It's noon thirty this Christmas Eve and I have so many thoughts I'd love to share about the season and the past couple weeks Wally and I have had in our new home. However time is ticking away and I have to ice the cookies I had declared I wasn't making this year, before celebrating with my in laws this evening.
The first thing I must mention is a recent donation made to my Compasio campaign. I was standing in Walmart yesterday with a young lady I was supporting checking texts I wasn't supposed to be checking when Wally had asked me in a text what the campaign was at. I replied '$320; He was ecstatic to be the one to share with me that there had been a $1000 donation!!! Of course since I was supposed to be working and not checking texts I had to forget what I heard but inside I was amazed.
I had recently shared with a fried my feelings of disappoint about a work fundraiser that popped up that would target many of those I was hoping to attract (my co workers) in the same month I was planning to do our big event.
I felt discouraged, overwhelmed and mad at myself for setting a ridiculous goal. Why would I do this? why do I always have to be so 'out there'? Oh I get so flustered with myself sometimes.
Anyways hearing the sudden swell in donations did more than boost my energy is goal. It gave me hope and increased my faith that we could indeed raise the $10 000. A wonderful Christmas gift.
I plan to write again before the new year as I'd love to reflect upon the past one and look ahead at the one to come. For now though I say thank you for allowing me into your heart, and though I don't know who is reading, thank you for encouraging mine. I hope that for what ever reason you read you are given something good in return.
May you enjoy the holidays and feel hope for the future in knowing so much of it lies in your heart and how you approach it. I am continuing to learn this every day.
Hugs from my heart to yours.
Eva :)
Friday, December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Alive and bloggin!
Hey I'm still around!
Wally and I just moved into our new (to us) home last Saturday and have not had the internet until tonight. Before that we spent the week painting and moving over boxes and boxes. Now we are in the middle of Christmas stuff and unpacking. I hope to be able to settle soon and be able to share some thoughts (for whatever they're worth).
Will be writing soon :)
Eva!
Wally and I just moved into our new (to us) home last Saturday and have not had the internet until tonight. Before that we spent the week painting and moving over boxes and boxes. Now we are in the middle of Christmas stuff and unpacking. I hope to be able to settle soon and be able to share some thoughts (for whatever they're worth).
Will be writing soon :)
Eva!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
In a nutshell
My day in a nutshell ...
Woke up.
Discovered 7 bites on the top half of my body that were really itchy and red. Wondered what creature did this.
Made yummy 'clean' pancakes with blueberry sauce.
Got into a disagreement with Wally.
Regretted not kissing him good bye before he even left.
Got ready for the gym.
Got distracted by the dishes.
Got distracted by facebook.
Wrote a short blog.
Decided not to go to the gym.
Felt bad for avoiding a weight training session.
Got showered and ready for the day.
Felt sad for no apparent reason.
Sulked in my bed while watching 'Til Debt Do Us Part' episodes for 2 hours until I had no choice but to finally do the dishes.
Took the dogs out and make my lunch to go.
Left for work.
Almost accidentally put diesel in my car.
Was relieved I didn't.
Arrived at my shift.
Killed a bunch of errands with the person I was supporting.
For the first time in a while really enjoyed my time with her as she had no weird 'drama' in her head.
Left that shift way too late to go to my next shift at the mental hospital.
Hated the mental hospital.
Enjoyed that Dolly was in a good mood overall.
Removed a ginger ale can from the toilet before helping her use it (without gloves). Noticed that there was no soap in the dispenser in the bathroom there.
Wanted a shower with my clothes on.
Left my shift.
Got talked to my a woman who seemed like she should be admitted who asked me several times for change to use the phone.
Lied several times about not having change.
Hated the mental hospital for making me lie.
Hated driving in the rain. Arrived home at 6:15pm.
Checked e-mail.
Ate a reheated sort of gross stir fry made with freezer leftovers.
Was thankful for it anyways.
Left for a meeting at 6:40pm.
Had a pretty good meeting.
Arrived home at 8:55pm.
Scratched the bites I couldn't scratch all day because it would have been too inappropriate.
Considered putting in a scratching post.
Enjoyed pj's that I made myself that are indeed 4 sizes to big.
Telling you who likely doesn't care but bored enough to read, all about it.
Sleep well (at least that's the plan).
Woke up.
Discovered 7 bites on the top half of my body that were really itchy and red. Wondered what creature did this.
Made yummy 'clean' pancakes with blueberry sauce.
Got into a disagreement with Wally.
