Explanations...

OK so here's the story...

As anyone would know who has read this blog from the beginning (or you know, two days ago), I have issues with my body. With trying to keep it healthy, treating it with respect, ok I'll come out and say it: I'm a binge-r. I emotional eat and I more often than not feel crappy about how I let this happen.

(My solution here is not going to make sense when I say what it is. Oh well).

So all of my life I've wanted to get fit and free from these things. I actually do like exercise (or so I thought 2 days ago) but the recent gym membership wally and I signed up for left us feeling overwhelmed and stupid in all things 'gym' related. You know, exactly how they (whoever 'they' are) want you to feel.

Both Wally and I know that getting a gym membership by no means gets anywhere near solving our food 'issues' but for us we thought it was a great idea to give us something active to do together for the very first time.

It took me a couple of years to get Wally to agree to or even want to go to a gym. The insecurities over our weight and appearance at the gym (not knowing how the heck to operate a treadmill) overcame any possibility to even walk past one, let alone think of joining one. The fact that gyms are often filled with seemingly already 'fit' people who would throw money into something we saw as a luxury didn't make us feel any more comfortable.

I asked Wally the other day what had changed. Why he was willing to finally do this (yes, if you remember correctly I went to a gym before, but this was a way different ball game, one I'd only go to with another scared person in tow).

His answer surprised me.

He said 'Because how you are living now a days trying to experience life. I just thought I should.' (This is no quote, more of a gist)

I was in awe. 'That's kinda cool' I thought.

So on Valentine's Day we went in and signed up. A few days later after we'd each had our demos and realized we still knew nothing and actually wanted to make some changes in our lives and knew we needed help, we went back and inquired about personal trainers.

Can I just say that never in my life have I ever thought I would EVER be ok with having a man be my personal trainer. EVER. But we had our demonstrations with the same guy who apparently is new to that gym and there was something about him we both liked so that's who we have. (I can't wait to tell you more about him - interesting stuff!)

Obviously we both signed up, with Dee (the guy who did our demo). Not only did we sign up, but we SIGNED up. We each got 24 sessions. YIKES! We were able to split a package deal together and get a good deal (I suppose relatively speaking).

Can I say again there are other reasons why this is big? Like NEVER would we have ever spent money like this before on something like this - we really are changing our ways and prioritizing what we want according to our dreams.

So there you have it. Let me make this clear. We have no ambitions to because swimsuit models or get on the cover of any magazine. We really do just want to learn and try to get in better shape so that we can spur eachother on.

Did you want clarification about some of the pictures? I'll assume so (though it might be coming together for you now.

The first post with pictures was my 'Last supper' filled with some of my favourite crap. The cookies are a binge staple and the Burger King meal is a craving staple, even though I don't eat there more than every couple of months. Seeing as now I am (or will) be accountable to Dee for everything I put in my mouth, I thought I'd have a last horrah. No I do not plan on cutting everything 'yummy' out of my overall menu, I do hope to keep these things to a minimum while I acquire a taste for health. I love that Dee will be watching.

The staircase: obvious isn't it. This seems like a forever journey already because it's not about the next 3 months, it's about a lifetime of good choices.

*sigh*

So I hope this better explains my 'new' journey and I'm glad that y'all are enjoying the new addition of photos. This should be fun! (Can I just add that I uploaded these photos BY MYSELF, such an accomplishment for me!!!!)

Growing everyday,

Eva :)

New Journey Day 3

My work day today can be summed up in these two pictures:





These are much less to do with my journey and much more to do with how work went. But it describes my day well.

The photo I would use to reveal how my day 3 of my 'new' journey went is more like this...



Don't worry I do still plan and sharing a bit more with you about this whole thing.

Just not yet.

New Journey Day 2

Yeah so this picture sums up my new experience in a nutshell.

I wanted one so bad.

I have to run to work. I'd like to post my experience in words at some point.

We'll see ...

The Journey Begins Here for One of us. I said BEGINS.

I'm going to keep things simple.

The first picture is entitled 'My Last Supper'


Next we have my 'Final Fling' ...


If you haven't guessed yet my journey continues, even though I stated that it was only beginning in my title. There is a new part of it that is beginning tomorrow actually, but I'll save my commentary on that for a photo tomorrow. The above two pictures are my photo commentary for yesterday.

What can I say? I think they explain my relationship very well: quick and cheap.

Today my friends was a new day. At 7:30am this morning this is what I was thinking of my new 'journey' ...



If you cannot tell, this is a picture taken from the BOTTOM of the stair case looking at the mountain that seems to be ahead. I feel like a little mouse trying to climb a boat load of stairs.

Today was the day I started a challenge and I am continuing to try and fan the flame of possible competitiveness within myself. Something that I truly wonder if it exists.

I'm not competitive by nature. At all. I am quite happy to let everyone run by me in a race. I am totally satisfied to let other people have more money than me, be nicer than me, and just be better than me.

Today I take up the challenge to try and be better than me myself. For reals.

I hope to use pictures often in the next 84 days to tell a story. You know the old saying 'A picture is worth a thousand words', well I'm hopin' so.

See you tomorrow.

