what I've been preaching about food being the made cornerstone with weight loss results to be true. I haven't' weighted myself as I know that's not truly the measuring point for me (which is eat clean = I've done good, no matter what the number is), and my clothes. I have not been doing great in those regards but am trying very hard to allow myself room to learn and grow.

I read somewhere this week about a fitness model who preps for things and has said that when she got into the best shape of her life she was never able to use the same method again and expect the same results. A light bulb went on in my head and I really became aware of how it's really about learning along the way not just about the end result. So I'm trying ot learn.

Work is going alright. I'm happy to say that I'm getting used to having weekends off. In fact I love the stable schedule and the relief it's bringing to my work and our life. I am really noticing, after the year and a half I've been at my work, the bonds I beginning to be able to make with te people I support regularly and how much better I know them than I ever did before.

I understand that when you train with someone there's no way to know someone for reall after 2 or 3 training shifts but I'm just astounded at the fact that it's taken over a year to feel truly comfortable and knowing in the decisions I help people make. I sometimes see other staff with 'my' people (notice the quotes) and I want to explain to them a few things (of course I know EVERYTHING *sarcasm intended*). I want to say 'she's having a tantrum for attention, please ignore her pretending to be sick on the floor'. But one has to be careful how much they parade around their seemingly bossy side.

I will be honest unlike some staff I have few people I feel as though I know well enough to say 'Do this! Do that!'. I don't like how many DSWs have no issue with walking into some one's life and abusing their power and begin ordering people around like nothing. I struggle with waiting too long to do this, but I'm completely ok with that. I'd rather take time to know the person and their needs before assuming one of them is me ordering them around (and yes, that is a need for a few people).

In other, other news ... tomorrow I'm going off facebook for a long time (so at least a couple of months, which is my definition of long). I am dreading and looking forward to this all at the same time. I may be blogging a lot more!

I am also continuing to look for a running partner to complete my 10 K goal with. I really want to take the opportunity to do a real run but I know myself and that I'll only do something like that with the prompting of another. I'm going to continue to look for someone.

Something else: Wally and I are actually going to church tomorrow. Something we've never actually done here in our city since we moved. Should be interesting. I'm trying to keep accountable to A-bag for this. Our home church is dissolving for the summer so we thought we'd give this church thing a try. We'll see!

I just finished knitting my first pair of socks this week. Only to find out they're too small for me. I guess there's something called a gauge you're supposed to do something about. Oh well, my mother in law will get them for her birthday!

I am still waiting a bit longer to share our little project news. Soon I think, soon!

I better get going. I look forward to writing more soon (or maybe having something to write about).

Til next time! Cheers!

10K or bust!!

Wow! What a difference a week makes with some sunshine!!

I'm feeling much more 'on the go' and myself since spring, or rather summer has made an appearance (does Srping really come in Ontario?).

Along with the thing I can't share at the moment I've been up to figuring out another goal and setting it to paper.

After some time after completing my 5K goal I have indeed decided to go after my 10 K goal. AFter much research and reading I have found (what I hope is) a good training plan for it that incorporates both running and weight training.

I've also decided that while I'm training for it clean eating will be on the menu to help fuel the fire (hopefully!) I feel like incorporating clean eating with this bigger goal of going back to weight training AND furthering my running distance it would help immensely and give me more accountability as well.

I also am pairing my running goal with going off of facebook until I have a chieved my goal. Not only will it give be the decent break I've been really wanting from it but also probably a little incentive as well to get through it. No facebook until I'm done.

Though I am beginning my training this week, today actually, I am not going off of facebook until next Sunday due to using FB to advertise the Compassio garage sale fundraiser on Saturday.

I feel REALLY good about the whole idea of this goal and know that as I go after it I will feel a great sense of accompliment as I reach it. The program is 11 weeks but I am thinking I won't actually do the 10 K until the fall, maybe september. I would really love to find a running partner just to run the actual race (my first real one) with me. If I don't I will still be happy with the idea of completing 10 K where ever that is.

I won't lie I feel a little fearful of being able to do all of the training my program requires and sticking to everything as there are 6 days of training out of seven in the week including 3 runs, 2 cross trainings, and I plan on 3 weight training sessions as well. It should be interesting.

I plan on going lighter with the weights and adding weight slowly since I do have a decent foundation in this area and my goal is running distance not huge muscle growth. We'll see what happens.

I really want to see this goal happen because it's going beyond what I ever imagined myself doing and will get me into good overall condition. I am looking forward to it.