Regretted not kissing him good bye before he even left.
Got ready for the gym.
Got distracted by the dishes.
Got distracted by facebook.
Wrote a short blog.
Decided not to go to the gym.
Felt bad for avoiding a weight training session.
Got showered and ready for the day.
Felt sad for no apparent reason.
Sulked in my bed while watching 'Til Debt Do Us Part' episodes for 2 hours until I had no choice but to finally do the dishes.
Took the dogs out and make my lunch to go.
Left for work.
Almost accidentally put diesel in my car.
Was relieved I didn't.
Arrived at my shift.
Killed a bunch of errands with the person I was supporting.
For the first time in a while really enjoyed my time with her as she had no weird 'drama' in her head.
Left that shift way too late to go to my next shift at the mental hospital.
Hated the mental hospital.
Enjoyed that Dolly was in a good mood overall.
Removed a ginger ale can from the toilet before helping her use it (without gloves). Noticed that there was no soap in the dispenser in the bathroom there.
Wanted a shower with my clothes on.
Left my shift.
Got talked to my a woman who seemed like she should be admitted who asked me several times for change to use the phone.
Lied several times about not having change.
Hated the mental hospital for making me lie.
Hated driving in the rain. Arrived home at 6:15pm.
Checked e-mail.
Ate a reheated sort of gross stir fry made with freezer leftovers.
Was thankful for it anyways.
Left for a meeting at 6:40pm.
Had a pretty good meeting.
Arrived home at 8:55pm.
Scratched the bites I couldn't scratch all day because it would have been too inappropriate.
Considered putting in a scratching post.
Enjoyed pj's that I made myself that are indeed 4 sizes to big.
Telling you who likely doesn't care but bored enough to read, all about it.
Sleep well (at least that's the plan).
Slowing Down
I got the following e-mail from a friend I have recently met who has embraced my fund raising like no one else. She was telling a friend of hers who was visiting her last week about coming over to help me and a couple of my friends brain storm about fund raising ideas and he requested to have a jar (that was a very long sentence).
He's Jewish and knows it's for a Christian organization but since the jars only had the website and what I was fund raising for he said it would be 'safe' to help us out...
"George took the jar to shul on Saturday during Shabbat and just left it ... he said that people have asked about it and already there is about $20 in change in the jar ... he said that one man said, sure that sounds like a very good idea to buy a motor bike to take the nurses into give needles, I will give you all of my change ... all he had was a nickel ... he told George he would put more in next time ...
so, it may be at a nickel at a time, or a loonie, or toonie, doesn't matter as long as they fill the jar. One guy put a handful of change in and there were several toonies involved. :)"
At first I didn't really think much about it as I'd just gotten home from work and was tired. But then I started to realize that this little idea has gotten into another province that speaks another language and has even touched another Faith culture. That's incredible.
The process.
I need to embrace this seemingly slow moving process.
You have a chance to see so much more when you are moving slow as opposed to moving fast. I'm going to try and look around a bit today.
To enjoy the view.
To notice the 'little things' that are actually 'the big things'.
He's Jewish and knows it's for a Christian organization but since the jars only had the website and what I was fund raising for he said it would be 'safe' to help us out...
"George took the jar to shul on Saturday during Shabbat and just left it ... he said that people have asked about it and already there is about $20 in change in the jar ... he said that one man said, sure that sounds like a very good idea to buy a motor bike to take the nurses into give needles, I will give you all of my change ... all he had was a nickel ... he told George he would put more in next time ...
so, it may be at a nickel at a time, or a loonie, or toonie, doesn't matter as long as they fill the jar. One guy put a handful of change in and there were several toonies involved. :)"
At first I didn't really think much about it as I'd just gotten home from work and was tired. But then I started to realize that this little idea has gotten into another province that speaks another language and has even touched another Faith culture. That's incredible.
The process.
I need to embrace this seemingly slow moving process.
You have a chance to see so much more when you are moving slow as opposed to moving fast. I'm going to try and look around a bit today.
To enjoy the view.
To notice the 'little things' that are actually 'the big things'.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Excitement!
I'm very excited. My jar just doubled in the last hour!
Ok so it now has roughly $17 in it but that's not bad for a couple of weeks and only three people giving.
Tonight I have three people coming over that have committed to helping me fund raise towards my goal. This also makes me very excited. They barely know much about Compasio (except for what I've shared, which isn't a lot) and they are taking time and energy out of their lives to help me do this, without them I know I couldn't.