*smiles*

Fulfilling Dreams

A far cry from my nightmares last evening.

Tomorrow I start an adventure I never thought I would have the courage to go on. It ideally will change my life. In some way.

During the next 84 days I am going to try and use my birthday gift from Wally to tell my journey's story. I may even share it.

I'll learn lots of new things. Have lots of great stories.

Get ready. Here I come.

Oh yeah. On a sad note: I will be holding a funeral as well. For two very dear friends. More on that later.

Good night.

Nightmares

Lastnight I had a nightmare.

It was about my party. It was terrible.

In my nightmare time was flying by. Real fast like (hmmm... sounds normal to me). I remember the time of the party coming and we were in this little tiny old rickety church hall type place that could really only hold maybe 20 people comfortably.

For some reason there was a mis-communication with the DJ and he didn't come at all. Then I had forgotten to get the decorations done so I had a mixed array of dollar store streamers ripped and masking taped up to and fro. I also happened to run out of time to find anything decent to wear so I looked a fright.

To top it off barely anyone showed up. Which considering the sounds of the party that occurred, it was probably a good thing.

So I guess I need to do a bit more planning or something. I am starting to worry a bit about some of my ideas and stuff. EEK!!

With less than 2 months til party time I think I'd better get on things.

No Time to Think

So it's 5:30am on a Monday morning in which I will soon begin my day.

It's a different day in my work world as I am working during the day today and home this evening (miraculous!!)

I am only up because I have a pooch that is not feeling well and I am doing my best to keep him from giving me proof on the carpet. Not my favourite activity.

It's at this point I briefly contemplate calling in for work to be with him but realize that might be a tad on the crazy side since he's probably ok.

sO I sit here and think ...

It's been in the past couple of weeks I have come to a serious conclusion: I am too busy to think.

Not in an 'I'm too busy to think because I am soooo important and have way better things to do' way. More in an 'it's March already!! I haven't made time to do all of those things I meant to do this year yet!' way.

I am beginning to realize that I am totally letting my job and financial goals overcome everything else that's important in my life. (And by the way getting so busy that I am neglecting any sort of good budgeting which would make those financial goals see any light of day).

This is really hard for me. I am a very focused person. I see a goal and I go for it. If I want to 'experience life', I devote time to 'experiencing life'. If I want to travel, I travel (ok so I haven't done a lot of this at all but when I do it's takes focus for me to accomplish it, since it doesn't come natural to me). If I want to truly get healthy, I truly get healthy (again not something I've experienced but there is more to tell you regarding this later). If I want to try 40 things in 40 days I do my best to try forty things in forty days.

My main goal in life is to live. Live with passion. Live with fire. Live with gusto. After my experiment last year the biggest thing that I learned while trying loads of new things, whether it was a new food, or going to a new religious experience, I learned that relationships were the most important thing in life. At least in my unprofessional opinion.

Now as I look back on my last 6 months of life I am realizing I have slid back in time to my old, old ways of doing things. My bad habit of saying 'yes' to everyone (only regarding my work). My focus lately had been entirely work related. Why? Well when I started my new job I was told 'Permanent schedules come faster to those who accept shifts quicker'.

I took that to heart and have worked no less that 43 hours every week (you are only allowed to work 44 awake hours a week) plus 2-3 overnight shifts a week (your are only supposed to work 2 a week) the past few weeks.

Initially I was very proud of this accomplishment. I was working hard, doing my part to get a permanent schedule that I could count on (mostly because if I had a permanent schedule I wouldn't be obligated to take everyone else's stray shifts).

A couple of weeks ago I had a great conversation with another co worker I had just met. She works approximately 15 hours a week, give or take. She's been with the agency for years but she's still not much older than myself. She's a liver, like me (or like I was). I liked her immediately after a few sentences were exchanged. I knew she'd 'get' what I talked about when we chatted about our lives.

She told me not to burn myself out with work there. That they would take me for all I had. She didn't said it was a terrible agency or anything but that if I was willing to be worn out that would happen. Right now I am definitely letting that happen. all for the sake of money really. Well, that and a good reputation at work.

*Sigh*

So now I'm in an interesting position. One I didn't think I would be put in again. I'm in the class of life called 'Saying NO 101'. You see I did pass this class at one point in my life, when I had realized that I just needed to trust God would give me all I needed and then some if I wold just sit back and let him. It didn't mean being lazy, I just meant letting go of my own ego fulfilling desires and trusting that by doing so He would fill the other voids in life.

I remember when I passed the class before I was able to say no without guilt because I knew it was what I was supposed to do. I knew that by doing so I would be taken care of in an area of my life that I needed something other than the high of saying 'yes'. It was a wonderful class that I learned so much in. I feel it grew wisdom within me. Somewhere along the line I think the wisdom took a hike, or perhaps I sent it on a vacay.

It's funny I've been thinking about this struggle of mine for the past several weeks. Too scared to admit it or bring it up because I knew it meant that I would have to deal with it if I 'talked' about it. Well I've talked about it. To to fix it.

*Sigh*

I'm going to think some more on this and see where it takes me.

Hopefully somewhere great.