I have struggled greatly with my eating in the past few months and this has caused great disappointment as well. Honestly I feel good when I avoid processed foods and especially when I avoid eating anything to excess but that hasn't been the case. Though I have had a weight gain that isn't my concern really, it's the lack fo a healthy lifestyle and relationship with food.

Now it's so easy for me to focus on my failures and how I feel as though I've 'fallen' in this area but I must remember all the things I've learned, the things that have stuck with me and the truths as well.

Life really is a journey (I'm so tired of that cliche, but it is true).

I need to learned how to wrestle fairly with the journey and not give up. To win some and be happy and to lose some and learn new ways of how to win next time.

10 K here I come!

A few things ...

I have to say, I'm doing much better than my last post :).

I made it through my week, though missing a couple of main stay friends. I'm noticing that sometimes it's really good to lose what you're used to for a little while (note the little while part) because it really does make you apppreaciate what you have.

I'm not sure if it's due to the beautiful weather but for the most part I've had the best week I can remember having for a long time.

Work went really well, I started a new cleaning job (I know I'm crazy) and I actually enjoyed it a lot. It was time to think on my own, make extra money, and listen to a couple podcosts that made me think a little more. I didn't even notice the extra long work day.

A few things have popped up this week that have given me lots to think on.

Wally and I have pondered quite a bit about the idea of beginning a church relationship again. We decided a while back that this was a very important part of our lives that is missing and we need it. I think we are finally ready to go find it again.

I did some searching on the internet and e-mailing and then shared a phone call. There's potential that we may go back to my old home church. It just really sucks that the group we could attend breaks for the summer and the one that meets throughout the summer is on a night that I work everyweek. We'll have to figure it out and make a point to make some connections at least of some relationships that maybe we can nurture in the mean time.

There's another big thing that we've stepped into this week, sort of 'out of no where' but really not. I would love to talk about it more but I think I have to wait a little bit longer.

Aaaaaaand, I've decided to go ahead and do my personal training certification for sure (I can't believe I'm saying that!).

I will admit I fell like much of a fraud considering I've gained a few pounds, taken a break from it and have not been strict with my clean eating as of late. But, I realized the other day that whether or not I'm 'perfect' in those things it's still a dream I want to fulfill (and who knows, maybe having a goal like that will inspire me to be more committed to a lifestyle that ultimately makes me feel really good not only physically but mentally and emotionally as well).

I'm not sure what exactly has inspired these things to come to the forefront of my mind. I know our visit with A-bag last week really reminded us about how important the spiritual part of our lives are.

I know that a recent conversation and acceptance of what God has placed on our hearts urged us with the second item.

Seeing someone I support speak out their own dreams and goals has reminded me of what mine are and that sometimes whether you feel able or not to do or be what you dream about it's up to you to be true to that dream and do your part to make it happen. I really don't want to live with regrets.

Wally sent me an article the other day that reminded me of how I came to feel so strongly about living life as fully as possible. Here's the link:

http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

Read it, give it some thought, see what you would do differently. If anything.

Just think.

Good byes VS See you laters

I hate when people I love move away.

I just plain hate it.

I am certainly learning (and should have by now) that life is really mostly made up of, what seems to be, a few hellos and a lot of good byes.

It probably seems that way because when you meet someone they aren't really someone to you yet. They are often just another face along your day. Sometimes you barely notice them, sometimes you barely like them and sometimes you think 'hmmmmm we could be friends' (or when I was sixteen if the person I met was a nice fella within a decade of myself older I thought 'Hmmmmmm I wonder if you're THE one?')/

As time has trudged on (without necessarily getting my permission) I have come to realize that good byes (or see you laters) are never easy.

I've seen that growing apart from another person, slowly and unoticably(at first) seems to be the most merciful to your soul, it still holds it's own sting.

And though there are relationships you know you'll hold forever it's never easy to hug not knowing when you'll meet again.

I've also learned that often when you part you'll grow stronger than you ever could have if you were closer together (hmmmmm, kind of like when you plant a garden).

My closest far away friend moved a couple of years after Wally and I were married. At the time when she told me that she'd met this guy I knew what her next words would be. I cried. 'The guy' was from Michigan. How dare he. Steal my friend.

Well I got another year with her before she left. I don't think I was smart enough to make the most of it by any means but perhaps for a reason. When she moved she lived across the border a couple of hours away and we stayed in touch.