Maybe I should clean up a little. Well, at least put yesterdays' underwear in the laundry hamper instead of leaving it in front of the bathroom door. I'm sort of a slob right now, with the move and all.
We hope to start planning a large benefit tonight, the fundraiser that I hope will bring in at least half of what I have committed to raise. Yikes.
I have had mixed emotions since my commitment to do this, right now though nothing other than excitement and humility. I do have moments when I'm angry at myself for being so naive and other moments that I already want to give up. Right now I'm going to hang on to the excitement I'm feeling and ride it for as long as I can. Until the end of June if possible :)
That's really all I wanted to share today. It's not much but it's what I've got.
Cheers!
Ok so it now has roughly $17 in it but that's not bad for a couple of weeks and only three people giving.
Tonight I have three people coming over that have committed to helping me fund raise towards my goal. This also makes me very excited. They barely know much about Compasio (except for what I've shared, which isn't a lot) and they are taking time and energy out of their lives to help me do this, without them I know I couldn't.
Maybe I should clean up a little. Well, at least put yesterdays' underwear in the laundry hamper instead of leaving it in front of the bathroom door. I'm sort of a slob right now, with the move and all.
We hope to start planning a large benefit tonight, the fundraiser that I hope will bring in at least half of what I have committed to raise. Yikes.
I have had mixed emotions since my commitment to do this, right now though nothing other than excitement and humility. I do have moments when I'm angry at myself for being so naive and other moments that I already want to give up. Right now I'm going to hang on to the excitement I'm feeling and ride it for as long as I can. Until the end of June if possible :)
That's really all I wanted to share today. It's not much but it's what I've got.
Cheers!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Living Giving
I worked a long day today.
I started with a couple of young ladies, moved on to the loudest woman on the planet. Had a wee break then went to another young lady who thrives on emotional ups and downs yet doesn't ever realize what's up or what's down ending with someone who snored through karaoke. I started at 7am and got home before 9pm. Shockingly though I had a mini epiphany.
While I was riding home with a few people I support from karaoke we chatted about the Christmas lights, I had commented about them being up already. We talked about the lighting of the lights in the park and when it happened. Then my mind wandered.
I remembered reading an e-mail that Wally sent from work about a new clothing and toy drive at his work. I had contemplated after reading it what we would buy and where it would come from in our new 'we just bought a house' budget.
I wasn't worried about whether or not we'd had money, I knew we had more than enough whether it would fit into our budget or not. But I considered the fact that in our new budget there's the budgeted items: groceries, heat, hydro, gas, insurance, etc. and how when we give, it's generally out of the 'giving' portion. There's a certain amount we set aside to give each month, so when we give that's where the money comes from.
It wasn't until I thought of Christmas as I watched the lights sparkle that at certain times we are called to give out of only what we have not our extra.
You see Wally and I have extra. If you are reading this it is likely you do too.
In order to be careful with our money we plan how we spend it. That is of course excluding when we decide to buy dessert out once in a while, and when we decide to treat ourselves to a meal out, or if there's a new cd one of us wants on itunes or a movie we just have to see. Sometimes those things just pop up, yet it still seems like no big deal to 'squeeze' them into our funds.
How often do we get extra opportunities to spend money on giving. Whether it's buying our friend lunch who's had a bad day (God forbid we don't get a tax receipt when we give!), or picking up a few extra groceries at the store while we're there.
I don't know about you but I too often get caught up in giving out of what I have rather than what I don't.
No, I'm not saying you should be giving on credit in a way that puts you into debt - that would be silly (although of all the kinds of debt to get into that one might be the most forgivable kind). But rather challenging you (and myself) to give out of what we don't have scheduled in to give.
There's a story in the Bible about a widow I believe that gave the last of what she had. could you imagine? When do we ever do that? Generally in this culture we are lucky if we even give out of our extra let alone out of what we're counting on to get us to our next meal. That takes faith.
Not only that somehow your needs will be met, but that your last possession will be appreciated to the capacity that it would be by yourself. I've often not given because I didn't feel someone worthy of my treasure because I didn't know if my 'investment' would pay off.
Why does it really matter though? Are we called to give always in order to reap a reward in whatever way? OR do you think sometimes we are called to give, period? No expectations, just growth.
I know this seems like a kindergarten lesson from Sunday School but it really struck me tonight so I wanted to share.
I find this lesson a little scary but one I hope to put into practice. I think I'm going to try and give out of my budget as well. So if I had $50 give some of it.
It's small but it would be a sacrifice for me. I would feel it. I would notice. It would mean something more than a percentage or just a predetermined number.
Well I'm half asleep on my way to becoming whole asleep.
I hope you got something out of this.
Pretty basic: give. From where you feel it. Then you know your alive and your giving is too.
I know this great place you could send your money too ;)
(Ok, you didn't expect me not to try right?)
I started with a couple of young ladies, moved on to the loudest woman on the planet. Had a wee break then went to another young lady who thrives on emotional ups and downs yet doesn't ever realize what's up or what's down ending with someone who snored through karaoke. I started at 7am and got home before 9pm. Shockingly though I had a mini epiphany.
While I was riding home with a few people I support from karaoke we chatted about the Christmas lights, I had commented about them being up already. We talked about the lighting of the lights in the park and when it happened. Then my mind wandered.
I remembered reading an e-mail that Wally sent from work about a new clothing and toy drive at his work. I had contemplated after reading it what we would buy and where it would come from in our new 'we just bought a house' budget.
I wasn't worried about whether or not we'd had money, I knew we had more than enough whether it would fit into our budget or not. But I considered the fact that in our new budget there's the budgeted items: groceries, heat, hydro, gas, insurance, etc. and how when we give, it's generally out of the 'giving' portion. There's a certain amount we set aside to give each month, so when we give that's where the money comes from.
It wasn't until I thought of Christmas as I watched the lights sparkle that at certain times we are called to give out of only what we have not our extra.
You see Wally and I have extra. If you are reading this it is likely you do too.
In order to be careful with our money we plan how we spend it. That is of course excluding when we decide to buy dessert out once in a while, and when we decide to treat ourselves to a meal out, or if there's a new cd one of us wants on itunes or a movie we just have to see. Sometimes those things just pop up, yet it still seems like no big deal to 'squeeze' them into our funds.
How often do we get extra opportunities to spend money on giving. Whether it's buying our friend lunch who's had a bad day (God forbid we don't get a tax receipt when we give!), or picking up a few extra groceries at the store while we're there.
I don't know about you but I too often get caught up in giving out of what I have rather than what I don't.
No, I'm not saying you should be giving on credit in a way that puts you into debt - that would be silly (although of all the kinds of debt to get into that one might be the most forgivable kind). But rather challenging you (and myself) to give out of what we don't have scheduled in to give.
There's a story in the Bible about a widow I believe that gave the last of what she had. could you imagine? When do we ever do that? Generally in this culture we are lucky if we even give out of our extra let alone out of what we're counting on to get us to our next meal. That takes faith.
Not only that somehow your needs will be met, but that your last possession will be appreciated to the capacity that it would be by yourself. I've often not given because I didn't feel someone worthy of my treasure because I didn't know if my 'investment' would pay off.
Why does it really matter though? Are we called to give always in order to reap a reward in whatever way? OR do you think sometimes we are called to give, period? No expectations, just growth.
I know this seems like a kindergarten lesson from Sunday School but it really struck me tonight so I wanted to share.
I find this lesson a little scary but one I hope to put into practice. I think I'm going to try and give out of my budget as well. So if I had $50 give some of it.
It's small but it would be a sacrifice for me. I would feel it. I would notice. It would mean something more than a percentage or just a predetermined number.
Well I'm half asleep on my way to becoming whole asleep.
I hope you got something out of this.
Pretty basic: give. From where you feel it. Then you know your alive and your giving is too.
I know this great place you could send your money too ;)
(Ok, you didn't expect me not to try right?)
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Attention: Harvesting results requires planting first!!
'We're getting married', 'We're buying a house', 'Going to Cuba on vacation', 'We're gonna put on a Christmas play', 'I'm raising $10 000 for non profit', I'm going to college', 'I'm going to lose 20 pounds'. And the list can go on and on and on...
All are goals. All are focused on an end result. Just making these statements seems to make you feel like you are one step closer to getting something you want. However none tell you how to do it, what the process is going to be like, or what you may learn along the way. In the moment none of these things matter because all you care about is the end result.
I think I've mentioned before that I am the worst for wanting results yesterday. This is something my trainer was kind enough to point out to me months ago and frustrated both him and Wally to no end (it still frustrates poor Wally). I get so focused on what I want in the end that I forget that there's a learning curve, a process, a growth that needs to happen on my way. Sometimes I just blatantly refuse to do what I'm supposed to do and I still get frustrated that I'm not where I want to be. Then I have to wake up and see that I didn't follow the 'directions' to get to where I planned on going and that obviously I shouldn't expect to be anywhere but where I am in that moment. And where ever that is could be great but I'm so focused on the end destination I don't notice the beautiful waterfalls, incredible views or anything else that is around.