A few years later during a visit she shared that she was pregnant AND they were moving .... to a land far far away called Florida. I cried again.

But it seemed that the further she moved the closer we actually got. We had our ups and downs (and by that I don't mean fights, mostly just times of feeling more close than others). I will admit on my end I wondered if our friendship would last. It's not always easy watching someone else live the life you want or being able to identify with that life when yours is so very different.

We kept on it though and still shared an open, honest and in my opinion wonderful friendship. I hate that I cant' be there for her physically for when she needs help and that we have to schedule so carefully around our lives to chat ... but as they say... that's life.

That friendship though is a prime example of how some friendships can thrive with distance (if cared for). Both of us agree that it wouldn't be the relationship it is if she hadn't moved away.

Yesterday I said good bye to my best college friend. She's someone I 'get' and who is my kind of honest. She's flighty but caring, young but smart. She's been through more in her 21 years than I could have ever imagined at that age. I love her very much.

She's not moving far but far enough for me to wonder if we'll connect ever again. It may sound like I'm doubting the strength of our friendship, but I'm not. I just don't know if it was created with the purpose of a forever kind.

It's when I realize that that I feel that lump grow in my throat. Not because I'll necessarily miss her in my life on a day to day basis but more as the realization that possibly her purpose in my life has been fulfilled. And, it could be true that we never connect the same again. But that's ok. We have other people to touch and help grow.

It's still sometimes sad to say good bye to that part of your life.

My aunt's passing was the greatest lesson I've ever experienced in the realm of good byes. Knowing that I would never see her face again (on earth), never hear her laugh, never have one of though 'heart to heart' chats a girl can only have with a woman 20 years older than herself.

It was then I had to face the kind of good bye that is more like a 'see you later' only with a very, very (what seems to be) long wait til the later part. I am thankful for my faith and just as much for hers. I have no doubts we will meet again (I do recommend 'Heaven is for Real' for anyone sort of on the fence ... and the Bible works too - I'm not the best thumper).

Along with the good bye I had to say to her I also had to come to terms with the fact that living good byes (the ones when you part expecting to see and connect with one another again but may not realize for years that you won't ever) are sometimes the hardest ones there are.

When I said 'See you later' to my aunt I knew that was it. When you say good bye to a close friend without knowing where life is taking either one of you that is hard. Really, really hard.

This brings me to Glo. I've talked a lot about Glo and our unexpected friendship. It's one that seemed to birth out of a deep mutual respect and enjoyment of one another. I was always just as honoured and excited as she was to spend our time together. We both admitted that we were always so happy when the other actual wanted to spend time with us (hopefully you get that).

This week Glo out of town and our schedules didn't line up for our regular 3 or 4 usual visits during the week of hang out time at the gym, cooking in the kitchen or doing something new. It's funny because I sensed that I was beginning to take our time for granted as of late, it was confirmed when I learned Glo would be away for the week (or part of it). I realized it would be empty. As I thought of it last night I cried on my way home from work.

Glo leaves for Holland in 6 weeks. I'm pretty sure the sunshine is going to go with her.

I know, I sound like a wreck. I'll probably be one by mid July and into August, September, October, November, December and until she comes home.

You know what though. My greatest fear isn't her leaving, it's whatever life has in store from us that will grow us and change us. Sometimes we aren't meant to have the same friends forever. Sometimes we cant' grow properly if we do.

I think both Glo and I would argue for hours that we are meant beyond a doubt to be friends for always and I truly pray that is true. But there's always a little bit o me that has developed since my aunts passing that knows only time will dictate how we are able to care for and hold onto what we have.

Will be be given the strength and understanding to keep things strong? Are we meant to be friends for years to come? Will we be stronger the further away we are from one another? Or was friendship only meant for us for only a season, to feed each other's spirits, to encourage and inspire one another during a time we really needed it?

That's the hardest part about a good bye. Not knowing if it's good bye or see you later.

Thank goodness Glo's still here. Hopefully knowing I'm not intending this to be the obituary of our friendship but rather me getting out my greatest fear so that I can make room for a wonderful dream of hope.

What do I hope for in this friendship?

Fun cards, endless e-mails, excited phone calls, deep conversations, honest emotions, 'We're having a baby!', 'So am I!', 'We're coming to visit!', 'I'm moving to a wonderful town not too far away!'.

That's what I want.

That's what I hope for.

Yes I'm sniffling like a baby.

Or ... a little girl who's losing one of her closest friends right now. Even though she will surely be saying 'See you later!'