I am trying to learn to accept the process (geez, you'd think I'd just get it and move on to a new lesson already!!). Not only that but to ENJOY the process.
As I am in the throws of fund raising I check my donation link every couple of days and see it stand still I panic a little and wonder what I should do. What I am missing is that I am doing lots right now to prep my little fund raising garden and that generally when you are weeding, tilling soil, and planting seeds you aren't noticing any flowers growing around you. Duh.
This of course applies to pretty much any sort of lofty goal one has in life.
The other day as I was deep in thought over how to acquire $10 000 before the end of June 2011 I, out of no where, realized that in this journey to get to that goal was a process. A process that exceeds any result. A process that could, if I allowed it to, change who I am. It could open my eyes, open my heart, plant a seed and grow something beautiful I couldn't possibly see in a mere $10 000 cheque.
I have already begun to see glimpses of my own selfishness and self-centredness that don't leave me feeling so great. I can only imagine what this could potentially teach me as I pursue to enjoy the process of this opportunity.
So I am now going to refocus a bit and try to accept and embrace what comes of this mini adventure to raise $10 000. I'm sure I will be humbled.
Each day I go to my garden of 'promise' I hope to enjoy the fact that the soil is there, that the seeds are alive, that no garden grows or looks beautiful with lots of weeds, nor is it appreciated as much as it should be without the efforts to get rid of those weeds. I want to embrace the slow and steadiness of it's growth and appreciate each little bud and leaf. I will hopefully trust other gardeners to come it and help me care for it and know that they may often know better what to do than I.
Maybe I'll grow to love gardening. Miracles happen.
What a perfect garden to fall in love with. Than one that harvests promise.
All are goals. All are focused on an end result. Just making these statements seems to make you feel like you are one step closer to getting something you want. However none tell you how to do it, what the process is going to be like, or what you may learn along the way. In the moment none of these things matter because all you care about is the end result.
I think I've mentioned before that I am the worst for wanting results yesterday. This is something my trainer was kind enough to point out to me months ago and frustrated both him and Wally to no end (it still frustrates poor Wally). I get so focused on what I want in the end that I forget that there's a learning curve, a process, a growth that needs to happen on my way. Sometimes I just blatantly refuse to do what I'm supposed to do and I still get frustrated that I'm not where I want to be. Then I have to wake up and see that I didn't follow the 'directions' to get to where I planned on going and that obviously I shouldn't expect to be anywhere but where I am in that moment. And where ever that is could be great but I'm so focused on the end destination I don't notice the beautiful waterfalls, incredible views or anything else that is around.
I am trying to learn to accept the process (geez, you'd think I'd just get it and move on to a new lesson already!!). Not only that but to ENJOY the process.
As I am in the throws of fund raising I check my donation link every couple of days and see it stand still I panic a little and wonder what I should do. What I am missing is that I am doing lots right now to prep my little fund raising garden and that generally when you are weeding, tilling soil, and planting seeds you aren't noticing any flowers growing around you. Duh.
This of course applies to pretty much any sort of lofty goal one has in life.
The other day as I was deep in thought over how to acquire $10 000 before the end of June 2011 I, out of no where, realized that in this journey to get to that goal was a process. A process that exceeds any result. A process that could, if I allowed it to, change who I am. It could open my eyes, open my heart, plant a seed and grow something beautiful I couldn't possibly see in a mere $10 000 cheque.
I have already begun to see glimpses of my own selfishness and self-centredness that don't leave me feeling so great. I can only imagine what this could potentially teach me as I pursue to enjoy the process of this opportunity.
So I am now going to refocus a bit and try to accept and embrace what comes of this mini adventure to raise $10 000. I'm sure I will be humbled.
Each day I go to my garden of 'promise' I hope to enjoy the fact that the soil is there, that the seeds are alive, that no garden grows or looks beautiful with lots of weeds, nor is it appreciated as much as it should be without the efforts to get rid of those weeds. I want to embrace the slow and steadiness of it's growth and appreciate each little bud and leaf. I will hopefully trust other gardeners to come it and help me care for it and know that they may often know better what to do than I.
Maybe I'll grow to love gardening. Miracles happen.
What a perfect garden to fall in love with. Than one that harvests promise.
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